Saturday, October 29, 2011

They Said It Was Gonna Snow....





...but I was not expecting all this! Dude on the radio said it hasnt snowed here in October since 1959 LOL. Why it chose 2011 to break that run, IDK, but I have an attitude and a half about the fact that I cant watch TV, cause there is snow on my signal piece to my satellite and I cant reach it to brush it off. I aint gonna have no damn TV until a) it stops snowing and b) the snow melts off the signal piece. Can you say "bitchin a fit?" LOL

So Im spending my evening terrorizing the internet.

I did watch Paranormal Activity 2 today, despite my earlier defiance. The midgets wanted to watch it so we Netflixed it up, and surprisingly, it was pretty good. It took an hour for it to GET pretty good, but they tied it in nicely to the first one, and now I totally get the storyline of the third one, which I happen to be excited to see now. Whodathunkit?

Ok back to menacing the world wide web. If anything interesting happens, maybe I'll be back LOL.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

My apologies

I hope you caught up on all the posts you missed while you stalked this site for the last two days, waiting for me to put something up about me hanging up on you other night. I hate to disappoint, so here you go:

Im sorry...

...But not for hanging up on you.

Im sorry I answered the phone in the first place.

...That I replied to your IM in the first place.

...That I hadnt deleted and blocked you in the first place.

...That you even had the audacity to feel it was okay to reach out to me in the first place - but that's my fault.

Once upon a time, me getting over something meant the ability to pick up where we left off. All you had to do was stall me out until enough time passed that I was over it. Well you gave it a year and congratulations - Im over it!

But Im over you too.

Things will never be different and I have no patience for more of the same old shit. I live in Jersey. I got enough one-way streets in my life.

So just so we're clear: I dont consider you a friend of mine. It is not okay to call, email, IM, Facebook, Myspace, smoke signal, carrier pigeon, morse code, telegram or priority mail me LOL. Anything I left out, consider that also not okay. As far as Im concerned, we have nothing to talk about, and while you might feel unfortunately otherwise, what you want no longer concerns me.

But thanks for playing... its been real ;)

*two fingaz*

Here Goes Nothin'

So…..As I said, I bought a pack of blacks at the same time I bought that e-cig and I figured I would start the e-cig when the pack was gone. I smoked the last one last night, but not late enough last night, so come about 10pm, I was like ok, let’s try the e-cig.

It is important to note that these things are not to be smoked the same way you smoke your cigarettes/cigars. If you smoke 30 cigarettes a day, you aren’t gonna pull this thing out 30 times a day, just to be smoking something other than a cigarette. If you’re doing that, its never gonna work (AND youll end up having to buy another one like every other day, cause its only got 250-300 “quality puffs” as they call em, which is the equivalent of about 25 cigarettes.) This thing only has a shot of working for you if you are really TRYING to quit and are using it only to take the edge off when that craving creeps up on you. Especially for a cigar smoker because like I said before, it tastes nothing like a cigar, so it doesn’t provide quite the same satisfaction. The vapor you pull in is different than with cigar smoke too, but it’s a LOT like cigarette smoke. A person trying to quit cigarettes should be golden with this thing, but it doesn’t quite hit the mark for a cigar aficionado. They need to come out with a cigar one.

Im still gonna try it though. Its sitting in front of me right now. Im usually straight all day at work and don’t smoke til Im home at night. People tell me that probably means Im not really addicted, more likely habitual, but damn that, I’ve FELT the withdrawal trying to quit, so its something. Of course all that could be psychosomatic but whatever, its not fun LOL. I have to try to neutralize some of my smoking cues too. For instance, when Im at home, coffee comes with a smoke. Its kinda hard to have coffee and not feel the urge. That’s what made me pull the e-cig out in the first place today and it did enough to take off the edge so I could keep it moving. And really that’s all you need is something that helps get you through those moments. There are no whole days ahead of you. Quitting smoking is something you take like ten minutes at a time. You get the urge and you challenge yourself to get thru the next ten minutes. You try so hard to distract yourself that usually by the time you check again, an hour’s gone by. I’ve been officially smoke-free (mindfully) for 13 hours. I’ll be fine until around 730, and then 730 to midnight is gonna be hell LOL. But if the Lord willing and the creek don’t rise, I will still be smoke free this time tomorrow.

