Today was an amazing day. I didnt like... find a wallet or nothing LOL, but I just felt amazing all day. It might be because I finally pulled my Ipod out and listened to, and remembered just how awesome the music on it is. I gotta remember to shoot a note to my boy, Courtney, for hooking that up.
Im finally feeling like Im beginning to settle in at the job, making small footprints, here and there, confirming for the powers that be that the decision to bring me on was a good one. The commute is finally becoming doable without an oxygen treatment, I finally figured out how to open the downstairs door without getting closed in it LOL, and Maxwell reminded me today that the best way for a man to say he loves me is to put on Whenever, Wherever, Whatever, hold my hand and stare the words into my eyes, without saying a thing. Im gon marry that man... maybe LOL.
Im about to spend a grip on a trip home to see my kids tomorrow, but I guess thats how it goes when you buy a ticket the same day. Sure there are cheaper ways than flying, but Im going after work and dont wanna spend all night tryna get there, when (weather permitting and we actually get to leave) I can be there in 45 minutes. Besides, I have a date with a whirlpool and my girls to look forward to when I get there - who wants to wait another day for that?
Im looking into other arrangements for the midgets too. Their paternal grandmother said she is willing to have them come stay with her if things arent working out at my mom's - which they arent, for at least one of my kids - so Im gonna talk to them this weekend, and then go talk to her to see what we have to do. If we make that happen, I can carry on with my original plan of having them stay upstate until Christmas, while I get settled down here, and I can start to enjoy the experience of starting over, without having such clutter in my spirit. Paternal grandmother is a whole nother beast than my mom. Some might wonder why I didnt ask her in the first place. Well... there have been other girlfriends and babies since my time on the mound, so our relationship isnt what it use to be. Loyalties and such - a business she never should have gotten into, but I digress. Water under the bridge though now; time to move forward. Everybody's gotta put on their big girl pants.
I think I will have enough to get a place by the 15th. Im hoping so. Im getting tired of looking at all my shit in bags and bins in a corner of the room, and even more tired of digging through them shits every day. Truth be told though, Im not gonna be here much over the next couple of weeks. The job's got me flying to DC the same day I get back from upstate and I'll be there most of the week. The following week, its the same deal - four days out of pocket. Then when I get back, hopefully, I will be on my way into my new digs. I started looking again today. There is some potential.
So things are starting to look up - at least I hope so - and Im ready for better news. Tonight, Im gonna pack a light bag so I can leave right from work tomorrow, then pour me a glass of something sharp, letting my Ipod take the place of channel 843 while Im still in transition. Better get my vitamins together. Judging from my schedule, Im definitely gonna need em....
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Jesus Be a Boeing 757
So.... add Mary J Blige and stir, and you've got my first week of celebrity sightings. Its gotta start slowing down now. Nobody sees ALL of Hollywood the first month out.
My mama is trippin again - this time about six damn quarters. *smh* My patience is about paper thin right now with this woman. She really needs to go lay on somebody's couch and get in touch with herself, because she's got one time to put her hands on my child for something stupid and we are gonna have a misunderstanding.
So Im sitting in the airport, already irritated about that, and wouldnt ya know it - my flight is delayed. No announcement, no nothing, I just know it was supposed to take off at 7:30, and at 7:58, I was still sitting in a rock hard chair, playing on my bout-to-die blackberry, mad. 8:15 and this heffa finally gets on the microphone to say the flight is delayed. Really? I would have never guessed.
Two hours after the planned departure, Im finally on the plane. Another one of them little shits, and this time, Im right smack in the middle of it, so the view from my window is a propeller. Seriously??? Its raining and foggy and I gotta look at a damn propeller for 40 minutes. No. Im not gon do it. Im tired, Im aggravated - Im bout to sleep through this flight and get my mind right before we land.
This muthafucka takes off and Im not even kidding - the noise my propeller was making had me wanting to climb out the emergency hatch. WTF is that???? Yall dont hear this shit? Im looking at the flight attendant, steady traipsing up the aisle like she aint got a care in the world, with her raggedy wig, with the crooked part in the front, and tight ole uniform jacket. Loosen a button or something, lady, first of all, and second of all, I say again: YOU DONT HEAR THAT SHIT???? Im trying not to look at the man across from me, but he is obviously looking at me, either trying not to laugh at the blatant panic on my face, or looking for confirmation that yes, we are about to die LOL. Never in my life have I been on a plane that loud. I could not understand why a plane that rickety was allowed to fly. I meant to get the number off of it, and call Continental tomorrow to tell them about themselves, but I was so happy to have landed safely, I forgot. All I could do was haul ass off the plane. My apologies to any old people I ran over on my way out, but hey, we talkin bout critical shit here LOL. When I tell you I prayed through that whole flight, I mean from lift off to landing. Lord, you know I got kids. Dont do this to me LOL. I literally sat there and recited The Lord's prayer, then made a super pathetic attempt at the 23rd psalm, admittedly forgetting a whole chunk of it, but promising God that I'd learn it, word for word, if he just not let my black ass go up in flames in somebody's field. Clearly, He showed mercy and let me live, so I'll be in Bible crash sessions from now til I commit it to memory. God's not one I wanna welch on a promise to.
So then I get to the hotel, thinking I will relax, turn on the tv, and let the night settle. How bout the damn tv dont work. No signal. No signal? You know what, I cant even mess with this right now. I dont go tell nobody at the desk, I just say eff it and decide to go outside to decompress. A drunk lady is out there smoking and talking on her cell phone to some guy, who very obviously is pissed at her and ignoring how pissed she is at him. I wasnt really listening, but since I was standing right beside her, I did get a decent gauge of the conversation. He hung up on her and she looked perturbed, so I turn to her and ask, "your son or your boyfriend?" She says, "yes."
*staring into the camera*
"Which?"
She either ignored or didnt register the question, but between the long island iced tea and the cigarette, she was all jacked up LOL. Slurring through it all, she started telling me how "he" has to go and he doesnt understand what she has been through and all she is trying to do. Im still confused, but Im thinking, ok, her son is taking advantage of her willingness to allow him to stay there and her taking care of him. I ask, "how old is he?" "47," she says. "You have a 47 year old son??? OMG, you look GREAT!!!" She thanks me and thanks me and keeps on talking, when suddenly she says some shit I cant remember, but totally was not about somebody's kid. I go, "your son?" She says,"no, my boyfriend." Lady, Ima need you to stop drinking. BTW, if the 47 year old is your boyfriend, you look like shit.
Needless to say, I have had better days, but at least my bed is comfortable. I will definitely get a good sleep. A couple crancardis will ensure that, and since Im getting a late go on em, Im gonna go ahead and start right now.
Tomorrow has got to be a better day...
My mama is trippin again - this time about six damn quarters. *smh* My patience is about paper thin right now with this woman. She really needs to go lay on somebody's couch and get in touch with herself, because she's got one time to put her hands on my child for something stupid and we are gonna have a misunderstanding.
