Monday, October 9, 2017

Knock It Off

Y'all know what.....

Y'all really need to stop dick riding and start thinking for your damn self. I have been rolling my eyes all year about all this fucken fake outrage coming outta nowhere over just about any and every damn thing. Stop it. Just stop it. Don't feign anger about something you're not really angry about just because some social influencer you "stan" for is making a ruckus about it. Stop fake boycotting shit just because it makes you look "woke" when, in truth, you don't even have any skin in the game. You are not an activist talking about boycotting some shit you never patronized anyway. If you stand on an issue, stand on it for real and from the start. Not after it becomes the thing to do. Y'all super wack with that.

And today with this Dove thing. Somebody is always gonna be up at arms about something if their disposition is permanently set on inferiority. Not everything is a shot at you, people. That's not to say some things could not have been better thought through but knock it off with the extra shit. There is enough REAL shit out here to be mad about. Dove is dope - sorry, not sorry - and if you look at their campaigns over the last couple of years, you'll see that they have made great strides to spread the message that they are inclusive of all. Don't just look at the screen shot people are talking about, watch the actual ad. Anything taken out of context can easily be misconstrued as something it isn't. Don't be the idiot that just jumps on the bandwagon without all the facts. Y'all just wanna be mad.

And while I'm at it, stop stealing other people's posts and quotes too, without giving proper credit. I ain't talking about the memes and shit - those are meant to be reposted - but you know, people getting slick these days; they are taking the WORDS from the memes now, and posting the words like their own original thoughts. I saw the meme too, nigga. You not funny, you not deep, you not even creative. You corny. Knock it off.

Saturday, October 7, 2017

You Wanna WHAT???!

If my son had a blog, today's post would be entitled, "My Mama in Here Trippin" LOL.

Motivated by a video I saw this morning, I simply suggested we forego Christmas gifts this year and put our money toward feeding the homeless. His immediate reaction was WTF??? LOL Basically. Like he's all for helping the homeless - we strive to do that year round - but he's like why the fuck we gotta not do presents though? Like how does getting presents keep us from helping people, why we can't do both? At the end of the day, we could, but the whole idea was sacrificing for the good of somebody else, to which he again responded, Fuck we gotta sacrifice for? You can't buy a homeless man a cheeseburger and buy me one too? You ain't got TWO dollars, nigga?

LMAOOOOOOOO!

Now of course the conversation didn't quite go this way - he better NEVER - but in my mind right now, replaying the conversation and the look of horror on his face, that's the voice-over that comes with it, like when Snoop and Cedric the entertainer do voice-overs on them Animal Planet videos LOL. We discussed it for about twenty minutes and he was not having any of it. I have never seen him debate anything so passionately, ever LOL. What I think it boils down to really is the fact that he has a job now so he will finally be able to participate in the gift-giving at the level he would like to participate and gotdammit, he ain't bout to let me take the wind outta his sails. How could i not understand that?

Okay, little boy, you win.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

The Science of Dating

When I was a baby, my mom had a Siamese cat. That cat apparently thought I was HERS and wouldn't let anyone near me, except my mom. They had to lock the thing in the closet, as I'm told, but I never got a real answer about what happened to it. I mean, did they put it down? Give it away? Did it die in the fucken closet? Idk. But I do know that I hate cats to this day, and I wouldn't be surprised to find it's because of those early days I don't even remember. I don't trust them. I think they're sneaky, evil, and would kill off humankind if they could LOL.

That being said, I don't trust people with cats either. Cats are notably low maintenance so I think cat people are lazy and horrible communicators. I have much more respect for dog people. Dogs require more of you and rightfully so. I mean, they are some of the most loyal creatures on the planet; you gotta work for that shit. Dogs don't just need to be fed; they need to be taken out, walked, stroked and appreciated. Most importantly, when they shit outside, you gotta pick it up. Women come with shit. PICK IT UP!

I think there is something to be learned in the very nature of cats and dogs. If he has a cat, he's looking for shit to be easy; damn near self - sufficient. A dog man is much more likely to be willing to put in the effort. Science of dating in a nutshell.

You're welcome LOL

Sunday, September 24, 2017

2008

The big homie put me on blast today and made me feel guilty for not having blogged in..... IDK how fucken long it's been, so I promised I would put something up today. I didn't promise it would be poignant or in any way deep LOL, but I did promise I would post. In a genuine effort to make the read worthwhile, I dug up 5 hand-written journals I, for some reason, kept from 2008, hoping they would inspire me. What they did was remind me of so many people that I had all but forgotten about. Some for the better - I NEEDED to forget about their asses - and some just for the wear, but reading about that one year in my life was..... so crazy.

