Tuesday, December 28, 2010

New Year's Reso-YOU-tions

I said on my FB that I wasnt making any resolutions. Im making reso-YOU-tions; a list of shit YALL need to stop doing LOL. Now I know I'm a work in progress, but I dont need a new year to motivate me to make changes in my own life. When it comes to the things that really irk me, I've come to the conclusion that it aint me. Its other people's bullshit LOL. So I'm gonna tell yall some of the things muthafuckas need to chill out with. I aint saying no names, but if it looks familiar, just knock it off!

- Stop calling me when you're bored. You aint got shit to talk about, so all you gonna do is make me bored right wit you. Get your bored ass up and go do something. Call me AFTER and tell me about it LOL.

- Stop smoking and drinking.....other people's shit LOL. If you cant afford your own pack of whatever, or at least some loosies, you too broke for the luxury of a bad habit LOL. Bring something with you sometimes when you get invited somewhere (or especially if you invite yourself). People gotta ration that bottle of Bacardi. How its gon last til pay day if your moochin' ass lips is sucking it all down? That person aint figure you into their liquor and tobacco budget. I cant stand to see a grown ass man bumming a cigarette offa people he dont even know. I bet you probably got a flip phone too. Get your life together!

- Get offa Facebook asking if somebody cooked and could you get a plate. Aint nobody tryna feed you. If you cant cook, or are too lazy to do so, there's always a drive-thru. But then you probably need somebody to come pick you up and take you there too, huh?

- "Its Complicated" is not a relationship status. Its New Year's Eve. Look to your left. Now look to your right. Is he/she beside you? Anywhere in the room? In the building at all? No? Then guess what - you, my friend, are single. It's really not that complicated.

- The stanky leg. Its over. Stop it.

- Self-taken pics on the bathroom sink, with your booty tooted up are not hot. They never were, but why you're still doing it in 2010, is beyond me.

OMG, theres so many more, but we gon let this be continued tomorrow in the actual new year, cause I got a suite fulla folks, lookin at me like Im rude, because I had to get some shit off my chest LOL. Let me go get drunk with the rest of the heathens and bring my birthday in like Im supposed to. Yall be easy.... and safe!

Sunday, December 26, 2010

RIP Steve Landesberg




Some of you may not know this guy, but he used to play on Barney Miller. I used to love Barney Miller. He was also in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. So RIP Steve. Lost his battle to cancer earlier this week.

RIP Teena Marie




So glad I got to see her perform earlier this year. The legendary songstress, known as "Vanilla Chocolate," passed away today. She will be missed.

Thievery Afoot

So I woke up this morning and checked my email, and there was one in there regarding my bank account being suspended... *pause*

Im sorry, WHAT????

The email said there had been some invalid login attempts to my online account and they wanted me to click this link to verify some details. I click the link. These details? My login information... #wheretheydothatat?

I looked up at the address bar and it was filled with a bunch of numbers. I KNOW something aint right about that. So I call into customer care and confirm that my account is fine and in no danger of being suspended. The woman I spoke to asked me some questions about the email, pertinent to what was or wasnt specific to me. Nothing on the email was specific to me. It said "Dear Valued Customer" as opposed to my name, and there was no account specifics, no mention of the last four digits of my social, nor the date of last login, all of which, she said, would always be present on an email thats actually from them. Thank God I had the presence of mind to question what I saw, rather than panicking and automatically entering my information, because I would have handed some criminal the keys to the vault with a big red bow on em and a card that said "Please wipe me out. Thanks."

So this is a PSA, folks. Protect your private information by calling to confirm any email you receive that asks you for personal information your institution should already be privy too. You may not have the same bank I do, but Im sure most have similar policies, so here is what the bank sent me, once I forwarded the fraudulent email to their abuse department. Please feel free to forward to your friends and loved ones.

Some things to keep in mind regarding fraudulent emails:

*Unlike phishing emails, we will never ask you to verify personal information in response to an email

*Most fake communications convey a sense of urgency by threatening discontinued service

*Many fraudulent emails contain misspellings, incorrect grammar, and poor punctuation

*Links within the fake email may appear valid, but deliver you to a fraudulent site

*Phishing emails often use generic salutations like “Dear Customer,” or “Dear account holder” instead of your name

*The address from which the email was sent is often not one from the company it claims to be

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Salvaging Christmas

So I woke up early this morning, made my coffee, and my cell phone was ringing before I even had a chance to sit down. The midgets were calling to wish me a Merry Christmas and to tell me all the things they had gotten. My baby was so excited about all her Justin Beiber schwag, I just smiled and let her rave. I had told my son about these Polo boots all the guys are wearing here, and as luck would have it, his uncle had gotten him a pair. It sounded like they made out pretty well, so I was happy too - for the moment - but when I hung up the phone, I started to fear that the day would go downhill fast. I sat for a while, with my coffee, weighing my options, and in the end, there was only one thing I could think to do: spend Christmas with the only other person on the planet that would be even lonelier than me - their father.

Christmas is more than four hours long, but the time I sat and laughed with him carried me through the rest of the night. He had stories for days - as usual - and I am pleased that his sense of humor has not been affected by the bid he's doing. He was hopeful about some new developments in his situation, and seems to have been laying some groundwork for life after the iron bars. He even helped me think through a gameplan for some things I have to do over the next few months. No one would choose to be where he is, but Im glad he is using the time in a productive manner. He did give me the business about the fact that I havent really bought myself anything or been engaging in very many extracurricular activities, having had the freedom to do so, but i think my response as to why that has been made sense to him. The fact that said freedom is going to be coming to an end relatively soon is of no regard to me. I have priorities. He knew what I meant, and although its never been required from him or anybody else, approval graced his face.

I wasnt sad when I left - I hope he wasnt either - and since I've been home, I've been okay. I've been texting with a few folks, speaking on the phone to others, and my mind is set squarely on the next notable day of my life, a week away. I dont think I will really get to celebrate it in true Dig fashion until I return from my trip upstate, but while there, I'll have the opportunity to share it with the two little people that mean the most to me, and the handful of friends that choose to join us.

So I made it through Christmas, ladies and gentlemen. A heartfelt thanks to all who reached out in support, 911 on speed dial, should it be needed LOL - I appreciate you. The best gift, for me, is always the recognition of how great the people in your life really are, and its great that I was reminded cause its the only gift I got! LOL

Merry Christmas, yall.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Finding a Smile

If I were with my babies tonight, we would probably have baked cookies. They like to do that on Christmas Eve. We'd clean the pan, they'd probably argue over who was gonna get the last one, and I'd end up splitting it in half, and reminding them about the spirit of the season. Looks of guilt would come across their faces, and they'd glance at each other in a way of silently saying "my bad", knowing that Mommy didnt approve, and then I'd let them open one of their presents, silently saying "it's ok." Once the wrapping paper from the opened gifts are thrown out, I'd send them to bed, letting them know that nobody is to come jumping on my bed before 8am, even though I'd know I'd be up by 7, laughing on the inside, while I'm pretending to be sleep for that hour, listening to them whisper about who was gonna walk by the room next, to see if I woke up early.

These were the thoughts that got me through the night, and that bottle of pinot grigio didnt hurt either. I expect tomorrow to be kind of tough, but I'll make it through that too. Somehow.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Mayday! Mayday!

So Christmas is in three days. I will be spending it here, in Jersey, with the midgets up in the wilderness LOL and I think Im gonna be in for a rude awakening. I have myself convinced that its gonna be okay - that i'm just gonna chill and relax, have some wine and listen to channel 843 - but somebody should probably text me every hour, just to make sure I havent jumped off my balcony LOL

We did our Christmas when I was up there last week, so they are good on the gift front. I told them I couldnt come for both Christmas and New Year's, so they had to choose. Of course, they chose New Year's. One, its my birthday and two, that option means they get their Christmas gifts early. I have the most pragmatic kids on the planet.

I told them they are moving with me in a few weeks, so now they are hitting me up for a going away party. They talking about renting a hotel suite so they can swim with their friends and all kinda junk. I need them to get jobs, so they can chip in on this shit. I am going to try though. I remember having to move away from my friends, and it was no easy feat. I didnt have the luxury of a going away party. All I got was some last-minute goodbyes and tears for the first hour of the drive. My kids have been through a lot these past couple of months, the least I can do is allow them to have a proper send-off.

Im looking forward to having them with me though. I have missed them sooooo much and its evident how much they miss me, every time I go back. I dont know what Im gonna do with myself on Saturday. Actually, Friday night will probably be the toughest - Christmas Eve is always such a big deal at my house. Fussing about the kids going to bed, them hassling me about opening "just one present, Mom?" LOL Its gonna be a doozy, though I think knowing I'll be there with them a week later will make it easier..... but yall still might wanna call me every hour, on the hour LOL. Im just sayin...... you might.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

You're So Vain....

....I bet you thought I'd write a blog about you.


Didnt you?


Mm.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

I'm an Idiot

So I get home tonight, turn my TV on and the Direct TV doesnt come on. There is a message on the screen that says to check my connections, etc, etc. Me being in and out of town like I have been, Im like damn, I done forgot to pay the bill. SHIT! LOL

So I log onto my laptop (of course, I logged onto my laptop LOL) and then call Direct TV. I get the automated system and ask for a representative. The guy comes on the line and verifies my information and then asks me what the problem is. Now, the midgets ran my pockets when I was upstate this weekend, but I figured, hey, my check will be in my account at midnight, I can post-date the payment for tomorrow. So I say:

"My service appears to have been interrupted, I'd like to make a payment for tomorrow."

He goes into the system and says, " Well ma'am, you can make a payment for tomorrow, but I dont show that we've interrupted your service. Your account is still active, there is no past due or anything."