So Im sitting in the airport, already irritated about that, and wouldnt ya know it - my flight is delayed. No announcement, no nothing, I just know it was supposed to take off at 7:30, and at 7:58, I was still sitting in a rock hard chair, playing on my bout-to-die blackberry, mad. 8:15 and this heffa finally gets on the microphone to say the flight is delayed. Really? I would have never guessed.
Two hours after the planned departure, Im finally on the plane. Another one of them little shits, and this time, Im right smack in the middle of it, so the view from my window is a propeller. Seriously??? Its raining and foggy and I gotta look at a damn propeller for 40 minutes. No. Im not gon do it. Im tired, Im aggravated - Im bout to sleep through this flight and get my mind right before we land.
This muthafucka takes off and Im not even kidding - the noise my propeller was making had me wanting to climb out the emergency hatch. WTF is that???? Yall dont hear this shit? Im looking at the flight attendant, steady traipsing up the aisle like she aint got a care in the world, with her raggedy wig, with the crooked part in the front, and tight ole uniform jacket. Loosen a button or something, lady, first of all, and second of all, I say again: YOU DONT HEAR THAT SHIT???? Im trying not to look at the man across from me, but he is obviously looking at me, either trying not to laugh at the blatant panic on my face, or looking for confirmation that yes, we are about to die LOL. Never in my life have I been on a plane that loud. I could not understand why a plane that rickety was allowed to fly. I meant to get the number off of it, and call Continental tomorrow to tell them about themselves, but I was so happy to have landed safely, I forgot. All I could do was haul ass off the plane. My apologies to any old people I ran over on my way out, but hey, we talkin bout critical shit here LOL. When I tell you I prayed through that whole flight, I mean from lift off to landing. Lord, you know I got kids. Dont do this to me LOL. I literally sat there and recited The Lord's prayer, then made a super pathetic attempt at the 23rd psalm, admittedly forgetting a whole chunk of it, but promising God that I'd learn it, word for word, if he just not let my black ass go up in flames in somebody's field. Clearly, He showed mercy and let me live, so I'll be in Bible crash sessions from now til I commit it to memory. God's not one I wanna welch on a promise to.
So then I get to the hotel, thinking I will relax, turn on the tv, and let the night settle. How bout the damn tv dont work. No signal. No signal? You know what, I cant even mess with this right now. I dont go tell nobody at the desk, I just say eff it and decide to go outside to decompress. A drunk lady is out there smoking and talking on her cell phone to some guy, who very obviously is pissed at her and ignoring how pissed she is at him. I wasnt really listening, but since I was standing right beside her, I did get a decent gauge of the conversation. He hung up on her and she looked perturbed, so I turn to her and ask, "your son or your boyfriend?" She says, "yes."
*staring into the camera*
"Which?"
She either ignored or didnt register the question, but between the long island iced tea and the cigarette, she was all jacked up LOL. Slurring through it all, she started telling me how "he" has to go and he doesnt understand what she has been through and all she is trying to do. Im still confused, but Im thinking, ok, her son is taking advantage of her willingness to allow him to stay there and her taking care of him. I ask, "how old is he?" "47," she says. "You have a 47 year old son??? OMG, you look GREAT!!!" She thanks me and thanks me and keeps on talking, when suddenly she says some shit I cant remember, but totally was not about somebody's kid. I go, "your son?" She says,"no, my boyfriend." Lady, Ima need you to stop drinking. BTW, if the 47 year old is your boyfriend, you look like shit.
Needless to say, I have had better days, but at least my bed is comfortable. I will definitely get a good sleep. A couple crancardis will ensure that, and since Im getting a late go on em, Im gonna go ahead and start right now.
Tomorrow has got to be a better day...
Friday, September 24, 2010
Week 1
So I havent even been here a week, and already, I’ve seen Patti Labelle, Nelly, Dianne Wiest (DA, Nora Lewin, from Law and Order)and President Carter – Jimmy, not Shawn LOL, although apparently Beyonce does have an apartment on the top floor of the building I work in. I’d call it an eventful week.
I still haven’t made it to pedicure land, and my eyebrows are starting to revolt against my face, but those are on my list of things to do over the weekend. Next order of business after that: a whole new wardrobe LOL.
Seriously – yall remember the movie “Boomerang,” with Eddie Murphy n'em, where Robin Givens played Jacquelyn, the dressed to die, man-eating executive? How bout my whole building is chock full of damn Jacquelyns LOL. Every chick in this building is rockin at least a 3-inch heel on the daily, in a power suit or sassy little dress, torn clean off a window mannequin. I cant even tell you how many times I have done a double take because someone has bounced past me in some frilly little diddy that moves when they walk and I really, really, really wanna ask where they got it LOL. I will say, however, that no one I’ve seen thus far is messin with my shoe game. I’ve been in my comfortable clothes and slides all week, trying to get a firm grasp on the commute and how much actual walking will be necessary while Im at work, but out come the legs and stilettos next week.
You ever have a dream of yourself, like when you were a kid, of who you wanted to be when you grew up or what you wanted your life to be like? Now, have you ever gotten what you dreamed up and not know what to do with it? LOL Im totally a fish outta water here LOL. Its not because Im not cut out for this, its because the place I just left is the kind of place that stifles you and makes you feel comfortable in mediocrity. I’ve got suits and cute dresses and banging shoes, but no job I ever had upstate demanded that of me on any kind of a regular basis. Any day I’d come in looking casket sharp, I’d get compliments all day and inquiries about where I was going LOL. “To my desk, fool.” LOL But that was because nobody shot that high when it came to work, and unless I was doing it just because I felt great when I got up that morning, I’d end up feeling overdressed. Here, “shooting high” is the expectation. All week, I’ve felt underdressed in the Roc City norm. And yes, power plays are born of people, not outfits, but your presentation really does have an effect – on both how you feel about you and how your co-workers and prospective clients will feel about you. I think that’s why everyone here is laced out, because they know that. It says things about you before you even open your mouth, and the environment and business we are in kind of requires that. So I get it. I’ll be in standard uniform, come Monday LOL.
I swear, this has had to be the longest week allowed by law LOL. My body never got a chance to recover from the move labor. Now its suffering from commute walking and stair climbing. Im not mad though, its exercise that is greatly needed, and sooner or later, my body will get used to it. Im really looking forward to finding a place in the next 2 or 3 weeks and enlisting my upstate crew to come down and help me put it together. My girl’s place is really nice, and we are getting along just fine, but I wanna come home to my own spot at the end of a long day and just cool out. There’s nothing like having your own. But I’ll get there.
:)
I still haven’t made it to pedicure land, and my eyebrows are starting to revolt against my face, but those are on my list of things to do over the weekend. Next order of business after that: a whole new wardrobe LOL.
Seriously – yall remember the movie “Boomerang,” with Eddie Murphy n'em, where Robin Givens played Jacquelyn, the dressed to die, man-eating executive? How bout my whole building is chock full of damn Jacquelyns LOL. Every chick in this building is rockin at least a 3-inch heel on the daily, in a power suit or sassy little dress, torn clean off a window mannequin. I cant even tell you how many times I have done a double take because someone has bounced past me in some frilly little diddy that moves when they walk and I really, really, really wanna ask where they got it LOL. I will say, however, that no one I’ve seen thus far is messin with my shoe game. I’ve been in my comfortable clothes and slides all week, trying to get a firm grasp on the commute and how much actual walking will be necessary while Im at work, but out come the legs and stilettos next week.
