Saturday, November 23, 2013

Black Girls 101

This is some of the realest shit I've come across in a minute.

http://blackgirlsareeasy.com/2011/12/why-are-black-girls-so-damn-difficult.html

Go to the blog and read the post. A little long, but I promise you it's an excellent read. For measure, here is the very last paragraph:

"Why is the woman in the Statefarm Ad yelling = her boyfriend. Why is Yvette in Baby Boy yelling = Jody. Why does NeNe need money to make her feel confident = An abusive husband. Show me a damaged woman and I’ll show you a man who damaged her ass, be it her Daddy or a boyfriend. With all these jokes about Black Girl Attitude, no one ever looks to the source of why she’s rolling her eyes and cocking her head in disgust. She’s mad because she’s been done wrong. I’ve seen it with my own eyes how a girl who was so nice in high school is now jaded and fussy. What happened to her? People who come back from The War aren’t the same, and love is Vietnam. When a woman is cheated on, toyed with, or constantly lied to; that shit strips her of that innocence and corrodes her patience. I’ve experienced a lot of women who have chips on their shoulders and they took it out on me, even though I wasn’t to blame. Regardless of race, all women who have been hurt have those kinds of walls up; Black girls just express it in a certain way. If she’s blowing up over small shit, then best believe there are bigger issues at hand. In the words of Drizzy, “Who’s paying for all that therapy, um nigga not me“. We as men should not be made to pay for what the guy before us did to her, but we shouldn’t be so quick to add fuel to the fire either. Instead of helping her deal with those anger issues or giving her a shoulder to cry on, most of us just get her to drop her guard long enough to smash, then bounce because we don’t want to deal with her crazy ass. Imagine that happening to you several times? That’s the reason Black women rage against the machine known as mankind because a large percentage have been cut open, stitched up, then had those stitches ripped out again. By the time she meets a guy who could be Mr. Right, she’s hiding behind her attitude because that’s the only defense mechanism she has left. The perception that Black girls are hard to get along with or ticking time bombs is propaganda. If you treat a Black woman right and take time to understand her, Black girls aren’t any more difficult than any other women, in fact, Black girls are easy."



Excuse me while I shout around my bedroom...

Message of the day #2

What's Love Got To Do With It?

Just wanted to get this off my chest, but Ima make it quick.

The background: you have a soul mate who also feels you are theirs. You date for a period of time and then for whatever reason, you part ways. Years later as great friends, you both take responsibility for your role in the demise of the relationship, however life went on in the between time and at least one of you is now married with children.

First of all, there is nothing cute about a married man addressing another woman as "Mrs. [insert last name]" - NOTHING. I don't care if you say (or even truly feel) she should have been your wife. She isn't. Not only is it hurtful to her if she still has feelings for you, serving as a reminder that she cant be with you but its disrespectful as hell to the actual wife you are about to go home to. Im sure you think its a stroke to the ego to let this woman know you still feel this way about her but newsflash, homie: Its not. Why? Quite simply, love aint got shit to do with it. Life aint about feelings, life is about choices and the situations that result from the ones you make. Sure, we would all have made different decisions at certain points in time if only we had known "something" but the best lesson anyone could have learned along the way is not to make permanent decisions based on temporary circumstances.

When you go on with your life, let her go on with hers too. Don't strain the friendship you've been able to settle into by constantly pulling her back with all your lamentation. If she still has feelings for you, trust, she's had her own struggles with it but if she's managed to keep it moving despite that, let her. You cant, you say? Well, why not? Oh! You love her! Well why didnt you say so? GTFOH LOL

Message of the day: If you don't "love" her enough to be with her, leave her alone.


Sunday, November 3, 2013

A lesson in humility

I learned some shit about myself the other day that kinda bugged me out and Im still picking it apart trying to get every morsel of insight out of it like those last little pieces of meat caught in the tendons of a chicken wing LOL. It can only make me better.

See I had this drink date planned with...... someone a lotta people know. I originally scheduled it for Friday because I had planned to go out for drinks with a coworker but I had a half day, whereas she didn't. So when the date came up, I said cool, this will kill that time in between and I'll just go back downtown after. As luck would have it, Halloween partying kicked my coworker's ass so she didn't even come in to work. No need for me to kill time anymore and now I kinda wanna just go home. I did have every intention of going on the date when I made the plans because I was genuinely interested in getting to know the dude but at the same time, him being who he was, I knew nothing was really gonna come of it so come 12:00, I actually considered canceling. I mean I aint really into going through the motions no more, you know what Im sayin? But my girlfriend reminded me of my commitment to LIVE life and not having other plans for the night, I'd be mad at myself later if I didnt go. I knew she was right so I sucked it up and went. I get to Harlem, we hug, he kisses me on the cheek and we start the slow stroll down 125th St. I've got no idea where we're going but he points out his house as we pass it. I almost felt a little special, but I digress LOL. He says we're walking up to the park. Cool.