*crossing fingers*

Sunday, October 23, 2011

The Next Thing Smokin'



I know: da hell is that? LOL

That, people, is hopefully the best $9.95 I will ever spend (with the ped egg still being the best $9.99, Im just sayin LOL)

I had so much stuff on my mind this morning, I couldnt concentrate enough to work on my paper. My boyfriend called and I was happier than ever to have something else to think about for a little bit besides money and bills and everything else lately that's been trying to drive me to an early grave. After we hung up, I looked at the pile of laundry in the corner of my room that I still needed to do, the bathroom I still needed to clean and the living room that now needed to be salvaged after the house full of kids I had last night tore through it, and I decided to walk to the store, just to get some air and clear my head a little bit before I came back and dealt with it.

I grabbed my Ipod and opened it to the song list, saying I'd scroll it one time, real hard, and start with whichever song it landed on. DeWayne Woods, "Let Go [Let God]" - okay. I can do that.

I was arriving at the store when the song ended and Tommy, the store owner, always talks to me when Im in there, so I turned my Ipod off and picked up the chips and m&m's the midgets wanted, the cranberry juice and Canada Dry I was getting for myself and the pack of apple blacks I said I wasnt going to buy any more of. He meets me at the register and on the counter is a huge posterboard advertising the electronic cigarette.

"You got this?" I asked, knowing the sign wasnt there before today.

"Yeah. Wanna see?"

I nodded.

He pulls one off the rack behind him and hands me the single, two-pieced contraption. The shorter end, I guessed, was the filter, which you screw into the longer piece. I always wanted to check one out, but I was concerned about the fact that it says it tastes like a cigarette. I hate cigarettes, and contrary to non-smokers' beliefs, cigars taste nothing like them. I wasnt sure it would work for me, and I expressed that to Tommy.

With a rarely-seen serious demeanor, he said, "Its worth a try, right? You aint worth $9.95?"

He said a few other things, but I was concentrating on keeping my eyes from watering, so I cant tell you exactly what. I just know it had to do with him wanting me to live a long time and hoping I was serious in saying that would be my last pack of blacks. He threw in a lighter to replace a wack one he sold me last week and told me he hoped that would be my last lighter too, which sparked a conversation about me being able to braid and his sister needing her hair braided and how much would I charge her, etc, etc. Random, I know LOL.

Anyway, I left the store feeling some kinda way and hit the back arrow on my Ipod to play DeWayne Woods again, this time intending to really listen to the lyrics, which I seriously needed to internalize at that moment. I really dont remember the walk home. I just remember feeling like I was at a crossroad or...... something.

This morning I had all but abandoned the "one week after I start work" objective, convinced that there was no way I could handle that right now. Then I went to the store and spent ten dollars on my "way" - one I wasnt really looking for. So maybe its time I take the hint. Even more so, time to take some control over something I actually have power over, in the midst of so many other things that I dont.

I sat on my bed and screwed the thing together to try it out, with my baby watching intently.

"Ooh it lights up blue at the end, Mom! Do it again!" Kids are so easily amused LOL.

It's menthol taste is really more like spearmint - thats a good thing - and something in the mechanism creates a kind of choking vapor draw when you pull on it, so it actually does feel like you are really smoking, right down to the water vapor you exhale afterwards that looks like real smoke. It's a lot heavier than my cigars are, so I will have to get used to that, but I think this could actually work. Go figure. The question is, will it keep me from killing people the way my cigars do? LOL That is yet to be seen, but Im definitely willing to give it a go.

I put the e-cig down to check an alert on my phone and found it ironic how it was sitting on top of my Psych book. "The Journey of Adulthood." I'll be damned if mine aint a HELL of a journey.....hence the pic.

As for everything else outta whack in my world, Im speaking victory over it, and letting go of the wheel so God can work it out. Those who know the words of prayer, please keep me in them.

That is all.