You ever have a dream of yourself, like when you were a kid, of who you wanted to be when you grew up or what you wanted your life to be like? Now, have you ever gotten what you dreamed up and not know what to do with it? LOL Im totally a fish outta water here LOL. Its not because Im not cut out for this, its because the place I just left is the kind of place that stifles you and makes you feel comfortable in mediocrity. I’ve got suits and cute dresses and banging shoes, but no job I ever had upstate demanded that of me on any kind of a regular basis. Any day I’d come in looking casket sharp, I’d get compliments all day and inquiries about where I was going LOL. “To my desk, fool.” LOL But that was because nobody shot that high when it came to work, and unless I was doing it just because I felt great when I got up that morning, I’d end up feeling overdressed. Here, “shooting high” is the expectation. All week, I’ve felt underdressed in the Roc City norm. And yes, power plays are born of people, not outfits, but your presentation really does have an effect – on both how you feel about you and how your co-workers and prospective clients will feel about you. I think that’s why everyone here is laced out, because they know that. It says things about you before you even open your mouth, and the environment and business we are in kind of requires that. So I get it. I’ll be in standard uniform, come Monday LOL.
I swear, this has had to be the longest week allowed by law LOL. My body never got a chance to recover from the move labor. Now its suffering from commute walking and stair climbing. Im not mad though, its exercise that is greatly needed, and sooner or later, my body will get used to it. Im really looking forward to finding a place in the next 2 or 3 weeks and enlisting my upstate crew to come down and help me put it together. My girl’s place is really nice, and we are getting along just fine, but I wanna come home to my own spot at the end of a long day and just cool out. There’s nothing like having your own. But I’ll get there.
:)
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Foodie in Training
I just had the most amazing dining experience ever in life!!!
So my job flew me to DC to meet with my boss, who is based here, and the rest of the DC team. My hotel is actually in Bethesda though, and its nice as hell. Hyatts tend to be. I have the cutest little almost-rooftop, outside patio that I cant wait to have breakfast on in the morning, and I tell ya, if its like this all the time, they can send me outta town anytime!
So back to the restaurant.... Morton's Steakhouse. Heard of it, but never ate there before. After the long day and even longer cab ride out to the hotel, I was starving. I went inside and took a few minutes talking to the hostess, trying to decide whether to dine in or order my food to go and take it to my room. In the end, I decided to eat there, and FYI for anyone who wants to try to go to dinner alone, but feels uncomfortable, a hotel restaurant is always the way to go. Hotels tend to have a lot of lone travelers, so youre likely not to be the only table for one.
So Im assigned the most adorable Latin waiter God ever gave a place, accent like heavy cream LOL, and he was really good at his job. Turns out this place is one of those restaurants you hear about but never see, that actually show you the cuts of meat and different menu items, before you get the menu, so you can see what youre getting. They had a tray of various cuts of steak, fish, crablegs, vegetables, and a live lobster as a visual aide, as they tell you all the different ways you can have it made. By the time I got the menu, my brain was on overload. I wanted everything LOL. Took me a while to pick, but I decided to have way more food than I knew I could eat, just because I needed to feel better. I eventually ordered chilled maine lobster cocktail, chicken "somebody" (I forgot LOL), sauteed mushrooms and creamed spinach, topped off with two bacardi and cranberries, and a slice of $12 hot chocolate cake. Never got to the cake, cause I was about to combust by the time I maxed out on the other stuff, but I brought it up to my room with the rest of the leftovers. For the record, it was all DELICIOUS, and I recommend Morton's to anybody with a la carte money to blow.
At the end of dinner, the hostess came over and gave me a choice of seven complimentary after-dinner drinks - I chose the port. Too warm, and better for cooking than drinking, but I enjoy anything that's free.99 LOL. meal came to $103 and I left the usual 20% percent tip for excellent service. I might be mad about it when Im down to my last $8, waiting for a damn check, but for tonight, it was soooo worth it. Last night, talking to my son, took so much out of me, I feel like I was in a fog all day. This experience revived me and put my focus back on the long term benefits of having made this move. Im going to get my babies the second Im able to, and Im more focused than ever on making it happen.
I stopped at the hotel bar for two more drinks to bring up to the room with me, and Im enjoying them now in this incredible bed, with the patio doors wide open, wondering if the people in the hotel across the street can see me LOL. I really dont care - I feel free - and Im gonna hold on to this feeling for as long as I can...
So my job flew me to DC to meet with my boss, who is based here, and the rest of the DC team. My hotel is actually in Bethesda though, and its nice as hell. Hyatts tend to be. I have the cutest little almost-rooftop, outside patio that I cant wait to have breakfast on in the morning, and I tell ya, if its like this all the time, they can send me outta town anytime!
So back to the restaurant.... Morton's Steakhouse. Heard of it, but never ate there before. After the long day and even longer cab ride out to the hotel, I was starving. I went inside and took a few minutes talking to the hostess, trying to decide whether to dine in or order my food to go and take it to my room. In the end, I decided to eat there, and FYI for anyone who wants to try to go to dinner alone, but feels uncomfortable, a hotel restaurant is always the way to go. Hotels tend to have a lot of lone travelers, so youre likely not to be the only table for one.
So Im assigned the most adorable Latin waiter God ever gave a place, accent like heavy cream LOL, and he was really good at his job. Turns out this place is one of those restaurants you hear about but never see, that actually show you the cuts of meat and different menu items, before you get the menu, so you can see what youre getting. They had a tray of various cuts of steak, fish, crablegs, vegetables, and a live lobster as a visual aide, as they tell you all the different ways you can have it made. By the time I got the menu, my brain was on overload. I wanted everything LOL. Took me a while to pick, but I decided to have way more food than I knew I could eat, just because I needed to feel better. I eventually ordered chilled maine lobster cocktail, chicken "somebody" (I forgot LOL), sauteed mushrooms and creamed spinach, topped off with two bacardi and cranberries, and a slice of $12 hot chocolate cake. Never got to the cake, cause I was about to combust by the time I maxed out on the other stuff, but I brought it up to my room with the rest of the leftovers. For the record, it was all DELICIOUS, and I recommend Morton's to anybody with a la carte money to blow.
At the end of dinner, the hostess came over and gave me a choice of seven complimentary after-dinner drinks - I chose the port. Too warm, and better for cooking than drinking, but I enjoy anything that's free.99 LOL. meal came to $103 and I left the usual 20% percent tip for excellent service. I might be mad about it when Im down to my last $8, waiting for a damn check, but for tonight, it was soooo worth it. Last night, talking to my son, took so much out of me, I feel like I was in a fog all day. This experience revived me and put my focus back on the long term benefits of having made this move. Im going to get my babies the second Im able to, and Im more focused than ever on making it happen.
