Ladies, you ever stand with a person.... or talk to them.... laugh with them... and think "damn, this man is soooooo right for me? Well I had that experience tonight. Now.... you ever have that thought about a person who, for whatever reason, you cant be with? Brutal.
I love this dude. TOTALLY LOVE this dude. But... he's not available. I've talked about him before.... how we are such good friends and have been for years.... he's in love with me, Im in love with him, and there is absolutely nothing we can do about it. I love the feeling I get with him, and at the same time, I hate him LOL. Im like damn, why cant you be single? FUCK!!! LOL
He's fine too, yall. FINE I tell you. Sweet, funny, witty, and he knows me better than most, simply because he has known me for so long. Its torture. It is. But that is the story of my life. I have a habit of making friends with people who are sooooo right... and they are either unavailable or [usually because of distance] unwilling. Hi, Rob... Im just saying LOL.
Why, oh why, does the Lord keep testin me??? LOL
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Done and Done
I am probably going to disappoint a lot of people right now, while some others of you probably saw it coming, but I really don’t think I want to speak to my mom ever again. She is so toxic in my life, its not even funny. Not to mention, she refuses to see me as anything but a disrespectful ingrate, simply because I don’t let her control me and dictate how I live my life. It doesn’t matter what she says, or what she does, I’m supposed to eat it and like it. Some might agree with that, but I’m sorry, I don’t.
I’m just not gonna allow myself to be made to feel like less than what I know myself to be, and it doesn’t matter to me if the person guilty of that attempt is my mother. I’m not disrespectful to her - she’s more disrespectful to me. Sometimes I think she says stuff just to set me off, because she knows I make a conscious effort to not to retort, and she gets off on that shit. I remember her straight going off on me one night, in my own house, in front of my kids, because she was pissed off about somebody hitting her car and knocking off the sideview mirror. What the hell that got to do with me? Nothing, but it didn’t stop her from taking it out on me though. I didn’t curse her out in return - I just put her out LOL. Sorry. I feel like I’m well within my rights to ask ANYONE who is being disrespectful in my home to leave.
I didn’t want anything else to do with her after that incident, but as always, she eventually weaseled her way back into my life, and we’ve had a couple of near misses since then, but generally speaking, we have been okay.
A couple of days ago, she calls me about my son’s test scores. His school had the highest testing scores in the state, and he had the highest scores of the whole sixth grade, scoring “perfect” on two out of the three. Of course I was excited – that’s a wonderful achievement – but my pride was shown to HIM, not all my friends. He don’t give a damn what my friends think about his shit LOL. All he cares about is HIS friends. So she mentioned something to me about wanting to do something for him, maybe a party or having him and his friends over for one of the movie nights they have in her apartment building, and I’m like cool, he’d probably like that. Do you know a day later, she emailing everybody on the planet – MASS emails – her grandson this, her grandson that, full name and address on blast, and then gonna email the principal of his school, trying to get information.
What are you doing? LOL
So I respond to her on one of the emails and I say, you know, Ma, I know you are proud and you want the world to know how great he is, but I’m not crazy about the approach. I’m feeling a little violated in the parental space. She writes back this morning flipping out. The conversation is no longer about her not following a proper chain of command where the school is concerned, or about my feeling stepped on. Now its about me not being “on my job” and how much she does for him and his sister. This is what its ALWAYS about.
I’m not on my job. Im sorry, Mother, are YOU the one riding him every day to make sure he is on top of his school work, helping him through the algebraic equations on his homework every day? Are you the one going to the PTA meetings and Exhibition Nights at his school? Are you chauffeuring him back and forth to this event or that event? No? Oh my fault, then you must be covering some of the bills back at the ranch, for us to be keeping the lights on and the roof paid for? No? Well damn, Mother, if I’m not on my job, SOMEBODY sure is, but that somebody doesn’t appear to be you. It’s quite possible that you don’t know WHAT THE FUCK YOURE TALKIN ABOUT!
I told her none of this is about my son deserving recognition. This is about HER wanting recognition, as if she had anything to do with it. This is about posturing for her colleagues, as much now as it was back when I was in school. Yeah I was the golden child too. I was the straight A student, the writer, the contest winner, the tournament champion, the homecoming queen and first baccalaureate in the family through years of emails and phone conversations that I’d overhear and roll my eyes about. That shit wasn’t about me either. It was about her, wanting to floss for people who wasn’t shit, and who I probably couldn’t stand. All she’s ever cared about is what them fake ass friends of hers thought and she kept a fake ass façade up for all them years because of it. We were never the fucken Cleavers, but she’d have a bitch thinking she came home from work every day and spent all evening in pearls and a fucken apron. The constituents are much fewer now, between relocations and fallouts, but she’s still frontin for the ones that are left and I don’t appreciate her trying to use my baby for that purpose.
So long story a little shorter, Im not fuckin wit her no more. Im done. All I initially wanted was for her to be a little more considerate of the pecking order when it comes to certain things, and she took that and turned it into some other shit. She is so fucken negative, everything gotta be a beef. Its like she sits in the wings, waiting to be able to say some left field shit so I can kirk the fuck out. I really feel like that’s what she wants. She takes a button and just presses and presses and presses, but too bad, I’m not gonna give her that. I’m also not gonna let her do to me what her mother did to her. She’ll never take anything from me and she’ll never infuse negativity and insecurity where I’ve been cultivating the opposite. I’m just not gonna allow it. So peace out, Ma Dukes. And if anybody’s looking for a mother’s day gift, I have an extra one you can have for the low-low…..
I’m just not gonna allow myself to be made to feel like less than what I know myself to be, and it doesn’t matter to me if the person guilty of that attempt is my mother. I’m not disrespectful to her - she’s more disrespectful to me. Sometimes I think she says stuff just to set me off, because she knows I make a conscious effort to not to retort, and she gets off on that shit. I remember her straight going off on me one night, in my own house, in front of my kids, because she was pissed off about somebody hitting her car and knocking off the sideview mirror. What the hell that got to do with me? Nothing, but it didn’t stop her from taking it out on me though. I didn’t curse her out in return - I just put her out LOL. Sorry. I feel like I’m well within my rights to ask ANYONE who is being disrespectful in my home to leave.
I didn’t want anything else to do with her after that incident, but as always, she eventually weaseled her way back into my life, and we’ve had a couple of near misses since then, but generally speaking, we have been okay.
A couple of days ago, she calls me about my son’s test scores. His school had the highest testing scores in the state, and he had the highest scores of the whole sixth grade, scoring “perfect” on two out of the three. Of course I was excited – that’s a wonderful achievement – but my pride was shown to HIM, not all my friends. He don’t give a damn what my friends think about his shit LOL. All he cares about is HIS friends. So she mentioned something to me about wanting to do something for him, maybe a party or having him and his friends over for one of the movie nights they have in her apartment building, and I’m like cool, he’d probably like that. Do you know a day later, she emailing everybody on the planet – MASS emails – her grandson this, her grandson that, full name and address on blast, and then gonna email the principal of his school, trying to get information.
What are you doing? LOL
So I respond to her on one of the emails and I say, you know, Ma, I know you are proud and you want the world to know how great he is, but I’m not crazy about the approach. I’m feeling a little violated in the parental space. She writes back this morning flipping out. The conversation is no longer about her not following a proper chain of command where the school is concerned, or about my feeling stepped on. Now its about me not being “on my job” and how much she does for him and his sister. This is what its ALWAYS about.
I’m not on my job. Im sorry, Mother, are YOU the one riding him every day to make sure he is on top of his school work, helping him through the algebraic equations on his homework every day? Are you the one going to the PTA meetings and Exhibition Nights at his school? Are you chauffeuring him back and forth to this event or that event? No? Oh my fault, then you must be covering some of the bills back at the ranch, for us to be keeping the lights on and the roof paid for? No? Well damn, Mother, if I’m not on my job, SOMEBODY sure is, but that somebody doesn’t appear to be you. It’s quite possible that you don’t know WHAT THE FUCK YOURE TALKIN ABOUT!
I told her none of this is about my son deserving recognition. This is about HER wanting recognition, as if she had anything to do with it. This is about posturing for her colleagues, as much now as it was back when I was in school. Yeah I was the golden child too. I was the straight A student, the writer, the contest winner, the tournament champion, the homecoming queen and first baccalaureate in the family through years of emails and phone conversations that I’d overhear and roll my eyes about. That shit wasn’t about me either. It was about her, wanting to floss for people who wasn’t shit, and who I probably couldn’t stand. All she’s ever cared about is what them fake ass friends of hers thought and she kept a fake ass façade up for all them years because of it. We were never the fucken Cleavers, but she’d have a bitch thinking she came home from work every day and spent all evening in pearls and a fucken apron. The constituents are much fewer now, between relocations and fallouts, but she’s still frontin for the ones that are left and I don’t appreciate her trying to use my baby for that purpose.
So long story a little shorter, Im not fuckin wit her no more. Im done. All I initially wanted was for her to be a little more considerate of the pecking order when it comes to certain things, and she took that and turned it into some other shit. She is so fucken negative, everything gotta be a beef. Its like she sits in the wings, waiting to be able to say some left field shit so I can kirk the fuck out. I really feel like that’s what she wants. She takes a button and just presses and presses and presses, but too bad, I’m not gonna give her that. I’m also not gonna let her do to me what her mother did to her. She’ll never take anything from me and she’ll never infuse negativity and insecurity where I’ve been cultivating the opposite. I’m just not gonna allow it. So peace out, Ma Dukes. And if anybody’s looking for a mother’s day gift, I have an extra one you can have for the low-low…..
