20: Mom-ageddon

I don't care what nobody says, the world is coming to an end. 60-something degrees on Christmas.... in Jersey.... Donald Trump winning caucuses and now my son, the coolest kid this side of creation [read: a kid too cool to do his work so he has shitty grades] has not only been accepted to 3 colleges so far, but has been offered a partial scholarship to two. WTF???

19: The Oscars

I didn't see anyone talking about it ahead of time but I think all people of color were waiting to see what Chris Rock would have to say tonight hosting the Oscars. If by chance you have been under a rock for the past few weeks, black hollywood has largely decided to boycott the Academy Awards due to the lack of acknowledgement this year of people of color. Chris Rock has hosted the Oscars for the past few years in a row and was tagged again to host this year. Many celebrities gave their blessing in regards to him still hosting, as they did to any other celebrities of color who were presenting or attending, but withdrew their support of the ceremony itself.

I didn't realize until the show actually came on that I was curious how Chris would handle the situation. I actually had no intention of even watching the show, but found myself caught up in the red carpet. Hey, what can I say; I love Michael Strahan LOL. And he didn't disappoint - Chris, that is.

It had to be a tough spot to be in but Chris did what Chris does best. Muhfucka brought out Stacey Dash LOL. Wait....

Did he really just bring out Stacey Dash??? Yo..... she actually came out on stage and played herself for white America! #icannot!!!!!

Ima wrap this up cause I need a minute right now LOL...... Chris did his job. Chris did exactly what he makes the big bucks to do. Be real and patronizing at the same time. Chris addressed the issue while clearly still realizing on which side his bread is buttered. Not everyone can walk that line but Chris Rock didn't go from black famous to actually famous by not being able to. Props to Chris Rock, even though I suspect that SOME black celebrities will find he didn't do enough. Well guess what, black hollywood? Chris Rock is not your appointed representation. Next time, show up and speak for yourselves.

18: Fk Cancer

I spent a few minutes talking to a friend of mine who last year was diagnosed with breast cancer. It never ceases to amaze me how so many women who get diagnosed are already at stage 4 when they find it. I reached out along with many of her other friends when she first announced it via Facebook but since have had a really hard time following up. She often posts pics of herself attached to all the machines and IV bags while she is at treatment and my instinct is just to scroll past it as fast as I can. It's not something you want to acknowledge - that this is going on at all, let alone in the life of a friend. But when I saw the most recent pic, I couldn't scroll past anymore. So many people I know have passed so young, from various causes, that I forced myself to stop and offer her my support again.

I sent her a chat message and rather than type anything back, she initiated a video call through the app. She was all plugged up in the hospital room, I was in my bedroom looking crazy and neither of us cared. We talked for about 15 minutes, til her treatment was finished, making jokes and reminiscing about our basketball days and in the end she told me that whether or not I ever said anything, she knew I was riding with her. It meant a lot to me that she knew that, but it wasn't okay that it was left to interpretation. People leave this earth far too frequently, far too soon, for us not to express to them what they mean to us while they're here.

Truth is, this woman is one of the kindest, purest, gentlest spirits I've ever encountered. I have never, ever, in all the years I have known her, not seen her smiling and joking, being the light in the room regardless of whatever else was going on. We aren't besties by any means, but it didn't matter. I was ashamed of myself for not reaching out sooner. But she offered absolution, stating that what mattered is that I did reach out and even if I hadn't, she knew where I stood. I promised to continue praying her strength and she promised to write a standup act on how much she's gonna miss her left boobie when they remove it in May. That's her. Always clowning.

Cancer sucks. I hate it more than anything. I may not be able to rid the world of it but I can make sure it doesn't take another person I care about before they know how much I care about them. And she may not be able to rid the world of it either, but it will never rid the world of her either.

That kind of light never dies.

