Condom Demo

So I finally had the talk with my son about condoms and how to use them properly. Right now I think he's in the bathroom throwing up and washing the skeeve off LOL. I dont care, he aint bout to bring no damn babies up in here LOL

When I first asked him if he was ready to do it, he was like "ugh, mom!!! no!!! ugh!!!" Yeah, yeah, we are GOING to have this conversation, so its up to you. We can do it now and get it over with, or we can do it later this weekend. He chose to get it over with.

Now let me just say that I intended to do it weeks and weeks ago, but different things kept me distracted, so I didnt get around to it. Last week, he came downstairs and randomly asked me about birth control, how it works, whether you have to take it every day and all this kinda shit. My internal response was WTF??? Why is he asking me about birth control? But my maternal instincts told me that that was not the time to hit him with a barrage of questions. I was just glad he felt comfortable enough to come and ask me, and I didnt want to counter that trust by making him feel uncomfortable with a bunch of questions. Safe space. So I just answered his questions and kept it moving, thinking just to myself that I'd drink a bottle of Drano after he went to bed LOL

So I went upstairs tonight and got a Durex out of my stash. I dont use them shits - somebody left it here one night, who knows how long ago, after I was like yeah, no, LOL. Im a condom snob, sorry, so the Durex made itself useful for demonstration purposes only LOL. Shawty looked like he was going to pass out the second I sat down next to him and tore it open. Oh boy, stop it. Come on now, pay attention. "Mom!" I shot him "the look" and got a little more cooperation LOL. I used the narrow neck of a vase to demonsttate, since we were out of bananas and I dont generally buy cucumbers LOL. I talked him through putting it on and leaving room at the end and holding it when he pulls out, so it doesnt slide off. Even though he looked a little nauseous, I think he was paying attention. When I was done, I asked if he had any questions and he simply said no and went upstairs. Thats when I heard the water running in the sink LOL. So dramatic LOL

I bet he had questions but figured if he didnt ask any, it would be over faster LOL. Im sure it wasnt very comfortable for him, but dammit, I cant trust anybody else to tell him what he needs to know. He's going to 7th grade this year and girls these days are fast as hell. I'd have to beat the fetus out of some little harlot, trying to trap my boy into something, I swear, and jail aint a good look for me LOL. But even though he probably saw his life flash before his eyes, I bet he was curious about how to do it and is, somewhere deep down, glad I showed him. He wont admit it for another few years, but I know he is.

Fuck you, statistics. Active parenting: #FTW