LOL....smh

*Message*

The illest stat I didnt write I've seen all day LOL

(shout out to G.H.)

"Calling when you say you're going to call is the FIRST brick in the house you are building of Love & Trust. If He or She cant lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never going to have a house, baby. And it's cold outside ......"



I could add and elaborate and all that, but if it aint broke.....

I eat, and you shit? What? LOL

Periodically I have to make a disclaimer reminding people that this is a free country. Being so, I am no more required to write shit that makes you happy than you are to come in here and read it. The commitment set forth at the inception of this blog was that I would be honest about my take on life and the world and that nobody - NOBODY - is exempt from being a topic of discussion. I dont call names for 3 reasons - 1, it preserves your right to denial LOL 2, if somebody reading it knows you, they dont have to feel bad for laughing, and 3, it honestly is not my intent to drag anybody through the mud. Ok so it doesnt work as well if I say "my mother" or something like that but hey, I cant really help that. My point is just because I curse you out on here, even if I rip you to shreds, it doesnt mean I dont still love you LOL. It was just my feelings at the time. If I waited til all my temporary emotions subsided to write about something, you wouldnt wanna read the shit LOL. It would be boring and preachy and all the shit your pastor and your grandmother would say and yall dont come in here for that LOL. At the end of the day, my friends are still my friends, my family is still my family, and even if I talk about you like a dog in this room, Im still gonna love you when I come out. So dont take it personal. I just sometimes have to say out loud to somebody that you be trippin LOL. And I feel like this is the most constructive place to do it. I mean, lets not pretend you dont have some colorful things to say about me too when Im not around LOL. The difference is, you have the luxury of denying it. Mine is out here for all - including you - to see, so there will never be any question about what I said, and I wouldnt have it any other way.

Anyway, I say that to say, people, as I sometimes have to, this is my sanity space. It keeps me from sniping off rooftops, and sometimes jumping off of one. It allows me to laugh at myself - and you LOL. Its also the one place I allow myself to be vulnerable and jealous and insecure and evil and immature and selfish and all the other things I typically am not. When I wanna wild out, I do it in here. When I feel like I wanna scream, I do it in here. When I wanna cry like a little bitch, I do it in here LOL. This is where you should be IF your objective is to get to know me. You could take what you read here and try to use it against me.... I guess LOL. But um..... this is an open forum. I dont have to approve readership. Anybody in the whole wide world can come in here at anytime and read everything I've ever posted - clearly Im not afraid of what YOU might do with this information LOL. Its a blog, dude. Do you have any idea how many blogs there are on Blogspot alone? Nobody gives a shit about what I got to say - even yall come in here just to laugh at my pain LOL. But as I opened with, this is a free country. If you dont like something I said here, stop reading, but its not gonna stop me from writing. This blog aint about how YOU feel LOL. Start your own shit and write about how much I make you sick. It's okay, I wont even be mad at you. As long as that's the truth, I cant do nothing but respect it.

If you cant tell by now, somebody got their panties in a bunch about something I said. This is me not caring.

You're WHO now?

Woo, Lord, I almost had to snap on this bitch today LOL.

I know its probably sooooo not that serious, but certain shit I take REAL personal.

Im still getting my feet wet on the job, right? Well most deals take 2 calls to close - the initial information exchange and then the follow up call, which my manager typically makes. She happened to be out today, so her nemesis made a callback for me. I was perfectly fine with that... until she said she was me.

First of all, if you know me personally, you know I have a somewhat unique voice. Nobody is gonna call you and say they are me and not raise your eyebrow. I only spoke to this guy once, but he commented about my voice when we spoke - a conversation she was party to - so WHY would you call and say you are me?

Second of all, YOUR phone voice is fucking annoying. I LITERALLY wanna pull my own hair out strand by strand when you speak, just in hopes that the pain would overtake the sound of your fucking voice. Not to mention that "um" thing you do every 8 words that no real professional respects.... dont you ever in your life call somebody, pretending to be me!

She blew the deal and frankly, I think it had a lot to do with the fact that she said she was me when Im sure he knew she wasnt. I wouldnt sign on either, shoot, if you tryna pull a bait and switch on me now, I can imagine what my subsequent experience with yall might be. But like I said before, she thinks she is Queen of all things Platinum (exec ranking) so you cant tell her nothing. She is selling herself the dream that he was on that bullshit from the beginning and was never going to sign on. Guess we'll never know now, but I bet she'll never call somebody as me again either, cause I damn sure let her know that I did not appreciate it. I cant even explain to you how hot it got me that she did that. I wouldnt have even cared about the guy blowing out - it happens - but why couldnt you have done like my actual manager would have done and said you were following up for me because I was out today or in a meeting? You, ma'am, will never call another customer saying you are me.