Friday, October 21, 2011

One Week In

First week down and my body is killing me. I wore my ankle down today too, out of the office at 9:30 and gone til 3. Thats a full day of walking Manhattan and I think I ate all of Manhattan too, in the process LOL. I definitely need to get my nutrition life together, but I feel like I need the calories now. I find myself literally shaking sometimes when Im out and about, because Im doing so much walking, and its all so fast, trying to keep up with Daddy Long Legs I've been going around with. There has to be a happy medium though. I'll find it. All this walking, I'll be a waif by Christmas. (<--- thats called sarcasm, people LOL)

The midgets little brother and sister are gonna be here for the weekend and Im soooo not in the mood, but I said it was okay, so I guess I better just suck it up. I wish I had realized my final paper was due on Monday before I agreed to it though. I'll just have to find a way to get it done, even if it means I gotta duct tape the kids to the couch LOL (Im just kidding, DYFUS.... kinda.... LOL)

My financial aid advisor has to be the most incompetent dude on the planet. He walked me through the initial process of applying for funds and was fully aware of what I was asking for. Suddenly yesterday, when I inquire about why I havent received my refund from the loan, he tells me I dont have a refund and I dont have enough to pay for my next class cause I didnt borrow enough. WTF you mean, I aint borrow enough? Why didnt you tell me I needed more when I initially sent the form for your review? Andy why does your voicemail say you will get back to me in 24 hours and it ends up being more like 48? And why when I ask you THREE TIMES to call me, you still sending me emails? Ima curse his ass out when I do talk to him. I needed that refund to set me straight with the rent and stuff. Why the devil steady tryna play me? See.... shit like this is why its so hard to stop smoking. Every time Im about to - like Im supposed to by the end of this weekend - some bullshit pops up, right on cue. *smh*

Ay carumba!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

I Love New York

OOOOOOOOMG!!!

First of all, my body hurts like I been on the chain gang all day. Ladies, dont be out there killin yaself with that PX90 and Insanity and all that. If you can hang, thats cool, but trust and believe, walking (fast) will work for you too. Inclines and steps are even better, and I did ALL that today, out and about with a couple reps at work. These dudes ... IDK if they just had some long ass legs or they were really walking as fast as they seemed to be, but I felt like I was almost running half the time to keep up LOL. I am not at all exaggerating when I tell you I feel like I've lost an inch off my waist today. My whole shit is burning LOL. My damn armpits are sore LOL. *smh*

But its okay, cause today I saw a little glimpse of heaven.

Im out this morning with one rep and he's got an appt on the 16th floor of a 16-floor building. We get back in the elevator and he decides to canvas the building, since we were already in (for you non-sales folks, that means dropping in on businesses to introduce yourself and attempt to set up meetings with the person responsible for contracting whatever service or product youre selling, or at the very least, finding out who it is so you can call to speak with them at another time). We go down to ... IDK 15 or 14 and what do we stumble upon? The Miss Universe Organization offices. I knew they had to have offices, but it never really occurred to me that they actually had an office LOL (if that makes any sense). I just thought, wow, this is so cool. Someone was in one of the conference rooms getting hair and makeup done by like three people, but I dont even know who the hell Miss Universe is right now, so dont even ask. That coulda been the office manager just feeling herself, IDK LOL.

So we go down another floor. Lucky damn Brand! Jessica Simpson shoes everywhere! And when I say everywhere, I mean EVERYWHERE. On the tables, behind the couches, in the window sills. It was like Shoe Woo (or one of those other bougie stores) but all white and in a space more living room-like. The guy I was with was talking to the lady at the desk and I was off in another world, just staring. Them shoes was HAWT too! The lady's like "oh there's more down on 8." Word? I see you, 8. We comin LOL.

Down the elevator again - Steve Madden. Didnt see the layout area but the setup was fly!

Down again - Mia Shoes. *smh* The boss was outta town but the assistant was there and at that moment I envied her job soooooooo much, I literally wrote down her name and her boss's name, so I could inquire LOL. I aint even joking.

Down on 8 - parent company, Camuto Group and all the damn BCBG shoes (two different lines) you could ever wanna see in one place, plus the Camuto line. TWO showrooms like the Lucky Brand one. The lady knew we spoke to her counterpart up on 15 so she gave us the tour. The rep Im with asked if people can come shop there (come on son! LOL) and she says no, its just for the buyers at places like Macy's, et. al. She then turns to me and says "These are BCBG Spring 2012 lines."