I stopped at the hotel bar for two more drinks to bring up to the room with me, and Im enjoying them now in this incredible bed, with the patio doors wide open, wondering if the people in the hotel across the street can see me LOL. I really dont care - I feel free - and Im gonna hold on to this feeling for as long as I can...
Monday, September 20, 2010
Feeling helpless....
I knew this would happen, but somehow I thought it would take longer than two days.
My son called me tonight, complaining about my mother randomly yelling, for no real reason, and was so upset that he started to cry. She has this thing about the kids taking their uniforms off as soon as they come home from school, and he didnt, so she went batshit. He said its every day that she's doing that, and wanted to know if there is anyone else he could go stay with. You have no idea how helpless it made me feel to tell him no.
I tried to soothe him and told him that if there was any other way, I would have gone that route, because I know how my mother is, and she would never have been my first choice. I gave him some advice on how to make his life easier, as well as mine, and he said he would try, but he was still audibly upset, and so am I. The worst of it is that I know how my mom dotes on my daughter, so she's probably living it up, while my son is in turmoil. I hate the way I feel right now. I just dont have any options.
Looks like I will have to put everything in overdrive, and bring the midgets down here as soon as I find a place. I wanted to make sure everything was situated, but I cant have my baby being mistreated. I wont. I went outside, within eyeshot of the local episcopal church, with the lit up cross and prayed that he get a peaceful sleep tonight, and that God thwarts my mother's negativity, preventing it from affecting him. Then I prayed that He helps me to help him, and came inside to call my sister, asking her to check up on him tomorrow. I need something to start looking right up that way, or I might not be able to stay down here. I will make $30,000 a year for the rest of my life, before I leave my kids at the mercy of anything or anyone that threatens to dim their light.
Gotta fly to DC tomorrow, for work, but I have to put some thought into anything I could possibly do to ease that situation. I feel like my hands are tied, being so far away now, but I have to think of something. Even three weeks seems like a long time when you feel like youre being victimized. And I can imagine whats its like for him - my mother doesnt really like boys. Boys become men, and men have been the bane of her existence. I gotta get him outta there.....
My son called me tonight, complaining about my mother randomly yelling, for no real reason, and was so upset that he started to cry. She has this thing about the kids taking their uniforms off as soon as they come home from school, and he didnt, so she went batshit. He said its every day that she's doing that, and wanted to know if there is anyone else he could go stay with. You have no idea how helpless it made me feel to tell him no.
I tried to soothe him and told him that if there was any other way, I would have gone that route, because I know how my mother is, and she would never have been my first choice. I gave him some advice on how to make his life easier, as well as mine, and he said he would try, but he was still audibly upset, and so am I. The worst of it is that I know how my mom dotes on my daughter, so she's probably living it up, while my son is in turmoil. I hate the way I feel right now. I just dont have any options.
Looks like I will have to put everything in overdrive, and bring the midgets down here as soon as I find a place. I wanted to make sure everything was situated, but I cant have my baby being mistreated. I wont. I went outside, within eyeshot of the local episcopal church, with the lit up cross and prayed that he get a peaceful sleep tonight, and that God thwarts my mother's negativity, preventing it from affecting him. Then I prayed that He helps me to help him, and came inside to call my sister, asking her to check up on him tomorrow. I need something to start looking right up that way, or I might not be able to stay down here. I will make $30,000 a year for the rest of my life, before I leave my kids at the mercy of anything or anyone that threatens to dim their light.
Gotta fly to DC tomorrow, for work, but I have to put some thought into anything I could possibly do to ease that situation. I feel like my hands are tied, being so far away now, but I have to think of something. Even three weeks seems like a long time when you feel like youre being victimized. And I can imagine whats its like for him - my mother doesnt really like boys. Boys become men, and men have been the bane of her existence. I gotta get him outta there.....
Friday, September 17, 2010
No words
I had planned to come in here tonight and wrap up the series on my move preparation, give a little ode to this city I've been trying to leave for years, and spew all kinds of optimism about the road ahead, but I just bid farewell to my children and, quite frankly, I feel kind of numb. The words just wont come. So if you all dont mind, Im gonna sit this one out.
I'll check in in a couple days.
I'll check in in a couple days.
Autopilot
No clue how Im still functioning. I have done so much in the last week, on very little sleep, my backup generators must have kicked on LOL. Im in total autopilot mode. Still aint done packing, still gotta do a ton of laundry, still gotta take the stuff Im keeping over to my girlfriend's house to put in her attic, and still gotta run around and try to drop in on a couple of people before I leave in the morning. Yeah, in the morning LOL
I swear, its like stuff just came outta nowhere. I have no idea how I could even fit this much shit in one house. The good part is - which I forgot about - that I dont technically have to be out of the house until the end of the month, so even if I leave tomorrow, my family can still come finish up for me, as my nephew offered this morning. That made me feel a lot better. A lot of stress off my shoulders... if I trusst that that's really gonna happen LOL. All I'd have to do today is the laundry, which would be great, because my body is starting to rebel against me and I really need some rest before that drive tomorrow. Im supposed to be going to a play tomorrow night too, so I get no rest, besides Sunday, before starting work.
*sigh*
At least I took care of all the business I had to do. Plates turned in, insurance halted, car unloaded, mandatory bills paid (LOL) and I can go with a clear conscience. What I didnt do is forward my mail though, so I gotta get one of my girls to get my mail for me for a while, until I can get that done.... or maybe I can find time to do it today...... doubt it LOL
Oh well. Its after noon. While I wait for my fam to come back, I think Im gonna make me a drink. Hell, its 5:00 somewhere LOL
I swear, its like stuff just came outta nowhere. I have no idea how I could even fit this much shit in one house. The good part is - which I forgot about - that I dont technically have to be out of the house until the end of the month, so even if I leave tomorrow, my family can still come finish up for me, as my nephew offered this morning. That made me feel a lot better. A lot of stress off my shoulders... if I trusst that that's really gonna happen LOL. All I'd have to do today is the laundry, which would be great, because my body is starting to rebel against me and I really need some rest before that drive tomorrow. Im supposed to be going to a play tomorrow night too, so I get no rest, besides Sunday, before starting work.
*sigh*
At least I took care of all the business I had to do. Plates turned in, insurance halted, car unloaded, mandatory bills paid (LOL) and I can go with a clear conscience. What I didnt do is forward my mail though, so I gotta get one of my girls to get my mail for me for a while, until I can get that done.... or maybe I can find time to do it today...... doubt it LOL
Oh well. Its after noon. While I wait for my fam to come back, I think Im gonna make me a drink. Hell, its 5:00 somewhere LOL
Sunday, September 12, 2010
VMA Night
I said I wasnt going to blog about the VMA's tonight, because I anticipated missing the first hour of it, watching the True Blood season finale, but I need to retract that statement for just a minute LOL.
First of all, I have an announcement to make: I am becoming a rapper LOL. No, for real, watch.
