5 to 7

**disclaimer: I wrote this at work, so I had to polish up the language a little, work with me LOL**

Young dudes kill me.

“Age is just a number.”

“Im very mature for my age.”

“I only date women that are older than me.”

“I don’t like these girls my age, they too immature.”

It’s always something. They stay coming up with some line or approach that is supposed to make them more appealing in some older woman’s eyes. Give it a rest, Tito, ok?

If I say Im not interested in dating somebody younger than me, then don’t come trying your luck, like Im talking about every young dude EXCEPT you LOL. First of all, I have been there and done that and aint tryna do it again. Been there on a few occasions, trying to give folks the benefit of the doubt (yall know how I do) but every time…….*smh* And second of all, let us understand that when I say “younger man,” I am talking about SIGNIFICANTLY younger than me. Someone whose birthday is 6 months after mine doesn’t count LOL. A year or two doesn’t count. However, if I got 5 or 7 years on you, sorry, love, Im not interested. That 5 or 7 years sounds a little too much like “5 TO 7 years”, which is probably the amount of time I’d end up doing for knocking the hell outta your simple azz the night you decide to act twenty-something LOL.

Im serious, yall. It never fails. A younger dude, mature though he may seem initially, will always show his age eventually. Always. And usually it happens in one of two ways:

a) Messiness. This means there is a baby mama or some other chick on the loose, who will no doubt call your phone at 3:17am, wanting to know who you are and why you’re messing with her man. This, my dear people, is one of the fastest ways to get voted off the island. By the time I hang up the phone, yall BOTH gon be mad at me LOL. Get the fk on. *RME*

b) Reverse Psychology #FAIL (aka Nerve). This means that at some point in time, he is going to challenge YOUR maturity level. In my experience, its usually come at times when the young’n was trying to convince me to do something I didnt want to do, and that I already told him I wasn’t going to do LOL. At your denial, he has a propensity for telling YOU that you’re being immature, and all you keep thinking and saying is “he got his nerve” LOL See that reverse psychology bullsh* works on them young girls. You cant pull that ish on no grown @sz woman. Please note that any woman that sits there and debates with this fool is not a grown @sz woman LOL. A G.A.W. will tell this here lil boy that she aint got time to play with him and he will probably never hear from her again. EARLY. Aint nothing to debate about, but Ima tell yall a secret, fellas: You wanna piss a woman off? Tell her she’s acting immature LOL. I bet she wont talk to your punk @sz for at least a week LOL. She’d still be salty, no matter how old the dude was who said it, but how YOU, Mr. Still-watching-106andPark, gonna have the audacity to tell somebody they are acting immature? LOL

They always show their age, man. They always show their age. Just like today. Another dude on one of them web communities Im on hit me up. I hit him back, you know, just being gracious, but we go back and forth a few times, and he starts complaining about the delay in the conversation. Yeah, there is a delay, because Im not sitting here at work all day with this site just minimized on my computer, checking it every 5 minutes to see if you said something. I only go into it when I get an email notification that you said something, and if Im in the middle of some other ish at that time, then you gots to wait LOL. So I offer him my email address, which, while still online, would be a lot faster. He declines, talking about he don’t be in front of a computer all day and that’s still delayed. Well….. you’re sitting in front of the computer now LOL. “Now” is all I’m talking bout, IDK what you talking about but anything after today sounds like a commitment, LOL. I aint tryna commit LOL So he gives me his number and says I can block my number when I call. Gee thanks. *staring into the camera* (another thing young bucks like to say LOL) but I think you are missing the point.

a) I’ve said a million times - I like my phone number. I don’t wanna have to change it because YOU don’t know how to act. It says this on my profile. Once again – IT SAYS THIS ON MY PROFILE!! So why do you, young buck, come along and think I meant everybody BUT you? LOL

b) Its not even just about the phone number, Im just not sure I wanna talk to you yet. I can toss an email or note back and forth with just about anybody, and if Im online anyway, its really not an inconvenience to do so. Me actually talking to you on the phone is asking a lot. For one, Im not sure I even like you yet. Why would I wanna talk to somebody I cant even say I like. Two, Im not a talker, Im a texter. For that, you do have to have my number, and we have already established that that is not going to happen LOL.

So anyway, he says some smart ish to me like “so you’re telling me if you meet a dude on the street, you gonna give him your email address instead of your phone number?” You little ba$tard. No that’s not what Im sayin LMAOOOOOO! That was almost a good one though, I admit, but I had to break it down how you cant compare the two because you have a whole other set of variables to assess when youre in somebody’s presence than when you’re just a name in the “To” line of an email. Theres a lotta other factors that play into that interaction you have that enable you to make a comfortable decision in a pretty small window of time. An email volley is different – it takes a little while to put together all the different pieces of the dollar store “whodafuckisthisnigga” puzzle. But that’s what you sign on for when you join an online community. Its ONLINE. Online with no guarantee that you will EVER come offline, so I really don’t understand why dudes be getting mad when they cant get your number on day one. Who said you would EVER get it? LOL Fk on…. Then he got an attitude because I said something about being in DC next week (he lives in MD) and I told him no, we cant get up. Dude, if I don’t wanna give you my number, OR call you, what in the hell would make you think Im gonna wanna go out with you? See, an older, more mature man woulda knew how to play that. He woulda went IN with the DC date, knowing he’d get shot down, and compensate with the “well let me at least call you,” which would then seem like a small thing, and we’d probably be on the phone tonight LOL. Lil whippersnappers, they don’t know nothing bout no game LMAO!

Long story shorter, he never said it, but I started feeling like he was tryna pull my G.A.W. card, so I told his @sz, look…. Im not going to do anything I don’t want to do, and the things I want to do, I aint gonna do until I am good and gotdamn ready LOL So you got two options: you can respect that and keep it moving, or you can be mad about it and keep it moving, but keep it moving either way LOL. Ahhhhh, harsh, my @sz, it was not harsh. Yall just wasn’t there, I been paraphrasing for yall, but this little muthafucka had some nerve, with his smart mouth LOL I got him by 5 years. I saw the “to 7” coming down the pike LOL.

See I don’t have the patience for foolishness, that’s why I don’t think Im ever gonna be a cougar LOL. When Im 50, my man gon be 48 or better too LOL. Men are enough of a pain in the @sz when they’re within a stone’s throw of your own age. Why the hell I wanna be bothered with skinny jeans? LOL Im sooooooo good LOL.