Had the longest conversation with one of my girls today - 5 hours. I don't think we've done that since..... ever LOL. But sometimes it's necessary and if there is ever a time to cover that kind of ground, its on New Year's Eve. As we enter into a new year, many of us are probably having these conversations with friends - or we should be. It's a time to reflect on the year you've had and look ahead to what you want to accomplish going forward. This might require more than thinking, but actually talking to somebody.... so they can call you on your bullshit LOL.
I went through a whole series of emotions thinking last night about the year I've had. In retrospect, I wouldn't change any of it. I learned so much; mostly about my limits and just how far I allow someone or something to push me before I will move no more. Other people learned about my limits too LOL.
*sips tea*
I'm not making any resolutions this year except to be a better me. Besides, I'm way too flawed to prioritize one or two to focus on LOL. So I'm gonna give my "issues" the floor; each to step up in their own time to be righted. Let the universe decide.
I did treat myself to a seafood feast for my birthday (at midnight) but after the mussels and the shrimp and scallops, all in a wine/butter/garlic sauce, I have NO room left for the crab legs. But that's quite alright - they will be just as delicious tomorrow - God willing.
With that, I bid you all adieu and Happy New Year. May 2016 bring you everything you deserve...
*sips tea*
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Thursday, December 24, 2015
Did you hear the news???
I got a new job! It's about damn time! I'll be taking a step down from management but the financial upside alone is worth it and there will be growth opportunities in no time. You know what I always say; sometimes you have to take a step back in order to move forward in the right direction. I'm excited and nervous at the same time but I have faith in my abilities and I work hard so I know it's gonna be okay.
I thought I would be looking forward to quitting my current job but now that I'm about to, it's bittersweet. The company has a lotta shit it needs to get together but I'll miss working with some of the people. I also know the bosses are not going to be happy at all with my leaving and they're probably gonna pull out all the stops to get me to stay. Unfortunately, too little and FAR too late. Besides, I've been there long enough to know that anything they give you can and likely will at some point be taken away. There's no loyalty there and the only thing worse than a bunch of disloyal muthafuckas is a bunch of disloyal muthafuckas cutting my checks. No, thank you, sir.
I will do them the courtesy of working the week since I wont be starting the new gig until the week after my vacation ends. I'll make sure everything is properly handed over to whomever will be taking the reins on my projects and my team. Might even donate some deals to my team since I'm quite sure the powers that be will find some way to screw me out of those commissions anyway given that they wouldn't be paid until weeks after I'm gone. SOMEBODY ought to get paid.
So this is definitely a season of cheer for me and I'm definitely looking forward to bigger, better chapters. Speaking of, I'm literally writing some new ones while I'm on vacation. There are 2 things I'm promising myself to do this year as I turn 40; get a passport and publish ONE book. You heard it here first!
I thought I would be looking forward to quitting my current job but now that I'm about to, it's bittersweet. The company has a lotta shit it needs to get together but I'll miss working with some of the people. I also know the bosses are not going to be happy at all with my leaving and they're probably gonna pull out all the stops to get me to stay. Unfortunately, too little and FAR too late. Besides, I've been there long enough to know that anything they give you can and likely will at some point be taken away. There's no loyalty there and the only thing worse than a bunch of disloyal muthafuckas is a bunch of disloyal muthafuckas cutting my checks. No, thank you, sir.
I will do them the courtesy of working the week since I wont be starting the new gig until the week after my vacation ends. I'll make sure everything is properly handed over to whomever will be taking the reins on my projects and my team. Might even donate some deals to my team since I'm quite sure the powers that be will find some way to screw me out of those commissions anyway given that they wouldn't be paid until weeks after I'm gone. SOMEBODY ought to get paid.
So this is definitely a season of cheer for me and I'm definitely looking forward to bigger, better chapters. Speaking of, I'm literally writing some new ones while I'm on vacation. There are 2 things I'm promising myself to do this year as I turn 40; get a passport and publish ONE book. You heard it here first!
Sunday, December 20, 2015
Forgiveness vs Moving On
Sometimes people confuse forgiveness with moving on. Forgiveness comes with acceptance; accepting that you may never get that money back, that you may never get an apology or never get someone to even admit that they were wrong. Forgiveness sometimes means taking a loss and being okay with it so you can move forward freely and progressively.
When you just move on, you simply get past the situation, but you drag it along with you, shackled to your ankles. That progression, if there is any, is labored, not free. At any time, that situation could arise in conversation or in thought and it will take you right back to the place you were emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
Forgiveness is about letting shit go. LET IT GO.
You haven't forgiven if everything you have to say about a person or situation is followed by a "but..."
You haven't forgiven if you're constantly bringing up their repeated history.
You haven't forgiven if you can't be family until you get your money back.
That said, forgiving people their transgressions does not mean welcoming them back into your space. It is perfectly acceptable to forgive and walk away. Forgiveness does not mean putting yourself back in the position of being used, played and taken advantage of and if you happen to be, you can't put that on anybody but you, especially since you claim to know what this person is about. Mature people who have had enough should feel absolutely fine saying, "Look, I forgive you. We family; I love you... but there is no place in my life for people who do what you continue to do. You need to go find yourself, but I do wish you the best."
In that order.
When you just move on, you simply get past the situation, but you drag it along with you, shackled to your ankles. That progression, if there is any, is labored, not free. At any time, that situation could arise in conversation or in thought and it will take you right back to the place you were emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
Forgiveness is about letting shit go. LET IT GO.
You haven't forgiven if everything you have to say about a person or situation is followed by a "but..."
You haven't forgiven if you're constantly bringing up their repeated history.
You haven't forgiven if you can't be family until you get your money back.