Second, its about time they added a category for the people behind the scenes. I never quite understood artists getting awards for videos that they, for the most part, just show up to LOL. I mean, yes, they participate to an extent, but very few videos these days are the artist's own treatment, and they surely have nothing to do with the technical presentation of it. So good job adding that category, VMA's, but you couldnt think of a better name than the "Proessional VMA Award?" Really? LOL
Third of all, Taylor Swift.... Never really been a fan - something about her has always annoyed me - but she might be making strides. Opening lines:
"Lost your balance on a tight rope... and lost your mind tryna get it back..."
Wow.... I think she's been to my blog LOL. Seriously. I cant quote the rest of the song, but if you turned all my blog entries into a song, that would be pretty close to what you'd get. Totally buying the CD when it drops, just for that song. Wish I could tell yall what was going through my head at the time, but unfortunately, thats a blog waiting to be written, that hasnt quite found its form yet.
Now why is it that I was up til all times of night all last week, when I had to work in the morning, and now that I dont, I feel like I might fall asleep on the way up the stairs? LOL IDK what thats about folks, but I think Im gonna call the game. Yall be easy.
First of all, I have an announcement to make: I am becoming a rapper LOL. No, for real, watch.
Second, its about time they added a category for the people behind the scenes. I never quite understood artists getting awards for videos that they, for the most part, just show up to LOL. I mean, yes, they participate to an extent, but very few videos these days are the artist's own treatment, and they surely have nothing to do with the technical presentation of it. So good job adding that category, VMA's, but you couldnt think of a better name than the "Proessional VMA Award?" Really? LOL
Third of all, Taylor Swift.... Never really been a fan - something about her has always annoyed me - but she might be making strides. Opening lines:
"Lost your balance on a tight rope... and lost your mind tryna get it back..."
Wow.... I think she's been to my blog LOL. Seriously. I cant quote the rest of the song, but if you turned all my blog entries into a song, that would be pretty close to what you'd get. Totally buying the CD when it drops, just for that song. Wish I could tell yall what was going through my head at the time, but unfortunately, thats a blog waiting to be written, that hasnt quite found its form yet.
Now why is it that I was up til all times of night all last week, when I had to work in the morning, and now that I dont, I feel like I might fall asleep on the way up the stairs? LOL IDK what thats about folks, but I think Im gonna call the game. Yall be easy.
Happy Trails
So I took a couple of days off the blog to try and get last week's negative energy off of me. It was a good decision - Im starting to feel a lot lighter. I still have a ton to do before Friday, but I have faith that it will all work out.
I had my going away party last night, and my girls gave me the best gift ever: a book of photos, commemorating our years together, narrated by Michael Jackson's "I'll Be There," one of my favorite songs. When I first opened it, I didnt get past the first page before tears started welling up in my eyes. I closed the book and set it aside for later, not wanting to be such a mess so early in the night, but I did look all the way through it later in the evening, and cried in the presence of two out of the three people responsible for it. I do believe it's the best thing anyone has ever given me.
My sister didnt make it to the party. It kinda hurt, despite her attempt to justify it with a missed phone call, but I wont say anything to her about it. I just dont have the energy to spare. A couple of other people missed it too, including one who, a couple of days earlier, said "I wouldnt miss it for the world." Guess the universe was on Ebay last night.
People not showing up for me wasnt the only let down. One person, who did show up, appears to have only been there to see my cousins. Spent the whole night chatting in the other room with them, then outside with them, then decided not to accompany the rest of us to the club, because my broke ass cousins werent going. NONE of my family that attended ended up at the club, nor did a single one of them bring the bottle requested by the hostess of the party on the invite she sent, but they all walked in with a can of beer in hand. Yeah, ONE, personal can of beer LOL. *smh* Thats how they do though. At least they are consistent.
The club we went to - recommended to us by one of the parties who didnt show up - was wacker than the wackest wackness, but one of my other friends who was too late for the earlier festivities met us out, and all things considered, I think we all made the most of it. I know I enjoyed myself. Afterwards, we did a ride-by of the other two clubs up for contention, and neither of them really seemed to be the spot last night either. Maybe everybody tapped themselves out last weekend, for Labor Day. *shrugs*
So the night didnt turn out quite like I had seen it in my head, but it ended pretty well, with the exception of the two tires we busted on the way back to my hostess's house. No idea how BOTH the front and back tire get flat from turning up a curb, but we managed to make it back safely. Three of us hung out for a couple of hours, and I made it home around 3:45am, all without so much as a power nap. I dont even know how Im functioning right now LOL. But all in all, it was a pretty good night that somehow cleared my head about a few things. Now if I can just get this house cleared out in the next few days, all will be right with the world. At least having to do it will give me some purpose, now that Im done working, and maybe I can build a case for that wonderful massage I've been thinking about.
Six days to go.
I had my going away party last night, and my girls gave me the best gift ever: a book of photos, commemorating our years together, narrated by Michael Jackson's "I'll Be There," one of my favorite songs. When I first opened it, I didnt get past the first page before tears started welling up in my eyes. I closed the book and set it aside for later, not wanting to be such a mess so early in the night, but I did look all the way through it later in the evening, and cried in the presence of two out of the three people responsible for it. I do believe it's the best thing anyone has ever given me.
My sister didnt make it to the party. It kinda hurt, despite her attempt to justify it with a missed phone call, but I wont say anything to her about it. I just dont have the energy to spare. A couple of other people missed it too, including one who, a couple of days earlier, said "I wouldnt miss it for the world." Guess the universe was on Ebay last night.
People not showing up for me wasnt the only let down. One person, who did show up, appears to have only been there to see my cousins. Spent the whole night chatting in the other room with them, then outside with them, then decided not to accompany the rest of us to the club, because my broke ass cousins werent going. NONE of my family that attended ended up at the club, nor did a single one of them bring the bottle requested by the hostess of the party on the invite she sent, but they all walked in with a can of beer in hand. Yeah, ONE, personal can of beer LOL. *smh* Thats how they do though. At least they are consistent.
The club we went to - recommended to us by one of the parties who didnt show up - was wacker than the wackest wackness, but one of my other friends who was too late for the earlier festivities met us out, and all things considered, I think we all made the most of it. I know I enjoyed myself. Afterwards, we did a ride-by of the other two clubs up for contention, and neither of them really seemed to be the spot last night either. Maybe everybody tapped themselves out last weekend, for Labor Day. *shrugs*
So the night didnt turn out quite like I had seen it in my head, but it ended pretty well, with the exception of the two tires we busted on the way back to my hostess's house. No idea how BOTH the front and back tire get flat from turning up a curb, but we managed to make it back safely. Three of us hung out for a couple of hours, and I made it home around 3:45am, all without so much as a power nap. I dont even know how Im functioning right now LOL. But all in all, it was a pretty good night that somehow cleared my head about a few things. Now if I can just get this house cleared out in the next few days, all will be right with the world. At least having to do it will give me some purpose, now that Im done working, and maybe I can build a case for that wonderful massage I've been thinking about.
Six days to go.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Rethinking Things
Im having second thoughts about this whole "letting the midgets stay here with my mom for a while" thing. Its getting out of hand already.