Now Im making the Scooby Doo noise, looking at the TV crazy. Its cold as fuck outside, but its not snowing or raining or sleeting or windy, so its not the weather. Once again, I notice the message on the TV screen: "Please check your connections...." etc, etc. I look down at the box..... no lights on.

Now mind you, Im talking myself through this process, out loud, while Im on the phone with this representative, trying to figure this out. He's not saying anything. Is my box not on? I press power - aaaaaaand we're back LOL.

*staring into the camera*

The rep informs me that I am not in danger of interruption and I could just call back tomorrow to make my payment and avoid the additional $5 charge I would incur for doing it with him tonight, and I opted to do that - not to save the $5, but because I didnt want him to have to do anything that would prevent him from being able to pretend he never even spoke to me tonight LOL.

Only me.

The Bazooka vs The Mosquito

First of all, let me just say that not having health insurance at the moment has definitely put doctor visits into perspective. Don’t get me wrong, when I had a headache, I’d get an Advil, not an MRI LOL. It wasn’t that bad. But I do remember going to the doctor A LOT. If I even sneezed wrong – I aint care what it was – if it seemed outta place, I was on the table. Now that I have to pay out of pocket for every visit and lab test, a sista is a lot less frivolous with them visits LOL. But when you are paying for medical coverage, why shouldn’t you go every chance you get? The only time you get any refund on it is if you don’t use it AT ALL, and that trip to the ER last spring when your drunk ass fell down the stairs could not be helped, so go on and get that booty pimple checked out! LOL

But seriously, not having insurance changes how you see shit. For instance, I took my daughter to the doctor, when I was upstate last weekend. I told yall she done started that peeing shit again, so Im like ok, let ‘s see if there is something going on. We hit paydirt: UTI. YES! LOL May seem weird to be cheering for that, but at least there is a reasonable explanation for the shit. Some shit going down that you cant explain is frustrating as hell. So anyway, I get the call and directions to pick up her meds, so I do and drop it off before I roll back outta town.

Tuesday I get a call from the doctor, wanting to set a follow up appt for Friday. I told them go ahead and set it, I’d see if someone could bring her, and I’d call back to reschedule if they couldn’t. My daughter’s aunt said she could take her, so Boom…….LOL……..she calls me this afternoon while Im at work, asking if I “got a minute.” I hate when people ask me that shit, cause I know its gonna be a conversation that probably didn’t need to be had right that minute and likely about some shit I don’t wanna get into.

She said she had two questions. The first one was easy – how does she get cleared to pick my daughter up? No problem, I got that. The second "question" was more like a barrage of questions LOL, all surrounding whether or not enough was being done. She talking about urologists and child psychologists and all kinda shit. Im lookin at the phone like bitch, I aint got no insurance! LMAO! No, but real talk though, what am I doing all that for? She was telling me how some psychologist or somebody she knew gave her some papers about things that can be done or something and Im like dude…. That’s just it – those are all the things that could be done, but there are a lot of things that can be done before you even get that far. Those are things you resort to if you cant find anything else wrong. Who lets the hospital cut off a titty when the lump they found aint cancer? LOL Its overkill, like trying to kill a mosquito with a bazooka. So I told her as much – 1) I aint got no insurance, I have to PAY for this. But that’s beside the point, because, were it necessary, I’d pay even more for any of those additional options, if it meant we’d get the situation resolved. It just AINT necessary and Im not doing all that LOL. I think she started to hear the aggravation in my voice – either that or she realized she had called me at work about some bullshit that coulda waited until I got home, since she has a propensity for that fresh-in-the-door aggravation I hold so dearly LOL. Or maybe her brother told her she needs to fall back sometimes and mind her business, and she was trying to take heed. Maybe she heard how spastic she was sounding. IDK what it was really, but I know that suddenly all her protesting and hypochondria turned into “Ok’s” and nods that I could almost hear through the phone. Whatever it was, I was glad it kicked in at that moment. I really wasn’t in the mood to be justifying why I did or didn’t do something that involves MY child. I might as well just let my baby keep blasting me about the medicine being cherry. She hates cherry, but hell, aint my fault there weren’t any other flavors…..

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Email of the Day

Friendly Holiday Advice


Please, take care of yourself this Christmas. A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related. This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes who just drink coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, milk, water, and shit like that. Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause three times as many accidents. This message is sent by someone who cares about your well being.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

A Final Change in Plans

I think its so funny when people catch feelings about something so small and their justification for acting out afterwards is their grown-ness LOL. Word? Thats what this is about, your grown-ness? Ok then, but if we're really honest, I think its more about your insecurity. Nobody can make you feel some kinda way unless you expose yourself in a place that enables it. If you werent in the wrong, we wouldnt be having this conversation, but I digress.

So.... *sigh*.... the kids are coming down with me a couple of weeks after Christmas. Not real happy about the way it came about, but I prayed to be shown what to do and I got my answer. Im kinda tired of having people in the middle of shit, throwing me curve balls and causing me to change lanes midstream, so as inconvenient as its going to be to deal with school transfers and bus arrangements over the holidays, I will just go ahead and do what I have to do. Im starting to think I should have just taken them with me from the beginning and just dealt with the hurdles, but you live and you learn. You try some things, they dont work and you regroup and try some other shit. This is me, trying some other shit. Lord give me the strength and focus necessary to keep it together and handle my job responsibilities, while bringing my family back together. Admittedly, I've been concerned lately that Im losing focus at work.

I need to find me a Knick or an NFL player to marry and not have to worry about this shit. Fuck it, everybody else is doing it...

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The Number Game

So our friends wouldnt be our friends if we didnt feel some kind of positive way about em, right? We keep em around for a reason. Most people that have come into our lives and not found their way completely back out of them have or have had some sort of impact on us, or there wouldnt be much need for them to be there. So if we know this, generally speaking, why do we do shit like play FB games that entail honest declarations - anonymous or not - that we think we should already know?

Well, because hearing the words matters.

Hearing somebody say to you what you may have already known is important because prior to their confirmation, it may have only been what you THOUGHT they thought about you. Confirmation puts you at ease and allows you to proceed faithfully. The other thing is, hearing the words is sometimes game-changing. Maybe someone doesnt feel at all about you the way you thought they did, or maybe the reasons they gravitate to you are much different than what you expected. Either way, I think its good to know. Just dont go asking questions you arent prepared to hear answers to. Thats gonna fuck up your day LOL.

But anyway, what prompted me to write this post was this number game that was going around on FB. At first I didnt understand what was going on, but after having it explained to me, I decided to participate, and you know, its a lot harder to say out loud to everyone something that it might be so simple to state to one person in private. I think that was the challenge: what are you willing to say to or about [an anonymous] me in front of all these people? When I stopped to think about what I could or couldnt say, I realized that I have several connections that are much different than they appear to be to others. Reading some people's posts about me, I realized I have had a larger impact on them than I ever would have imagined, and that people "see" me, even when I dont think anyone's watching. In struggling to find the words for some, I realized that those people have had an even larger impact on me.

There were some game haters on there, annoyed that people were playing, but its FB. There is always a game of some sort going on - just play or dont. It aint algebra. But I think despite all the fuckery that abounds in most cases of FB gaming, this was one that had some value. It reminded the luckiest of us how lucky we are. It repaired some friendships. It opened up paths of communication. It forgave. It cleared up misunderstandings and it got people talking when they werent willing to before. It made a way for people to do and say things their pride, fear or uncertainty kept them from doing or saying before. A FB game aint gonna change the world, and obviously a good chunk of people got nothing more from it than a future baby daddy or restraining order LOL, but I saw some people grow up last night. I, myself, had some offline conversations prompted by Number Game revelations and discovered some things I never knew, disclosed some things I never had, and even got on the path to re-cementing a friendship that had long been suffering. So yeah, Im a fan of the number game.

But the purses and bras, yall can have that shit.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Goose Milk

LMAO!

So yall know I don’t like to get rid of shit right? The same is true for my messenger buddy lists. Half the people on em are people I have no intention of ever talking to again, if I even remember where I know them from. Well I cant say that, I do remember where I know folks from, but we still aint got shit to talk about LOL.

But anyway, Im just telling my girlfriend about how bored I am at work today and my yahoo goes off. Its this dude I use to be real cool with, but hadn’t talked to in like 4 or 5 years. All it said was “I thought you might wanna know about some ish like that” as if whatever he said before that somehow hadn’t come through. So Im like “huh?” And he first checks to make sure I remembered him, and then tells me to go on this page on one of the sites I frequent. Im like “I don’t get it. That’s my page.” He’s like “that’s YOUR page???” Im like “uh…. Yeah.” LOL he goes “But it says she’s from Jersey.” I go “no…. it says I LIVE in Jersey, which I do now.” He goes “GTFOH!!!!” LMAO!

Obviously, dude had no idea I had relocated, but the funny part about it was that he was about to go IN on whoever this chick woulda been, who he thought had stolen my pics and was pretending to be me LOL Its completely hysterical, but also very endearing that he’d defend my honor like that, when I haven’t heard a peep (or made one) from him in like 4 or 5 years. So he’s like “How you listed on FB, Ima send you a friend request.” So I tell him and a few minutes later, the request comes.

“Goose Milk Johnson would like to be friends.”

*pause*

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I cant.

Are you serious right now? He’s been into music for years and years, producing and what not, and apparently “people” call him Goose Milk now LOL. I fucken refuse, okay? LOL I don’t care what you do, you a grown ass man, YTF are people – also grown, I presume – calling you Goose Milk? And you ANSWER to that ish? I bet you got a flip phone too huh? LOL

Sunday, December 5, 2010

For You

What God has for you is for you. I believe thats true. I dont believe, however, that just because its "for you" means that "its" gonna be delivered to your front door, in a pretty package, with a bow on top. "For you" doesnt mean that you wont have to work for it. It doesnt mean that the process you undergo will be easy. Sometimes getting what is for you entails patience, persistence, focus and yes, some common sense.