Monday, April 26, 2010
Nerve
Once upon a time, my mama married a douche. Numerous unspeakable violations, a divorce and damn near thirty years later, this muthafucka wanna pop on Facebook, passing messages and shit.
My sister asked me a month or two ago if this cat had reached out to me on there. He hadnt, and I asked her why she was asking - you know, if he had tried to reach out to her - but I dont believe she ever responded and it slipped my mind in our subsequent conversations.
But then this morning, I log on and this fool had sent me a message saying "give your mother a hug and a kiss for me." Bitch, you tryna play me? My mother dont want no parts of you and I damn sure dont. Give her a hug and a kiss - GTFOH! His page name is a frat handle, there's no pic, and the year of birth is at least ten years younger than his actual, so twenty to one, he's still a douche.
I go to hit my sister up and tell her he messaged me and this nicca all up on the wall: "it was great to hear your voice..." ARE YOU FUCKIN KIDDING ME???? She actually SPOKE to this muthafucka??? COME ON SON!
Real talk tho, he's got an angle. I dont know what it is and it might be hard to figure it out cause I have no intention of responding to this or any other message this bastard ass bastard sends to me, but I know he up to something. I know he is. He can fuck around if he want to. Thats all Im sayin.
My sister asked me a month or two ago if this cat had reached out to me on there. He hadnt, and I asked her why she was asking - you know, if he had tried to reach out to her - but I dont believe she ever responded and it slipped my mind in our subsequent conversations.
But then this morning, I log on and this fool had sent me a message saying "give your mother a hug and a kiss for me." Bitch, you tryna play me? My mother dont want no parts of you and I damn sure dont. Give her a hug and a kiss - GTFOH! His page name is a frat handle, there's no pic, and the year of birth is at least ten years younger than his actual, so twenty to one, he's still a douche.
I go to hit my sister up and tell her he messaged me and this nicca all up on the wall: "it was great to hear your voice..." ARE YOU FUCKIN KIDDING ME???? She actually SPOKE to this muthafucka??? COME ON SON!
Real talk tho, he's got an angle. I dont know what it is and it might be hard to figure it out cause I have no intention of responding to this or any other message this bastard ass bastard sends to me, but I know he up to something. I know he is. He can fuck around if he want to. Thats all Im sayin.
Irritated..... Again
Ok.
Now I like to think that I am a very compassionate person. I believe most people would agree. However, there are times when I just cant be that for you. There are times that I simply must refuse to be a part of your bullshit, and in those instances, only one of two things is going to happen. I either ignore you, to keep from telling you about yourself, or I just say ‘fuck it’ and tell you about yourself LOL. People don’t tend to like the latter LOL.
But here’s my thing: we all got problems. Yours ain’t no more important than mine, and trust: I got problems of my own. It’s totally different in “couch” capacity. If you’re coming to me for advice, this doesn’t apply to you. If you come to me for an ear – AND REQUEST CLEARANCE LOL – this also does not apply to you. However, if you just take it upon yourself to MAKE me your sounding board without my buy-in, you are likely to find yourself on the receiving end of one of the above to repercussions.
I absolutely cannot stand for somebody to start a conversation bitching. How bout “good morning?” How bout you find out if I can even talk right now, or take a nanosecond and gauge the type of mood I might be in? If I’m in a bad mood, you might wanna keep it moving and if I’m in a good mood, I might not want you fuckin up my shit! How bout that? Then they get to complaining. I’m like “I feel you. I, myself….[insert related circumstance]….so I know exactly what you mean,” then here it comes: “Yeah but I….” Or “Yeah but MINE….”
staring into the camera
I’m trying to empathize with you and what do you do? You come back and minimize my situation, telling me how much worse off your shit is than mine. WTF is that about? I’m tryna make YOU feel better, letting you know you aint the only one whose shit is fucked up and do you appreciate the effort? Of course not. Cause everything is about you and you are just determined to be the biggest loser. Go’n head with that. Im not gonna entertain at your pity party. You have two choices in effecting your situation: make a move that you have the ability to make or pray and hope God works it out LOL. What else can you do? LOL I know what you CANT do – you cant talk me to death about it, cause Im just not gon do it. Some of yall just need to stop being so damn selfish. There are a lotta people in this world worse off than you. Be glad you have bills – it means you have a house/car/lights. Be glad your feet hurt, it means you have feet. You see where Im going. Stop fucking complaining all the time. It aint gonna get you nowhere but my voicemail. Im just sayin.
Now I like to think that I am a very compassionate person. I believe most people would agree. However, there are times when I just cant be that for you. There are times that I simply must refuse to be a part of your bullshit, and in those instances, only one of two things is going to happen. I either ignore you, to keep from telling you about yourself, or I just say ‘fuck it’ and tell you about yourself LOL. People don’t tend to like the latter LOL.
But here’s my thing: we all got problems. Yours ain’t no more important than mine, and trust: I got problems of my own. It’s totally different in “couch” capacity. If you’re coming to me for advice, this doesn’t apply to you. If you come to me for an ear – AND REQUEST CLEARANCE LOL – this also does not apply to you. However, if you just take it upon yourself to MAKE me your sounding board without my buy-in, you are likely to find yourself on the receiving end of one of the above to repercussions.
I absolutely cannot stand for somebody to start a conversation bitching. How bout “good morning?” How bout you find out if I can even talk right now, or take a nanosecond and gauge the type of mood I might be in? If I’m in a bad mood, you might wanna keep it moving and if I’m in a good mood, I might not want you fuckin up my shit! How bout that? Then they get to complaining. I’m like “I feel you. I, myself….[insert related circumstance]….so I know exactly what you mean,” then here it comes: “Yeah but I….” Or “Yeah but MINE….”
staring into the camera
I’m trying to empathize with you and what do you do? You come back and minimize my situation, telling me how much worse off your shit is than mine. WTF is that about? I’m tryna make YOU feel better, letting you know you aint the only one whose shit is fucked up and do you appreciate the effort? Of course not. Cause everything is about you and you are just determined to be the biggest loser. Go’n head with that. Im not gonna entertain at your pity party. You have two choices in effecting your situation: make a move that you have the ability to make or pray and hope God works it out LOL. What else can you do? LOL I know what you CANT do – you cant talk me to death about it, cause Im just not gon do it. Some of yall just need to stop being so damn selfish. There are a lotta people in this world worse off than you. Be glad you have bills – it means you have a house/car/lights. Be glad your feet hurt, it means you have feet. You see where Im going. Stop fucking complaining all the time. It aint gonna get you nowhere but my voicemail. Im just sayin.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Really, Chilli? LOL
So Im watching this VH1 show, "What Chilli Wants." Do yall watch this show? I find myself tuning into it every week, but I gotta tell ya, this girl gets on my damn nerves!
I mean, we all have a general idea of what we like or what we would be looking for in a person, but this chick has so many "must be's" on her checklist, it dont make no damn sense. Especially since the shit she wants aint got a damn thing to do with the fiber of a man. Missy had me cracking up, cause she said exactly what I was thinking: Well Jesus aint available, and Obama's already taken, so..... LOL This chick is outta her mind. And Im a little disappointed too, because I've always liked her. Now she's coming off all goody-two-shoe and I dont like it.
The most I've liked her was this week, when she finally admitted that she has been thinking about her friend, Floyd (Mayweather) in more of a romantic light lately and wants to see where they might be able to take the relationship. Then she was honest, and vulnerable, and a lot more likable. Too bad he's an asshole and stood her up on the date where she planned to confess her feelings. Dude, he just forgot? Really? And he lives in Vegas and he didnt even come to see your first stateside show in seven years - IN VEGAS? Floyd was somewhere gettin him some booty, girl LOL.
It did get me thinking though. Whats too much to expect? I mean you cant expect to build a man from the ground up, like he's gonna be just perfectly everything you want. Thats not to say you cant find it, but thats some shit you just stumble across, and interestingly enough, tends to be a friend turned lover situation, more often than not. To LOOK for that in a random person, I believe, youre setting yourself up for disappointment. People are imperfect. Period. You shouldnt settle, by any means, but I think its more about finding someone whose imperfections complement yours. Should you even have a list? Or should you just treat every situation like an audition? I kinda lean toward the latter.
I do have a handful of things that are mandatory, but they're not things only 1% of the population can pull off LOL. Mine is shit like "have a job" LOL. Thats doable right? LOL "Dont be a crackhead." Again, doable LOL. The biggest stretch might be "be funny, not stupid." That's gonna eliminate some people. That's gonna eliminate people who dont even know they're eliminated LOL. You know people think they funny and they are so not LOL. Im just sayin.
But I do go into things more like an audition, simply because, I find I like things that I didnt know I would. I also hate things about people that I didnt know I would. Strangely enough, I also like things in some people that I hate in others LOL. I know, makes absolutely no sense, but this is me we're talking about here LOL. But yes, its like an audition. No script, no pretense, just show me what you got. I take what a guy gives me and I chew on it..... oooh, that did not sound right LOL. You know what I meant LOL..... I see what someone is bringing to the table, and I decide if its something I want to explore. Am I already seeing things I dont like - red flags, if you will? Do I even believe what he's saying to me? Am I feeling any chemistry? Does he leave me wanting to know more? I mean, to me, it shouldnt be all that difficult. While you steady waiting to check shit off your list, somebody else is out there giving your potential mate a chance. TALKING to him, despite the fact that he might eat pork LOL. Like you cant work on that later, get your checklist life together, Chilli!!! LOL
I mean, we all have a general idea of what we like or what we would be looking for in a person, but this chick has so many "must be's" on her checklist, it dont make no damn sense. Especially since the shit she wants aint got a damn thing to do with the fiber of a man. Missy had me cracking up, cause she said exactly what I was thinking: Well Jesus aint available, and Obama's already taken, so..... LOL This chick is outta her mind. And Im a little disappointed too, because I've always liked her. Now she's coming off all goody-two-shoe and I dont like it.