17: People Like That

I love my job now. I'm still a little wobbly in regards to some processes and protocols but today I stopped feeling like a rookie. I have a handle on most of the things I need to know and my clients are starting to call me for stuff now, so its like REAL LOL. I love it! My team is dope too, so that just makes it better. We've all got the same type of sense of humor and work ethic. My boss did a really good job building this team..... well until he got to the last guy LOL. The last guy he brought on is a fucken weirdo. He's like 5'2 or some shit, little Jewish boy, 29, I think. He's like a brown-nosing, know-it-all, wanna-be. To the max though, like on all counts. He's in the office at like 8 asking me shit when I get in at like 8:20. If you don't know this shit, your ass shouldn't be here this early LOL. All the people who can help you come in right at 9. Sleep in, my nigga. Get here when they do. And I don't even do the same thing he does but I always feel like the question he asks is completely irrelevant to anything and he need not be concerned but asks it to come off smart or insightful. That shit is annoying as hell.

But taking the cake, yo, I swear this dude is faking being a smoker just so he can go out and smoke with the fellas. I swear! Far as anyone here knows, I'm a non-smoker so you'll never see me out there with them. I'm left to myself for those 10 minutes or however long it is they are gone. Dude''s first day he was sitting in here with me when they went down. He even commented, "Guess it's gonna be just me and you when they go down huh?" "Guess so" I said but I'll be damned if the very next day he didn't have a pack of cigarettes and a monkey on his back. He's been going downstairs with them ever since. And then, maybe a week or so ago, we left the office at the same time. He lit a cigarette when we came out of the building even though Grand Central is right across the street. LITERALLY right across the street. He couldn't have taken more than 2 puffs from point A to point B, especially because we were talking in the process. I'm about to say goodnight, leave him to smoke his cig and he's like "eh, I'm done" and puts the damn cigarette out, whole then a muhfucka! I don't even smoke cigarettes and I was mad as shit about it LOL. Cigarettes are expensive as hell here. No real smoker is going to basically throw away a whole cigarette like that and not bitch about it the whole rest of the way to where they going. I'm sorry. And just to make sure I was right, I asked one of the guys on my team later and he was like "hell nah" LOL but he also said he didn't think dude really smoked either. See, I knew I wasn't crazy. And I swear he like wants to bang my boss. Or probably just BE him. I don't know why cause cool accent aside, he's kind of a mess, but dude literally takes on his persona sometimes, even going so far as mispronouncing "Anthony" the way my boss does, saying "Antny" like him. That shit is creepy, yo.

The only good thing about him is that he seems to be able to take a joke. The fellas crack on him all the time for one thing or another and he rolls with it. They really just fun with him mostly, they save the mean stuff when he's not around. I wouldn't even call it mean; I think we all agree he is the most likely to shoot up the fucken office but they are still pretty cordial with him. They just would never choose to hang out with him. We've all worked with people like that. This dude is definitely "people like that" LOL. He seems to be good at the job though so I guess we'll have to get use to him...... him and his not knowing NEITHER Jay-Z NOR Biggie is from the Bronx ass...... All in the kool-aid, that's just how he do. But I leave the babysitting to the boys, I don't have time for the foolishness . I don't like him, don't trust him, and I think it's just gonna be a matter of time before he gets that he is never really gonna be "one of them" and quits. I'm calling it.

16: #TBT Myspace.com

Who knew it could get any worse? LOL

Actually, Facebook is a hot ass mess but Myspace was like.... every bad thing you could imagine about the internet all rolled into one. It's the place most people learned their web lessons, for better or for worse. I caught a bad one myself on that joint but I cut my teeth in a little place called Blackplanet LOL (if you don't know bout BP, chile.... but that's for another day).

I thought Myspace was defunct but apparently it's now mainly for artists to showcase their work. I took a peak a few months back and found that my page is still there and a lot of my connections are too, but most of the page info is gone. I think the pics were still there though. I need to take another stroll and see. I do know the old messages are gone. But that's probably a good thing. I was a mess and so was everybody in my inbox LMAO!

Woo! Now I gotta lay back and reminisce on how much I've grown LOL.....smh.