*dead*

I wanted to take pictures and send em to my friend P so bad but they told me I couldnt. She mighta chained herself to a radiator if she were there LOL. The lady tells me how they sometimes have cocktail parties up there and I was trying my damndest to get invited to one but she was no help. "I cant even get my friends in" she says. DAMN your friends! What about me? LMAO!

Chinese Laundry, Dirty Laundry, Rocawear, Zigi, Dereon Shoes (never even knew there were Dereon shoes).... all had offices or at least showrooms in that building. And down the street, I finally got my first gander at Trump Tower and a real deal Gucci store. Man, it just dont get much better than this!

I was a little disturbed that the Abercrombie store had a velvet rope, red carpet and line outside the door though. That one Im really not understanding.

But this is what I love about being in New York. There is always some sort of surprise, especially when you deal with other corporations and the companies they are affiliated or do business with. I never even think twice about any of these brands outside of the stores. When you get up on their offices, the whole feel is just different. You just wanna be a part of it. It seriously made me wanna rethink my whole professional life LOL.

Ima do some research. I think I wanna work wholesale!

Monday, October 17, 2011

Real Quick Part 2

So my bell rings about an hour ago. Some man is at the door asking if the landlord lives here and all these other questions, talking to my son thru the intercom. I go downstairs to see what the hell he want and he's telling me he is there for "the inspection."

Im sorry, what?

He's telling me something about reassessing the property value. Ok well one, sir, why would you be doing that at night, and without my landlord being present? Wouldnt the owner want to be there? Two, he aint tell me nothing about any inspection, so Im sorry, you will not be coming up in here this evening. Now if you would like to come back some other time, after I have had a chance to verify your story, we can do that. He's asking if I can call the landlord so he doesnt have to make a second trip.

*staring into the camera*

I dont give a damn if you gotta make a second trip LOL. You are NOT coming in my house.

I email my landlord, you know, just checking it out, so if the guy did come back, I would know to let him in. My landlord said they are not aware of any inspection.

*staring into the camera*

Yall be careful, and more importantly, be smart. Check the story out if it dont sound right cause aint no tellin. Fool was probably tryna case the joint.

*smh*

Let him bring his ass back here.....

Real Quick

First day of work was good. The people are really nice, my boss is great, my Blackberry was ready but my laptop was not. Three outta four aint bad. I was bored out of my mind the second half of the day, but I expected that and I expect more of it over the next week. Comes with the territory.

The job - right across from a mini mall. Not good. But Im determined to exercise some damn self-control.

Speaking of self-control, I need to erase the last two days of my take-out life. As long as it takes to lose, it only takes a commercial break to gain it back, so Im reeling it in before I be mad I cant fit into them jeans no more. I expected a small regression when I resumed life outside these walls though, so its still all good. Grocery shopping on Wednesday and all will be well.

About to turn in this paper in a minute, putting an end to week 5 of class, rebraid the front of my baby's hair and then attempt to put my house back together. With any luck, there will still be at least a little time to relax. I swear - I leave the house for 10 hours and its like the day is half gone LOL....

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Updates



****Oh I forgot: Very interesting responses to my "wrongful termination" question (thanks!). I posted it on my FB and got some interesting responses there too. I am pondering a new book that includes such an event and just wanted to see how people felt about it in general.

Still doing well in my Human Development class. The online environment is a little tricky though at first. It took me 4 weeks to work out the timing (Im in week 5).

Im wearing my hair longer than I have in years so I keep thinking something is crawling on me LOL. Its starting to make me look crazy, so if you see me on the street, appearing to have a nervous condition, pretend not to notice LOL.

Im stuck on 11 pounds of weight loss. Im sure water retention has a lot to do with it, so maybe I will have a true gauge after next week, but I gotta tell ya: bloat and all, I slid into these jeans I bought about four months ago or so that I was never able to wear (cause my lazy ass didnt try em on in the store and they ended up being too small) and that was the best feeling ever in life! I remember fighting with them, then feeling woozy when I finally did get em buttoned and having to hurry up and unbutton em again to keep from passing out LOL. Yesterday, them bad boys just slid right on. No fighting with the button, and no dizziness, LOL. I call that a #win.