I think people get crossed up sometimes when some situation doesnt come easy, thinking its not meant. Maybe its not, but maybe it is and you just have to do your part. Sometimes "its just not meant to be" is an excuse for people to lax up on the work they have to do in order to get somewhere or make something happen. Most times, you wont know if something is meant until the end. When its over and hasnt happened, okay, you can safely say it wasnt meant to be. But "for you" would suggest that you would eventually have whatever it is regardless, but if you dont do your part, it will take a lot longer for you to get there, and you have to ask yourself if it will even be worth it by the time it does land on your porch in the pretty package, when you coulda had it and enjoyed it all that wasted time, if you had just gone your trifling ass to the damn post office and picked it up.

Im just saying.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Better Now

So I feel somewhat better. I got a much needed pep talk and I realize now that I need to change my perspective. I didnt give up everything I had to come down here and fall apart. I'm away from my kids, and that sucks, but the truth of the matter is, nothing they are doing now is new, just new occurrences, and if I were there, I'd be closer to the situation, but I'd still be frustrated about it, AND hating my job and my city and the life I knew. None of this would be worth it if I made this move and didnt take advantage of everything it's affording me. None of this would be worth it if I spent every other night upset about things that, at the end of the day, would likely be happening anyway. If I spend my whole time away from them feeling like I felt earlier, I might as well still be there in the rut I felt I was in, doing nobody any good. Not me, not them, not anybody.

I've been talking to God for the last couple of hours, off and on, and where I have, at times, felt selfish for being here without them, I think Im here without them right now because there I things that I need to do for ME, before I can do anything for them. You cant ask God to order your steps if you arent willing to move your feet. There are things I have asked for that I cant receive until I am prepared to do so, and I think this is the time I am supposed to take to get myself to that level. I have minimal distractions and nothing but time on my hands, so if I dont take advantage of that and do what I know I need to do, I cant blame anybody else. I love my kids, I will always worry about them, but they cant be the excuse for failure on my part to capitalize on the blessings bestowed upon me.... on us.

Part of the struggle of parenthood is doing what we know is best for the long run, even when the children cant comprehend it today. Even when we arent sure, because no one ever is. Leading with your head and not your heart is a difficult thing to do sometimes, but it tends to be necessary in situations like this. I AM doing whats best for them. I believe that with my whole heart, so I have to pursue it as such and just trust that God's plan will always be better than mine.

Going Crazy

Its been a rough day. I didnt realize it until it was over, but I've been on a little bit of an emotional roller coaster today, and it set it on me when I got home this evening.

Im putting my key in the lock, and my cell phone rings. Its my kids' aunt, wanting to talk to me about my daughter having accidents again. I shouldnt say "again" because it apparently hasnt stopped since she has been there, but I do say "again" because she hadnt been having them anymore prior to our separation. It just started up "again" when I left town.

So anyway, she's talking to me, telling me about it, and I just found myself getting really aggravated. Im glad she called to tell me it was still going on and Im happy that she is concerned for her, but nobody wants to get a call about "business" right when they get home from work - especially when "getting home from work" takes as much out of you as it does in a NYC commute, and certainly not after an emotional day of making decisions that affect other people. I dont feel like there was any consideration of that, and quite frankly, I dont love the approach she took either. Call and tell me whats happening, make your suggestions and see if there is anything you can do to help, but dont come at me with the condescension and judgment. And Im not sure she even realized it was coming out that way, but I really almost broke on her, simply out of frustration.

This is just another thing to weigh on my mind. My baby is having accidents, where she wasnt before I left, and I cant help but feel like my absence is at least part of the issue. When I called her, she said she wants to go to the doctor, and we will, but we've done that before and there isnt anything medically wrong with her. She says she cant control it, but she was able to stop doing it before, so IDK what it could be, if its not psychosomatic. I dont need my child having emotional problems because of this shit, and I feel responsible. What if my absence is a factor? I mean now that her father and I have all but decided it is best for the kids to finish the school year where they are, am I dooming her to another six months of this shit? I never know if Im doing the right thing and there is always something popping up, making things all the more difficult. I swear, the biggest success I can ever hope for is to come out of this transition in my right mind, because I gotta tell yall, all this shit is driving me fucken crazy.....

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Trust Issues

So I was on the train today and I saw this dude. He was cute, I guess, tall, dressed okay. Then I saw the phone he had in his hand and felt my gag reflexes kick in LOL.

Maybe its just me, but I cant stand the sight of a grown man without a smart phone LOL. More specifically, I cant stand a man with one of those flip phones. My eight-year old daughter has a flip phone. That just says a whole lot of things to me LOL.

And while Im on the subject, what self-respecting, grown ass man has Cricket? LOL or Boost Mobile, for that matter. Get yourself a real carrier, dude. For real. WTF is that about? You know what that tells me? That tells me you are probably one of those dudes that has a new number every month, when your bill comes and you dont wanna pay it. And I blame them bootleg carriers, because they make it so easy for a person to just cut off the number they have and start up another account, with a new number. Really, Cricket?

I tell you what - if I happen to know the number you gave me today is a different number than the one you gave me when I saw you at the gas station a few months ago, Im skeptical. You cant even tell me you lost your phone, because you can get a new phone and still have the same number. You better have a story that warrants you changing your number, or that neon sign on your forehead is gonna start flashing bright red. You cant trust a man that has a new number every few weeks. You just cant.

I dont trust people who never drink either. So you might not be a BIG drinker - maybe you just have a glass of wine every so often, some champagne on new years, or do shots with your people when you go out for somebody's birthday - but if you tell me you NEVER drink, thats a red flag too. It doesnt mean you are a recovering alcoholic, but you're probably an asshole LOL. Who in the hell NEVER drinks? Grow the fuck up, jerk LOL.

And stop being responsible ALL the time. I mean, damn. You never do some bullshit just because you feel like it? Could you fornicate or smoke a little pot or something? I dont want nobody around making me all uncomfortable, side-eyeing every time I do something unorthodox. Get the hell on with that. Live a little. I dont trust them muthafuckas either. I need people around who cuss when they quote the bible LOL. It tells me you know whats right, and you mean well, but you acknowledge that you're human. You aint gotta kick an old lady down the stairs, but cheat on your taxes or something, damn LOL.

Just dont get Boost Mobile LMAO!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

5 to 7

**disclaimer: I wrote this at work, so I had to polish up the language a little, work with me LOL**

Young dudes kill me.

“Age is just a number.”

“Im very mature for my age.”

“I only date women that are older than me.”

“I don’t like these girls my age, they too immature.”

It’s always something. They stay coming up with some line or approach that is supposed to make them more appealing in some older woman’s eyes. Give it a rest, Tito, ok?

If I say Im not interested in dating somebody younger than me, then don’t come trying your luck, like Im talking about every young dude EXCEPT you LOL. First of all, I have been there and done that and aint tryna do it again. Been there on a few occasions, trying to give folks the benefit of the doubt (yall know how I do) but every time…….*smh* And second of all, let us understand that when I say “younger man,” I am talking about SIGNIFICANTLY younger than me. Someone whose birthday is 6 months after mine doesn’t count LOL. A year or two doesn’t count. However, if I got 5 or 7 years on you, sorry, love, Im not interested. That 5 or 7 years sounds a little too much like “5 TO 7 years”, which is probably the amount of time I’d end up doing for knocking the hell outta your simple azz the night you decide to act twenty-something LOL.

Im serious, yall. It never fails. A younger dude, mature though he may seem initially, will always show his age eventually. Always. And usually it happens in one of two ways:

a) Messiness. This means there is a baby mama or some other chick on the loose, who will no doubt call your phone at 3:17am, wanting to know who you are and why you’re messing with her man. This, my dear people, is one of the fastest ways to get voted off the island. By the time I hang up the phone, yall BOTH gon be mad at me LOL. Get the fk on. *RME*

b) Reverse Psychology #FAIL (aka Nerve). This means that at some point in time, he is going to challenge YOUR maturity level. In my experience, its usually come at times when the young’n was trying to convince me to do something I didnt want to do, and that I already told him I wasn’t going to do LOL. At your denial, he has a propensity for telling YOU that you’re being immature, and all you keep thinking and saying is “he got his nerve” LOL See that reverse psychology bullsh* works on them young girls. You cant pull that ish on no grown @sz woman. Please note that any woman that sits there and debates with this fool is not a grown @sz woman LOL. A G.A.W. will tell this here lil boy that she aint got time to play with him and he will probably never hear from her again. EARLY. Aint nothing to debate about, but Ima tell yall a secret, fellas: You wanna piss a woman off? Tell her she’s acting immature LOL. I bet she wont talk to your punk @sz for at least a week LOL. She’d still be salty, no matter how old the dude was who said it, but how YOU, Mr. Still-watching-106andPark, gonna have the audacity to tell somebody they are acting immature? LOL

They always show their age, man. They always show their age. Just like today. Another dude on one of them web communities Im on hit me up. I hit him back, you know, just being gracious, but we go back and forth a few times, and he starts complaining about the delay in the conversation. Yeah, there is a delay, because Im not sitting here at work all day with this site just minimized on my computer, checking it every 5 minutes to see if you said something. I only go into it when I get an email notification that you said something, and if Im in the middle of some other ish at that time, then you gots to wait LOL. So I offer him my email address, which, while still online, would be a lot faster. He declines, talking about he don’t be in front of a computer all day and that’s still delayed. Well….. you’re sitting in front of the computer now LOL. “Now” is all I’m talking bout, IDK what you talking about but anything after today sounds like a commitment, LOL. I aint tryna commit LOL So he gives me his number and says I can block my number when I call. Gee thanks. *staring into the camera* (another thing young bucks like to say LOL) but I think you are missing the point.

a) I’ve said a million times - I like my phone number. I don’t wanna have to change it because YOU don’t know how to act. It says this on my profile. Once again – IT SAYS THIS ON MY PROFILE!! So why do you, young buck, come along and think I meant everybody BUT you? LOL

b) Its not even just about the phone number, Im just not sure I wanna talk to you yet. I can toss an email or note back and forth with just about anybody, and if Im online anyway, its really not an inconvenience to do so. Me actually talking to you on the phone is asking a lot. For one, Im not sure I even like you yet. Why would I wanna talk to somebody I cant even say I like. Two, Im not a talker, Im a texter. For that, you do have to have my number, and we have already established that that is not going to happen LOL.