And now she feels like shit because our director came to me today and said Im so good wit mine, she wants me to close my own deals. Thats what Im talkin about. These bitches wasnt ready for me but they better get ready, cause I aint takin no prisoners....

Just thought I'd share

(via email fwd)

When God wants to bless you, He sends a person in your life.
When the devil wants to destroy you, he sends a person in your life.
How can we tell the difference? By knowing your people connections.
Your success depends on the quality of people you are connected to,
and there are two types of people you'll come in contact with throughout your lifetime:

1) Those who add and multiply, making you more than you are; 2) And those who subtract and divide, thereby devaluing you.

Never allow people into your life without knowing their agenda.
Find out where they came from and why they want to be connected to you.
When a person is in your life and your life is declining, they are not a God connection!
A healthy connection will protect your self-worth even when you're experiencing a season of pain
or struggling with a failure in your life.

A true God connection will never abandon his assignment until you reach your full potential! Stay Blessed & have an Awesome God inspiring rest of the year.
Father in the name of Jesus Christ the Son of the Living God, I pray you open doors for the person who sent me this as well as those I am sending it to. Only you can open doors no man can close and for that we honour you today.

Thank you for the open doors of life, health, strength, prosperity, wealth, and love. Also, thank you for closing the doors of death, sickness, weakness, despair, poverty, and bitterness. We love you today Lord and give you all the glory and all the praise. I seal this prayer in Jesus 'name, Amen!!!

Remembering Zo

The first real loss I suffered in what I considered "my own camp" and the only one I consciously commemorate in some way every year. I imagine ALL those that knew you remember this day 11 years ago. Most stories sound the same - "I thought it was a joke." So did I..... the most unfunny joke humanly possible in the history of unfunny jokes. But laughing was what you did - a lot LOL. So the best way any of us could honor you is to keep the smiles going. I've been trying to do my part, so while you're up there, make sure you do yours :)

P.S. I know we have unfinished business. Dont worry, I'll be back.

Chile, BYE!

People just make me so tired LOL.

First of all....

You ever hear somebody say some shit like "I hate when people say I look like _______" and in your mind you're like "bitch, who says that shit?" LOL. I saw a stat this morning from this chick, complaining about people always saying she looks like or is built like Serena Williams LOL. What? a) you dont look nothing like no damn Serena Williams, except maybe round about the elbows, and b) BUILT like her? If you dont get the fuck outta here! Sweetie follow me............this here is the Prudential Center. See all these seats? Why dont you go ahead and have ALL of them LOL. I swear black people make me sick LOL.

And white people make me sick too LOL. Matter of fact, I gotta throw the asians in there too cause the bullshit they ran on me today LOL. We all heard the yelling when it started but nobody knew what it was and nobody went to see, but 2 minutes later, here comes the cute little white girl flying across the room, face red, fingers frantically running through her hair (thats how you know something is wrong with white people, they frantically run their fingers through their hair LOL).

"She punched me in the face!" LOL What? LOL

Everybody looked at the door like " 'she' who?" cause nobody came in behind her but she started mumbling so it took the next 3 hours to piece together that the cute little white girl got punched in the face by the cute little asian girl cause both of them were blowing the same cute little white boy LOL. These bitches get suspended for the rest of the week, without pay, and meanwhile, this muthafucka's a rock star LOL. "Meet the guy wit two bitches....... Now he got ALL the bitches" LMAO! But wait, the cute little asian girl was already back in the joint when the cute little white girl ran in crying, so you mean to tell me the bitch punched you in the face and then left you in the hallway??? LMAOOOOOOOOOO!

#icant

And today is the big boss's birthday so now that we've had a random assortment of mini cupcakes from Crumbs, we also shuttin down at 4:30 to go back to the bar. Ima need a note from my doctor or something LOL. I like a good drink as much as the next person but this is just ri-dam-diculous.

Someone please call 911 LOL.

It be like that sometimes

I got bored.


I took a picture.....

...... and just like that, um................

I wasnt bored anymore LOL.

Self-check on deck

So.....

I didnt blog about it because..... well..... honestly, it just wasnt very high on the list of things I wanted to discuss.... but I have officially ended my year-and-a-half-long run with my boyfriend. As I mentioned before, it was over in my mind a couple of months ago, but we hadnt spoken about it until a couple of weeks ago. It should be said that I still love him dearly, and I'm not adverse to revisiting the situation at a later date, but for now, its the best thing for the both of us and I am content with the decision.