The most I've liked her was this week, when she finally admitted that she has been thinking about her friend, Floyd (Mayweather) in more of a romantic light lately and wants to see where they might be able to take the relationship. Then she was honest, and vulnerable, and a lot more likable. Too bad he's an asshole and stood her up on the date where she planned to confess her feelings. Dude, he just forgot? Really? And he lives in Vegas and he didnt even come to see your first stateside show in seven years - IN VEGAS? Floyd was somewhere gettin him some booty, girl LOL.
It did get me thinking though. Whats too much to expect? I mean you cant expect to build a man from the ground up, like he's gonna be just perfectly everything you want. Thats not to say you cant find it, but thats some shit you just stumble across, and interestingly enough, tends to be a friend turned lover situation, more often than not. To LOOK for that in a random person, I believe, youre setting yourself up for disappointment. People are imperfect. Period. You shouldnt settle, by any means, but I think its more about finding someone whose imperfections complement yours. Should you even have a list? Or should you just treat every situation like an audition? I kinda lean toward the latter.
I do have a handful of things that are mandatory, but they're not things only 1% of the population can pull off LOL. Mine is shit like "have a job" LOL. Thats doable right? LOL "Dont be a crackhead." Again, doable LOL. The biggest stretch might be "be funny, not stupid." That's gonna eliminate some people. That's gonna eliminate people who dont even know they're eliminated LOL. You know people think they funny and they are so not LOL. Im just sayin.
But I do go into things more like an audition, simply because, I find I like things that I didnt know I would. I also hate things about people that I didnt know I would. Strangely enough, I also like things in some people that I hate in others LOL. I know, makes absolutely no sense, but this is me we're talking about here LOL. But yes, its like an audition. No script, no pretense, just show me what you got. I take what a guy gives me and I chew on it..... oooh, that did not sound right LOL. You know what I meant LOL..... I see what someone is bringing to the table, and I decide if its something I want to explore. Am I already seeing things I dont like - red flags, if you will? Do I even believe what he's saying to me? Am I feeling any chemistry? Does he leave me wanting to know more? I mean, to me, it shouldnt be all that difficult. While you steady waiting to check shit off your list, somebody else is out there giving your potential mate a chance. TALKING to him, despite the fact that he might eat pork LOL. Like you cant work on that later, get your checklist life together, Chilli!!! LOL
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Live Your Life
"I dont know what the key to success is, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."
Somebody noteworthy said that, but I cant remember who and Im not looking it up LOL. The point is, you cant ever be happy doing what everybody else wants or expects you to do. I know there are points in life where you feel obligated to carry the family torch, or live up to society's expectations, but how are you going to get to your own truth when youre following a blueprint to somebody else's?
Live your damn life. Im just sayin.
Somebody noteworthy said that, but I cant remember who and Im not looking it up LOL. The point is, you cant ever be happy doing what everybody else wants or expects you to do. I know there are points in life where you feel obligated to carry the family torch, or live up to society's expectations, but how are you going to get to your own truth when youre following a blueprint to somebody else's?
Live your damn life. Im just sayin.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Special, My Ass
So this restaurant is running a special this month - kids eat free, Tuesday thru Saturday, between 4pm and 10pm. My pockets are tapped, so going out to eat was the last thing on my mind, but my son wanted to go, so he's like "I got you, Mom." Love that boy. Really mad he's got money like that to be "gettin me" when Im broke, but I digress.
Anyway, we go. We sit down and the waitress brings us our drinks. I confirm the special and she tells me yes, that is the special. Then she says, "Well.... actually, since there is only one adult, only one kid can eat for free, and they have to order off the kids menu." Ok the kids menu, I get, but seriously? I got TWO kids. Why only one of em get to eat free just cause I neglected to bring a friend? LOL Thats some hokey pokey bullshit right there, but again, I digress.
It literally takes forever (yes, literally LOL) for the food to come out and disaster sets in. I dont eat pork. Why is there sausage in my shit? How do I know its not turkey sausage? Simple - they dont have turkey sausage. She takes it back. Returns with another omelette in like 2 minutes. Now there's these big ass green peppers. Didnt order big ass green peppers. Did you give me somebody else's omelette? Probably, but fuck it. I can do peppers. Wish they werent the size of my purse, but whatever.
Baby's got pancakes, sitting there smearing the butter on em and cutting em into pieces. Ten minutes later, "Mommy, something's missing." We all look around the table - the bitch never brought her any syrup LOL. She sitting there, chewing, mouth all stuck together from some dry ass pancakes LOL. Now as many times as we have eaten at this place, EVERY time pancakes are ordered, the syrup comes out with the ketchup and the hot sauce, before the food even does. No syrup. On top of that, she done brought me a pitcher of lukewarm coffee, which, by the time it hits the cup, is cold.
Shorty got salmon with this sauce on it that he clearly wanted on the side AND she forgot my toast. The couple that came in a couple of minutes behind us ended up leaving because they had theater tickets and the chick was taking so long. She was just a mess. Then she brings our check and I see the extra side of bacon my baby got that she told us would be free. Ok so if you were unable to make it be free with her meal, why wouldnt you tell me that so I could decide if I wanted to pay for it or not? You just bring it, let her eat it and add it to the bill? AND I gotta pay for the green damn peppers that I didnt ask for because they are the fourth item in a three-item omelette? Word, bitch? Well somebody done told you wrong.
Now let me tell yall something about me: Im a GREAT tipper. The only time Im not is when my service is shitty, and even then I still leave SOMETHING. But I have been known to leave a bitch a note LOL. Ask my kids, they'll tell you. They still make jokes to this day about the broad in Applebees who I left a note for after her shitty ass service, and she is lucky thats all I did, because I could have had her ass fired for the shit she was doing. I was about to pull out my trusty notepad when I overheard her telling the couple behind me that this was her first day out there by herself. My son and I looked at each other, both trying to decide whether that made a difference. In the end, we threw her a break and tipped her anyway, without the note, but we got that damn bacon off the bill and them damn peppers too, AND we got a free cookie out of the deal. I probably should have itemized everything and brought it all to her attention so she could work on it, but I spend enough time at the office doing other people's jobs, so we took our cookie and dipped. Somebody will break it down for her though, and she better hope its someone with some concern for her feelings. I usually do the deed to prevent a future blow up by someone else, but dammit, even I need a day off....
Anyway, we go. We sit down and the waitress brings us our drinks. I confirm the special and she tells me yes, that is the special. Then she says, "Well.... actually, since there is only one adult, only one kid can eat for free, and they have to order off the kids menu." Ok the kids menu, I get, but seriously? I got TWO kids. Why only one of em get to eat free just cause I neglected to bring a friend? LOL Thats some hokey pokey bullshit right there, but again, I digress.
It literally takes forever (yes, literally LOL) for the food to come out and disaster sets in. I dont eat pork. Why is there sausage in my shit? How do I know its not turkey sausage? Simple - they dont have turkey sausage. She takes it back. Returns with another omelette in like 2 minutes. Now there's these big ass green peppers. Didnt order big ass green peppers. Did you give me somebody else's omelette? Probably, but fuck it. I can do peppers. Wish they werent the size of my purse, but whatever.
Baby's got pancakes, sitting there smearing the butter on em and cutting em into pieces. Ten minutes later, "Mommy, something's missing." We all look around the table - the bitch never brought her any syrup LOL. She sitting there, chewing, mouth all stuck together from some dry ass pancakes LOL. Now as many times as we have eaten at this place, EVERY time pancakes are ordered, the syrup comes out with the ketchup and the hot sauce, before the food even does. No syrup. On top of that, she done brought me a pitcher of lukewarm coffee, which, by the time it hits the cup, is cold.
Shorty got salmon with this sauce on it that he clearly wanted on the side AND she forgot my toast. The couple that came in a couple of minutes behind us ended up leaving because they had theater tickets and the chick was taking so long. She was just a mess. Then she brings our check and I see the extra side of bacon my baby got that she told us would be free. Ok so if you were unable to make it be free with her meal, why wouldnt you tell me that so I could decide if I wanted to pay for it or not? You just bring it, let her eat it and add it to the bill? AND I gotta pay for the green damn peppers that I didnt ask for because they are the fourth item in a three-item omelette? Word, bitch? Well somebody done told you wrong.
Now let me tell yall something about me: Im a GREAT tipper. The only time Im not is when my service is shitty, and even then I still leave SOMETHING. But I have been known to leave a bitch a note LOL. Ask my kids, they'll tell you. They still make jokes to this day about the broad in Applebees who I left a note for after her shitty ass service, and she is lucky thats all I did, because I could have had her ass fired for the shit she was doing. I was about to pull out my trusty notepad when I overheard her telling the couple behind me that this was her first day out there by herself. My son and I looked at each other, both trying to decide whether that made a difference. In the end, we threw her a break and tipped her anyway, without the note, but we got that damn bacon off the bill and them damn peppers too, AND we got a free cookie out of the deal. I probably should have itemized everything and brought it all to her attention so she could work on it, but I spend enough time at the office doing other people's jobs, so we took our cookie and dipped. Somebody will break it down for her though, and she better hope its someone with some concern for her feelings. I usually do the deed to prevent a future blow up by someone else, but dammit, even I need a day off....
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Winded
He's in jail. He's been there since September, and I dont know when he's getting out.