Of course, the only journals I saved are from 2008 so it's hard to say for sure, but I believe 2008 might have been one of the most pivotal years of my life. I saw my first black president, I quit smoking for quite a while, which told me I could actually do it, and I ran into so many people who had been significant in my formative years and on most occasions, I thought there was something significant about running into them again as an adult. 9 times out of 10, those run-ins culminated in confirmation that they were never that significant to begin with and Rochester was simply a very small place. It was a huge letdown for the hopeless romantic in me and those run-ins rocked me. Hard.

I read those journals feeling fearful for the girl on thee other end of that pen. Had I not known it was me writing those entries, I'd have thought OMG....this poor, naive girl. At times, that is exactly what I thought, even knowing it was me. Being a good person and wanting to see the best in everyone is one thing, but DAMN! I took a lotta L's putting everybody else before me and I risked a lot on flights of fancy. I guess that's me though, just a tad different today. Today, I have clear-cut boundaries and I'm petty as fuck LOL. Luckily, it still takes a lot to get me there but I care a LOT less about what someone will think or how they will feel afterward. I think that just comes with age. I'm on my way to being crotchety LOL #dorothyzbornak

But I can only be grateful for the lessons, the embarrassments, and everything else because it is those things that build character and make you into who you ultimately become. I'm not afraid, today, to tell you when something just won't do. I'm not afraid to express my disappointment when I expected better. I'm not even afraid of being misunderstood, which use to be my BIGGEST fear in life, oddly enough. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I am fearless, but I get closer to it every day. And for that, I salute you, 2008.

#salute







Wednesday, August 9, 2017

"Mm..."

Word of advice for all you non-parents out there; "Mm" is your friend.

It is ill-advised, if you don't have children, to weigh in on a parent's dilemma unsolicited. Even when your opinion is asked, you should say as little as possible outside of maybe an anecdotal tale of having gone through a similar situation as a child, what action was taken and how it played out. You should say as little as possible outside of this anecdotal tale because childless folk have an amazing proficiency for inadvertently saying some low key offensive shit. In honesty, childless folk are not the only violators - all kinds of people fall victim to the clean curse out, including other parents. People are uber sensitive when it comes to their children; KNOW this.

So Ima make it real simple for you. Did you see how Will Smith instructed Kevin James to keep his dancing to a simple two-step in Hitch, saying, "You live here?" Well, "Mm" <--- YOU live HERE. Trust me when I tell you that 9 times out of 10 when a parent is talking to you about something concerning their child, they are venting, not soliciting advice. And this is CLEARLY true if you don't even have children - you don't ask a banker how to bake bread.

Now even if you have children, you're still gonna wanna refer to the above rule of thumb and keep it anecdotal or resort to a simple empathetic "Mm" because more likely than not, your well-intended suggestion will be poorly worded and ill-received. Why? Because even though you're trying to help, your "suggestions" often contain buzz words that sound like judgment and an attack on their parenting skills. How dare you, childless wonder, be the judge! LOL NO parent takes kindly to an insinuation that they are not doing their job, which is what you imply by suggesting maybe the kid needs a push. Seems pretty benign on the surface right? Trick bag: suggesting basic shit parents ought to do insinuates that they aren't already doing it. The words "push" and "support" should never leave your lips without the words "keep" or "continue" in front of them, but since you're not likely to remember these instructions when you get all out your lane, just remember an "mm" a day, keeps the reading away LOL.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

No More Purpose

Last night my daughter comes into my room with tears in her eyes. The closer she gets to me, the harder she starts to cry. Naturally, I'm worried as fuck, like what the hell happened? She collapses into my arms and is just bawling her little eyes out. I must have asked her six or seven times what was wrong but she couldn't even tell me. She just unlocked her phone and started tapping through apps until it got to Instagram. That made me nervous too because I thought maybe she was being cyber bullied or something, but nope. It was even worse.

Justin Bieber has canceled the remainder of his Purpose stadium tour.

