Happy Sunday

Am I the only person who feels guilty going to church, when I haven’t been in a while, hoping that my going would somehow yield good favor for myself with the Lord? LOL You know what I mean – you had a job interview for this amazing gig that you really want to get, or you are hoping your lab results come back negative or your baby daddy has a court hearing coming up that you hope wont land him life? LOL

I think the last time I went to church was the first week of June. No, cause I don’t tend to do First Sundays…. Father’s day. That’s when I think it was. I have been telling myself I was gonna go for the last few weeks and just haven’t made it, for various reasons. Today I talked myself out of it by convincing myself that it would be selfish LOL. Nevermind the fact that I have been trying to get there for the last few weeks, today, it would have been selfish of me to go, because I am looking for the Lord to do something for me LOL I don’t know how valid the argument is – my NOT going was for the same damn reason LOL – but hey, that’s how I rationalized it. Whatever.

Instead, I spent the morning reading through all the blogs I have written since December, when I started this. Some of them had me laughing hysterically, recalling the events I was speaking about, and some spun me into deep thought, behind more serious incidents. One thing I noticed several times is that I was supposed to circle back to a few thoughts, in later blogs, and never did. Part of that might be because I forgot what I was initially going to say about it LOL. That happens a lot. I need to start writing stuff down when I get sidetracked to a thought I want to revisit.

But for the most part, everything I read took me right back to where I was at the time I wrote it. That is the great thing about having this blog. Its like my personal diary, helping me chronicle my experiences, work through my issues and laugh at life’s fuckery. Its interesting to see my progression from one frame of mind to another on certain topics, but for the most part, its consistent. I’m glad I finally decided to do this.

On another note, yesterday was a friend of mine’s birthday. We might speak every few weeks, nothing super regular, but I did talk to him earlier this week and when he mentioned that Saturday was his birthday, I was determined not to forget, and I didn’t – SCORE! (I can be bad with that sometimes). The best part about it, though, was that when I called to wish him a happy birthday and see what he had planned, he sounded GENUINELY happy that I called. When people know its your birthday, they tend to go through the motions and call or email or text or whatever to acknowledge you, and your response can be just as canned as their wishes. We all know that from our own birthday experiences, so when I got that real sense of warmth from him over me calling, it made me feel really good. I was proud of myself for remembering and I was glad to feel like somebody really appreciated my small, likely insignificant role in their life LOL. Its such a little thing, but it really can mean so much. Im sure somebody is reading this like really dude? Get your life LOL. But I really am such a fan of the little things, it don’t make no sense. Maybe its because there are so many little things in life. There are so many little things that if you learn to appreciate them, you will see beauty every single day of your life. SOMEWHERE. Right now my mind goes back to last night and the appointment that wasn’t kept and I really hope for my friend a new perspective on life. I hope for him the ability to see the things that don’t appear so important and the insight that life would not be the same without them. I wish the same for all of you, and now that I’m done spewing butterflies and cocoa puffs, I’m gonna go find me a sandwich LOL.

Have a wonderful day.