She's calling and emailing me a thousand times a day making demands, with no consideration for all the other shit I have to do. And its stupid shit, like laundry. You got washer and dryer access too, and you dont even have to do it - my son's been doing laundry for almost two years now. Money for this and that, which I've already given money for, but she's decided to delegate it to something else. I send a blue shirt, she wanted my daughter to have a pink one. Dumb stuff. WTF is wrong with you?
And besides all that, I know - I KNOW - she's never gonna let me forget how she kept my kids for a few months while I "went off to chase MY dreams." She's already showing her hand, I GUARANTEE you she plays that card. We'll be arguing over Christmas dinner in 2027 and she'll be reminding me of how she did this for me.
Im really not in a position to take them with me when I go, but I gotta tell ya: I am sitting here racking my brain, trying to think of a way to do it. I really, REALLY dont want to deal with her drama. I dont know if there is enough prayer in the world to keep me from telling her off, at the rate she's going....
She's calling and emailing me a thousand times a day making demands, with no consideration for all the other shit I have to do. And its stupid shit, like laundry. You got washer and dryer access too, and you dont even have to do it - my son's been doing laundry for almost two years now. Money for this and that, which I've already given money for, but she's decided to delegate it to something else. I send a blue shirt, she wanted my daughter to have a pink one. Dumb stuff. WTF is wrong with you?
And besides all that, I know - I KNOW - she's never gonna let me forget how she kept my kids for a few months while I "went off to chase MY dreams." She's already showing her hand, I GUARANTEE you she plays that card. We'll be arguing over Christmas dinner in 2027 and she'll be reminding me of how she did this for me.
Im really not in a position to take them with me when I go, but I gotta tell ya: I am sitting here racking my brain, trying to think of a way to do it. I really, REALLY dont want to deal with her drama. I dont know if there is enough prayer in the world to keep me from telling her off, at the rate she's going....
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Here We Go Again
This dude had the nerve today to IM me with an attitude, talking about how I am ignoring him. "You havent said two words to me in all of 2010."
*staring into the camera*
Well, thats likely because I left you and your bullshit back in 2009 LOL. But what month are we in - September? It took you nine months to realize I havent been paying you any attention?
"We should hang out when I come home for the wedding next month."
Ahh, there it is. Sorry wont be here, and Im really not interested, thanks.
"Damn, its like that?"
Pretty much.
First the birthday boy and now Mr Im-coming-for-a-wedding. WTF do I look like, Dave and Buster's? LOL You cant just swipe a card and get some time like tokens out of a damn slot machine. IDK how many times Im gonna have to say it - Im not gonna run behind you, tryna see why you didnt do something you said you were gonna do, and Im done giving passes for unacceptable behavior because you've drummed up some weak, half assed apology for whatever transgression you've committed, only to commit the same offense again. Im just gonna cut you off. DONE. You can now feel free to participate full time in whatever activities you'd deemed more important at the time. Chances are, you are not and have never been the only player tryna get off the bench, and your own antics took you out of the running for a starting position. Dont blame the coach cause you got cut - step your weak ass game up LOL. Better yet, why dont you just stop playing them? Yeah. How bout that...
*staring into the camera*
Well, thats likely because I left you and your bullshit back in 2009 LOL. But what month are we in - September? It took you nine months to realize I havent been paying you any attention?
"We should hang out when I come home for the wedding next month."
Ahh, there it is. Sorry wont be here, and Im really not interested, thanks.
"Damn, its like that?"
Pretty much.
First the birthday boy and now Mr Im-coming-for-a-wedding. WTF do I look like, Dave and Buster's? LOL You cant just swipe a card and get some time like tokens out of a damn slot machine. IDK how many times Im gonna have to say it - Im not gonna run behind you, tryna see why you didnt do something you said you were gonna do, and Im done giving passes for unacceptable behavior because you've drummed up some weak, half assed apology for whatever transgression you've committed, only to commit the same offense again. Im just gonna cut you off. DONE. You can now feel free to participate full time in whatever activities you'd deemed more important at the time. Chances are, you are not and have never been the only player tryna get off the bench, and your own antics took you out of the running for a starting position. Dont blame the coach cause you got cut - step your weak ass game up LOL. Better yet, why dont you just stop playing them? Yeah. How bout that...
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Keeping the Faith
Paraphrasing:
So Jesus sent the disciples on without him, in a boat, saying he'd meet up with them shortly. The boat sailed off onto the stormy waters, having traveled halfway across by the time Jesus had worked his miracles and made his way to them. The men looked up and saw a man walking on the water, waves and all, and thought it was a ghost. Only Peter realized it was Jesus, saying "If you are the son of God, let me walk on water too." Jesus said, "Come," and Peter stepped out of the boat, believing. He walked on the water for a short time before the waves crashing around him made him distracted. He became overwhelmed by the storm and began to sink, saying "Lord, save me." And Jesus did.
This was the basis of the message at church this morning, and it was tailor-made for me. It was like this man was sitting in my living room last night, listening to the conversation I was having with a friend, taking notes to ensure he hit every bullet point when I arrived. Im glad He took me seriously when I said I'd be in the building. He came prepared.
At one point, I wondered if this move was really the right thing for me. It was so much more than what I asked for, and in a completely different direction. I mean, all I wanted was a raise - the ability to live comfortably, being compensated for the level of work I deliver - so naturally, I was taken aback when God tripled my salary. It intimidated me a little. I was also looking to get out of the type of work Im in, but I guess God made me good at it to prepare me for this opportunity. Thirdly, I had no intention of ever moving back to where I came from, but all things do eventually come full circle. I guess, in this case, it literally did. The lesson: God does big things. You can get small results yourself. When you bring the Lord into it, expect more than you bargained for, and know that the will of God will never take you where the grace of God cant protect you.
I thought about missing my friends, pulling my kids out of the great school they are in, the idea of being so far away from everything and everybody I have come to know, starting over, and to top it all off, here comes this really great guy... and Im leaving. Those things make it tough, but I believe with all my heart that this is what Im supposed to be doing, so I cant be like Peter, getting overwhelmed by the waves around him, beginning to sink into the sea. I have to keep the faith if I want to walk on water.
And so do you.
You know what else he said today? Not everything that was once good for you is still good for you, so once you are delivered from it, God is done with it and you should be too. He said imagine youre eating this good ole watermelon LOL. You eat so much of it til you get full and throw the rest out. A few days later, you get a hankering for more watermelon. You dont go in the trash and pull out the watermelon you threw away. Its not good anymore, and neither are a lot of things in life. Once you clear away from it, stay clear. Made me think a lot about all my second chance posts. All these fools coming out the woodwork over the past year, trying to rekindle things that use to be (or never was). People tend to view second chances - especially with relationships - as a blessing, but the truth is, they very rarely pan out, and you've wasted time chasing them that probably kept you from your real blessings. Dont think the devil dont know how to create a diversion LOL.
My pastor hit on a few more valid points today with me too, but the point is, keep the faith. When you make a commitment to yourself to go to church, keep it, because you never know when the message will be tailor-made for you. Just thought I'd share.