I wasn't ready. I ain't know what to say. There's really nothing I could have said that was going to make her feel better, but I gave it my best shot. First I let her cry though. It's important to get it out. I know how much she was looking forward to going and I chunked up for the good seats too! I promised that whenever he did go back on tour, I would take her. She knows it's true, but it didn't take away the hurt.

I held her and rubbed her back for a while before sending her to wash her face and I thought back to when I was her age. The only person I'd have been that affected by - probably EVER - was Michael Jackson. I never had the opportunity to see MJ in concert but if I had ever gotten tickets and that show got canceled.......... shit, I might STILL be crying LOL.

No word as of yet regarding the reason for the cancellation but I'm thinking rehab. John Mayer made some comments about the cancellation that seemed to kinda support that line of thinking. He said when people cancel like this, its because they know they'll do real damage to themselves by continuing on. He then made reference to all the singers and entertainers we've been losing so young and all I could think was Lord, please don't let this boy die cause I don't know WHAT we gon do with these lil girls.

And I mean he bet not die like EVER LOL.

Thursday, July 6, 2017

Caribbean Pimp

I'm a strong, black woman. I don't rely on anybody to make the magic happen, I AM the magic. I do what I want, when I want, and don't nobody tell me how to move. So imagine this old dude in my office building telling ME to shut up and go back to work. You know what I did?

I shut the hell up and took my ass back to work LMAO!

Girl!

First of all, this "old dude" ain't no regular old dude. He's probably the smoothest glass of rum to ever come outta Barbados - I call him Caribbean Pimp. CP's probably in his 60's but he's good-looking and still has that swagger in his walk; you know the one that says I got a big dick - that one LOL. Don't even get me started on that accent - OOOOMG. Secondly, he didn't SAY for me to shut up and go back to work, but that was the message.

See CP and I are cool. We chop it up every day, either when I first come in or around lunch time. Thing is, the evening guard, also older, has a crush on me too and we're cool as well. Enter Hater George.

So Hater George was introduced to me by the evening guard. He works maintenance in the building so I had seen him around, but since the formal introduction, I'd made it a point to actually speak to him by name. But Hater George got a little comfortable. Hater George sees I rock with the evening guard and now he sees I rock with CP too. Hater George decides to get cute.

I don't normally stop and talk to either guard when there are other folks around so when I see George and another maintenance guy at the desk with CP, I just throw a nod and keep it moving. George says hello to me in an oh you gon act like you aint see me? kind of way, to which I respond with spirit fingers and the dry "Hey George," I give to people "doing it for the Gram," if you will. CP calls me back, asking if I had heard what George called me. I hadn't, but apparently he called me "sweetie" and CP wasn't pleased. He told George I was his girlfriend and that he was not allowed to call me nothing but my name. Don't Hater George drop dime about the evening guard? LOL This nigga runs it all the way down about how the evening guard is always making passes at me and I'm just standing there like Denzel in Training Day ... "Yooooouuuuu muthafucka."

Now don't get it twisted, I ain't feel no way about WHAT he said - I talk to whoever the fuck I want - but I did feel a way about what he was doing, and moreover, how he was doing it. He was trying play CP, like the evening guard was fucking his bitch and shit. I can't stand jealous muthafuckas, I swear. And this is some shit that ain't even real, harmless flirting that makes the day more interesting. Can you imagine if it was real though? That's how niggas get dead. I was disgusted so I just walked off.

Today I'm at the desk with CP and in saunters George. I say hello and CP glares at him over his glasses, waiting for his response. George says hello back and CP goes, "And stop right there. That's all you get" LOL Of course, George has to be the asshole, so he then says something else and calls me "sweetheart," which is immediately followed by some more smack talking that CP was not here for. CP ignores George's yapping and turns to look at me. I don't know if he saw how uncomfortable I was or if he just felt it wasn't something I needed to be in the middle of, but in a very calm voice he says, "We will finish our conversation later on. You can go now."

Lord, Jesus..... What I was feeling, I haven't felt in a loooooooong time. I mighta been a little wet when I left that desk, that shit was like fucken magic, I was AMAZED LOL. It was the calm but "understand me" way he told me to get the hell on, but it was also the feeling of being protected - him shielding me from the brewing shit storm and also the subjection of this salty nigga who was trying to use me to forward whatever agenda it is that he had. It's the way I just did what he said, without hesitation or thought. ME, LOL. I don't know if it's the age or the "rum" but I need one of those in my life.

Aw shit...... do I have daddy issues? LMAOOOOOO! SMH