The Devil Is Busy!

So apparently my test isn’t over.

The job is on deck to start on the 17th, and I had spoken to my landlord, letting him know about the loss of the job and everything, so I thought, okay, Ima start my job and then catch up on the rent and carry on business as usual (I haven’t yet been able to pay September).

I get a call 2 days ago from the landlord’s son (he speaks better English and “legalese”) about what my plans were, so I tell him. It seems my plans aren’t quite acceptable, because my not paying them means them not paying the bank, and as much as they would be willing to work with me, being such a good tenant and all, the bank isn’t quite willing to wait.

So I pretty much exhausted all the options I thought I might have over the couple days he gave me to figure something out, and my final and most recent effort was an email to him, asking about the possibility of foregoing my security deposit and using it to cover September rent, and then paying October by the end of the month and starting fresh in November. Caveat: my lease ends at the end of this month. This means, if he does not accept this arrangement (which he implied at first mention of it 2 days ago that he probably wouldn’t) my lease cannot be renewed and I will have to move when it ends….. October 31st.

Did I mention that today is October 6th? LOL

*sigh*

At this point, I cant be upset anymore. I have gone through so many different emotions throughout this entire fiasco, I think I blew my emotional fuse. Or maybe I cried so much last week when I thought all this shit was over there just isn’t anything left. All I can do is start my apartment search and keep faith that I will find something still in this area so my kids wont have to change schools and that will be flexible in regards to the move date and the deposit they will likely require. Strangely enough, I am in good spirits despite it all. My mentality is strictly logistics, no emotion. Emotion seems to be a luxury that my broke ass cannot afford, and it does nothing but distract me from what I need to do. So despite this continued adversity, I continue to smile and keep the faith that everything is still going to be okay. I do request your prayers, however, as psychology tells us that lack of emotion often precedes insanity LOL

Interestingly enough, I had to write a personal journey paper for my Human Development class and of all the positive traits I adapted from my mother, strength in adversity has to be the best of all. This type of stuff doesn’t shake me. I just do what I have to do, and I have always been that way because she was always that way. Odd how I feel she is constantly trying to strip me of that lately, wanting me to retreat so quickly, not understanding that I will never stop trying until there is nothing left. I will never be anybody’s “victim” and the sooner folks (and the devil) realize that, the sooner they can waste their efforts elsewhere.

#iwillnotlose

Sidebar: Once I get [all the way] through this storm, I dont wanna hear another NOTHING from NOBODY about what they cant do. I swear Im slappin the shit out the first person that does...