The plea he took was for 3 to 5, but a law is in motion that could send him home with time served. The strategy up til now has been to keep pushing the sentencing back, allowing time for the powers that be to vote the new law into the books. There's only one vote left before it becomes a reality, but he's tired of being where he is and thinks he might just want to get it over with. I suggested he push things out one last time - it's bound to pass soon - but I've never been in his position, so who am I to tell him not to risk the waste of 3 years of his life, when he feels his existence is wasting away NOW?
This was my first visit in all those months. He'd tried to get me out there a few times before, but there was always some reason I couldnt go. I decided nothing would stop me this time because I needed to see for myself how he was doing. Voices on the other ends of phone calls can be deceiving. He looks good - thin though. His skin is all broken out from the razors his skin never could handle, but a man's gotta shave.
We talked and laughed for 45 minutes before the business of business set in. How are the kids? You alright? You need anything? Things havent been great on my end of the world, but Im doing better than him. I chose not to burden him. He's got his own fight to fight.
The hour ended abruptly and all the air left the room. An awkward hug goodbye, with the knowledge that there wouldnt be another for quite some time. I wasnt ready to go, and all at once, couldnt wait to get out of there. The first steps away from the glass were heavy and difficult, but the closer I got to the door, the more I began to suffocate. Cant this guard move any faster? I didnt turn to look back. My eyes were burning, which is never good. The door opened and I was out. Keys from the basket, coat from the hanger, and out into the wind in my face. That was the first breath I remembered taking in almost ten minutes. I felt like I was running to the car - maybe I was, I dont know. Pop the keyless entry, into the driver's seat, the door slams and the world disappears.
I cried hard for five minutes before pulling out of the lot, less hard for another ten, driving along 96, and fought it for another ten after that, feeling like the car was driving itself. I didnt turn the radio on - that far out, none of the stations really worked anyway. I thought about a lot of things for the next hour, fighting to keep the car from blowing off the road. Most of it had nothing to do with him. Why should it? He's in jail. He's been there since September, and I dont know when he's getting out.
The plea he took was for 3 to 5, but a law is in motion that could send him home with time served. The strategy up til now has been to keep pushing the sentencing back, allowing time for the powers that be to vote the new law into the books. There's only one vote left before it becomes a reality, but he's tired of being where he is and thinks he might just want to get it over with. I suggested he push things out one last time - it's bound to pass soon - but I've never been in his position, so who am I to tell him not to risk the waste of 3 years of his life, when he feels his existence is wasting away NOW?
This was my first visit in all those months. He'd tried to get me out there a few times before, but there was always some reason I couldnt go. I decided nothing would stop me this time because I needed to see for myself how he was doing. Voices on the other ends of phone calls can be deceiving. He looks good - thin though. His skin is all broken out from the razors his skin never could handle, but a man's gotta shave.
We talked and laughed for 45 minutes before the business of business set in. How are the kids? You alright? You need anything? Things havent been great on my end of the world, but Im doing better than him. I chose not to burden him. He's got his own fight to fight.
The hour ended abruptly and all the air left the room. An awkward hug goodbye, with the knowledge that there wouldnt be another for quite some time. I wasnt ready to go, and all at once, couldnt wait to get out of there. The first steps away from the glass were heavy and difficult, but the closer I got to the door, the more I began to suffocate. Cant this guard move any faster? I didnt turn to look back. My eyes were burning, which is never good. The door opened and I was out. Keys from the basket, coat from the hanger, and out into the wind in my face. That was the first breath I remembered taking in almost ten minutes. I felt like I was running to the car - maybe I was, I dont know. Pop the keyless entry, into the driver's seat, the door slams and the world disappears.
I cried hard for five minutes before pulling out of the lot, less hard for another ten, driving along 96, and fought it for another ten after that, feeling like the car was driving itself. I didnt turn the radio on - that far out, none of the stations really worked anyway. I thought about a lot of things for the next hour, fighting to keep the car from blowing off the road. Most of it had nothing to do with him. Why should it? He's in jail. He's been there since September, and I dont know when he's getting out.
Friday, April 16, 2010
What a Difference....
...a day makes.
I felt like shit yesterday. Physically, mentally, emotionally - through and through. Seemed like nothing in my life was where it oughta be and I really just wanted to get in my bed and sleep til June, in hopes of shit being better by then.
But this morning, I woke up at a quarter of six, feeling fabulous, for no reason at all, and I couldnt help to think about the crazy guy I met yesterday, who could talk about nothing positive, except the sex with his new girlfriend, who occasionally hates him. It made me think about all the people in the world who have committed suicide, straight giving up one day. What would have happened if they just held on for one more day? Could they have possibly awaken feeling fabulous? Would things suddenly not seem half bad? Kinda makes me sad, but it makes me glad that Im no quitter. Im glad I know that there is always tomorrow. I wish everyone thought that way. Theres never a guarantee we'll live to see it as it is - take your chances. The universe doesnt need any help.
Just a thought.
I felt like shit yesterday. Physically, mentally, emotionally - through and through. Seemed like nothing in my life was where it oughta be and I really just wanted to get in my bed and sleep til June, in hopes of shit being better by then.
But this morning, I woke up at a quarter of six, feeling fabulous, for no reason at all, and I couldnt help to think about the crazy guy I met yesterday, who could talk about nothing positive, except the sex with his new girlfriend, who occasionally hates him. It made me think about all the people in the world who have committed suicide, straight giving up one day. What would have happened if they just held on for one more day? Could they have possibly awaken feeling fabulous? Would things suddenly not seem half bad? Kinda makes me sad, but it makes me glad that Im no quitter. Im glad I know that there is always tomorrow. I wish everyone thought that way. Theres never a guarantee we'll live to see it as it is - take your chances. The universe doesnt need any help.
Just a thought.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Man Gone Mad
Ever look at yourself in the mirror and think you need to get your life together? Yeah, me too. But there is always somebody who comes along and makes you realize just how bad things COULD be, and makes you grateful.
I was in the field today at the job, riding through the community with one of my techs, dropping in customers, winning back business and that type of thing. I had never met this man before today, but I think I know everything there is to know about this fool after the last six hours being with him, and from the intel I collected, that is NOT a good thing. If I just met him today and I learned all this stuff, he better not ever piss off any of his friends at the job, because guarantee they know all this too, and his ass would be toast.
First of all, dude WREAKED of last night's drinking binge. Im talking about it was oozing from his pours. Face all flushed red, eyes all bloodshot still, just a mess. He tells me how his girlfriend hung up on him last night and Im like "for what?" "Oh cause I said I wanna kill myself."
*blank stare*
Really? I didnt know whether to laugh or what, cause he couldnt be serious, but later, I realized he was. He made mention of wanting to kill himself several times throughout the day, but laughed about it, like it was funny. Dude has some serious problems.
His wife left him and has been trying to divorce him for two years, and finally got that completed in the last couple of weeks. Why'd she divorce him? He wouldnt go to rehab.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Rehab is for fags."
*staring into the camera*
Look here, Mr. Winehouse, IDK bout that, but you need to go SOMEWHERE cause you aint right. You're sitting here telling me you were pissed off at your girlfriend last night for hanging up on you and you drove around looking for some coke, but couldnt find any, so you went home and drank some more, fell asleep, woke up at 2am and drank some more, and came in to work at 7:30? Really? And let's not even mention how many times he got on FB while we were out, checking her FB status. At one point it said something to the effect of "Lord give me strength, my angel wings are slipping, Im not gonna be the recepticle for people's bullshit." This dude spent 15 minutes trying to read into it and figure out what she meant, so he could make a comment on it. It's not rocket science, dude, she clearly is having a bad day - maybe week - and is about to flip out if things dont start to turn around, but not everything she ever says on here is gonna be about you, so stop reading into it. You just spoke to her and she was fine with you, so its probably your own insecurity with yourself and having a girlfriend who's way hotter than you think you deserve that's making you think that.
Get your life.
He told me a whole slew of other shit that I dont even have the strength to repeat here, but bottom line, dude needs to seek professional help, because I believe he will one day be successful at killing himself, even if its not on purpose.
*Adding one more to the prayer list*
He just doesnt care about himself. That's scary. No matter how fucked up I may think things are in my life, Im not ever gonna be in a space like that. If nothing else with my name next to it has any value, my life does. This dude's got kids, like 13 and 9 or something like that, not too far off from my kids' ages. I cant imagine having the mindset he has. But he's talking about how he wants love in his life. Dude, you need to have love FOR your life before you can bring somebody else's love into it. If you dont think you're worth loving, why should some random woman who has problems of her own? She aint gonna love you for free, baby, she's gonna be looking for some love in return, and you just aint got none to spare.
And its a damn shame. *smh*
I was in the field today at the job, riding through the community with one of my techs, dropping in customers, winning back business and that type of thing. I had never met this man before today, but I think I know everything there is to know about this fool after the last six hours being with him, and from the intel I collected, that is NOT a good thing. If I just met him today and I learned all this stuff, he better not ever piss off any of his friends at the job, because guarantee they know all this too, and his ass would be toast.
First of all, dude WREAKED of last night's drinking binge. Im talking about it was oozing from his pours. Face all flushed red, eyes all bloodshot still, just a mess. He tells me how his girlfriend hung up on him last night and Im like "for what?" "Oh cause I said I wanna kill myself."
*blank stare*
Really? I didnt know whether to laugh or what, cause he couldnt be serious, but later, I realized he was. He made mention of wanting to kill himself several times throughout the day, but laughed about it, like it was funny. Dude has some serious problems.
His wife left him and has been trying to divorce him for two years, and finally got that completed in the last couple of weeks. Why'd she divorce him? He wouldnt go to rehab.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"Rehab is for fags."
