Going Crazy

Its been a rough day. I didnt realize it until it was over, but I've been on a little bit of an emotional roller coaster today, and it set it on me when I got home this evening.

Im putting my key in the lock, and my cell phone rings. Its my kids' aunt, wanting to talk to me about my daughter having accidents again. I shouldnt say "again" because it apparently hasnt stopped since she has been there, but I do say "again" because she hadnt been having them anymore prior to our separation. It just started up "again" when I left town.

So anyway, she's talking to me, telling me about it, and I just found myself getting really aggravated. Im glad she called to tell me it was still going on and Im happy that she is concerned for her, but nobody wants to get a call about "business" right when they get home from work - especially when "getting home from work" takes as much out of you as it does in a NYC commute, and certainly not after an emotional day of making decisions that affect other people. I dont feel like there was any consideration of that, and quite frankly, I dont love the approach she took either. Call and tell me whats happening, make your suggestions and see if there is anything you can do to help, but dont come at me with the condescension and judgment. And Im not sure she even realized it was coming out that way, but I really almost broke on her, simply out of frustration.

This is just another thing to weigh on my mind. My baby is having accidents, where she wasnt before I left, and I cant help but feel like my absence is at least part of the issue. When I called her, she said she wants to go to the doctor, and we will, but we've done that before and there isnt anything medically wrong with her. She says she cant control it, but she was able to stop doing it before, so IDK what it could be, if its not psychosomatic. I dont need my child having emotional problems because of this shit, and I feel responsible. What if my absence is a factor? I mean now that her father and I have all but decided it is best for the kids to finish the school year where they are, am I dooming her to another six months of this shit? I never know if Im doing the right thing and there is always something popping up, making things all the more difficult. I swear, the biggest success I can ever hope for is to come out of this transition in my right mind, because I gotta tell yall, all this shit is driving me fucken crazy.....