15: Recovering

How you do nothing but sleep for 2 days and still be exhausted? This was sleep I couldn't even control. I would literally pick up my phone and try to scroll through facebook or something and it would be too much. I would have to put the phone down and end up sleep for 2 hours. Dude, your phone is too heavy? Now that is some kinda weak for your ass. And there is nothing worse than finally getting a little bit of your appetite back but not being able to taste anything. I literally just opted not to eat today. Saltines, that's it. I don't have time for the bullshit.

At least my body doesn't hurt like it did. I swear I felt like I got jumped by a trunk full of tire irons. But I'm still hella tired. I don't know how I'm gonna go to work tomorrow and make it through a whole day, but I'm gonna give it the old college try. If I have to pack it in early, the boss will just have to understand. Speaking of early, probably need to make this an early night too cause um.... I'm feeling like I'm about to fall asleep again lol....smh

Good night, yall.

14: Make up post

I was sooooo sick yesterday. I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a train. Whole body hurt, to my bones. Head hurt, temperature up, it came out of nowhere. This weather trying to kill me.

So needless to say, I didn't go to work yesterday. I slept ALL day. Today is better but I still feel like shit so I stayed home again. I am so drained. I have no energy and all I wanna do is sleep. In fact, I feel another nap coming on right now...

Okay, body. I'm listening. ...

13: All I Ask

Every now and again a song comes along that moves you. I mean, REALLY moves you. For me, Adele's "All I Ask" is such a song.

I first heard it when she performed it at the Grammy's last week and honestly, I wasn't dialed in to the first part of the song simply because I didn't know it, but then she hit this turn and it caught my attention. Suddenly I'm listening when the chorus comes back in and she says:

"All I ask is if.... this is my last night with you
Hold me like I'm more than just a friend
Give me a memory I can use
Take me by the hand while we do
What lovers do
It matters how this ends
Cause what if I never love again....?"

Immediately I knew I was going to have to cop this album.... or at least download the song... but when the show went off, I didn't give it another thought. It re-aired last night and the performance affected me even more than it did the first time. I noted that when she hit the point that got me last time, she had gotten emotional and was trying to sing through tears. When I tell you.... bruh.

Right away, I downloaded the song. I listened once and then went on about my business, but maybe an hour or so later, I was just uneasy in my spirit. As committed as I was to not leaving the house yesterday, I suddenly just needed to get some air. So I decided I would walk to the corner store.... with the song on loop. It was a relatively warm night and yup, a slight drizzle; perfect storm for a breakdown.... or maybe a break THROUGH. I got halfway up the block before thoughts of all these fucked up situations started swarming me and before you know it, I was thinking about all the different times things that should have worked out, didn't. And what really fucked me up was there was a line in the song I couldn't make out at first and then on the way back from the store, I realized the line was, "I know there is no tomorrow." A FLOOD of memories rushed back. Times when I knew as I walked away that it would be for the last time. I cried in the rain all the way back to my house.

Then a strange thing happened.

I got to my house, let myself into the downstairs foyer and stood there in the dark, broken against the wall, listening to the last run of the refrain to get it out of my system before wiping my eyes and coming back in the house without alarming the midgets that anything was wrong. And as I listened to that last pass, I felt myself smiling. If this song is any indication of getting something out of the deal, my last failure was actually a success.

I told my girlfriend last week that I had a feeling the last thing I was doing wasn't going to work out. I woke up super early one morning and just laid in bed, basking in his morning texts and saying to myself that even when it doesn't work out, it's all worth it just to feel what I was feeling for a little while. Just a little while. It was just a couple of days later that that thing went up in smoke, but he did all I could ask.

"Let this be a lesson in love
Let this be the way we remember us...."

Man. I left there with no clue that there would be no more nights, but I won't soon forget that one. I can say that in a number of those situations that came to mind last night and bittersweet as it may be, it's how I got through. I focused on the silver lining of even having had those moments. I've been as lucky as I have been unlucky in that regard. Perspective.