*staring into the camera*
Look here, Mr. Winehouse, IDK bout that, but you need to go SOMEWHERE cause you aint right. You're sitting here telling me you were pissed off at your girlfriend last night for hanging up on you and you drove around looking for some coke, but couldnt find any, so you went home and drank some more, fell asleep, woke up at 2am and drank some more, and came in to work at 7:30? Really? And let's not even mention how many times he got on FB while we were out, checking her FB status. At one point it said something to the effect of "Lord give me strength, my angel wings are slipping, Im not gonna be the recepticle for people's bullshit." This dude spent 15 minutes trying to read into it and figure out what she meant, so he could make a comment on it. It's not rocket science, dude, she clearly is having a bad day - maybe week - and is about to flip out if things dont start to turn around, but not everything she ever says on here is gonna be about you, so stop reading into it. You just spoke to her and she was fine with you, so its probably your own insecurity with yourself and having a girlfriend who's way hotter than you think you deserve that's making you think that.
Get your life.
He told me a whole slew of other shit that I dont even have the strength to repeat here, but bottom line, dude needs to seek professional help, because I believe he will one day be successful at killing himself, even if its not on purpose.
*Adding one more to the prayer list*
He just doesnt care about himself. That's scary. No matter how fucked up I may think things are in my life, Im not ever gonna be in a space like that. If nothing else with my name next to it has any value, my life does. This dude's got kids, like 13 and 9 or something like that, not too far off from my kids' ages. I cant imagine having the mindset he has. But he's talking about how he wants love in his life. Dude, you need to have love FOR your life before you can bring somebody else's love into it. If you dont think you're worth loving, why should some random woman who has problems of her own? She aint gonna love you for free, baby, she's gonna be looking for some love in return, and you just aint got none to spare.
And its a damn shame. *smh*
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
#FML
Maybe its me.
It might be me...... but one thing that makes me wanna stab a man in the eye more than most anything else.... let me just tell you what happened.
Im on the video chat with my pseudo-sig right? He was acting brand new over the weekend, so you know, I gave him the business a little bit. You know what this fool had the nerve to ask me?
"Are you on your period?"
*__*
Excuse me??? (that's what I said to him LOL) He gonna try to clean it up and say he remembers me saying I was gonna have it this week, and plus I seemed a little emotional.
Again - EXCUSE ME???? LOL All I could manage to do was laugh, but I really did wanna stab him with a rusty butter knife LOL. Emotional. Im emotional? Ok.... (and if you know anything about when a black woman ends a conversation with "ok" then I dont need to tell you that by the time the conversation was over, he had changed his clubbing plans to stay home and talk to me all night, and he was still texting me when we got offline). Muthafucka LOL. He got his nerve.
Then I get to work today, determined to have a good day because the last few have been so shitty, and these people are making it their purpose in life to not have me succeed LOL. Im at my desk and this tech supervisor calls me on the phone, asking if Im coming out to do the community walk with her. Um...... no, LOL. "That's tomorrow." She wants to sit there and go back and forth with me about whether I was scheduled to go today or tomorrow. "Look, I know I wouldnt have scheduled myself for today because I have appointments this afternoon. You dont remember calling me yesterday and asking me if it was today or tomorrow and I said tomorrow?" "No," and proceeded to tell me about somebody else she had scheduled for whatever. I dont care nothing bout somebody else's schedule, Im tellin YOU, "Im not on for today, and its right here in my Outlook, Im lookin at it right now."
*crickets*
"Ok well tomorrow at 9, then?" "Yes, Michelle." *sigh*
THEN LOL.....THEN I get an email from this guy asking me to call him. He's not one of my customers but a colleague of mine asked me to work with him. Fine. I call the guy and he's looking for information he coulda got from customer service. I hate when people call in favors from me that they dont need. Play your hand better! LOL
Anyway, in the midst of me giving the guy the information he's asking for, he goes into a damn rant about how my company is not competitive (pricewise) and how we conned him into a 3yr contract and its so ridiculous LOL. Really? "Ok sir, well let me explain something to you - the term pricing is much better than the month-to-month pricing, so a customer so interested in his bottom line is more likely to be concerned about the money he's saving than the length of the term he's on. Furthermore, this agreement keeps your pricing the same, for the life of the term, even if we decide to end the promotion you signed up for." He basically ignored everything I had just said and continued to complain about our prices and how one of our major competitors is not only cheaper, but has better service. Then he asked me to send him pricing for a new line and satellite TV............
*staring into the camera*
............cause with our prices being so high and our service being crappy, asking me to send you pricing for additional services is just the natural thing to do LOL.
I'm being punk'd. I gotta be.
It might be me...... but one thing that makes me wanna stab a man in the eye more than most anything else.... let me just tell you what happened.
Im on the video chat with my pseudo-sig right? He was acting brand new over the weekend, so you know, I gave him the business a little bit. You know what this fool had the nerve to ask me?
"Are you on your period?"
*__*
Excuse me??? (that's what I said to him LOL) He gonna try to clean it up and say he remembers me saying I was gonna have it this week, and plus I seemed a little emotional.
Again - EXCUSE ME???? LOL All I could manage to do was laugh, but I really did wanna stab him with a rusty butter knife LOL. Emotional. Im emotional? Ok.... (and if you know anything about when a black woman ends a conversation with "ok" then I dont need to tell you that by the time the conversation was over, he had changed his clubbing plans to stay home and talk to me all night, and he was still texting me when we got offline). Muthafucka LOL. He got his nerve.
Then I get to work today, determined to have a good day because the last few have been so shitty, and these people are making it their purpose in life to not have me succeed LOL. Im at my desk and this tech supervisor calls me on the phone, asking if Im coming out to do the community walk with her. Um...... no, LOL. "That's tomorrow." She wants to sit there and go back and forth with me about whether I was scheduled to go today or tomorrow. "Look, I know I wouldnt have scheduled myself for today because I have appointments this afternoon. You dont remember calling me yesterday and asking me if it was today or tomorrow and I said tomorrow?" "No," and proceeded to tell me about somebody else she had scheduled for whatever. I dont care nothing bout somebody else's schedule, Im tellin YOU, "Im not on for today, and its right here in my Outlook, Im lookin at it right now."
*crickets*
"Ok well tomorrow at 9, then?" "Yes, Michelle." *sigh*
THEN LOL.....THEN I get an email from this guy asking me to call him. He's not one of my customers but a colleague of mine asked me to work with him. Fine. I call the guy and he's looking for information he coulda got from customer service. I hate when people call in favors from me that they dont need. Play your hand better! LOL
Anyway, in the midst of me giving the guy the information he's asking for, he goes into a damn rant about how my company is not competitive (pricewise) and how we conned him into a 3yr contract and its so ridiculous LOL. Really? "Ok sir, well let me explain something to you - the term pricing is much better than the month-to-month pricing, so a customer so interested in his bottom line is more likely to be concerned about the money he's saving than the length of the term he's on. Furthermore, this agreement keeps your pricing the same, for the life of the term, even if we decide to end the promotion you signed up for." He basically ignored everything I had just said and continued to complain about our prices and how one of our major competitors is not only cheaper, but has better service. Then he asked me to send him pricing for a new line and satellite TV............
*staring into the camera*
............cause with our prices being so high and our service being crappy, asking me to send you pricing for additional services is just the natural thing to do LOL.
I'm being punk'd. I gotta be.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Beautiful
So hoping this doesnt get deleted, but this is the new video from Vivian Green. The song is called "Beautiful" and, my God, it has to be the most beautiful song I've heard in a very long time. Cant listen to it when Im thinking too hard or I'll be in here killing boxes of kleenex, but I have to say: if there is any woman - or person, for that matter - who can't relate to this song, something is really wrong with you LOL. When you go through those character-building romantic experiences and finally find yourself over it, this really is where you find yourself.... sometimes all you can do is wish someone the best.
Here are the lyrics:
I dont wanna waste an entire album on you
Ive been there
Done That, yeah
And I dont wanna tell who, what, when, where, why and how
Cause who cares?
No, nobody cares
But I hope you soon find out how to love
Once upon a time you wanted to learn
I thought I could teach but you were more afraid than willing
So when it comes, dont push it away
One day you will find it is the greatest gift
And I hope you dont take advantage of it again
Hold her when she wants to be held
Dont yell at her when she's only trying to love you, oh
Take her to her favorite place
More often than not
Dont take her kindness for weakness
Cause Im sure she'll love you a lot
Support her in all that she does
Dont tear her down, lift her up
Cause that is the worst thing you can do to someone you love
Put her high on a pedastal
And tell her when she looks beautiful
Tell her when she looks beautiful
I use to think that I could not bear you to be with anyone but me
But I've been there
Done that, yeah
And since then Ive come to think silly of that whole mentality
I still wanna find love too
Though it wont be with you
I wish for everyone to one day find happiness and love
Including you, yeah
And I dont wanna go into details cause I've said enough
And its not my intent to hurt you, no
But I hope you soon find out how to love
Once upon a time you wanted to learn
I thought I could teach you but you were more afraid than willing
So when it comes, dont push it away
One day you will find it is the greatest gift
And I hope you dont take advantage of it again
Hold her when she wants to be held
Dont yell at her when she's only trying to love you, oh
Take her to her favorite place
More often than not
Dont take her kindness for weakness
Cause Im sure she'll love you a lot
Support her in all that she does
Dont tear her down, lift her up
Cause that is the worst thing you can do to someone you love
Put her high on a pedastal
And tell her when she looks beautiful
Tell her when she looks beautiful
Monday, April 12, 2010
Well I'll Be Damned
Its funny.