That being said, I spent the last hour or so thinking about what's next for me. Do I officially proclaim myself back on the market or do I just sit still for a while and ponder this thing called life? I think I've settled on the latter.

For a minute today I had almost convinced myself that maybe I dont really know how to be in a relationship anymore, after having so much bullshit occur in the minisodes I used to give that title, but in hindsight, I dont think that's it at all. I may not have always made the best CHOICES in who I gave chances to, not wanting to prejudge a person based solely on how they look on paper, but at the end of the day, I've always done the things I was supposed to do, whether or not they were appreciated or equally reciprocated. In speaking to one of my exes earlier this week, if anything, that may have been part of the problem. He told me I gave him too much rope - something I have said myself on more than one occasion on this blog - and while I always kinda attributed that to just not being one for unnecessary drama, not bitching about things I perceived to be trivial might have set the stage for the further fuckery I eventually endured. I dont think I will ever be a nagger or drama queen, but I do think in the future, I will stop the bus and berate the students much quicker. Understanding is highly overrated.

For now, I think I am going to continue focusing on being the best me I can be and when the time comes for me to whip out the checklist, I will only entertain opportunities that dont leave me with a bunch of unchecked boxes. A man that meets all my criteria could still bump his head in the end, but at least I wont look back on it frustrated in a knowledge that it never really had a shot in hell to begin with.

So score one more for life..... but I'm coming.

And in this corner.....

I knew I forgot something.

So I told yall I really aint feelin my manager like that. Its become clear over the last day or two that I am not the only one.

There is one chick on our team who seems to be really cool with her. She is the only one she really speaks socially with. I thought the whole team seemed to have a positive relationship with her, but over the last couple of days, I am starting to see that there is a little bit of underlying "bitch, bye!" in the building LOL.

She was out on Friday. I think that played a huge part in the pleasantness of the atmosphere. We laughed, had a good ole time, but we also got work done. At one point, one of the guys asked me what I thought about the job so far. I told him I dug it but that I get frustrated with the contradictions. Several people have done trainings for me and the other couple of new folks, but every time, my manager contradicts what we were told, so its like.... do I do it like so-and-so told me to do it or do I listen to my manager? Everyone nodded and kinda fell silent - you know that pregnant pause that tells you the next words need to be carefully phrased LOL. They all pretty much said to listen to my manager. She has been successful, but it sounded more like they were saying to do it for my own good. I only picked that up because earlier this week we bumped heads a little bit and she went and told the HR lady who hired me, which led to the HR lady puling me into a conference room to see "what was wrong." I gotta say I was tight that she felt like she needed to go to her about such a small thing as it was, but I let it go and took it as a footnote. Clearly this is gonna be one of those smile-and-nod situations, at least for a while. Whether I agree or not, just say "ok" and keep it moving. I think the rest of the team is on the same wavelength. They said everyone has their own style but until I learn the lay, just do it how she wants me to do it so there aint no problems. Cool.

So the other day I said there is one chick on my team I dont really fuck with right? Well when you are new on the job and still learning how to counter certain objections, anytime you get a fish on the hook, your manager or another senior member of the team jumps on the back end of your call and cues you responses. This chick and I are on the same project, so she jumped on my call Friday and led me through it. As much as she was giving me props, she was also feeling herself a little bit, muttering little stuff under her breath about being the shit and what not LOL and commenting about how she had her own team before and how they were always #1. I thought it was funny how agitated she seemed but didnt quite put two and two together yet. Then she was like "wait, I led you through the call you had the other day too, right? Both calls?" I said yes and she went back to popping her collar. Then I thought about the call earlier in the week; she was leading me and my manager cut in and took over, I guess not feeling like she was telling me right, or at least not saying what SHE would say. Girlfriend told me later that when she is leading me, just disregard the pitch I was given because hers and my manager's are totally different. She must have felt some kinda way about being bumped and that's where all this was coming from.

So like I said, everybody went to the bar - everybody except this girl, who stayed behind to construct "the perfect email" to send to the guy I spoke to, despite my insistence that I could do it myself. She insisted her emails "are the shit" so I was like whatever, knock yourself out LOL. Her boyfriend came over to see if she was going to the bar and she said she would come in a little while but for him to take me over there with him. So he and I went to the bar, getting to know each other along the way, and we started talking about the team. He made some comment that prompted me to say that girlfriend and the manager seem to bump heads. He said "Megan bumps heads with a lot of people" LOL. Then he went on to tell me that she used to be the equivalent of my manager's manager over in Asia and previously had had her own team for a couple of years, but when she came back to the US, she was made to start over. Now I dont know if she had left the company and came back in or if that's just protocol - I didnt ask - but it suddenly became real clear what was going on.

