Its Complicated

I was cleaning my room over the weekend and found an old journal from 2008. I read through about half of it, ending with an entry about somebody I havent spoken about at all on here (I dont think) or written about up to that point in the book. Its weird saying that, because this is a person who was, up until around that time, a very active part of my life, even when he wasnt, if that makes any sense.

We have a very complicated relationship. Always have. Its hard even trying to explain it to somebody, because we dont even know how to classify it half the time. Its changed some, like I said, in the last couple of years, but I was reminded yesterday and today that while it has shifted a little, its definitely still very complicated. Yesterday a smile that I couldnt get rid of, prompted by something very small. Today, a flush of emotion that brought me to tears. Its crazy how a person can be so plugged in to you as to evoke reactions like that when you never see them, barely talk to them, but share a story. I thought I shook that. Guess I didnt.

There is always so much to say and I can never find the words. They just spin around in my head, fighting for position in sentences that wont form. But I think he gets it. I dont think he ever expects to hear it - whatever 'it' is. And thats good, because I would hate to disappoint him.