"The Water Cooler" is the talking segment of our local radio morning show. They discuss everything from politics, local school systems, financial strategies, reclaiming our streets - whatever there might be to discuss.
Well on Mondays, this guy named Adam is always on, and generally speaking, I cant stand him LOL. I mean I hate the sound of his voice, the mention of his name, EVERYTHING. This guy can be the biggest dick ever on certain topics, and he has a tendency to have tunnel vision. He doesnt always take into account another person's perspective on an issue, he just feels how he feels and to hell with anyone who disagrees. To let him tell it, he's just being "real" and "telling it like it is" but no, dude - youre being a dick. Thanks.
So anyway, Im listening today, and he's on, and for once in his annoying ass life, he actually made a lot of sense. Not only did he make sense, he actually said something that made me think.
I was only listening off and on, being in the middle of eight hundred things at work and all, but whatever the topic was led him to talking about how children are with their parents and guardians. He commented about how kids tend to do what their parents do, not what they say, and Im already a subscriber to that concept. But he went further on to say that as children get older, a lot of parents experience difficulties with their pre-teens and teens relative to a level of respect, or lack thereof, rather, and that this lack of respect often times comes from something that has happened, which the child cant get past.
I had to stop and think about that for a minute. I absolutely LOATHE my father, and yes, it stems from things that he did and didnt do, but not being a real force in my life at any given time, I dont think it counts. My mother, on the other hand, who raised me, fits that example a little better.
As a kid and teenager, some things happened in my house that made me a little salty. I remember words being exchanged between my mother and my older sisters that should never be strewn upon a child, let alone one of your own. I remember teenage pregnancies that were handled with exile. I remember anger being unleashed toward ME in such a fashion that, on at least one occasion, I honestly believed she wanted me dead.
But of course, not everything was so drastic. I also dont think I ever got over that mid high school relocation that took me away from all my friends, even if it was only two weeks before I ended up returning without her. I stayed with my sister for those months until my mother returned and she didnt really seem to want me there, but hey, it wasnt her job to take care of me.
I remember feeling like my mother put her boyfriends over me. I remember her being more concerned with what her friends thought about her than what I thought about her. I remember times, at 15 or 16, being made to pay the household bills - including rent - from my little after school and summer jobs, just because she said so. I remember public humiliation. I remember broken promises. I remember boldface lies told both to and about me. I remember so many things that werent apocalyptic in themselves that probably had a bigger impact that those that were. But you know they say "tornadoes and hurricanes make the news, but termites do much more damage." Its the little things in life that affect you the most.
Anyway, I dont feel like I have ever been "disrespectful" to my mother, however, I know I dont have much separation between her and everybody else in terms of things that I will or will not say. When I feel wronged by her, I let her know, with no regard to her being my mother. I crack the same jokes around her that I do with other people and I refuse the same conversation and rebuke the same judgement. I think those things are what some look upon as disrespect, but I'll never raise my hand to her, I'll never call her out her name or anything like that, even as an adult. Cant say its right or its wrong, but I kinda feel like thats all I owe her. I feel a little bitter about having to essentially raise myself from the age of 15 because she simply checked out. The only time she seemed to take an interest in something is when she thought it might make her look bad. I admit, I always felt some kinda way about that.
So when Adam said what he said today, I had to give him credit. He's absolutely right. I think my relationship with my mother is a product of that very thing, and its part of the reason I employed the changes I've recently implemented in my own life. My son HATED that I smoked, and I would always tell him I was gonna quit. I'd try (or not) and fail, giving up, with very little fight, as soon as I found an excuse to. I never wanted him to have to get used to the cigar smell on me the way I got used to my mom smelling like trees and E&J - but he did. It made him so proud to know that I hadnt smoked in however many days (therefore not having much to drink either) and one day or another, the ashtray would be back.
I had been lazy too. Thats how he learned to do laundry. He'd need some uniforms and I'd not feel like doing it, so I talked him through how to do it himself. Not a bad thing, in itself - it was about time he learned anyway - but my motivation at the time was completely self-serving. Make no mistake now, I can be somewhat lazy by nature, LOL, and my home has never been quite the picture of tidyness, but it took a while for me to figure it out, but the extreme laziness was a product of a depression that i didnt even realize I was in, though I had been in it for quite some time. You could walk in the house at any given time and shit would just be all over the place. Not sloth, by any means, but clutter like a muthafucka. Random shit just not where its supposed to be. I'd know it too and just couldnt get in gear to do anything about it. No wonder my son's room looks like Chernobyl and he only seems to care when I threaten to take away his Playstation. *smh*
Life is so cyclical. We as people REALLY have to learn to pay closer attention, because its so easy to fall into a pattern based on a pattern you've been previously exposed to. Not much different than that woman with horrible relationship after horrible relationship because she hasnt yet realized that she's been dating the same man over and over again..........
SIDEBAR: REALLY aggravated right now that I let myself get distracted by a friend's email that totally annoyed me and threw me out of my zone. Make no mistake, just because you generally love your friends, does not mean you sometimes cant stand them. Im like seriously irritated right now LOL *eye roll*
ANYWAY..................yes, it is very important to take inventory from time to time and to also be very conscious of the words we use with people. Anger will wreak havoc if you allow it to, as will any other human emotion one could become overwhelmed with. Things that kids experience, AS kids, where their parents are concerned, will shape the relationship they have with them as teenagers and beyond. IDK that I could have possibly inflicted NEARLY as much irreversible damage as was inflicted upon me, but it has to be made a conscious effort on my part, because things we say to children affect them a lot deeper than we sometimes know, just as with adults sometimes. You just never know.
All I know is that my son is a pre-teen and there's been a time or two already that I've had to repeat myself, which I dont like to do, but it hasnt really gone past that, and if he expects to make it all the way to "teen", it wont LOL. But I've just gotten to a place where I know I can only expect as much from my kids as they can expect from me. I've always known that they will do what I do, not necessarily what I say, but it wasnt until today that I realized the "as I do" includes the unconscious, unintended and unacknowledged. That means a lot of different things to me, as I sit here typing through my thoughts, but it still takes me back to my original sentiment:
Adam finally got it right.
"The Water Cooler" is the talking segment of our local radio morning show. They discuss everything from politics, local school systems, financial strategies, reclaiming our streets - whatever there might be to discuss.
Well on Mondays, this guy named Adam is always on, and generally speaking, I cant stand him LOL. I mean I hate the sound of his voice, the mention of his name, EVERYTHING. This guy can be the biggest dick ever on certain topics, and he has a tendency to have tunnel vision. He doesnt always take into account another person's perspective on an issue, he just feels how he feels and to hell with anyone who disagrees. To let him tell it, he's just being "real" and "telling it like it is" but no, dude - youre being a dick. Thanks.
So anyway, Im listening today, and he's on, and for once in his annoying ass life, he actually made a lot of sense. Not only did he make sense, he actually said something that made me think.
I was only listening off and on, being in the middle of eight hundred things at work and all, but whatever the topic was led him to talking about how children are with their parents and guardians. He commented about how kids tend to do what their parents do, not what they say, and Im already a subscriber to that concept. But he went further on to say that as children get older, a lot of parents experience difficulties with their pre-teens and teens relative to a level of respect, or lack thereof, rather, and that this lack of respect often times comes from something that has happened, which the child cant get past.
I had to stop and think about that for a minute. I absolutely LOATHE my father, and yes, it stems from things that he did and didnt do, but not being a real force in my life at any given time, I dont think it counts. My mother, on the other hand, who raised me, fits that example a little better.
As a kid and teenager, some things happened in my house that made me a little salty. I remember words being exchanged between my mother and my older sisters that should never be strewn upon a child, let alone one of your own. I remember teenage pregnancies that were handled with exile. I remember anger being unleashed toward ME in such a fashion that, on at least one occasion, I honestly believed she wanted me dead.
But of course, not everything was so drastic. I also dont think I ever got over that mid high school relocation that took me away from all my friends, even if it was only two weeks before I ended up returning without her. I stayed with my sister for those months until my mother returned and she didnt really seem to want me there, but hey, it wasnt her job to take care of me.
I remember feeling like my mother put her boyfriends over me. I remember her being more concerned with what her friends thought about her than what I thought about her. I remember times, at 15 or 16, being made to pay the household bills - including rent - from my little after school and summer jobs, just because she said so. I remember public humiliation. I remember broken promises. I remember boldface lies told both to and about me. I remember so many things that werent apocalyptic in themselves that probably had a bigger impact that those that were. But you know they say "tornadoes and hurricanes make the news, but termites do much more damage." Its the little things in life that affect you the most.
Anyway, I dont feel like I have ever been "disrespectful" to my mother, however, I know I dont have much separation between her and everybody else in terms of things that I will or will not say. When I feel wronged by her, I let her know, with no regard to her being my mother. I crack the same jokes around her that I do with other people and I refuse the same conversation and rebuke the same judgement. I think those things are what some look upon as disrespect, but I'll never raise my hand to her, I'll never call her out her name or anything like that, even as an adult. Cant say its right or its wrong, but I kinda feel like thats all I owe her. I feel a little bitter about having to essentially raise myself from the age of 15 because she simply checked out. The only time she seemed to take an interest in something is when she thought it might make her look bad. I admit, I always felt some kinda way about that.
So when Adam said what he said today, I had to give him credit. He's absolutely right. I think my relationship with my mother is a product of that very thing, and its part of the reason I employed the changes I've recently implemented in my own life. My son HATED that I smoked, and I would always tell him I was gonna quit. I'd try (or not) and fail, giving up, with very little fight, as soon as I found an excuse to. I never wanted him to have to get used to the cigar smell on me the way I got used to my mom smelling like trees and E&J - but he did. It made him so proud to know that I hadnt smoked in however many days (therefore not having much to drink either) and one day or another, the ashtray would be back.