So anyway, he says some smart ish to me like “so you’re telling me if you meet a dude on the street, you gonna give him your email address instead of your phone number?” You little ba$tard. No that’s not what Im sayin LMAOOOOOO! That was almost a good one though, I admit, but I had to break it down how you cant compare the two because you have a whole other set of variables to assess when youre in somebody’s presence than when you’re just a name in the “To” line of an email. Theres a lotta other factors that play into that interaction you have that enable you to make a comfortable decision in a pretty small window of time. An email volley is different – it takes a little while to put together all the different pieces of the dollar store “whodafuckisthisnigga” puzzle. But that’s what you sign on for when you join an online community. Its ONLINE. Online with no guarantee that you will EVER come offline, so I really don’t understand why dudes be getting mad when they cant get your number on day one. Who said you would EVER get it? LOL Fk on…. Then he got an attitude because I said something about being in DC next week (he lives in MD) and I told him no, we cant get up. Dude, if I don’t wanna give you my number, OR call you, what in the hell would make you think Im gonna wanna go out with you? See, an older, more mature man woulda knew how to play that. He woulda went IN with the DC date, knowing he’d get shot down, and compensate with the “well let me at least call you,” which would then seem like a small thing, and we’d probably be on the phone tonight LOL. Lil whippersnappers, they don’t know nothing bout no game LMAO!

Long story shorter, he never said it, but I started feeling like he was tryna pull my G.A.W. card, so I told his @sz, look…. Im not going to do anything I don’t want to do, and the things I want to do, I aint gonna do until I am good and gotdamn ready LOL So you got two options: you can respect that and keep it moving, or you can be mad about it and keep it moving, but keep it moving either way LOL. Ahhhhh, harsh, my @sz, it was not harsh. Yall just wasn’t there, I been paraphrasing for yall, but this little muthafucka had some nerve, with his smart mouth LOL I got him by 5 years. I saw the “to 7” coming down the pike LOL.

See I don’t have the patience for foolishness, that’s why I don’t think Im ever gonna be a cougar LOL. When Im 50, my man gon be 48 or better too LOL. Men are enough of a pain in the @sz when they’re within a stone’s throw of your own age. Why the hell I wanna be bothered with skinny jeans? LOL Im sooooooo good LOL.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

A Happy Thanksgiving

So the midgets saw their dad for the first time in over a year. They came down with my sister (and her brother) to spend the holiday weekend with me, and I thought it was about time they came face to face with reality. It was time for my son to know what being a knucklehead will get you, since he's started to put being cool before his schoolwork, and it was time to stop deflecting when my daughter asked questions about where her dad was.

He was reluctant when I first brought it up, but in the end, he agreed it was a good idea, because he felt like he needed to press our son about his recent behavior. I knew that was all it would take - the best way to make a stubborn person do what you want them to do is to make them think it was their idea LOL. In the end, it was a good thing for everybody. My daughter cried when he picked her up and hugged her for what seemed like a week, and I could see in my son's eyes how happy he was to finally see him after so long. Im hopeful that their talk will have a positive impact on his performance, and that, on some level, a void in my daughter has also been filled.

So throw in a night in times square, a house full of food and late night comedies, and there you have my weekend, but that was definitely the highlight. I came home that evening to an email of tremendous thanks, for not only bringing the kids down, but also for being a great mother to them. I have to say it was a well timed message. I definitely needed to hear it and be reminded that everything I have instilled in them will not be undone by a couple of months' separation. The important thing is that when they arent with me, they are in the hands of someone who cares and has their interest at heart, and that when they do come back with me, Im settled and equipped to carry on with the job I started with them. That being said, chances are good that they will stay where they are until school is out. Its not what I want, but its whats best. Another move is pending for me in 2011 and I would rather have them change schools once, rather than twice, and while the degree of travel I have been doing isnt mandatory, right now, its a critical part of me cementing my position at my company.

So onward and upward, people. 2010 was just the beginning. It appears my transition is not yet complete, but I am remaining open to all that comes with it, and hopefully the end result is a desirable one for everyone involved.

Yall be easy.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Speechless (cont'd)

So.... I still cant really find the words to express what I feel after this morning's email incident with my mother, but I will... eventually. Every time I think I know where I wanna go with this, I wind up deleting everything I wrote, which tells me Im not ready.

I will say this: if it were up to my mother, I'd have self-destructed a long time ago. Im thankful to be blessed enough to have a good circle of friends, that have always been supportive, and a strong relationship with God, so that I know Im more than what any man (or woman) may make of me, and my only obligation in this life is not to waste it. I could have reported her, for sending me threatening emails from her job (at a law firm, no less) to my job, and she would have been fired immediately. That's not who I am. I could have replied to her emails and told her all the things I said I'd never say to her, which would, no doubt, have left her in a much worse emotional state than I'm in right now. That's not who I am. I could have done a plethora of things today that might have made me feel like I "won" for the moment, but..... that's just not who I am. It's not even about being the bigger person, although some people really do need to be shown how it's done. It's more about the fact that I'm ashamed for her - at the moment, ashamed OF her - and wanted to be as far away from that behavior as possible. It's toxic, and I dont want any parts of it.

Im gonna pray for her, just like I said I would, and let God do what He does. I have no desire to mend fences - I've taken all the abuse from her I can stand for one lifetime. I hope she finds her way. Thats all.

Good night.

Speechless

"Fuck you."

"I hate you with all of my heart."

"You're dead to me."

"If you were still here, I'd walk to where you were and kick your ass."

"A check came for you in the mail yesterday, I just ripped it up - let em send you another one."

"All your mail is going in the garbage when I get home."

"You better pray, you're gonna need it."

*******


These are all the things my mother said to me today......

Sorry, I guess I still havent quite worked this one out. I'll be back later....

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Woosahhhhhh

Ok so we have this admin for our team at work, right.... I aint liked her from day one. First of all, she looks like one of the children of the corn, and you cant trust nobody that looks like children of the corn LOL. She's a white girl with real pale blonde hair and even paler blue eyes - like for real, for real, she almost makes me think she's albino, but she could just need some sun. Either way, I aint never like her ass.

She is one of those people who thinks she knows everything and when she fucks some shit up, she is always trying to justify or explain it away, usually trying to put the onus back on you in the process. I cant stand people like that. If you did something wrong, own it, apologize when appropriate, and fix it. Its that damn simple. You're relatively new (newer than me) so there is gonna be a learning curve. You cant come in here thinking you know it all from the door, (even though that's exactly what she did).

Now, being the admin, she is the one who books my travel. This is the first thing she fucked up. When I arrive at a hotel, my shit is supposed to be already confirmed and paid for. I got to the spot last week and the shit wasnt paid. So now I got to check my bag and just go in to the office and trust that everything is going to be worked out by the time I get back - this after spending about twenty minutes, looking crazy at the counter, trying to track her ass down on the phone. You would think, even with an explanation, she'd say something like "Sorry about that." No. This bitch just wanna try to explain it. I dont give a gotdamn what happened, fix it. And this is the explanation she gave: our contract with that particular hotel had come up for renewal so they couldnt charge the company card, although it was on file there, until the authorization was renewed.

*staring into the camera*

Ok so let me get this straight - you KNEW this, and you just dropped the ball and didnt get the authorization to them? Thats your fucken fault. And I know this because the shit was resolved in the 10-15 minutes it took me to walk to the office from the hotel. I walked into the office suite and she was telling me it was taking care of, before I could even get a word outta my mouth, and telling me all cool, like it was no big deal. Yes the hell it is a big deal, Ashley. Get your shit together.

Then today..... ooh she almost got it today, boy. I had her set up a web conference a couple of days ago for this afternoon. I had a training to do for one of our customers. She set it up and sent me the info, all set. So today, me and one of my reps get ready to go into the conference room to start the training and there's people in there. Ok, so maybe she booked one of the other rooms. Nope. All the conference rooms were in use.

So Im like "um... Ashley.... did you reserve a conference room?" Before she even goes to look at anything, she's already telling me how she doesnt think she was the one who set it up and she doesnt remember it, but if she did, I didnt tell her to book a conference room.

*pause*

"Ashley, can you pull the invite up, please?"

She pulls it up. "See, it said you were the organizer."

"It should. You dont remember me giving you my login info and having to have my password reset? It would have to be under my account in order for me to access it with administrative rights."

"Mm."

Yeah, mm. In the location field: "conference room". "It says conference room, Ashley. One would see that and think you had booked one, no?"

"Well I wouldnt know to book one if you dont tell me, so you have to remember to tell me that next time."

*staring into the camera*

"You wouldnt know you had to book a conference room.... for a training?" LOL

So the rep that was with me grabs my hand and says, lets just do it from here - and we go to his desk, which is kind of out of the way and quiet enough to pull off a web conference. Goes off fine, Im over it.