I start work next week, so Im supposed to stop smoking as of next Saturday. Pray for me cause iono.... LOL.

And lastly, it seems that my landlord has been visited by an Angel of the Lord. He took a couple days to ponder the one email I sent in response to his concerns, but he hit me back tonight to say that we are all good and a huge weight lifted right off my shoulders. So much so that I almost felt lightheaded. I gotta have the best poker face this side of creation, but I cannot tell a lie - I was starting to get a little nervous.

Thank You, Jesus.

With everything thats been happening over the last two months or so, you might wonder why I didnt lead with this news. Well.... I guess because Im tired of not having normal, regular, good stuff to talk about. Im happy. Im getting healthy. Im enjoying my existence on this planet and for once (since this mess began) I just wanted to focus on THAT.

But alas, yes. I do believe I can finally say that the storm clouds are blowing away and the sun is sliding back into its rightful place in the sky of my world. I thought I'd have another rant for yall when this happened - some other "Im a survivor" shit, standing on people's furniture and screaming off my balcony, but you know.... what I feel is just a real serene...... calm. I dont wanna yell or scream or rant or cry or any of that. I just wanna .... I guess..... be.



***

"I dont mean to portray the road as having been easy, it surely has not. I have just grown to know that the trials and tribulations of life can only break you if you let them."

-Doctor Dig

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Effin' Losers

He calls you on the way to work.

He calls you on the way from work.

He calls you while he’s AT work.

He calls you from the mall.

He calls you from the grocery store.

How come he never calls you from home?

You ask him and the explanation is rather lightweight, but so what, he’s now called you from home once or twice…. For about seven minutes each occasion…. And once the phone went dead right in the middle of something you were saying, but no big deal. Calls drop all the time. “I’ll just call back”….. six times….. and he wont answer. Texts aren’t being returned either. On occasion, as he gets out of his car, he says something like “aight, I'm bout to go up in here and I don’t be getting no reception in the building so Ima hit you later.” Later is always tomorrow….. on the way to work….

At work…..

or coming from work,

the mall

or the grocery store.

A man will deny it until he’s blue in the face, but those are signs of a man with another woman at home. I'm not saying its not POSSIBLE there could be another reason. He could have another MAN at home. But we hope not cause I’d have to charge you double for that couch session LOL.

One of my girlfriends came to me with this scenario, and while the details are so similar, she could come in here and think this situation is hers, but the scenario you see here is actually from my own experience.

This dude swore up and down there was nobody else at home, but he’d go all around the block with questions as to why I believed there was before he’d actually STATE that. It was like he really didn’t wanna lie so he had to build up the courage to do so with all the runaround and deflection, and then when he finally got the nerve to bite the bullet, he’d say it. But I had grown to know his responses well enough to know that it wasn’t the truth. The epiphany upset me, because it meant there would be no moving forward, but it was a relief too, because at least I now knew why there had been so many inconsistencies and so little follow through and it had nothing to do with ME.

Dudes that do stupid stuff like this are annoying as hell but its even worse when someone plays the entire role – making plans with you for the future, talking about moving where you live or moving you where they live (of course, we are talking about a long distance relationship) – and THEN the above scenario plays out. That shit is HELL, and I never could understand how a dude could be so selfish as to put a woman through it. You are having your cake and the broken woman is left just holding the knife, not sure if she wants to cut her own throat or yours.

How does a guy even think he can win in that situation? Or does he know he cant in the end but the gratification of having both temporarily is great enough that they are willing to subject themselves to going down in flames later? I guess I get that, but damn…. Utter disregard for someone’s heart? Ruining a perfectly good woman for the next man. And then yall wonder why some women go all “thin line” on ya asses….. *smh*

“The sweetest woman in the world can be the meanest woman in the world…… if you make her that way.”

Chuuuch.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Fiscal Responsibility

So I was talking to one of my friends today and we somehow got around to spending habits, saving habits, and all around fiscal responsibility. I shared with her the biggest fiscal lesson I learned: THERE IS A RIGHT AND WRONG WAY TO SAVE.