I had been lazy too. Thats how he learned to do laundry. He'd need some uniforms and I'd not feel like doing it, so I talked him through how to do it himself. Not a bad thing, in itself - it was about time he learned anyway - but my motivation at the time was completely self-serving. Make no mistake now, I can be somewhat lazy by nature, LOL, and my home has never been quite the picture of tidyness, but it took a while for me to figure it out, but the extreme laziness was a product of a depression that i didnt even realize I was in, though I had been in it for quite some time. You could walk in the house at any given time and shit would just be all over the place. Not sloth, by any means, but clutter like a muthafucka. Random shit just not where its supposed to be. I'd know it too and just couldnt get in gear to do anything about it. No wonder my son's room looks like Chernobyl and he only seems to care when I threaten to take away his Playstation. *smh*
Life is so cyclical. We as people REALLY have to learn to pay closer attention, because its so easy to fall into a pattern based on a pattern you've been previously exposed to. Not much different than that woman with horrible relationship after horrible relationship because she hasnt yet realized that she's been dating the same man over and over again..........
SIDEBAR: REALLY aggravated right now that I let myself get distracted by a friend's email that totally annoyed me and threw me out of my zone. Make no mistake, just because you generally love your friends, does not mean you sometimes cant stand them. Im like seriously irritated right now LOL *eye roll*
ANYWAY..................yes, it is very important to take inventory from time to time and to also be very conscious of the words we use with people. Anger will wreak havoc if you allow it to, as will any other human emotion one could become overwhelmed with. Things that kids experience, AS kids, where their parents are concerned, will shape the relationship they have with them as teenagers and beyond. IDK that I could have possibly inflicted NEARLY as much irreversible damage as was inflicted upon me, but it has to be made a conscious effort on my part, because things we say to children affect them a lot deeper than we sometimes know, just as with adults sometimes. You just never know.
All I know is that my son is a pre-teen and there's been a time or two already that I've had to repeat myself, which I dont like to do, but it hasnt really gone past that, and if he expects to make it all the way to "teen", it wont LOL. But I've just gotten to a place where I know I can only expect as much from my kids as they can expect from me. I've always known that they will do what I do, not necessarily what I say, but it wasnt until today that I realized the "as I do" includes the unconscious, unintended and unacknowledged. That means a lot of different things to me, as I sit here typing through my thoughts, but it still takes me back to my original sentiment:
Adam finally got it right.
" So..... Why Do You Love Me?"
Fellas, let me tell you something LOL.
When a woman asks you why you love her, one of two things is usually happening: she either a) thinks you are the most awesome guy on the planet and wonders what she ever did to deserve you or b) thinks youre full of shit. In either case, when asked, your best bet is to answer the question.
Now when you answer this question, fellas, PLEASE remember that even if she seemed to ask in a joking fashion, a woman who is in the frame of mind to ask this question is in a vulnerable and sensitive space. She wants to know that you meant it when you said you loved her. She wants your answer to correlate with something she's said or done, that shows you've been paying attention. Do yourself a favor and dont be a smart ass - this will end badly LOL. Keep it short and sweet, but ANSWER THE QUESTION - especially if you really want to be with her. Chances are, she is trying to decide whether to move on with you or cut her losses, and your response could be the difference between one or the other.
A lotta yall get nervous when a woman asks this question and make the mistake of thinking deflection and avoidance will save you. Trust me, she will just ask you again LOL. Some think a vague, generic response is the way to go - *EH!!!* Wrong! Your response better sound like it was engineered JUST for her, or she'll keep probing and asking questions until she is satisfied that she knows how you feel about her.
Lastly, but most certainly not of least importance, do NOT get defensive. "I shouldnt have to explain my feelings" is not an appropriate response. You are asking an already emotional being to further open up and give of herself completely. She is entitled to an answer. I've actually heard a man say, "Its not that complicated to me. Its just anyone I ever loved, it was just unconditional without any real reason."
*staring into the camera*
Im sorry.... WTF does that mean? LOL
First of all, no, it was absolutely not complicated..... until you just went and said that dumb shit you just said LOL. She asks you a simple question - one which she could surely answer about you - and you react like youre offended she even asked? And then you treat her desire to know with such blatant disregard that you default to an "anyone I ever loved" response? LOL..... Dude.... *smh* Thats the last place you wanna go with a woman who wants to know why you love HER. And isnt it valid, folks? Especially when you use the term "unconditional love" because thats not no regular kinda love LOL. If you love a person unconditionally, there have to be reasons, even if you dont know what they are. And believe it or not, THATS okay to say too. Tell her you really dont know what it is, its everything, its the way she makes you feel like you can conquer the world LOL (heard that too before - good job, Guy Im not gon mention LOL) But ANSWER her. Dont ever make her desire to know seem trivial. After all, love breathes and grows on communication. Why wouldnt you want the woman you love to know what it is about her that you love? It will only help your relationship if she knows that there is something that only she has been able to provide you. I promise you, if she believes you, she'll only try harder to make you happy.
But think about it: not a whole lotta yall fall into the "most awesome guy on the planet" category LOL. Chances are pretty good that you are being asked this question because your actions dont add up to your words. Men who really love their women - especially when they first realize it - move differently. She wont doubt his feelings and neither will anyone else. So if your actions dont tell the story, AND you dont wanna talk about it, maybe you dont really know what love is.....
Im just sayin.
When a woman asks you why you love her, one of two things is usually happening: she either a) thinks you are the most awesome guy on the planet and wonders what she ever did to deserve you or b) thinks youre full of shit. In either case, when asked, your best bet is to answer the question.
Now when you answer this question, fellas, PLEASE remember that even if she seemed to ask in a joking fashion, a woman who is in the frame of mind to ask this question is in a vulnerable and sensitive space. She wants to know that you meant it when you said you loved her. She wants your answer to correlate with something she's said or done, that shows you've been paying attention. Do yourself a favor and dont be a smart ass - this will end badly LOL. Keep it short and sweet, but ANSWER THE QUESTION - especially if you really want to be with her. Chances are, she is trying to decide whether to move on with you or cut her losses, and your response could be the difference between one or the other.
A lotta yall get nervous when a woman asks this question and make the mistake of thinking deflection and avoidance will save you. Trust me, she will just ask you again LOL. Some think a vague, generic response is the way to go - *EH!!!* Wrong! Your response better sound like it was engineered JUST for her, or she'll keep probing and asking questions until she is satisfied that she knows how you feel about her.
Lastly, but most certainly not of least importance, do NOT get defensive. "I shouldnt have to explain my feelings" is not an appropriate response. You are asking an already emotional being to further open up and give of herself completely. She is entitled to an answer. I've actually heard a man say, "Its not that complicated to me. Its just anyone I ever loved, it was just unconditional without any real reason."
*staring into the camera*
Im sorry.... WTF does that mean? LOL
First of all, no, it was absolutely not complicated..... until you just went and said that dumb shit you just said LOL. She asks you a simple question - one which she could surely answer about you - and you react like youre offended she even asked? And then you treat her desire to know with such blatant disregard that you default to an "anyone I ever loved" response? LOL..... Dude.... *smh* Thats the last place you wanna go with a woman who wants to know why you love HER. And isnt it valid, folks? Especially when you use the term "unconditional love" because thats not no regular kinda love LOL. If you love a person unconditionally, there have to be reasons, even if you dont know what they are. And believe it or not, THATS okay to say too. Tell her you really dont know what it is, its everything, its the way she makes you feel like you can conquer the world LOL (heard that too before - good job, Guy Im not gon mention LOL) But ANSWER her. Dont ever make her desire to know seem trivial. After all, love breathes and grows on communication. Why wouldnt you want the woman you love to know what it is about her that you love? It will only help your relationship if she knows that there is something that only she has been able to provide you. I promise you, if she believes you, she'll only try harder to make you happy.
But think about it: not a whole lotta yall fall into the "most awesome guy on the planet" category LOL. Chances are pretty good that you are being asked this question because your actions dont add up to your words. Men who really love their women - especially when they first realize it - move differently. She wont doubt his feelings and neither will anyone else. So if your actions dont tell the story, AND you dont wanna talk about it, maybe you dont really know what love is.....
Im just sayin.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Second Thoughts
Second thoughts are tricky. When you have them, how do you know if they're legit? I mean sometimes something can happen to make you feel uncomfortable about a situation. When such an event occurs, I'd say those second thoughts are legitimate feelings that probably need to be heeded. Many a man has fallen ignoring the signs.
But what about the occasions where you have these second thoughts out of nowhere, with no precipitating event? You know those situations that seem just too good to be true? Those occasions where things are just going way too well for way too long? Is it your own insecurity that, at some point, kicks in and makes you pull back without any real reason, expecting - as experience has taught you - that the other shoe always drops eventually? Is an extra-sensory perception that only consciously seems unwarranted but through your own intuition is made valid (meaning you dont know why you feel it but you do and your gut feelings are rarely wrong)? Is it fear? Or is it simply boredom, or an excuse to move on to something else - perhaps something more safe?
I guess there are all kinds of reasons why a person can start to rethink a decision they've made or a direction they've decided to go in, but me personally - I hate the appearance of second thoughts. Second thoughts, for me, almost always mean the party's over, and that's because my intuition is rarely wrong. And Im a checker. I take inventory when I feel a certain way and try to figure out where its coming from so I dont make a rash decision and regret it. Im not always successful at uncovering the source, though. Sometimes it comes down to there being absolutely no reason at all for me to feel like I need to pump the brakes, but you know what? I usually feel that's God trying to tell me something, so more often than not, the party's over.