So shout out to the guys who gave me memories I could use.

But....

It still matters how it ends.....

12: Sunday Scripture

Funny on so many levels right now LOL

#BOOM

11: I know, I know

I didn't get around to the second post yesterday but for good reason; once again, I was ripping and running all day long preparing for the evening's festivities. I'll make it up today, I promise.

So.... I'm a pretty simple woman, right. When it comes to general presentation, I don't have much flare for the dramatic, but understatement works for me. Not everybody can pull it off, which is why there is so much money in the business of beautification. *shrugs* Beautification encompasses a whole plethora of things but let's talk specifically about makeup. I, um..... yeah LOL. I really don't even know how to apply the shit. A little concealer action under the eyes, some eye liner and a popping gloss is just about the full spectrum of my expertise, ya dig? But hell, I live a 9 to 5, mother-of-two type lifestyle, where the fuck am I going that requires any more than that? LOL That said, I've often wondered what a "full beat" might look like on me and yesterday I had the opportunity to find out.

As you know, me and my girl had a couple parties lined up for the weekend. Last night's in particular was one she wanted "push through", if ya feel me, so when she wanted to look into going somewhere to get glammed up, I was like you know what.... let's do that. I made us both appointments at this awesome makeup bar called Rouge NY and I swear, I wish we had a camera crew with us. We had a blast up in there. But anyway, here's the finished product:

I liked it, but I was barely out the door before it started irritating me. I have such sensitive skin that I have to wash my face as soon as I get home every day because I can literally feel all the dirt and bacteria I encounter on the commute. I spend nearly the whole trip home swiping my face. Yesterday, I started having that sensation almost immediately after we left the salon. And this is at like 5:00 - I gotta make it all the way to club time! LOL It took a very conscious effort on my part not to keep messing with my face, but I did manage to keep it in place throughout the night. Taking it off, however, was the very first thing I did when I got home. Well the second thing - first I threw my leftover gourmet pizza in the microwave, 2am hunger rules everything LOL

Jay-Z's 40/40 Club in New York City is very nice. Love the layout. Whoever designed it CLEARLY understood people's need to see and be seen because it's very conducive to both. Unfortunately, there wasn't much "talent" in the building last night so I spent a lot of the night refilling my glass with $14 Cran-cardi. I did chat one guy up at the end who was there for the same party we were there for. Definitely a cutie but since he lives upstate AND he's probably like 12..... yeah, probably not worth the follow up LOL.

Still....#goodtimes. At least until I woke up this morning and realized the lady at Macy's forgot to remove one of the sensors from something I bought yesterday. Now I gotta go back so they can take it off. But that will have to keep til tomorrow, ya girl is NOT leaving this house!

Safe flight homie!

#ThelmaAndLouise

10: Mama Carter

Didn't get to this yesterday for a number of LEGITIMATE reasons, but I got you. 2 today, relax LOL

Went out last night with my homie who is in town and though it was real low key, it was good to be out and about. Best thing about the night? Mama Carter! If you know me, you know I'm a huge Jay-Z fan, so tell me we're going to a party at his mama's bar and I am there. Just so happens my friend dated Jay's brother on and off for a long time, so she's in good with the family. Mama Carter welcomed us warmly and even personally delivered our drink order, which for no real reason at all, was pretty epic for me. She brought me the wrong drink but I said you know what? Mama Carter brought me this drink, dammit I'm gon drink it LOL.

Got charged $6 for an Uber that never came - where they do that at? Then took an actual Uber home, hoping upon hopes that some place that delivered would be open but no luck. Luckily, I had half a wrap left from lunch, so 2:00 in the morning, I got spicy honey mustard setting bacardi fumes on fire in my nostrils but it was delicious LOL. Passed out at some point after that with the lights on, TV on, errrthang. Woke up at 5:30 thinking I had to go to work, had to take a minute to remember what day it was, but thank God for Saturday.