I get back to my desk and this bitch has sent me an email entitled "in the future" LOL. Dont ever in life start any written communication to me that way, it pisses me the fuck off INSTANTANEOUSLY LOL. She's again reiterating how its my fault, in so many words, and how we can avoid these types of mishaps "in the future."

Dont you know I drafted and deleted three different emails in response to that shit before finally deciding not to send any of them? LOL I was so ticked off with her, that I could not construct an email appropriate enough to not warrant a response with my boss copied in on it LOL I really need to have a conversation with her face to face, but I couldnt do that either because I was THAT fucken hot. I figured the best thing to do was finish the last thing I had to do for the day and get up outta there, and revisit it tomorrow. Still hot though, I walked twenty minutes in the rain to my even-farther-away-than-last-week hotel. I felt a little better when I got here. Good move, Dig. Good move.

About an hour or so ago, I get email to my BB, letting the team know that she's gonna be working out of the old building tomorrow. Thank you, Jesus (and sorry for all the swearing, Amen LOL)

So IDK, by Thursday, I might be willing to just let it go and not say anything to her at all. I mean, her JOB is to do shit we tell, but I CAN set up my own web conferences. I dont need to have her do it, so maybe I just wont anymore. She would still have to make my travel arrangements, but that's minimal contact - simple email stating when Im leaving and coming back, how I wanna travel, what times I wanna travel and where I wanna stay and thats it. And Im not planning to travel next week, maybe not the week after that either, so by then..... yeah, by then I should be ok.

But until then, she might wanna avoid walking in front of me down a flight of stairs.

Im just saying.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Foolishness!

So I got my eyebrows threaded today.

*sigh*

If you have ever seen somebody in a garden pulling weeds, let me tell you, thats exactly what it feels like - like there's a tiny Mexican standing on your forehead, ripping hairs out your face LOL They look nice, but DAMN! I cant even compare it to the waxing, because that experience was so bad, I've all but completely wiped it from my memory LOL but I will say it's not exactly fun. Oh, the price of beauty. What we women go through.... *smh* How come men dont go get thread their unibrows and brazilian their nether regions? LOL Why do yall get to march around all rough-n-tumble, with nappy chest hairs and ashy feet? LOL It aint fair, I tell ya, it aint fair! Its foolishness! LOL

Then I start my commute home and get to laughing uncontrollably in the train station. These people out here kill me. If you've ever been to NY, you've probably seen all kinds of starving artists performing in the streets, soliciting donations. In the subway, ANYBODY might be down there. Tonight there was this man down there playing the violin and he didnt even know how to play it LMAO! Imagine some random ass dude, playing a violin that sounds like somebody's dragging a dining room table across the floor LOL. When I tell you he couldnt play, Im talkin bout I think he stole that violin, or found it on the street and just said fuck it, Ima eat tonight, Jack! LMAO! It was just so stupid, I couldnt stop laughing. Im still laughing, just thinking about it. I know I couldnt have been the only one that was like WTF? LOL This is some damn foolishness!

I was like WTF on FB today too. It started last night, with this Q&A game that somebody had everybody playing. I opted out, I aint fallin for the okie doke LOL but apparently the game carried over into today, except today the questions are way over the top and sexual. IDK if that was SUPPOSED to be how phase 2 went, or if the questions just got progressively risque on their own, but I gotta tell you, I really honestly and truly believe that some of them people are making up their own questions LOL.

See the way it is supposed to work is you put on your status something to the effect of "inbox me any question you want and I'll answer it on my status, anonymously." This is how you let people know that you're participating. Then people inbox you a question and you post the question and your answer to it on your status. Last night was hysterical because two of my friends were all in and they were playing people left and right, putting folks on blast, all kinda shit. But I had to look at some people's questions like COME ON SON! You know good and damn well aint nobody asked you that, dont nobody want you LMAOOOOOOO! People can be so sad sometimes LOL. You a grown ass man or woman, why you making up shit? Thats past foolishness, thats just terrible LMAO!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Imperfect Life - Piggyback

And again, LOL

Same social site, different sender.

How you gonna be salty because you made me an offer I chose not to take you up on, when the offer you made wasnt even really what you were going for? "Hit me up if you need a tour guide." Really? My profile SAYS I just moved to this city - if you say "tour guide" Im gonna take that literally. Yes, I realized showing me around was probably just an excuse for you to spend time with me - Im not in kindergarten - so why dont you just say what you mean, instead of trying to be coy? I dont need a tour guide, Im not in town enough to care where anything is right now LOL. But dude really threw a temper tantrum because I said that, instead of just taking cue to be upfront about his intentions. I dont know you any more than I know these other cats, and you're not even as fly as some of them (LOL) - gimme a reason to care. I dont have the patience for anything less than straight shooting. Get your foot in the door and THEN you can get cute about some shit.

"I told you to hit me up, but I guess you dont want nothing real" LOL Really? You think low-key insulting my womanhood is gonna help your cause? "Oh well if you're getting other offers, I will just withdraw mine." LOL REALLY? Why you mad, son? Let me ask you this, fellas: if you have a desire to get to know a woman, is it not quite likely that other men do as well? And if we are on a web community, is it not within reason that those other men are probably reaching out to her, just like you are? Its never about the first offer, its about the best offer, the most suitable, fitting offer.

So you know me, I try to remain a lady at all times *pause* LOL I basically was like ok well we apparently are sailing in different directions, it's all good, everything aint for everybody. This muthafucka got the nerve to come back and say to me that he's in a great position, goes on to run down his "stats" and then said I was the one with the baggage so he still has the upper hand LOL. Word? Well in that whole rundown, the only thing that doesnt also apply to me is that he has no children, so lets assess this, shall we? LOL You dont have any children, the only thing that separates us on paper, yet you're STILL on this site trolling for honeys. I win, fuck you very much.

And this is what Im talking about. This is the type of bullshit you encounter on regular social networking sites. Aint suppose to be no expectations, just random conversation. Imagine if it were an actual love connection type site. I aint built for it.

Salty dudes are soooooo unattractive. He's still got the upper hand. GTFOH.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Imperfect Life

I wonder sometimes if people realize how much they are victims of their own tongues.

On one of the social sites I frequent, I got a message from a guy I didnt know, who I guess found interest in me. The first thing he says to me is that people tend to pass him by because they pre-judge him. He goes on to say how he is single because he didnt know how to remain faithful. I was confused LOL.

So I go to his page and I see his pics and its very evident, right from the door, that he's cocky. You ever see a dude who takes pictures like he just knows he is the finest thing on earth? And truth be told, this dude aint even all that - he's nice looking, I guess, but quite honestly, I probably wouldnt look twice at him if I saw him on the street. We all know that means nothing though - a man who thinks he is fine, just gonna be fine and they dont care what you say LOL.

I read further into his profile and see that he is divorced - I guess that was what the unfaithful commentary was about. But why would you lead with that? I dont know you, I dont anything about you. Why would you want the first thing you put into my head to be that you have a history of cheating? He put himself at a disadvantage from the gate. I mean, in the course of getting to know a person, things come up, and THATS the time when you address them, should you choose to do so. IMO, it's really not anybody's business who you were or what you did before you met them until such time that you decide to make them a part of your life, asking them to accept all that you are. It would be unfair for you to expect total buy-in without full disclosure. Until that point, while someone is really just a passerby on the highway of your life, what you share with them is entirely discretionary.

People prejudge you - so what. You're never gonna be able to control what someone who doesnt know you, or take the time to know you, is gonna think about you. Why make that your problem? They either take the time to find out who you really are, or they miss out on knowing, and believe it or not, sometimes they are doing you a favor by staying away. But dont wear your past indiscretions on your sleeve, especially if you claim to be a different person now. Furthermore, speak on them matter-of-factly - it is what it is - and remember that the person you are talking to is just as human as you and probably has some things of their own that they arent proud of. Your sins are no greater than theirs, and they are no better than you. Accept your shit and move on. You cant expect somebody else to if you havent.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Match.Comeonson!

I don’t understand the men on online dating communities…

First of all, how you gonna have a profile with no picture, and a greeting that demands that I have one? You’re on the no-fly list from the get-go. You already showing that you feel it should be a different set of rules for me than it is for you. GTFOHWTBS, LOL. And then you wanna tell me “I can email you pics if you want.”

*squint*

So why wouldn’t you just put them on your profile? Aint like you work for the government LOL.

Secondly, who randomly IM chats people they haven’t even said hello to? I don’t know you, dude. This aint the bar. You cant just come up and start talking to people all willy nilly. You get the gasface too, cause you’ll be the dude I’d have to break on for showing up to my house all uninvited. No, thank you, sir. Im good.

Then you get these geniuses that think you’re supposed to give them your number because they don’t like to type.

*raised eyebrow*

Son. ITS AN ONLINE COMMUNITY. You aint see the sign on the door? LOL Im supposed to have you blowing the battery outta my phone because you wanna be lazy? Miss me with that too.

Then you get the ones on the opposite end of the spectrum, that want to tell you their whole life story in the first note. You don’t even know if Im gonna respond to your message. Don’t go through the trouble, conjugating all them verbs and shit LOL. You might have just wasted the last twenty minutes of your life, backspacing all through them paragraphs, trying to be more eloquent.

And what’s with the people that “favorite” your page or view it 913 times and never say anything to you? Stalk much?

And please, PLEASE, tell me WTF is up with the dudes wanting you to respond back with your weight or measurements. Are you gonna buy me a dress? LOL if not, you better look at the damn pics like everybody else and call it a damn day. How rude.