I was making stupid money at my last job. STUPID money. I was putting money into my savings account at a rate of $200 a week (automatically drafted from my checking) with additional funds on those weeks I really didnt have anything to pay, but you know what? When my contract ended in July, I aint have a lick of savings. How is that, you ask? Well, I'll tell you how.

I was pretty much tallying up what I had to pay and then putting whatever was left into my savings account (minus the maybe $200 I left in my checking for incidentals). Most of the time, I didnt miss that $200/week, but every so often I would forget about a bill or something would come up that I didnt have the money in my checking account to cover. I would wind up taking the money out of my savings account, then never putting it back. While I had those weeks I had very little to pay, I had other weeks where I needed nearly my whole check for bills, and I'd be dipping into my savings for "living money" for that week. God forbid another unexpected expense arose in that same week, cause I'd put a huge dent in my savings account.

The lesson: even if you think you have it, save in small, consistent amounts every pay cycle. I woulda been fine if I had put it away $50 at a time, week to week. I wasnt gonna miss $50 in any given week. Then after three weeks of pay, if there was still a chunk of it I havent needed in all that time, THEN I coulda moved it over into my savings account, confident that I wouldnt need to go back for it. The object is to have the bulk of your money in your checking account, so you have little or no need to even look at your savings account. Small sums that you set aside will accumulate quickly and you wont even be thinking about it cause you wont need it.

Another thing, CARRY CASH. The reason most people's bank accounts end up overdrawn is because they arent keeping proper track of whats coming out. Most of us swipe our debit cards without even thinking about it, and because its often for small amounts ($2 here, $6 there) we dont think about its impact on our balances. But those small transactions add up. And lets not forget the automatic drafts some of us have. Netflix has fucked me up on more than one occasion, leaving me less money available than I thought I had. Because it comes out of my account automatically, I have a tendency to forget about it until I think I have $50 to cover my $37 wifi bill and find I only have $25 in there. "Dammit, man!" LOL....

When you get paid, pay your bills and take out a lump sum of money for the week. That's an easy way to create a budget and a good way to keep track of how much you're spending. When you get close to depleting those funds, you will be forced to look at your account again before you take any more out, and you wont take out more than you should. It also helps you determine how much you actually spend in a normal week, so when you go over that, you will know you need to rein it in. Try that and see if you dont find yourself in better financial position.

Oh, one more thing: Your checks come with a transaction ledger for a reason. USE IT. Not just every time you write a check, but also anytime you pay a bill or take money out of your account. Its a pain in the ass at first but once you form a habit, it just becomes natural. Taking those lump sums out will reduce how much you have to track though (as opposed to keeping up with little $20 and $30 withdrawals here and there). And keep receipts for anything other than food for at least 3 months. You never know.

I learned these lessons the hard way. Hopefully you wont have to.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Hmmmm

Hit me up in my email with responses to this scenario:

You get a new job, say you've been there a few months. You have from time to time mentioned this boyfriend who you love so dearly. People run into you at lunchtime and maybe after work with a handsome gentleman you are hugged up and canoodling with, maybe sometimes kissing. At some point, you attend a company function and bring your ACTUAL boyfriend. Everyone is confused. You have had this boyfriend for two years but this is not the man everyone has been seeing you fraternizing with. Your boss calls you into his office the following Monday and fires you, stating questionable morals and ethics. Is this justified? Should it depend on the type of work you do (whether you work with sensitive information or money)? Or is this an altogether wrongful termination?

doctordig9@gmail.com

Saturday, October 8, 2011

America's Got Talent

My body hurts like hell. Everything from the waist down, my shoulders and my back are all screaming for some Ben Gay, an epsom bath or SOMETHING but I cant muster the energy to do nothing but pop an IB.

11 hours I spent with the midgets at America's Got Talent. ELEVEN HOURS!! And wee were standing for at least half that time, and of course I had on the absolute wrong shoes. Hadnt worn em in a while and they "looked" comfortable but I seemed to have forgotten that the fact that they really arent is why I havent worn em in so long. Im bout to throw them bitches in the garbage..... tomorrow, cause I cant move right now LOL.

My baby sang "Pricetag" and did a really good job vocally, but her performance consisted of tugging on her sweater and rocking back and forth on her heels LOL. My son sang "Just a Friend" (Mario's version) and apparently forgot all the changes we talked about making last night, but he still pulled it off. He went first too in the group (she went second) so he gets points for that as well.

