Chile, I thought I was gon die last night.
I was supposed to meet up with a couple of old work friends I haven't seen since before the pandemic, but one of them bailed at the very last second. The other, quite frankly, isn't compelling enough on their own to get me out of the house, so that cancellation meant rescheduling for some other time.
I work from home still, though. I don't put real clothes on, but because of these plans, I had on a full fit, eyes were lined, lip gloss was poppin..... oh, somebody gon see me tuh-day!
Simultaneously, I was dealing with a delayed order of my hemp chocolates, which have replaced alcohol as my sleep-aid, when needed. For reasons unknown, it took extra long for them to even send the order out so I hadn't gotten it when expected. No problem - I'm hanging out tonight, might have a drink or two; I'll def be able to go to sleep when I get home. Then it got canceled, so now I'm in a bind because I don't really drink like that at home anymore and if I did, I had a feeling it was gonna go bad. I had been back and forth on Marco Polo, clowning with my girls for the last hour. It might as well have been a virtual girls' night. I talk, sip and pour at girls' night until I've forgotten how much I have talked, sipped and poured. I'd rather not.
So I was contemplating a trip to the smoke shop I frequent but really didn't feel like walking that far. I decided to go to Walgreen's to pick up my prescription and potentially stop to grab something for lunch today to save me 3x the charges having it delivered. I made both stops and headed home, suddenly remembering a new smoke shop had opened up right next to my nail salon. They didn't have chocolates when they first opened, but it's been a couple of months, so I figured I'd check.
I was in luck!
The one guy who wasn't helping the 6 or so other people in there came to assist me. At that time, all I could see were gummies, which I'm not a huge fan of, so I asked if that was all they had. I don't know how I missed the entire cooler with the baked goods in it, but clear as day, there were cookies, brownies, some other shit I wasn't fucking with, and I asked him for chocolates. He showed me what he had in chocolates - some of those, also weird - and none were what I usually get from the other place. I chose the most regular-looking chocolate I could find that was also small - my order was coming in today, so I only had to worry about last night.
I see 225mg on the wrapper. Cool, that sounds just about right - the big square is likely made up of little squares to divvy out the dosage. "Gimme dat." He brought the square over along with a lollipop that was also 25mg which he was gonna give me for free. (I told yall somebody was seeing me tuh-day! LOL) He rings me up while I go in my purse. "35."
*crickets*
He can't be talking to me.
"Say what, now?"
He repeats, "35," as if he legitimately thought I hadn't heard him.
*waiting for the rest* "..........35 what?"
He laughs. "Dollars."
"For th-- " I stopped myself, suddenly realizing where I was and how many people were around me, but 35 fucken dollars for THIS??? The chocolates I get at the other place that are that size (but in fairness, half the thickness) are like $7. I pay $35 for the shit I was waiting for in the mail at the other store, and that bar is probably 3x the size (think Hershey bar, but 50% wider). But I said you know what? You did this to yourself, Dig. It was my own fault for saying "gimme dat" without asking how much it was gonna cost. Don't go out like that. Begrudgingly, I go to hand him my card. Oh awesome, it's cash only? That is...great, LOL. I didn't have cash but luckily, they also accept cashapp. Sent him the money and skated my ass up outta there. Hey, at least I got a free lollipop.
Still on Marco Polo with my girls, bitching about my plans going awry, cracking jokes, and you know I had to tell them this story too, cause someone was gonna share in my appalment at this $35 fucken Reese Cup LOL. I even crack open a Corona. I'm risking it all, LOL
I open the chocolate and though I expected it to be sectioned into 4, it was actually sectioned into 9 squares. I try to break off one, but half of another comes with it. It's small though, and 1 square's only 25mg, so that should be alright. After all, my other chocolate is 50mg per square. So boom....
I eat the square and a half and carry on with my sista-girl business.
In between messages, I'm watching TV. At some point, my phone chimes and I turn my head to grab it, and the whole gotdamn room shifted left, 16 degrees LOL. Whoa. I go to turn my head back - Ooh. Ok. Here we go.
I know I need not move, but something told me if I didn't get up to do whatever I needed to do then, I might not be able to get up later. So I get up, thinking I'll make sure I had closed the blinds and what not, grab a water, couple cookies (lol).... you know. Chile, I barely got to the doorway of my bedroom before I thought I was gonna fall over. I stop and let the hall stop spinning, then slowly make my way to do that stuff, and when I tell you..... yo. At one point, my legs went out in the kitchen and I was hanging off the counter by my elbows, trying to pull myself together. Listen, LOL. By the time I headed back, I was holding on to the walls. I get to my bed and the room is milly rocking so it took me a smooth 2 minutes to actually get back ON the bed. SMH.
I just tried to sit still, watching TV, but I started to feel the high moving through my body the way a tsunami rolls through everything in it's path. But slow. Literally - my fingers, the soles of my feet. It went from my chest all the way down to my hands and feet, then all the way back up to my head. When it got there, my eyes started doing some shit they ain't supposed to do and I could barely see the TV, let alone what was on it, but hey, this is a full tank. It's hit everywhere, now we just gotta ride it out.
Wrong again. I just kept getting higher and higher, like WTF IS HAPPENING??? I can't walk, can't stand, and now I can't even sit up. All I could do was lay down - SLOWLY, LOL.
By now, I've missed like 3 video messages and now my phone is ringing. I reach for the phone, can't lift it, so I slide it to me. Shit, I don't even think I can talk. Now, I'm trying to decline the call; it takes 3 tries because I keep missing the button. Sigh. With some concentration, I'm able to pick up my phone and go to text my girl the predicament I was in. I type that I was super high and had to talk to her tomorrow (today). Why did that take me another 2 minutes because I couldn't control my fingers? Siiiiiiigh. I didn't even bother trying to put my phone on the charger. I felt around for the remote, turned the TV off and just gave the fuck up, LOL.
I have never been that high in my life! And I have never been so afraid that I was gonna die from something that won't kill you. Cause I'd be the one. I'd be the one fool to disprove the fucken science and die, LOL. But I was alright this morning, although quite groggy. My mind was clear enough though to know I needed to take another look at that chocolate. It just didn't compute that I would have been that high from what I had, but it turns out the price wasn't all I missed at the smoke shop. I grab the chocolate and big as day on the spine is 'WARNING: HIGH DOSE EDIBLE."
*staring into the camera*
I'm not even gonna tell yall what else it said. See for yourself:
Are you fucken shittin' me? LOL. I'm not a weed smoker and I just got in the edible game in the last like 6 months. Why the fuck do I need..... siiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggghhhhhhh, LOL
I have ZERO questions about how I got here. SMH
#ReadTheLabel #DontBeDig #WTF
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