Both this chick and my manager have exactly the same cocky personality and neither likes to be questioned or challenged. That's how me and the manager bumped heads that day (I might be new HERE, but I'm seasoned too, bitch LOL) and its the reason those two are oil and water. Girlfriend doesnt respect the manager's flow and the manager knows it, which is why very few words pass between them. I guess my manager is like do whatever you wanna do but this is MY new team member and you will not step on my toes. Its gonna be interesting to see how she reacts tomorrow when she finds out Megan played a role in my deal, because I imagine Megan is gonna be pushing the passive-aggressive button like she's stuck in an elevator LOL. I imagine she's gonna ask me to forward her the email Megan sent for me and whip out her red pen, crossing out shit she'd never have said, for future reference, and I'll become the rag doll torn between two selfish little kids who dont wanna play with each other anymore.

Man, I aint even here for that LOL. But still, it'll be interesting.

I LOVE THIS JOB!

Today was kinda awesome.

It was casual friday, I got my homie an interview and he ROCKED it (per the HR chick), and I booked my first big wig exec. Word on the street is that people normally dont get their first booking until a month or so on the job, so I was kind of a celebrity for a minute there LOL. Boss called the day over at 4:30 and everybody headed to a local bar. A while later, Boss came in and laid a $400 tab on the bar. WHAT??? I LOVE THIS JOB! LOL

The Jizzy.

So I didnt get back in here to talk any more about the job over the weekend, but that was because I didnt really have a ton to say.

My manager is a BITCH in serious need of a leave of absence to deal with whatever personal shit keeps her on the phone six hours out of the day,

... the actual job would be pretty easy if everybody stopped contradicting each other in telling me how to do it,

... and if I could just stop playing Words with Friends all damn night, I might be able to get up early enough to not have to run out the door every morning, trying not to be late.

The main thing Im not digging about it is the way everything is so heavily micromanaged. Everyone takes their morming and afternoon 15-minute breaks at the same time and you better not look like you gonna try to stretch it to 16. Everyone also takes lunch at noon and the same rule applies. I feel like Im punching a clock, even though Im not. On top of that, my manager sits right next to me (imagine you and your team sitting at an oversized, counter-height dinner table: Im in the left corner, with her adjacent to me, at the head of the table). So if I touch my cell for any reason, type an email or do anything that doesnt consist of short strokes and phone calls, she's right on top of me to see it. Not a huge deal, because everyone has to do SOME of that at some point, but she has a tendency to comment on every damn thing. She went on a soapbox today about how she doesnt hear anyone on the phone and Im like bitch, Im on hold! Re-fucken-lax! LOL

The team is pretty cool though, with the exception of one chick I just rebuke, and my new work buddy looks like George Clooney. I'll take it LOL.

I thought a little about it today and tried not to get too irritated at all the structure. I think it's quite possible that I've just been spoiled by all my previous gigs - you know, with all the flexibility and freedom. Plenty of other people have probably worked in environments like that their whole careers. Its just gonna take some adjusting. I mean, I guess having casual Fridays, 2 weeks off for Christmas and a raise around that same time is enough of a tradeoff for me to at least TRY LOL. Shit.

I have had a couple other things on my mind this weekend, but I have a paper to write, so I guess it'll have to hold. I aint quite worked em all out anyway, but I'll get around to it.

Yall be cool.

I Should Be Sleeping

Totally not a night hawk, but here it is, something to 2 in the morning, and I'm up.

Thinking.

About love.

WTF?

I think God is up to his tricks again.

Just please, Lord, no more trains....

All this time down here wearing flats, I cant walk in heels anymore. What kinda mess is this? They still look cute, and they feel fine on. I can even stand and profile for a minute or two. But let me try to walk somewhere LOL. You see the pic, these aint even that high - well, I guess 3 and a half inches aint exactly for the faint of heart - but the point is, I never had a problem with them before. Its like my legs cant reach the floor unless I take itty bitty steps. I got long legs, I dont take no itty bitty steps LOL. They dont hurt (thank God!) I just feel like an idiot trying to walk in them, and while I do have my F2's in the bag, F2's are frowned upon in the office. So I guess I have to just sit my ass down til its time to go home.

*sighhhh*