This is why I cant do Match.com, or any other site thats explicitly for dating. My philosophy is that you be friends with a person first anyway and just see where things go – if anywhere – so later for the dating sites. At least on Myspace and Facebook there isn’t any type of pretense or expectation in having a conversation, and you don’t have to worry about somebody thinking you wanna have their babies just because you replied to their hello. You might have to deal with a lotta this same bullshit, but at least it aint costing you $44.95.

Im just sayin.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Media BS

The media is so pick-n-choosy, they make me sick. We all know TI's going back to jail for 11 months, on a probation violation, but raise your hand if you heard about this.... *hands in pockets*


http://www.avclub.com/articles/rapper-ti-talks-a-suicidal-jumper-down-from-a-skys,46348/




Rapper T.I. talks a suicidal jumper down from a skyscraper
by Sean O'Neal October 14, 2010
Hip-hop star and occasional actor Clifford “T.I.” Harris certainly has other things to worry about right now, but when he heard that a 22-year-old man was threatening to jump from a skyscraper near his Atlanta home, Harris decided that he should try and help. And what do you know? He did: He “appeared from nowhere” and convinced police at the scene to let him spit a few bars of self-actualization, telling the guy that a person can “make it through anything” (like the critical reception to Takers, or getting caught with weed and ecstasy only a few months after getting out of prison) and that “life’s not that bad.”

The would-be jumper then agreed to come down off the roof and meet with T.I., who will appear in federal court later this week for his recent probation violation, and who will make the judge look like a total asshole if he gets sent back to jail because he’s now all over the news as a hero. Well played, Mr. Harris. Does this mean if we threaten to swallow this whole bottle of Xanax that we could get Ice Cube to give us a call? We’ll do it!


***

Here's the CNN story w/ video.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/SHOWBIZ/celebrity.news.gossip/10/13/rapper.prevented.suicide/index.html?eref=mrss_igoogle_cnn

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Letter to Management

Dear Mr. Jesus,

Thank you for helping me keep my sanity over the last week of madness and aggravation. Thank you also for granting me the consciousness to simply delete the email I got from my mother today, rather than respond. I promise to pray for her. I really could have done without seeing the crazy crackhead guy that walked in front of my hotel with his pants down, but I guess you needed me to see that things could always be worse. At least Im not a crazy crackhead, walking in front of hotels with my pants down. I appreciate that. And lastly, Mr. Jesus, thank you for the apartment I just got approved for. Its not where I wanted it to be, but I acknowledge that You know better than I do. Real clever of you to have my landlord's name be Angel. I should have known.

Anyway, Im sure you have a world of other letters to read tonight, so I'll let you go. Thanks for working in such mysterious ways so I cant subconciously manage to mess it up. You rock, and Amen.

Love Always,
Dig

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Gravity 2

On the way home the other night, I dropped a ten dollar bill in the guitar case of a guy who was singing outside of the Pathmark when I got off the bus. It was partially because I felt bad for not leaving money for various people I've heard in the subway who really were awesome, partially because he was awesome, and partially because I had no other place to leave an offering.

One thing I really miss is having a church to go to when I feel like I felt the other night. That night (or morning) I woke up at 4-something, as I typically do when God feels like He has something to say. I never really know what He's telling me, but I usually wake up in the morning feeling differently than I did the night before. That particular morning, I woke up to a text from one of my friends, who I miss so dearly.... "You never have to ask 'Father can you hear me?' He can, He always does & He always will provide a way." Thank you. I really needed to be reminded that the will of God will never take me where the grace of God wont protect me, and that there is a reason I am where I am right now, doing what Im doing, even when I dont know what it is.

Its amazing. Today I was outside, listening to my IPOD, and the same song I heard the other night came on: Gravity. It sounded different.

"Twice as much and twice as good, and cant sustain like one half could.
Its wanting more, its gonna send me to my knees..."

On my knees is where I needed to be.

I woke up this morning and watched a show I've never watched before: Life Every Voice. If you have never seen it, it basically brings celebrities on to talk about how much a part Jesus plays in their lives. I was hit hard by some things that were said, and reminded, once again, to hold to my faith. "Gravity" now sounded like more of a song of acknowledgement than one of woe. It was a song that said "I know you see whats happening around you, but remember who you are and who HE is."

And I will.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Gravity

I had a meltdown today.

At the very tail end of the day, my emotions started to overwhelm me. I made it out of the building and around the corner to the train station before things really started to take a tumble. I got on the train without looking, assuming it was the one I needed - because it always is - and it was going in the wrong direction. When I realized it, the levee broke and it was all I could do to swallow back the tears. On my IPOD: "Gravity" - John Maher.

"Gravity is working against me.
Gravity wants to bring me down..."

I got off at the next stop, thinking I'd just go up, out and around and get back on the 6 in the opposite direction, but by the time I made it up the stairs, I was looking for a wall to slide down. I went all the way out of the station, and found a rail to lean against, but what was I supposed to do then? I was still in the midst of a rack of people who didnt need to see me being a mess, so I whipped out my blackberry and tried to distract myself long enough to pull myself together.

I was ok for a little bit. I got back on the train and continued with my normal commute, choking back tears at several points along the way as various other songs played on my IPOD, mocking the state I was in, then by the time I hit the port authority, my eyes just flooded. I closed them as I went up the escalator, to keep any tears from falling, and I told myself I could make it home - or at least the pseudo-home I was headed to. Wrong again. The wait for the bus was about twenty minutes. I spent the last ten avoiding my reflection in the glass, knowing it would be over if I saw the face of how I was feeling.

20 minutes later, I got off the rush hour bus and walked up the street that, for once, had no people on it. I could cry now without being a spectacle. But I couldnt. The tears just wouldnt come.

Even now, I just feel kind of numb. i know some time tonight, I'll break, but right now, there's nothing. The apartment search is extremely frustrating, not to mention, putting my body through hell. I'll be sick any day now, or my back will throw out, and I cant afford either. My mother is still calling me, asking me for money like she dont give a damn about me having to put a deposit down on a place, and acting like Im the one being selfish. My kids arent even there anymore - Im supposed to give you some RETROACTIVE shit, when I've already given you $450? Now you want me to pay for your parking pass? YOUR PARKING PASS, NIGGA??? REALLY??? I really feel like she saw me getting this job as an opportunity for HER to come up. I send her money for a specific purpose, she does something else with it, and expects me to send her more money for the original purpose. Where they do that at?

I miss my friends. Like.... I REALLY miss my friends. Even the ones that get on my nerves a lot. The shady ones.... the sometimey ones.... the lyin ass ones LOL.... I miss them. On any given night, I'd get a text saying someone was on their way, and even if we didnt mean to, we'd end up in some serendipitous conversation neither of us knew we needed so much. My friend here, we're not friends like that. We dont talk like that. I know people down here, yeah, but for all intents and purposes, they are just that - people I know.

I miss my kids like crazy, and Im gonna have to disappoint them and not go see them next weekend for Halloween, like I planned. Apartments here are expensive as hell and I've only been working for a month. I cant afford to spend another dime until I secure a place, if Im gonna move on the 1st, and Im not all that sure I'll be able to. Its in a week and a half and I'll be in DC most of that time. If something doesnt shake in the next couple of days...... *sigh*

I gave up everything for this. I WILL make it work, if I gotta move outta here and stay in a hotel until an apartment turns up. But Im homesick. I wish I could afford to go back for the weekend and just get a dose of home to tide me over for a while. I cant.... obviously. So I guess all there is to do is make it through the night.

"Gravity has taken better men than me
But how can that be?
Just keep me where the light is......."

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Exhausted

I really wanna blog tonight, but the truth is, I dont think I could keep a train of thought, with all the pain Im in LOL. I feel like Im gonna wake up in the morning and come back from the shower to find that my legs are still in the bed LOL. If I dont find a place soon, Ima just live at work LOL. I thought I could just start back on my vitamins, but NYC said "HA! I laugh in di face ov ju vitamins!" LOL Theyre totally not working LOL. BUT Im down ten pounds - holla!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

These Boys, These Boys....

...never learn.

So I met this guy last weekend when I went out. In a just-kidding-unless-you-really-gon-do-it way, he was lobbying for me to go home with him. Of course, that wasnt happening, but we did spend a long time talking and texting that night, and he's been texting me all week, whether I've been in town or not. His objective is still to get my drawz off, but we know this only happens when Dig wants it to, so lets keep it all in perspective LOL.

So we planned to link up last night, but my girlfriend decided she didnt wanna go out and I wasnt gonna go alone and hover until he got off and then "see" what the damn plan was gonna be, so I didnt go. I told him we could hang out today, after I finished looking at the couple of apartments I was going to see, but being the man that he is, he called me at like 8, when he was already at work (at the club) trying to make plans for when he got off - at midnight.

*staring into the camera*

First of all, let me tell you what his idea of a plan was LOL.... Im in Jersey. He wanted me to meet him in the city (Manhattan) at midnight, then we'd go together wherever we were decided to go [read: hotel or his house LOL]. Second of all, did I mention we talkin bout at midnight? LOL Um............no LOL.

I wish I could say my mother instilled this in me, but that would be an untruth and disservice to my own natural sense of.....sense LOL. The truth is, my mama never taught me a damn thing about how to deal with the opposite sex, unless you count what I've seen of her haphazard personal engagements, which really just taught me what not to do. I feel like a man who wants to see a woman should show her enough respect to not expect her to put her safety in jeopardy to meet him in some god-forsaken place, at all times of night. Said DRIVING man should pick said woman up and carry her to the agreed upon destination. Said man who utilizes public transportation should utilize his way to wherever the hell she is and escort her to the agreed upon destination, or at the very least, take on the responsibility of paying for the taxi that will safely carry her from point A to point B, while he texts her the entire way to make sure she didnt go missing LOL. To expect her to be on a bus, train, or come out of her own pocket for a $60-70 cab is unacceptable, and lack of understanding in said manner will only serve to show just how 27 you are - already a strike against you LOL.