So Jesus sent the disciples on without him, in a boat, saying he'd meet up with them shortly. The boat sailed off onto the stormy waters, having traveled halfway across by the time Jesus had worked his miracles and made his way to them. The men looked up and saw a man walking on the water, waves and all, and thought it was a ghost. Only Peter realized it was Jesus, saying "If you are the son of God, let me walk on water too." Jesus said, "Come," and Peter stepped out of the boat, believing. He walked on the water for a short time before the waves crashing around him made him distracted. He became overwhelmed by the storm and began to sink, saying "Lord, save me." And Jesus did.
This was the basis of the message at church this morning, and it was tailor-made for me. It was like this man was sitting in my living room last night, listening to the conversation I was having with a friend, taking notes to ensure he hit every bullet point when I arrived. Im glad He took me seriously when I said I'd be in the building. He came prepared.
At one point, I wondered if this move was really the right thing for me. It was so much more than what I asked for, and in a completely different direction. I mean, all I wanted was a raise - the ability to live comfortably, being compensated for the level of work I deliver - so naturally, I was taken aback when God tripled my salary. It intimidated me a little. I was also looking to get out of the type of work Im in, but I guess God made me good at it to prepare me for this opportunity. Thirdly, I had no intention of ever moving back to where I came from, but all things do eventually come full circle. I guess, in this case, it literally did. The lesson: God does big things. You can get small results yourself. When you bring the Lord into it, expect more than you bargained for, and know that the will of God will never take you where the grace of God cant protect you.
I thought about missing my friends, pulling my kids out of the great school they are in, the idea of being so far away from everything and everybody I have come to know, starting over, and to top it all off, here comes this really great guy... and Im leaving. Those things make it tough, but I believe with all my heart that this is what Im supposed to be doing, so I cant be like Peter, getting overwhelmed by the waves around him, beginning to sink into the sea. I have to keep the faith if I want to walk on water.
And so do you.
You know what else he said today? Not everything that was once good for you is still good for you, so once you are delivered from it, God is done with it and you should be too. He said imagine youre eating this good ole watermelon LOL. You eat so much of it til you get full and throw the rest out. A few days later, you get a hankering for more watermelon. You dont go in the trash and pull out the watermelon you threw away. Its not good anymore, and neither are a lot of things in life. Once you clear away from it, stay clear. Made me think a lot about all my second chance posts. All these fools coming out the woodwork over the past year, trying to rekindle things that use to be (or never was). People tend to view second chances - especially with relationships - as a blessing, but the truth is, they very rarely pan out, and you've wasted time chasing them that probably kept you from your real blessings. Dont think the devil dont know how to create a diversion LOL.
My pastor hit on a few more valid points today with me too, but the point is, keep the faith. When you make a commitment to yourself to go to church, keep it, because you never know when the message will be tailor-made for you. Just thought I'd share.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Moving Madness
This move. Im frustrated, more than anything. I have two weeks to go and will just now be starting to really pack things up today. Im a procrastinator, to the core, but even more than that, it seemed like I had more time. You just dont realize how much shit you have until its time to put it all in a box. Then I find out, when I called to reserve a rental, that nobody likes to do one way rentals anymore. The folks that will do it, make you reserve the expensive ass luxury models that most people dont need, all because youre going to leave it in another city. What the hell do I need with a Jag, just to throw a buncha shit in the trunk? My only other option would be to rent a regular car, keep it for a damn week, drive it back here the following weekend and then fly back down to NY. Either way, a bigger expense than I anticipated, and I need to figure out which road to take TODAY, in order to ensure that something is available for me. *sigh*
Then you got people. People I have not heard from in forever, catch wind of me leaving and suddenly feel some pressing need to spend time with me before I go. My "twin" jokes about it on the regular - me being able to call all kinda shots now LOL, but one person in particular, who made this request a couple of days ago, actually kinda pissed me off with it. I havent heard a peep from this dude in a year, almost to the day. And it wasnt for lack of trying, he just wasnt being responsive. But now, outta nowhere, he's all "oh we gotta kick it before you leave." Really? Your birthday must be rolling around again. *checks calendar* Yup. Well I hope you sipped slow on that bottle of 1738 I bought you last year, cause you wont be getting another one LOL.
On the flip side, people Im closer to - those I thought I'd be seeing more of, or at least hear more from, with me moving away - are scarce. Im really kinda thrown at the tremendous lack of interest some have shown in where Im even going, what Im gonna be doing at the new gig, what my plan is, how the moving arrangements/packing is going, or anything else past what I have OFFERED to tell them. Some, I know, have taken on endeavors recently that have rendered them busy. Others... not so much. Just not around, or making hollow plans, not following through. Im not gonna call or text you, asking what happened, and Im not gonna bring it up in those random IM's when you're carrying on, business as usual, like you didnt jap out on something YOU planned. I'll simply pack my shit up and leave you here with everybody else. For me, THAT is business as usual. I have neither the time, patience, nor the desire to deal with your bullshit. But I bet you'll show up to the going away outing, fronting like youre gonna miss me so much. Oh yeah? Go ahead and start missing me now. Im over it.
I dont think one person has offered to help me pack either. Thats all good though - Im used to having to do things myself - its just an observation. A couple friends did offer their spare space for me to avoid paying for storage, so thats at least one less thing to worry about, but silver linings are few and far between right now. I'll start today, like I mentioned, and hopefully see enough progress to make me optimistic about having it all done in the next two weeks. I dont have to be out of the house until the end of the month, so worse case scenario, I come back the following weekend - as Enterprise so thoughtfully suggests (*RME*)- and finish up.
And dont even get me started on my mama. *SMH*
Im supposed to be working until Friday, but Im not sure Im gonna make it that long. Yesterday, it took everything in me not to curse this woman at my job from rooter to tooter. She's one of the ones with a permanent attitude that I talked about before. You know the type - the situation is already resolved, finalized by your last decisive response to her stupid ass inquiries about something, but she still wanna come back and assert her position, because feeling like she's right about whatever it was would just be the high point of her day. Well, let me tell yall this, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart: she got one mo' time - ONE mo' time - and Im gonna forego the rest of the time I have there, let her ass have it, and walk my OWN self out. (<-- see how there's no "LOL" there? LOL)
*sigh*
Ok, I guess I oughta finish my coffee and get my mind right so I can get started. I've had some other things on my mind lately, so I might be back later, but until then, yall be easy and enjoy this holiday weekend.
Then you got people. People I have not heard from in forever, catch wind of me leaving and suddenly feel some pressing need to spend time with me before I go. My "twin" jokes about it on the regular - me being able to call all kinda shots now LOL, but one person in particular, who made this request a couple of days ago, actually kinda pissed me off with it. I havent heard a peep from this dude in a year, almost to the day. And it wasnt for lack of trying, he just wasnt being responsive. But now, outta nowhere, he's all "oh we gotta kick it before you leave." Really? Your birthday must be rolling around again. *checks calendar* Yup. Well I hope you sipped slow on that bottle of 1738 I bought you last year, cause you wont be getting another one LOL.
