Rant: Premarital Sex

So one of my friends posted a status on FB asking about people's take on premarital sex. I read the 40 comments on the thread and decided to inbox him my opinion to avoid all the email notifications likely to come, but as comments continued to roll in, I found myself having a lot more to say and I aint wanna write a book on his thread, so I decided to just blog about it.

I believe all of the people who were against the idea of sex before marriage stood on religious principle, yet, if Im not mistaken, all of them also admitted to their stance being an afterthought of having already had premarital sex, and some having children from those encounters, leading me to believe their positions were more a reaction to mistakes they have made in their own personal experiences, rather than a true perspective of the issue.

One person in particular kept commenting using the term "relationships based on sex" and talking about how you should get to know people first and implying that bad sex should be no hurdle for real love, stating that bad sex cant ruin a solid relationship.

I call bullshit.

This was the comment I inboxed:

"Not commenting on the thread cause I don’t want 800 email notifications but my opinion is that just because a couple has premarital sex doesn’t mean they don’t get to know each other and find other levels of compatibility first, they are just choosing to add sex to that dynamic also. I don’t think anyone is saying its ALL about sex, but anyone who says incompatibility in the bedroom cant ruin a good relationship is in denial or just has never had the experience. That can ruin even the best of relationships, as much as any other irreconcilable issue can. Not everybody is teachable. You can try and they can try but if you need to be loved (physically) a certain way and they just cant seem to get there, its going to be very hard to stay happy with that person, no matter how great everything else is, so they will either leave or cheat eventually. So what, we wait to marry, find that to be a hurdle we cant clear and then kick divorce from 50% to 87%? LOL Or do we just stay married being all passive-aggressive cause he’s kickin in his half of the bills and cooks better than we do? Come on son! I believe God and I think waiting is ideal, but I'm also a realist and that’s just the truth. Hate it or love it, that’s just my opinion."

After reading several other comments that came after, I have this to add...

Even as Christians we have to understand that HE is God and we are mere humans. In our efforts to follow Him, we are conflicted and falter all the time. So we shouldn't have premarital sex but its okay to cuss like sailors, get drunk, and claim other people’s kids on our taxes? We aint at home praying for the bitch at our jobs we cant stand LOL. Sin is sin, so why we actin like this one is worse than any other (and clearly I am a work in progress, so dont judge me LOL)?

Understand I'm not talking about the random, irresponsible sex we might have had in our immature youth. I'm talking about the physical consummation in a committed relationship where everything else you require is ALREADY intact and sex is just another component as opposed to the base of the relationship. Its not just a desire of the flesh, it’s a deeper level of expression and communication and I, for one, wanna know that we speak the same language LOL.

In a perfect world, we would all probably love to say we would work through it forever if its not up to par, but lets be real. This is not a perfect world and we are not perfect people. Maybe its our selfish need to be happy above all else, but there is only so long we gonna work with somebody and stay unfulfilled in that area - or any area, for that matter. A void is a void, whether its sex, support, communication or whatever. Any of those things is gonna become a problem eventually BECAUSE we are only human and we do have that need for fulfillment.

Love aint got nothing to do with it. Simply put, there are just certain things that has to be in a person's 80 as opposed to their 20, and for many, sex better be in somebody's 80. If you are a person who can accept sex being part of somebody's 20 (a shortcoming), more power to you, but relationships fail for many reasons, so lets not act like premarital sex is the root of all evil. I seriously question whether the failure of those aforementioned relationships really boiled down to the fact that they were having sex. I suspect there were other shortcomings in them or their partners that really were to blame and people need to boss up to that and take responsibility.

Am I encouraging sex before marriage? No. Frankly, I dont care what anybody else is or isnt doing in that regard, but it is a personal choice and it annoys me when people try to paint those who make that choice out to be unenlightened heathens. Personally I need full disclosure (or as close as I can get to it) before deciding to enter into the union of marriage because I only wanna do it once. Sex is just another aspect of compatibility, in my opinion, and I wanna know we are compatible in that way before I sign on to a life of sexual frustration, which will only lead to additional issues down the line. But everyone is entitled to their opinions. This just happens to be mine, but again, sin is sin and we are all violators, so let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

I'll wait while somebody picks up all these damn crickets...