So naturally, my answer was "HELL NOT" and he could respond in no other way than to say that he understood. Im glad you do. But Im guessing that this is only a sign of what is yet to come, so I would be really surprised if Im talking about said club bouncer guy for very much longer. If I am, it means he's in love with me already and doing everything I say LOL.

Im just saying LOL

Friday, October 15, 2010

Progress

I know, I know, its been a hectic week. Yall can turn off the hate mail now LOL.

I spent pretty much all week in DC, came back last night. Walked in the house and it was like the dryest "hi.." ever in life, on both my part and hers. After traveling and working hard and dealing with the rain and taxis that are, at first, non-existent, and then costing a grip to get me where I needed to go, I really would have liked to come home to my own shit. I think last night is when it set in most heavily, like yo, I gots to get hot. Then tonight... who in the hell spit-shines their crib at 10/9 central? LOL Im not talking about straightening up or making the place presentable for company - Im talking about laying on the floor with a damp rag, cleaning up under cabinets type shit. Im sitting on the couch, in the middle of the room, and she's getting her Hazel on all around me for like two hours, nobody saying a word the whole time. Seriously? It was the kind of uncomfortable that made me not even feel right asking if she wanted some help, like she'd just say no cause she wanted it done her way, like everything else, and that just made it worse, cause, of course, I felt like I was painted into a corner.

So I spent all day searching listings and I have to go see two of them tomorrow, both in Jersey - ugh! I REALLY dont wanna be in Jersey, but price and space-wise, as well as commute and time-wise, its what I think Im gonna end up doing for the time being. At least I will have my own space and can start to put things together for the midgets to come down, and come summer, I can move into the city, where I really wanna be. But we'll see. I may not even dig these places. I will keep you posted. Im in town all next week, so I will be able to see some more spots, as I find them, and then Im gone the whole following week. If I havent worked it out by the time I come back, I think Im just gonna relocate to a hotel near the job. It may raise an eyebrow, and it will surely spend money I should be saving, but its probably the best way to preserve a friendship being quietly punched in the throat via our current situation. Again, we'll see.

But I do have my own desk and phone now at work (YAY!) and I am now starting to see places since I finally have the money to secure one. Im making progress. Im also in the process of making arrangements to move the midgets from one grandmother to another, where I feel they will be a lot better off and I wont have to worry about the type of foolishness that has been going on at my mom's. I didnt even tell yall about the major blowup that occurred on Tuesday night. Im not even gonna get into it now, but suffice it to say that that situation was not gonna work out. Things are slowly moving along though and I am getting a handle on this process. Im starting to develop a little routine and as soon as I have a permanent address, that routine can be cemented. This is gonna work out. I've given up everything I have and its not gonna be for nothing....

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Feeling Better

*exhale*

So its not Friday - I still have to go in to work tomorrow - but I feel like the worst of the week is behind me. Im on a train back to Jersey right now, a place I havent seen in a week, and Im sort of looking forward to it. I will be financially ready to get my own place next weekend, so part of me is apt to appreciate my temporary digs a little more, knowing I wont be in them much longer. I've only started looking casually, so its not like I have any idea where Im moving to, but its not that difficult a process, once I make time for it. All this coming week, I will be hitting up my local connects, researching school districts and private schools, so that I can make a more informed decision on what area I need to move in to keep my kids' education at a level that I find acceptable. But it will get done.

My bank account is COMPLETELY fucked up right now, but Im not worried about it. It will all be resolved once my direct deposit goes in tomorrow. I might only have access to about half of what goes in there, but hey, thats that old life residue hasnt completely burned away yet LOL. Its a process. Im patient.

Im starting to maximize my trips to DC, having had the opportunity to catch up with a couple of my friends while I was there. Im also starting to get the hang of what my job is all about. I processed my first couple of conracts yesterday - one of which has already been signed and returned - so I actually get to see the process play all the way out, from beginning to end. Im feeling kinda awesome LOL.

Now all I gotta do is survive this train ride and not let the motion sickness Im experiencing be the cause of me blowing chunks all over the place, and I will be okay...

Monday, October 4, 2010

10/4: Roger That

So this is a really, really nice, HUGE hotel, but the service already sucks. It took me like twenty minutes to check in because the chick at the desk, who looked all of about 14, was trying to tell me my stay wasnt pre-paid. I know good and damn well it was, as it always is, and she swore up and down that a reservation was made, but they never received authorization to take payment. Twenty minutes later, after I had to call my company travel group's emergency 800#, she goes back into the office and finds the preauthorization in some other stack of papers from Friday.

Then she wants to tell me that she needs my credit card to put a hold on some funds for incidentals. That's fine - pretty standard - but you not gonna tell me you gonna hold $50 for each day Im supposed to be there. Ive been outta town more than I been in town in the last couple weeks, and never have I had a hotel take $50 per day - in advance, at that. I just came back from upstate this morning, staying in a hotel all weekend, and they didnt do it either. I stayed at this same hotel chain last time I was here and they didnt do it then either, but I had gotten so aggravated, I told her to take the damn card and proceeded to leave a message for my admin, in front of her, telling her that I was not pleased with my experience and that she was not to have me booked there again LOL. Then I told her "as a matter of fact, see if you can arrange to have me moved tomorrow" LMAO! They aint hardly bout to move my ass, but I just wanted to piss the lady off cause she pissed me off LOL.

Then I go to the hotel store for a damn near $4 bottle of cranberry juice and get harassed by one of the bellhops and the lady behind the counter, who swear up and down that Im from Africa LOL. Talkin about "dont hide it, be pride, be pride!" STFU LOL. They worse than the fools in the pizza parlor down on 167th in the Bronx, who, summer after summer, wanted to argue me down about whether I was Dominican or not LOL. WTF is wrong with people?

But anyway, I havent been happy with any of my business stays besides the one I wrote about. Its a little ways away from the office down here, but I think I'd rather pay for the longer cab ride and be content with my arrangements, than be close to the job and ready to burn this bitch to the ground. Actually, I need to see if its possible to just have them rent me a car, so I can drive down and be mobile while Im here. Im gonna look into that. I took the train this time, which was a much better experience than the plane fuckery I've been having to endure, but Im a driver. I'd much rather do that. Im gonna see if the powers that be will approve that.

I had a good time with the midgets at home this weekend, and didnt get to see all of my friends, nor the random ass people requesting that I drop by, but I enjoyed myself with the couple of people that I did catch up with. I made a valiant attempt to talk to my mother but.... she'll never change. I'll leave it at that. My son isnt quite the innocent though. He's contributing to their drama with his attitude and laziness, so I had to have a chat with him about that too. I have to monitor that situation some more over the next couple of weeks. I dont want to make any rash decisions, with only half the information.

A whole lotta money later, I was exhausted this morning (shocker LOL) and totally not looking forward to any further travel, but the upside is that hotel beds are always ridiculously comfortable. I'll definitely get a good sleep and Lord knows Im due for one. I forgot my vitamins, so to compensate, I've decided to fast this week: Im gonna live on bacardi and Lays LOL. Dont question my methods LOL.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Relax, Relate, Release

Today was an amazing day. I didnt like... find a wallet or nothing LOL, but I just felt amazing all day. It might be because I finally pulled my Ipod out and listened to, and remembered just how awesome the music on it is. I gotta remember to shoot a note to my boy, Courtney, for hooking that up.

Im finally feeling like Im beginning to settle in at the job, making small footprints, here and there, confirming for the powers that be that the decision to bring me on was a good one. The commute is finally becoming doable without an oxygen treatment, I finally figured out how to open the downstairs door without getting closed in it LOL, and Maxwell reminded me today that the best way for a man to say he loves me is to put on Whenever, Wherever, Whatever, hold my hand and stare the words into my eyes, without saying a thing. Im gon marry that man... maybe LOL.

Im about to spend a grip on a trip home to see my kids tomorrow, but I guess thats how it goes when you buy a ticket the same day. Sure there are cheaper ways than flying, but Im going after work and dont wanna spend all night tryna get there, when (weather permitting and we actually get to leave) I can be there in 45 minutes. Besides, I have a date with a whirlpool and my girls to look forward to when I get there - who wants to wait another day for that?

Im looking into other arrangements for the midgets too. Their paternal grandmother said she is willing to have them come stay with her if things arent working out at my mom's - which they arent, for at least one of my kids - so Im gonna talk to them this weekend, and then go talk to her to see what we have to do. If we make that happen, I can carry on with my original plan of having them stay upstate until Christmas, while I get settled down here, and I can start to enjoy the experience of starting over, without having such clutter in my spirit. Paternal grandmother is a whole nother beast than my mom. Some might wonder why I didnt ask her in the first place. Well... there have been other girlfriends and babies since my time on the mound, so our relationship isnt what it use to be. Loyalties and such - a business she never should have gotten into, but I digress. Water under the bridge though now; time to move forward. Everybody's gotta put on their big girl pants.

I think I will have enough to get a place by the 15th. Im hoping so. Im getting tired of looking at all my shit in bags and bins in a corner of the room, and even more tired of digging through them shits every day. Truth be told though, Im not gonna be here much over the next couple of weeks. The job's got me flying to DC the same day I get back from upstate and I'll be there most of the week. The following week, its the same deal - four days out of pocket. Then when I get back, hopefully, I will be on my way into my new digs. I started looking again today. There is some potential.

So things are starting to look up - at least I hope so - and Im ready for better news. Tonight, Im gonna pack a light bag so I can leave right from work tomorrow, then pour me a glass of something sharp, letting my Ipod take the place of channel 843 while Im still in transition. Better get my vitamins together. Judging from my schedule, Im definitely gonna need em....