Tonight's another party. I'm so not built for these mornings but I'm here all day for these nights!

9: #RIP Big Ang

Lord, I done killed and revived this woman twice already in the last 24 hours but now it's official. Big Ang of Mob Wives' fame passed away at 3:01 this morning after a bout with lung and brain cancer. If you watched the show, you know that she underwent surgery for throat cancer before learning it had spread to other areas. Hell of a year for her. Prayers to the family.

RIP Big Ang.

8: Re-calibrate your thinking

I have a friend who I have had a HUGE crush on since the day I met him. Never in a million years did I think anything would ever come of it, so I never said anything to him about it but over the years, it became clear that there was at least a mutual attraction. After several botched attempts to hook up, we finally made it happen.... and then it happened again LOL.... and then I didn't care anymore. Don't get me wrong, he's still a great guy, I still have mad love for him, but all the palpitations and butterflies I use to get at the mere thought of him no longer occur and I don't find myself drifting off in thoughts of him like I did at one time. I've come to the conclusion that my obsession with him had a lot to do with my view of him as intangible. When you want something you think you can't possibly have, that desire intensifies exponentially. But once you get it, it becomes just like everything else. This guy is now just like every other guy I've ever known. Just a guy.

This isn't just a story about some guy I smashed, it's a message for anybody who might need to re-calibrate their thinking. Look at the bigger picture here. The idea that anything, especially a PERSON, is beyond you might seem to you like just an assessment of what you know of a situation, but really, it's an esteem issue. Something in you is making you feel like you are not good enough. Insecurity isn't something anyone wants to acknowledge but it plays a big part in a lot of the chances we are afraid to take. The next time you tell yourself no about anything - ANYTHING - I just challenge you to question yourself as to why you feel that way. No one likes to admit that they aren't always as confident or self-assured as they come off, but doing so might just clear a path for you to actually be that confident and self-assured. At the end of the day, most things we fear are not that epic and the more "intangible" things you achieve, the more you understand that not many things in this life are.

Understanding that the power of life and death, success and failure, are in the mind and tongue, whether you think you can or you think you cannot, you're gonna be right. Speak power and positivity. What do you have to lose?

#7: Selfish moment

Sharing is sooooo kindergarten.

I have lived a very compartmentalized life and it's only now that I am realizing there is nothing wrong with that. It's okay to keep some things for yourself. It's okay to not invite everybody into your happy place and you don't need to feel like all your circles need to be joined. The happiest I have ever been in my life has been at times when I owned the best kept secrets and all there was were stories to tell. Subway stations and parking lots and .... ahem.... threesomes.... and weekend disappearing acts and all kinds of shit that gave me life and were exclusively mine. In retrospect, almost every attempt I have made to mesh people and situations have gone unbelievably BAD. Introducing guys I had been dating (for too short a time) to my friends, introducing one set of friends to another set of friends.... it's never really.... meshed like the vision I had for it to and for the most part, it's never really worked when my friends have tried to do it either. Shoulda been a note all those times, look, it's okay to keep some things for yourself. Fill your life with all kinds of wonderful and special things and you know what? A little mystery is good for the soul.

It's nobody else's business.

#6: It just keeps getting better and better LOL

You cannot make this shit up, I swear.

So if you read my previous post, you're aware that a guy I use to date recently got in touch with me and wanted to meet up tomorrow while he's in the city for court. Well in reaching out to me, he sent me a friend request on Facebook. I looked at his profile a little bit, you know, but before I could really get into it, he was calling me and I never got back around to it cause when we hung up, I went to sleep (hence, no blog being posted last night).

He called again a little while ago, just to touch base, which reminded me to go back to his profile. He's got mad pics and there's a woman in a good number of them. Not a big deal - in catching up the first time (last year), he told me he had moved to Virginia with some chick he met who's in the Navy down there. *raised brow* Oh.... okay. I'm scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, and in doing so, I'm reading a lot of the comments people are leaving and agreeing that they are a cute couple. They are. But the more I scroll, the more I'm realizing just how far back these pictures go. I came across an album of them dated September 11, 2014....