My baby said today was the best day ever and AGT is lucky she felt that way cause I felt a meeting with somebody's boss coming on. They got to see Nick Cannon and Madison Square Garden and The Empire State building, all while auditioning to be on TV so they had very few complaints once it was all over, but even they were exhausted and achy afterwards. We couldnt wait to bring our asses home and now they both in the bed - even Mister 4am on weekends. That oughta tell ya how much it drained us. But all in all, it was a good experience for them and they got to see Mama's support of their dreams up close and personal, so pain and fatigue aside, I'd call it a #win.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Rant: Premarital Sex

So one of my friends posted a status on FB asking about people's take on premarital sex. I read the 40 comments on the thread and decided to inbox him my opinion to avoid all the email notifications likely to come, but as comments continued to roll in, I found myself having a lot more to say and I aint wanna write a book on his thread, so I decided to just blog about it.

I believe all of the people who were against the idea of sex before marriage stood on religious principle, yet, if Im not mistaken, all of them also admitted to their stance being an afterthought of having already had premarital sex, and some having children from those encounters, leading me to believe their positions were more a reaction to mistakes they have made in their own personal experiences, rather than a true perspective of the issue.

One person in particular kept commenting using the term "relationships based on sex" and talking about how you should get to know people first and implying that bad sex should be no hurdle for real love, stating that bad sex cant ruin a solid relationship.

I call bullshit.

This was the comment I inboxed:

"Not commenting on the thread cause I don’t want 800 email notifications but my opinion is that just because a couple has premarital sex doesn’t mean they don’t get to know each other and find other levels of compatibility first, they are just choosing to add sex to that dynamic also. I don’t think anyone is saying its ALL about sex, but anyone who says incompatibility in the bedroom cant ruin a good relationship is in denial or just has never had the experience. That can ruin even the best of relationships, as much as any other irreconcilable issue can. Not everybody is teachable. You can try and they can try but if you need to be loved (physically) a certain way and they just cant seem to get there, its going to be very hard to stay happy with that person, no matter how great everything else is, so they will either leave or cheat eventually. So what, we wait to marry, find that to be a hurdle we cant clear and then kick divorce from 50% to 87%? LOL Or do we just stay married being all passive-aggressive cause he’s kickin in his half of the bills and cooks better than we do? Come on son! I believe God and I think waiting is ideal, but I'm also a realist and that’s just the truth. Hate it or love it, that’s just my opinion."

After reading several other comments that came after, I have this to add...

Even as Christians we have to understand that HE is God and we are mere humans. In our efforts to follow Him, we are conflicted and falter all the time. So we shouldn't have premarital sex but its okay to cuss like sailors, get drunk, and claim other people’s kids on our taxes? We aint at home praying for the bitch at our jobs we cant stand LOL. Sin is sin, so why we actin like this one is worse than any other (and clearly I am a work in progress, so dont judge me LOL)?

Understand I'm not talking about the random, irresponsible sex we might have had in our immature youth. I'm talking about the physical consummation in a committed relationship where everything else you require is ALREADY intact and sex is just another component as opposed to the base of the relationship. Its not just a desire of the flesh, it’s a deeper level of expression and communication and I, for one, wanna know that we speak the same language LOL.

In a perfect world, we would all probably love to say we would work through it forever if its not up to par, but lets be real. This is not a perfect world and we are not perfect people. Maybe its our selfish need to be happy above all else, but there is only so long we gonna work with somebody and stay unfulfilled in that area - or any area, for that matter. A void is a void, whether its sex, support, communication or whatever. Any of those things is gonna become a problem eventually BECAUSE we are only human and we do have that need for fulfillment.

Love aint got nothing to do with it. Simply put, there are just certain things that has to be in a person's 80 as opposed to their 20, and for many, sex better be in somebody's 80. If you are a person who can accept sex being part of somebody's 20 (a shortcoming), more power to you, but relationships fail for many reasons, so lets not act like premarital sex is the root of all evil. I seriously question whether the failure of those aforementioned relationships really boiled down to the fact that they were having sex. I suspect there were other shortcomings in them or their partners that really were to blame and people need to boss up to that and take responsibility.