Monday, September 27, 2010

Jesus Be a Boeing 757

So.... add Mary J Blige and stir, and you've got my first week of celebrity sightings. Its gotta start slowing down now. Nobody sees ALL of Hollywood the first month out.

My mama is trippin again - this time about six damn quarters. *smh* My patience is about paper thin right now with this woman. She really needs to go lay on somebody's couch and get in touch with herself, because she's got one time to put her hands on my child for something stupid and we are gonna have a misunderstanding.

So Im sitting in the airport, already irritated about that, and wouldnt ya know it - my flight is delayed. No announcement, no nothing, I just know it was supposed to take off at 7:30, and at 7:58, I was still sitting in a rock hard chair, playing on my bout-to-die blackberry, mad. 8:15 and this heffa finally gets on the microphone to say the flight is delayed. Really? I would have never guessed.

Two hours after the planned departure, Im finally on the plane. Another one of them little shits, and this time, Im right smack in the middle of it, so the view from my window is a propeller. Seriously??? Its raining and foggy and I gotta look at a damn propeller for 40 minutes. No. Im not gon do it. Im tired, Im aggravated - Im bout to sleep through this flight and get my mind right before we land.

This muthafucka takes off and Im not even kidding - the noise my propeller was making had me wanting to climb out the emergency hatch. WTF is that???? Yall dont hear this shit? Im looking at the flight attendant, steady traipsing up the aisle like she aint got a care in the world, with her raggedy wig, with the crooked part in the front, and tight ole uniform jacket. Loosen a button or something, lady, first of all, and second of all, I say again: YOU DONT HEAR THAT SHIT???? Im trying not to look at the man across from me, but he is obviously looking at me, either trying not to laugh at the blatant panic on my face, or looking for confirmation that yes, we are about to die LOL. Never in my life have I been on a plane that loud. I could not understand why a plane that rickety was allowed to fly. I meant to get the number off of it, and call Continental tomorrow to tell them about themselves, but I was so happy to have landed safely, I forgot. All I could do was haul ass off the plane. My apologies to any old people I ran over on my way out, but hey, we talkin bout critical shit here LOL. When I tell you I prayed through that whole flight, I mean from lift off to landing. Lord, you know I got kids. Dont do this to me LOL. I literally sat there and recited The Lord's prayer, then made a super pathetic attempt at the 23rd psalm, admittedly forgetting a whole chunk of it, but promising God that I'd learn it, word for word, if he just not let my black ass go up in flames in somebody's field. Clearly, He showed mercy and let me live, so I'll be in Bible crash sessions from now til I commit it to memory. God's not one I wanna welch on a promise to.

So then I get to the hotel, thinking I will relax, turn on the tv, and let the night settle. How bout the damn tv dont work. No signal. No signal? You know what, I cant even mess with this right now. I dont go tell nobody at the desk, I just say eff it and decide to go outside to decompress. A drunk lady is out there smoking and talking on her cell phone to some guy, who very obviously is pissed at her and ignoring how pissed she is at him. I wasnt really listening, but since I was standing right beside her, I did get a decent gauge of the conversation. He hung up on her and she looked perturbed, so I turn to her and ask, "your son or your boyfriend?" She says, "yes."

*staring into the camera*

"Which?"

She either ignored or didnt register the question, but between the long island iced tea and the cigarette, she was all jacked up LOL. Slurring through it all, she started telling me how "he" has to go and he doesnt understand what she has been through and all she is trying to do. Im still confused, but Im thinking, ok, her son is taking advantage of her willingness to allow him to stay there and her taking care of him. I ask, "how old is he?" "47," she says. "You have a 47 year old son??? OMG, you look GREAT!!!" She thanks me and thanks me and keeps on talking, when suddenly she says some shit I cant remember, but totally was not about somebody's kid. I go, "your son?" She says,"no, my boyfriend." Lady, Ima need you to stop drinking. BTW, if the 47 year old is your boyfriend, you look like shit.

Needless to say, I have had better days, but at least my bed is comfortable. I will definitely get a good sleep. A couple crancardis will ensure that, and since Im getting a late go on em, Im gonna go ahead and start right now.

Tomorrow has got to be a better day...

Friday, September 24, 2010

Week 1

So I havent even been here a week, and already, I’ve seen Patti Labelle, Nelly, Dianne Wiest (DA, Nora Lewin, from Law and Order)and President Carter – Jimmy, not Shawn LOL, although apparently Beyonce does have an apartment on the top floor of the building I work in. I’d call it an eventful week.

I still haven’t made it to pedicure land, and my eyebrows are starting to revolt against my face, but those are on my list of things to do over the weekend. Next order of business after that: a whole new wardrobe LOL.

Seriously – yall remember the movie “Boomerang,” with Eddie Murphy n'em, where Robin Givens played Jacquelyn, the dressed to die, man-eating executive? How bout my whole building is chock full of damn Jacquelyns LOL. Every chick in this building is rockin at least a 3-inch heel on the daily, in a power suit or sassy little dress, torn clean off a window mannequin. I cant even tell you how many times I have done a double take because someone has bounced past me in some frilly little diddy that moves when they walk and I really, really, really wanna ask where they got it LOL. I will say, however, that no one I’ve seen thus far is messin with my shoe game. I’ve been in my comfortable clothes and slides all week, trying to get a firm grasp on the commute and how much actual walking will be necessary while Im at work, but out come the legs and stilettos next week.

You ever have a dream of yourself, like when you were a kid, of who you wanted to be when you grew up or what you wanted your life to be like? Now, have you ever gotten what you dreamed up and not know what to do with it? LOL Im totally a fish outta water here LOL. Its not because Im not cut out for this, its because the place I just left is the kind of place that stifles you and makes you feel comfortable in mediocrity. I’ve got suits and cute dresses and banging shoes, but no job I ever had upstate demanded that of me on any kind of a regular basis. Any day I’d come in looking casket sharp, I’d get compliments all day and inquiries about where I was going LOL. “To my desk, fool.” LOL But that was because nobody shot that high when it came to work, and unless I was doing it just because I felt great when I got up that morning, I’d end up feeling overdressed. Here, “shooting high” is the expectation. All week, I’ve felt underdressed in the Roc City norm. And yes, power plays are born of people, not outfits, but your presentation really does have an effect – on both how you feel about you and how your co-workers and prospective clients will feel about you. I think that’s why everyone here is laced out, because they know that. It says things about you before you even open your mouth, and the environment and business we are in kind of requires that. So I get it. I’ll be in standard uniform, come Monday LOL.

I swear, this has had to be the longest week allowed by law LOL. My body never got a chance to recover from the move labor. Now its suffering from commute walking and stair climbing. Im not mad though, its exercise that is greatly needed, and sooner or later, my body will get used to it. Im really looking forward to finding a place in the next 2 or 3 weeks and enlisting my upstate crew to come down and help me put it together. My girl’s place is really nice, and we are getting along just fine, but I wanna come home to my own spot at the end of a long day and just cool out. There’s nothing like having your own. But I’ll get there.

:)

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Foodie in Training

I just had the most amazing dining experience ever in life!!!

So my job flew me to DC to meet with my boss, who is based here, and the rest of the DC team. My hotel is actually in Bethesda though, and its nice as hell. Hyatts tend to be. I have the cutest little almost-rooftop, outside patio that I cant wait to have breakfast on in the morning, and I tell ya, if its like this all the time, they can send me outta town anytime!

So back to the restaurant.... Morton's Steakhouse. Heard of it, but never ate there before. After the long day and even longer cab ride out to the hotel, I was starving. I went inside and took a few minutes talking to the hostess, trying to decide whether to dine in or order my food to go and take it to my room. In the end, I decided to eat there, and FYI for anyone who wants to try to go to dinner alone, but feels uncomfortable, a hotel restaurant is always the way to go. Hotels tend to have a lot of lone travelers, so youre likely not to be the only table for one.

So Im assigned the most adorable Latin waiter God ever gave a place, accent like heavy cream LOL, and he was really good at his job. Turns out this place is one of those restaurants you hear about but never see, that actually show you the cuts of meat and different menu items, before you get the menu, so you can see what youre getting. They had a tray of various cuts of steak, fish, crablegs, vegetables, and a live lobster as a visual aide, as they tell you all the different ways you can have it made. By the time I got the menu, my brain was on overload. I wanted everything LOL. Took me a while to pick, but I decided to have way more food than I knew I could eat, just because I needed to feel better. I eventually ordered chilled maine lobster cocktail, chicken "somebody" (I forgot LOL), sauteed mushrooms and creamed spinach, topped off with two bacardi and cranberries, and a slice of $12 hot chocolate cake. Never got to the cake, cause I was about to combust by the time I maxed out on the other stuff, but I brought it up to my room with the rest of the leftovers. For the record, it was all DELICIOUS, and I recommend Morton's to anybody with a la carte money to blow.

At the end of dinner, the hostess came over and gave me a choice of seven complimentary after-dinner drinks - I chose the port. Too warm, and better for cooking than drinking, but I enjoy anything that's free.99 LOL. meal came to $103 and I left the usual 20% percent tip for excellent service. I might be mad about it when Im down to my last $8, waiting for a damn check, but for tonight, it was soooo worth it. Last night, talking to my son, took so much out of me, I feel like I was in a fog all day. This experience revived me and put my focus back on the long term benefits of having made this move. Im going to get my babies the second Im able to, and Im more focused than ever on making it happen.

I stopped at the hotel bar for two more drinks to bring up to the room with me, and Im enjoying them now in this incredible bed, with the patio doors wide open, wondering if the people in the hotel across the street can see me LOL. I really dont care - I feel free - and Im gonna hold on to this feeling for as long as I can...