*pause*

.....we were seeing each other that summer, right up until about two weeks prior to that, to be exact. Are you fucking serious???? Yall, this nigga wasn't just being a dog, this muthafucka got ENGAGED September 2014 and from what I gather from my investigation might now be MARRIED (they in the pics, BOTH rocking rings and shit)! For real?????

Yo. LOL

I so nicely texted him to let him know he was busted, enjoy life with his wife and lose my number because I can't stand liars. He texts back "kool" BUT then calls me less than 5 minutes later! What the fuck are you calling me for, its "kool" right? LOL What's funny is I can picture in my head how his face was when he got my text and how his heart must have been racing for those next few minutes before he finally spun out and called. I'd imagine he probably hoped I would answer so he could give me some lame ass story or so we could argue about it and then he can hang up or somehow transfer that energy back to me, but NOPE! My #rejectcall game is strong LOL You got that, bruh.

5: Dang, My Bad

Fully intended to do this blog yesterday but just when I was getting ready to come in here and bang it out, I get a message from somebody I probably should have fucken ignored, but you know me and my bullshit. More accurately, you know the universe and IT'S bullshit, and of course it's Valentine's Day so you know the cosmos weren't just gonna let me live....SMH

Long story short, 3 or 4 exchanges led to a phone conversation, what the fuck for, I don't really know. This is a guy I was briefly talking to about two years ago. We stopped talking because, among other things, he was spoiled and had a tendency to throw tantrums when he didn't get his way. Ain't nobody got time for that. It seemed he wanted to talk about what happened, but we had talked about it already, sometime last year, so I didn't see the point. He did give a little bit more insight as to his mindset at the time, I guess, but I haven't cared in two years LOL. Come to find out, he's planning on being back in New York tomorrow, for court, and he wants to get up before he goes back to Virginia. Knew it had to be something.

Upside with this guy is that he's fun to be with and he damn sure is easy on the eyes, but I haven't decided that's enough to get me on the other side of the table. If it were just about a friendly outing, okay, but I KNOW he gonna be on the bullshit. I know it. Then again, I do have to give yall asses 35 more blogs, I'm gonna need some material LOL.

Eh. I'll have to think about this one.....

Day 4: Polar, Bipolar, WTF?

I don't really know what the fuck a polar vortex is but it seems to me to be the term for Mother Nature's bipolar disorder flaring up. I don't know if her and Father Time had a falling out, she caught him fuckin other bitches or what, but her ass mad as hell and she is taking it out on mankind. Ima need her to come through and cop a squat on the couch so she can talk out her pain because this is fucken ridiculous. Damn near 70 degrees on Christmas and now she wanna stunt on the groundhog like "oh so you think YOU run this? Spring comes when I say it comes, muthafucka! Polar vortex - NOW!"

Bitch.

I wouldn't even care if I didn't have to be out in the shit. Between Sam's Club, Walmart and then Buffalo Wild Wings, where the heat seemed to be on everywhere except our table, I been mad all gotdamn day. You know I'm mad cause it's the only time I curse this much LOL. I bet my ass don't leave this house again until Tuesday. I bet that. I done bought half of Secaucus today, we aint got no business running outta SHIT and if by chance we do, oh well, if it wasn't so damn cold, I wouldn't have forgotten it. These kids better ask Mother Nature to take this icy ass wind and blow whatever they need to our front door! Shit.

Day 3: Killin the Game.... Again

So things at the new job have been coming along nicely. I still have moments of frustration because I'm dealing with an industry that I knew NOTHING about before I got there, but I'm a G. I will fail the fuck outta something 27 times before I say I cant do it and 99% of the time, it pays off in the end. I started this week looking like it was gonna be a rough month, but I kept going and yesterday alone, I did $47,000 worth of business. There's something to be said for perseverance, people. Whatever it is, keep at it and you might surprise yourself.