So let's cut to the chase; we never did go get that drink. This dude talked the entire nearly 3 hours on that bench, which was the first shock of the day because he had seemed to be such the man of few words the couple of times we chatted/texted prior. Im guessing he's just more of a talker than a typer like most guys are but he was also really passionate about the stuff he was saying and that always puts more gas in the tank. With some very colorful anecdotes, he talked about how our bodies deteriorate at the pace they do partly because the human body was not engineered to digest "well" cooked meat and that we're cooking all the vitamins out of our vegetables as well. He eats accordingly. He talked about some other things regarding anatomy using terms I'm unfamiliar with so I cant recount it to you, but he essentially attributed all of it to population control; we're being conditioned to live in ways that ensure that we'll die off earlier, making room on the planet for babies LOL. Then he talked about chemtrails. Then he talked about how ghetto kids are being mind-fucked into playing basketball on computers so they wont play it outside, thereby eliminating that potential avenue out of the ghetto. He talked about the worthlessness of the dollar. He talked about Clinton/Lewinsky being a setup. He talked about Kendrick Lamar (and others) and how nobody's gonna be hearing from him in a year because he's not marketable. He talked about the bailout. He talked about the Constitution LOL. He talked about Katrina and FEMA, which I have to say was a very interesting conversation because he told me some things I didn't know. To be fair, he told me a lot of things I didn't know, but that was the only thing I admitted out loud to him LOL.

Bruh LITERALLY talked the entire time. He did stop to ask me a question here and there to gauge my own personal knowledge of whatever he was talking about, and I'd pretend I thought the question was rhetorical LOL Like dude, I aint come out here for all this LOL. But here is the interesting part; where I would normally have been miserable in that situation, I actually found it very entertaining AND informative. The guy's charismatic, so he's animated when he speaks. He's expressive with his face, very engaging. I also happened to notice every little time he touched me unnecessarily, how he sat so close but still found a way to get closer. At one point he pulled me over and kissed me on the cheek again like "bless your heart" when I said something he thought was silly. I mean even though he was talking my head off about random shit, it wasn't a seminar. There was a little banter back and forth here and there but none of it was me contradicting anything he said. I'd ask clarification. I'd say something was interesting. I'd ask his opinion on conflicting positions. What I didn't want to do is make myself his adversary, only I didn't realize I was doing that until I was on my way home. In fact, I didn't realize any of this until then.

I walked away from that park bench thinking "Good, its finally over." I hadn't been bored but I hadn't really learned anything personal about the guy, nor did he about me. Despite his closeness, there was really no intimacy to it either. It just didn't feel like a date and honestly, I was feeling like he wasn't somebody I'd even want to date. He's overbearing, knows too much about too much, and he's a Leo LOL. He'll always wanna be right, which means everything is gonna turn into a debate and you know how much you hate that, I said to myself LOL. He's a health nut, he's gonna have you running and eating raw baby hens and shit LOL. He damn sure aint having it with you smoking. He was cool; if I got the chance to hang out with him again, I probably would, but there's no way I could date this guy.

Fast forward to the PATH train and I find myself smiling. What the fuck is the smile about, Dig? (Is what Im saying to myself LOL) and this is when I realize all the stuff I said up there ^ and I also realize that while I spent all the way up to that time telling myself I'd never date him, he's exactly the kind of guy I SHOULD be dating. Somebody who challenges me - not just about my knowledge of a thing but getting me to evaluate from time to time why I believe what I believe or do what I do. Is there a better way to do something? Am I open to new things/alternatives, and if not, why not? I am very much a creature of habit so I need somebody to tap me on the shoulder sometimes and remind me to take my own temperature every now and then. Oddly enough, I think the cosmos had this revelation in the works for a few days prior cause I recently realized I only buy Folgers instant coffee for my house but guess what? I really don't like the shit LMAO! I buy it because its the only one my mother would buy and she had convinced me that it was the best there was, when in actuality, its kind of bitter and gives me the bubble guts LOL. Sorry for the TMI but Im saying. Now back to the story..... he's a health nut. Okay. Maybe he'll force it on you, maybe he wont, but would it really be a bad thing to get more fit or eat healthier? I mean sure, he use to run from Jersey to the Bronx (that shit cray) but that doesn't mean he'd expect you to. He doesn't even do it anymore LOL.

But yall get my drift - its like I was afraid of impending progress. All the things about him I was telling myself I didn't want to be bothered with are all the things I actually need to complement me. Problem is people like him don't tend to think people like me are good enough for them and I feel like to an extent, I was feeling that way too. We really had no personal conversation at all so he has no idea whether I work out or not, how I eat, if I smoke, whether I mismanage my money.....sigh LOL...... but I know and it made me feel inferior. Then I realized I felt inferior because I am embarrassed by some of those things. To me they are flaws (you know, those things nobody wants to admit to having LOL) but they should be looked at as opportunities for improvement. When you sit in denial of your shortcomings, they can be held against you. That's where insecurity comes from - the fear that something unsavory about you will be exposed. When you embrace them, you can open up to the things that will enable you to better them. I cant effectively fill a hole I won't acknowledge is there, right? But I mean, its hard because we want to present ourselves as perfect people, especially to people who come off perfect to us. As soon as you realize just how much you don't measure up, at least in your mind, the first reaction is usually to run before they see what you see. They wont want you so you preempt their rejection by rejecting them first, ya with me? But this time I called myself out on it and said you know what Dig, that's some bullshit and you know it LOL. Stop rationalizing settling for the cats that cosign you living fucked up out here, how they gonna improve your life by just being company to live fucked up with LOL. Smartest person in a room fulla dummies..... just blissfully unimproved and shit LOL.....smh

*giggle fit*

For real though. End of the day, I don't know if Im ever gonna see this guy again. I feel like THIS meetup was highly unlikely so.... the fact that I didnt leave that park feeling like there were any real intentions makes me think not. Its probably for the best, again, him being who he is. I don't need that kinda stress LOL. Im okay with the occasional text or chat. But he at least opened my eyes to something I hadn't seen before. I've been thinking about it ever since. Even stopped and picked up one of these on the way home:


24 hours smoke-free. #babysteps