On the flip side, people Im closer to - those I thought I'd be seeing more of, or at least hear more from, with me moving away - are scarce. Im really kinda thrown at the tremendous lack of interest some have shown in where Im even going, what Im gonna be doing at the new gig, what my plan is, how the moving arrangements/packing is going, or anything else past what I have OFFERED to tell them. Some, I know, have taken on endeavors recently that have rendered them busy. Others... not so much. Just not around, or making hollow plans, not following through. Im not gonna call or text you, asking what happened, and Im not gonna bring it up in those random IM's when you're carrying on, business as usual, like you didnt jap out on something YOU planned. I'll simply pack my shit up and leave you here with everybody else. For me, THAT is business as usual. I have neither the time, patience, nor the desire to deal with your bullshit. But I bet you'll show up to the going away outing, fronting like youre gonna miss me so much. Oh yeah? Go ahead and start missing me now. Im over it.
I dont think one person has offered to help me pack either. Thats all good though - Im used to having to do things myself - its just an observation. A couple friends did offer their spare space for me to avoid paying for storage, so thats at least one less thing to worry about, but silver linings are few and far between right now. I'll start today, like I mentioned, and hopefully see enough progress to make me optimistic about having it all done in the next two weeks. I dont have to be out of the house until the end of the month, so worse case scenario, I come back the following weekend - as Enterprise so thoughtfully suggests (*RME*)- and finish up.
And dont even get me started on my mama. *SMH*
Im supposed to be working until Friday, but Im not sure Im gonna make it that long. Yesterday, it took everything in me not to curse this woman at my job from rooter to tooter. She's one of the ones with a permanent attitude that I talked about before. You know the type - the situation is already resolved, finalized by your last decisive response to her stupid ass inquiries about something, but she still wanna come back and assert her position, because feeling like she's right about whatever it was would just be the high point of her day. Well, let me tell yall this, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart: she got one mo' time - ONE mo' time - and Im gonna forego the rest of the time I have there, let her ass have it, and walk my OWN self out. (<-- see how there's no "LOL" there? LOL)
*sigh*
Ok, I guess I oughta finish my coffee and get my mind right so I can get started. I've had some other things on my mind lately, so I might be back later, but until then, yall be easy and enjoy this holiday weekend.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
First Day of School
My kids started school today. Wouldnt be any different than usual except now it means that they are with my mom all week and only home on the weekends - at least until I leave in 16 days. I could have had them get their buses from home and then change it before I left, but I figure, this way we start getting used to being apart before I even leave. Its hard, even today, knowing they will be home tomorrow. I dont know how Im going to get through this.... but I will.
Glad To Be In The Service
I went to a funeral today for a guy I knew. He and his wife both went to college with me. I didnt know him as well as some other folks did, but I knew him a little better than I knew her. We had the same friends and we chopped it up whenever we saw each other, but I cant say I ever got a chance to know personal things about him, and the little querks he had, the way you get to know a friend. I did know, however, that he was sweet as pie, loved his wife like America's freedom depended on it, and every kind word uttered about him today was well-deserved.
He lied in repose next to his stepson - the two caskets side by side in the front of the church. I had wondered if the family would do that: present a joint service for this man and the stepson who killed him. I worried that someone might not be able to handle it, but no fouls were called and actually, no one had a bad word to say about the son either. "No violent tendencies" they said. "Talented, intelligent, funny and loved" were all among the words used to describe him. The first line of his obituary in the program read "My baby was not a monster." I never had an opportunity to meet him, but all that being said, how the hell did we come to be here today? What in the hell happened in that house that night? I'll never ask. Some things are not my business. I know all I need to: another good man is gone, another young life will never reach its full potential, and everyone - family and strangers alike - SHOULD mourn for those reasons alone.
I wish you all had known this couple. Anytime your belief in true, honest love waned, you would look at them and be reassured that it is possible. It does exist. I was such a groupie of their relationship. He loved her more than I have ever seen a man love a woman, and it was reciprocated tenfold. Love was all over these people, and it beamed off of them, anytime you saw them together. I cannot imagine the pain this woman will carry for the rest of her life, knowing that the man she loved more than her next breath was taken from her by the hands of her own son, who then took his own life. Now they are BOTH gone. I dont care what your son your does - if you possess a mother's love for him, you will ache at just the THOUGHT of something so tragic happening to him. I only pray she gains the strength she needs to continue to be the mother she needs to be for their three surviving children, and I hope she never lets them forget the father this guy was to them.
I havent been to church in a couple of months, after a pretty consistent run of Sundays. I love my church for a lot of reasons, but the pastor has to be #1. He preaches his sermon the way you and I would speak to each other. Aint no screaming and heavy breathing and jumping around like some other pastors do. He just gives you the message on a level that even those not biblically trained can understand. Jokes, props, whatever it takes. I looked around today as he was speaking, feeling so comfortable and at home, glad to be back in the building, despite the reason for being there, and I thought to myself: I wonder if people keep dying because its the only time some people see the inside of a church.
I dont need that kinda reason, Lord, I'll be back on Sunday.
He lied in repose next to his stepson - the two caskets side by side in the front of the church. I had wondered if the family would do that: present a joint service for this man and the stepson who killed him. I worried that someone might not be able to handle it, but no fouls were called and actually, no one had a bad word to say about the son either. "No violent tendencies" they said. "Talented, intelligent, funny and loved" were all among the words used to describe him. The first line of his obituary in the program read "My baby was not a monster." I never had an opportunity to meet him, but all that being said, how the hell did we come to be here today? What in the hell happened in that house that night? I'll never ask. Some things are not my business. I know all I need to: another good man is gone, another young life will never reach its full potential, and everyone - family and strangers alike - SHOULD mourn for those reasons alone.
I wish you all had known this couple. Anytime your belief in true, honest love waned, you would look at them and be reassured that it is possible. It does exist. I was such a groupie of their relationship. He loved her more than I have ever seen a man love a woman, and it was reciprocated tenfold. Love was all over these people, and it beamed off of them, anytime you saw them together. I cannot imagine the pain this woman will carry for the rest of her life, knowing that the man she loved more than her next breath was taken from her by the hands of her own son, who then took his own life. Now they are BOTH gone. I dont care what your son your does - if you possess a mother's love for him, you will ache at just the THOUGHT of something so tragic happening to him. I only pray she gains the strength she needs to continue to be the mother she needs to be for their three surviving children, and I hope she never lets them forget the father this guy was to them.
I havent been to church in a couple of months, after a pretty consistent run of Sundays. I love my church for a lot of reasons, but the pastor has to be #1. He preaches his sermon the way you and I would speak to each other. Aint no screaming and heavy breathing and jumping around like some other pastors do. He just gives you the message on a level that even those not biblically trained can understand. Jokes, props, whatever it takes. I looked around today as he was speaking, feeling so comfortable and at home, glad to be back in the building, despite the reason for being there, and I thought to myself: I wonder if people keep dying because its the only time some people see the inside of a church.
I dont need that kinda reason, Lord, I'll be back on Sunday.
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