On that note, I should also mention that I interviewed at this company two times prior to this third process. I almost didn't come in for this last opportunity because the previous times didn't work out but I knew this role was a better fit than the previous two and I was determined to make something happen this time around. I believed it so much that my boss couldn't help but believe in me too, so when his boss wasn't convinced, he went to bat for me, and now we're both in a B-Boy stance on a February Friday like "I'm sorry, Adam, what were you saying?" LOL

Cant say it enough; don't give up. Believe in your abilities and other people will believe in them too. Celebratory cran-cardi on deck. Ready for this 3-day weekend like oh nah, nah, nah LOL #beast

One down, like 87 to go.... lol

Just fulfilled the first of the many drink promises I made to coworkers at my last job. Met up with one of my closest office friends (who also happens to be married to the office boss) and had a great time catching up. She's one of the people I really miss working with so it was nice to spend some time with her and I think she misses having someone she can talk to about things her husband might not understand from his position in the company. I could tell when she was venting that it was a huge release. It was the first time we could really speak openly too - being married to the boss put her in a tough spot because there were things she may have been privy to that she wasn't supposed to talk about. Now she can tell me everything she knows without compromising anything. Yeah, I still talk to other people who still work there, but she knows I won't repeat anything she tells me in confidence. There were a lot of things she found out for the first time tonight too. Friend or not, she was the boss's wife, and there was only so much I could really share with her too before. It's amazing how many things you change perspective on when you can finally get the whole story.

"The whole story" is something we rarely get though. Pretty sure I'll never get it in the case of Mr. "Not ready to date" smh. Oh well. Fuck'm.

Not Ready To Date

What do you do when you come across somebody who is just what you need and want in your life but you're not ready to date? Well.... I guess I'm about to find out.

I've been talking to this guy for.... mmm... about a month, I guess. We decided it would be prudent to go ahead and knock that first date out to see if we still felt like this was a path we wanted to continue on, and we went out Friday. GREAT time. Went to dinner and spent the next six hours in his truck listening to 90's R&B. WHO sits in a truck for six hours doing ANYTHING? That tells you something, right? I would think so, but a few days later, we haven't really talked, didn't assess the date, didn't really touch base at all really, then suddenly, there was just radio silence. I'm like WTF because Friday was EVERYTHING. Finally today, he sends me a text that he is dealing with some personal stuff and he thought he was ready to date but he isn't.

Hmmm.....

A seasoned pimp like me knows this could be bull but also knows "not ready to date" is real, for some. I've been in that place myself a time or two. When you come across someone so great and you're in this place, its like...... dammit man! And I think we both are feeling that right now. But at the end of the day, I'm ready to date. I'm sorry he isn't, but I'm not about to sit around and wait for him to be. Granted, when he does get ready, if I'm available, we can revisit, but I'm not about to let life pass me by while he gets his life together. Sorry, not sorry. Throw in the fact that initially he thought just falling off the grid was an acceptable thing to do - um.... excuse me? Man the fuck up and have a conversation with me about it. I'm reasonable, I know life can be inconvenient as hell. What I'm not gonna do is run after you for answers. Be a man and tell me you're going through something. If you knew me better, you would know that this is the kind of thing I'm used to and I wouldn't judge, but because you don't know me so well yet, you're worried that I won't understand or I might take you through the wringer, trying to change your mind.

Son.

Ima need you to know I'm already making weekend plans. Google me.

I like this guy so I'm highly annoyed but I know this is what you gotta deal with dating today. And I respect a person's need to take a second. But don't take it on my time. This story is still being written, I guess, until I know what the hell is going on, but I'm not hopeful there will be much else to write about.

That said, I might not even be in here talking about this except I've taken an oath for Lent to blog for 40 days straight. I don't know if the next 40 days of my life will be all that interesting, but I've committed to it, so bear with me on the days I just went to work and came home to drinking myself to sleep LOL. Just saying. I keep it 112 so everything can be peaches and cream.....

........see what I did there? LOL