18: Fk Cancer

I spent a few minutes talking to a friend of mine who last year was diagnosed with breast cancer. It never ceases to amaze me how so many women who get diagnosed are already at stage 4 when they find it. I reached out along with many of her other friends when she first announced it via Facebook but since have had a really hard time following up. She often posts pics of herself attached to all the machines and IV bags while she is at treatment and my instinct is just to scroll past it as fast as I can. It's not something you want to acknowledge - that this is going on at all, let alone in the life of a friend. But when I saw the most recent pic, I couldn't scroll past anymore. So many people I know have passed so young, from various causes, that I forced myself to stop and offer her my support again.

I sent her a chat message and rather than type anything back, she initiated a video call through the app. She was all plugged up in the hospital room, I was in my bedroom looking crazy and neither of us cared. We talked for about 15 minutes, til her treatment was finished, making jokes and reminiscing about our basketball days and in the end she told me that whether or not I ever said anything, she knew I was riding with her. It meant a lot to me that she knew that, but it wasn't okay that it was left to interpretation. People leave this earth far too frequently, far too soon, for us not to express to them what they mean to us while they're here.

Truth is, this woman is one of the kindest, purest, gentlest spirits I've ever encountered. I have never, ever, in all the years I have known her, not seen her smiling and joking, being the light in the room regardless of whatever else was going on. We aren't besties by any means, but it didn't matter. I was ashamed of myself for not reaching out sooner. But she offered absolution, stating that what mattered is that I did reach out and even if I hadn't, she knew where I stood. I promised to continue praying her strength and she promised to write a standup act on how much she's gonna miss her left boobie when they remove it in May. That's her. Always clowning.

Cancer sucks. I hate it more than anything. I may not be able to rid the world of it but I can make sure it doesn't take another person I care about before they know how much I care about them. And she may not be able to rid the world of it either, but it will never rid the world of her either.

That kind of light never dies.