So here I am again, standing in the doorway, unsure of whether to step in or out. In this particular case, only a slight causal occurrence - a pattern change, which we all should have a right to make - but still gives me pause.
What to do? Hmmmm. Maybe I'll sleep on it.
But what about the occasions where you have these second thoughts out of nowhere, with no precipitating event? You know those situations that seem just too good to be true? Those occasions where things are just going way too well for way too long? Is it your own insecurity that, at some point, kicks in and makes you pull back without any real reason, expecting - as experience has taught you - that the other shoe always drops eventually? Is an extra-sensory perception that only consciously seems unwarranted but through your own intuition is made valid (meaning you dont know why you feel it but you do and your gut feelings are rarely wrong)? Is it fear? Or is it simply boredom, or an excuse to move on to something else - perhaps something more safe?
I guess there are all kinds of reasons why a person can start to rethink a decision they've made or a direction they've decided to go in, but me personally - I hate the appearance of second thoughts. Second thoughts, for me, almost always mean the party's over, and that's because my intuition is rarely wrong. And Im a checker. I take inventory when I feel a certain way and try to figure out where its coming from so I dont make a rash decision and regret it. Im not always successful at uncovering the source, though. Sometimes it comes down to there being absolutely no reason at all for me to feel like I need to pump the brakes, but you know what? I usually feel that's God trying to tell me something, so more often than not, the party's over.
So here I am again, standing in the doorway, unsure of whether to step in or out. In this particular case, only a slight causal occurrence - a pattern change, which we all should have a right to make - but still gives me pause.
What to do? Hmmmm. Maybe I'll sleep on it.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Back On the Block
Yeah I know, I know. In my own defense, its been a bit of a crazy week.
Yesterday turned out to be a rough one for me at work, but I came home, and what was on my porch? The Lark (the shoes pictured above). I was a little leery about ordering them but can I just tell you them joints look so DOPE when I put em on! It almost made everything all better in an instant.... almost, LOL..... so I thought I'd share them with you. :)
No need to get that deep into the fuckery that was my Friday. Suffice it to say that I dont like people fuckin with my money and my place of employment has a habit of doing so. I really need to get the fuck outta there. They arent paying me my worth anyway. Time to pop the clutch on them bitches and put the search on full throttle.
Having made that decision, I did what I could to not spend the whole night fuming. Unfortunately for me, that usually means spending more money I dont have, but hey, whatever works, right? After all, we make it to spend it. Cant take it with you. Fuck it. A bottle of bacardi later, along with some bomb ass mac and cheese that I said I wasnt gonna eat any more of and all was right with the world. I didnt even get any annoying phone calls from fools wanting to "come thru" and thats AMAZING for a Friday night.
I ended the night watching Kid N Play on the Monique show. I LOVE them. I love the 90's in general and everything associated with it. Me and my buzz slept like a baby and was up bright and early this morning, mad as hell that I still have not managed to figure out how to sleep in. There have to be classes on that.
I spent the morning watching movies on Netflix, doing laundry and mapping out the next few weeks of my life. Strangely enough, I've been thinking a lot about this blog, although I havent been on it as regularly as usual lately, and this morning I got a letter from "the incarcerated one" pleading that I stop skipping so many days and that I go back to work on my novels, and I really should do just that. I come to you and say that I havent been here because I have been busy or I have been going through this thing or that thing, but that is exactly what this blog is supposed to be about: my thoughts and life experiences - good, bad, or indifferent. But over the past few months, I think knowing that certain people in particular read Staring Into The Camera every day left me thinking too much about what I post here, thinking maybe everybody doesnt need to know all my business. But this blog is MY world, and to blog honestly means embracing the experience completely, praise and backlash alike, growing from it all and, if nothing else, letting people know that we've all got issues. ALL of us. And I've had the strange experience of somehow helping people through my random ass rants, so I shall rant on!
Back in the building regularly, I shall be, just as I first set out to do. Thats not to say I will never skip a day, but it wont be three or four, even if I dont really feel I have much to say. Sometimes short and sweet is all ya need.
Good night folks. Go party or something.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Sheesh!
Can I just go on record as saying that I cannot stand when people who never even speak to you when they see you all of a sudden think its okay to call you or pull you to the side when something happens to somebody they know you are close to, trying to pump you for information?
One of my friends... "had an experience" today that was publicized by day's end, and when I tell you my phone and IM were both chiming off the hook, I am so not kidding. I had to log off the messenger and if I didnt fear sudden catastrophe in the life of some random friend of mine, I would have turned my phone CLEAN OFF.
The NERVE of people. I even got a call from this chick I dont even LIKE, asking me about the incident. WTF are YOU doing? LOL What you calling me for? This is HER situation, not mine, so why you callin me? Call her. Oh you dont have her number? Hmmm.... thats probably because she dont fuck with you either, so whatever it was that happened is NONE OF YOUR FUCKEN BUSINESS LOL.
OOOOOOOOH! I hate people sometimes. Nosy bastards.
One of my friends... "had an experience" today that was publicized by day's end, and when I tell you my phone and IM were both chiming off the hook, I am so not kidding. I had to log off the messenger and if I didnt fear sudden catastrophe in the life of some random friend of mine, I would have turned my phone CLEAN OFF.
The NERVE of people. I even got a call from this chick I dont even LIKE, asking me about the incident. WTF are YOU doing? LOL What you calling me for? This is HER situation, not mine, so why you callin me? Call her. Oh you dont have her number? Hmmm.... thats probably because she dont fuck with you either, so whatever it was that happened is NONE OF YOUR FUCKEN BUSINESS LOL.
OOOOOOOOH! I hate people sometimes. Nosy bastards.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Always On
I know. I aint shit LOL.
I be trying to post every day, but sometimes I get so busy or so tired that I dont get around to it. My job been workin me like a slave with no insurance lately LOL. Blame Bob, ole bastard ass bastard. Cant stand his ass.
Anyway, the trip last weekend went really well, with one exception, but I gotta tell ya: I am still loving the hell outta this dude. We video chatted today and I was just like yo... you need to get your life together so we can be something LOL. Probably not gon happen. Thats just the way it goes, but Im still hopeful. Lately its like somebody sprayed some love potion #9 on me and dudes are just flocking in my direction, but none of them make me feel like he does, so whether or not we actually go the distance, he is gonna make it a lot harder for anyone else to get in there. Something about someone doing it right puts the high beams on all the ones doing it wrong.
But that's neither here nor there.
I got a call today from somebody I havent actually SPOKEN to in quite a long time. We are FB friends, and we do get a chat in here and there, but nothing spectacular. My phone rings today and I dont even have him in my phone, so no name came up. I thought about not answering it, but something told me to go ahead and pick it up. It turns out dude had a lot on his mind and didnt really WANT to talk to anybody but felt he needed to, and having no one else in his life that he felt he could go to with it, he came to me. Naturally, I copped a squat, poured a drink so he wouldnt be sipping alone, and put on the Dr Dig specatacles, which tell my kids not to disturb me. What he had to say was pretty heavy, but this is a "no judgment" zone, as I had told him in the past that it would be, so he let loose. I didnt say a whole lot because I knew I wasnt supposed to - he just wanted to vent - but when prompted, I threw in a jewel or two of the wisdom I have stumbled upon in my life, and I think the talk did him good. Before it was all over with, we were laughing and chopping it up about old times.
I'm still shocked that he would call me, of all people, but Im grateful that he felt he could, in light of not having anyone else. Its random shit like that that make my life worthwhile, and is the reason my phone is always on. When I tell folks they can call me anytime, thats what I mean, and Im glad people hear me when I say it.
Thats all.
I be trying to post every day, but sometimes I get so busy or so tired that I dont get around to it. My job been workin me like a slave with no insurance lately LOL. Blame Bob, ole bastard ass bastard. Cant stand his ass.
Anyway, the trip last weekend went really well, with one exception, but I gotta tell ya: I am still loving the hell outta this dude. We video chatted today and I was just like yo... you need to get your life together so we can be something LOL. Probably not gon happen. Thats just the way it goes, but Im still hopeful. Lately its like somebody sprayed some love potion #9 on me and dudes are just flocking in my direction, but none of them make me feel like he does, so whether or not we actually go the distance, he is gonna make it a lot harder for anyone else to get in there. Something about someone doing it right puts the high beams on all the ones doing it wrong.
But that's neither here nor there.
I got a call today from somebody I havent actually SPOKEN to in quite a long time. We are FB friends, and we do get a chat in here and there, but nothing spectacular. My phone rings today and I dont even have him in my phone, so no name came up. I thought about not answering it, but something told me to go ahead and pick it up. It turns out dude had a lot on his mind and didnt really WANT to talk to anybody but felt he needed to, and having no one else in his life that he felt he could go to with it, he came to me. Naturally, I copped a squat, poured a drink so he wouldnt be sipping alone, and put on the Dr Dig specatacles, which tell my kids not to disturb me. What he had to say was pretty heavy, but this is a "no judgment" zone, as I had told him in the past that it would be, so he let loose. I didnt say a whole lot because I knew I wasnt supposed to - he just wanted to vent - but when prompted, I threw in a jewel or two of the wisdom I have stumbled upon in my life, and I think the talk did him good. Before it was all over with, we were laughing and chopping it up about old times.
I'm still shocked that he would call me, of all people, but Im grateful that he felt he could, in light of not having anyone else. Its random shit like that that make my life worthwhile, and is the reason my phone is always on. When I tell folks they can call me anytime, thats what I mean, and Im glad people hear me when I say it.
Thats all.
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