Am I encouraging sex before marriage? No. Frankly, I dont care what anybody else is or isnt doing in that regard, but it is a personal choice and it annoys me when people try to paint those who make that choice out to be unenlightened heathens. Personally I need full disclosure (or as close as I can get to it) before deciding to enter into the union of marriage because I only wanna do it once. Sex is just another aspect of compatibility, in my opinion, and I wanna know we are compatible in that way before I sign on to a life of sexual frustration, which will only lead to additional issues down the line. But everyone is entitled to their opinions. This just happens to be mine, but again, sin is sin and we are all violators, so let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

I'll wait while somebody picks up all these damn crickets...

Thursday, October 6, 2011

The Devil Is Busy!



So apparently my test isn’t over.

The job is on deck to start on the 17th, and I had spoken to my landlord, letting him know about the loss of the job and everything, so I thought, okay, Ima start my job and then catch up on the rent and carry on business as usual (I haven’t yet been able to pay September).

I get a call 2 days ago from the landlord’s son (he speaks better English and “legalese”) about what my plans were, so I tell him. It seems my plans aren’t quite acceptable, because my not paying them means them not paying the bank, and as much as they would be willing to work with me, being such a good tenant and all, the bank isn’t quite willing to wait.

So I pretty much exhausted all the options I thought I might have over the couple days he gave me to figure something out, and my final and most recent effort was an email to him, asking about the possibility of foregoing my security deposit and using it to cover September rent, and then paying October by the end of the month and starting fresh in November. Caveat: my lease ends at the end of this month. This means, if he does not accept this arrangement (which he implied at first mention of it 2 days ago that he probably wouldn’t) my lease cannot be renewed and I will have to move when it ends….. October 31st.

Did I mention that today is October 6th? LOL

*sigh*

At this point, I cant be upset anymore. I have gone through so many different emotions throughout this entire fiasco, I think I blew my emotional fuse. Or maybe I cried so much last week when I thought all this shit was over there just isn’t anything left. All I can do is start my apartment search and keep faith that I will find something still in this area so my kids wont have to change schools and that will be flexible in regards to the move date and the deposit they will likely require. Strangely enough, I am in good spirits despite it all. My mentality is strictly logistics, no emotion. Emotion seems to be a luxury that my broke ass cannot afford, and it does nothing but distract me from what I need to do. So despite this continued adversity, I continue to smile and keep the faith that everything is still going to be okay. I do request your prayers, however, as psychology tells us that lack of emotion often precedes insanity LOL

Interestingly enough, I had to write a personal journey paper for my Human Development class and of all the positive traits I adapted from my mother, strength in adversity has to be the best of all. This type of stuff doesn’t shake me. I just do what I have to do, and I have always been that way because she was always that way. Odd how I feel she is constantly trying to strip me of that lately, wanting me to retreat so quickly, not understanding that I will never stop trying until there is nothing left. I will never be anybody’s “victim” and the sooner folks (and the devil) realize that, the sooner they can waste their efforts elsewhere.

#iwillnotlose

Sidebar: Once I get [all the way] through this storm, I dont wanna hear another NOTHING from NOBODY about what they cant do. I swear Im slappin the shit out the first person that does...

Email Sharing

They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & sold to the tannery... if you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor."

But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot .....they "didn't have a pot to piss in" & were the lowest of the low.

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell .... brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all came the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water!"

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof... Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold.

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old." Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the "upper crust."

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night - "the graveyard shift" - to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."

And that's the truth... Now, whoever said History was boring?

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

R.I.P. Steve Jobs



Arguably the greatest inventor of our time, the Apple Co-Founder and technological visionary lost his battle today with pancreatic cancer.

*fires up Ipod*

Saturday, October 1, 2011

I Quit

I dont think I wanna go into mental health anymore.

Once you get on the phone with someone who is hell bent on killing themselves, and spend any amount of frantic time trying to find the one reason to live that might make some bit of difference to them, and you hang up still not knowing if you got through... and wonder if you will be left to carry the guilt for the rest of your life if you havent succeeded in saving them... you realize you never wanna get that call again.

#wheresmyglass