That said, forgiving people their transgressions does not mean welcoming them back into your space. It is perfectly acceptable to forgive and walk away. Forgiveness does not mean putting yourself back in the position of being used, played and taken advantage of and if you happen to be, you can't put that on anybody but you, especially since you claim to know what this person is about. Mature people who have had enough should feel absolutely fine saying, "Look, I forgive you. We family; I love you... but there is no place in my life for people who do what you continue to do. You need to go find yourself, but I do wish you the best."
In that order.
Saturday, December 12, 2015
Lort...
Jesus.
Went to my company Christmas party last night, fully intending to only be there an hour or so like I do every year and apparently ended up staying nearly the entire time. They gave out awards periodically throughout the night and I wound up getting employee of the year....
*staring into the camera*
Figures. It's not like I didn't earn it - I totally deserved that shit - but I think the bosses got wind of the fact that I was leaving and it was an effort to placate me. I mentioned at some point yesterday that I wasn't feeling too good and might not go to the party and one of them basically threatened [jokingly] to rain hell on my entire department if I didn't LOL. Now I get it.
So after I win this award, which actually was in the first hour or so of my being there, everybody and their mama suddenly wants to do shots with me. I DONT DO SHOTS. But I did them last night. Total setup.
I don't remember leaving the club but I do remember standing on a corner somewhere trying to find my Uber. This is the thing; the party was in Manhattan and I live in New Jersey. I only intended to take the Uber to the PATH station about a 5 minute drive away. $48 dollars later (according to my receipt) I done took the shit ALL THE WAY HOME LOL. Fine. In my apparent condition, it was probably the best thing I could have done.
I wake up this morning like okay, I'm home, in my own bed, BY MYSELF LOL, good. But the last thing I remember is waiting for the Uber. I get up and my son is giving me that look a parent gives a child the morning after that child stumbles in after their first night of horrible decisions and he's like "You alright?" The conversation that follows includes a hilarious flurry of walking into walls, mumbling undecipherable somethings and throwing my keys on the kitchen floor LOL. In the process I find my dress on the floor of my room and my coat, which clearly has seen better days. There is vomit all on it. Of course, I start looking around at that point, but there is no trace of any vomit anywhere else and I don't feel the grossness that comes with having vomited the night before so I put two and two together and come to the nastiest conclusion one can muster..... somebody threw up on me. Disgusted. Totally. The only thing worse is the thought of the office on Monday, where I will no doubt get bits of shit I said or did that are completely unbecoming but will, if nothing else, help me piece together the rest of the night. But at least I can take comfort in knowing I didn't go home with anyone, didn't actually throw up myself and even in a drunken stupor, I still made my way safely home.
The miracle in all this shit is that I am not the least bit hung over. I can't imagine, for the life of me, how I'm not after 3 jack and cranberries (no ice) and at least 4 shots of fireball and tequila, but I'm grateful. That hangover would be HELL. So thank you to the liquor gods for having your girl's back and thank you to the Uber angels who take care of pitiful party-goers like me at their worst. Don't remember the guy AT ALL but how could I not rate him 5 stars after that? LOL
SMH.
Went to my company Christmas party last night, fully intending to only be there an hour or so like I do every year and apparently ended up staying nearly the entire time. They gave out awards periodically throughout the night and I wound up getting employee of the year....
*staring into the camera*
Figures. It's not like I didn't earn it - I totally deserved that shit - but I think the bosses got wind of the fact that I was leaving and it was an effort to placate me. I mentioned at some point yesterday that I wasn't feeling too good and might not go to the party and one of them basically threatened [jokingly] to rain hell on my entire department if I didn't LOL. Now I get it.
So after I win this award, which actually was in the first hour or so of my being there, everybody and their mama suddenly wants to do shots with me. I DONT DO SHOTS. But I did them last night. Total setup.
I don't remember leaving the club but I do remember standing on a corner somewhere trying to find my Uber. This is the thing; the party was in Manhattan and I live in New Jersey. I only intended to take the Uber to the PATH station about a 5 minute drive away. $48 dollars later (according to my receipt) I done took the shit ALL THE WAY HOME LOL. Fine. In my apparent condition, it was probably the best thing I could have done.
I wake up this morning like okay, I'm home, in my own bed, BY MYSELF LOL, good. But the last thing I remember is waiting for the Uber. I get up and my son is giving me that look a parent gives a child the morning after that child stumbles in after their first night of horrible decisions and he's like "You alright?" The conversation that follows includes a hilarious flurry of walking into walls, mumbling undecipherable somethings and throwing my keys on the kitchen floor LOL. In the process I find my dress on the floor of my room and my coat, which clearly has seen better days. There is vomit all on it. Of course, I start looking around at that point, but there is no trace of any vomit anywhere else and I don't feel the grossness that comes with having vomited the night before so I put two and two together and come to the nastiest conclusion one can muster..... somebody threw up on me. Disgusted. Totally. The only thing worse is the thought of the office on Monday, where I will no doubt get bits of shit I said or did that are completely unbecoming but will, if nothing else, help me piece together the rest of the night. But at least I can take comfort in knowing I didn't go home with anyone, didn't actually throw up myself and even in a drunken stupor, I still made my way safely home.
The miracle in all this shit is that I am not the least bit hung over. I can't imagine, for the life of me, how I'm not after 3 jack and cranberries (no ice) and at least 4 shots of fireball and tequila, but I'm grateful. That hangover would be HELL. So thank you to the liquor gods for having your girl's back and thank you to the Uber angels who take care of pitiful party-goers like me at their worst. Don't remember the guy AT ALL but how could I not rate him 5 stars after that? LOL
SMH.
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