Shackin Up!

So yesterday I got a question from someone on premarital cohabitation. For those of you on the slow bus (lol) that means living together before or without a plan for marriage. I think that is a decision to be made on an individual basis, but for me, personally, I dont advocate it.

By and large, I subscribe to the ideology that a man will rarely buy the cow if he's getting the milk for free. That's not to say that they never do, or that there aren't circumstances where living together is the best decision at the time, the odds are just against you.

Again, its an individual decision, with a lot of factors that play into it, so rather than lecture about the perils of cohabitation, let me just advise anyone who is considering it to make sure they set themselves up for the best outcome. If you want your relationship to advance to marriage, you need to have an understanding of that before you do anything. Talk expectations. Make sure there is some consensus on how long this is going to go on before some moves are made, and hold each other to that timeline. Definitely discuss how the bills are gonna be handled, and no one ever wants to look ahead to a potentially bad ending, but we all know shit happens, so always - ALWAYS - have an exit strategy.

I lived with someone for 5 out of 6 years (one of those "right thing at the time" situations) and when the shit hit the fan, I could not bear one more week in that house with him. I would have been assed out if I didnt have the money on hand to go get another place right away, because I didnt really have anywhere else to go. I didnt have family or friends that could put me up for more than a couple nights at a time, especially with the midgets. So always make sure you are thinking about plan B.

You know another thing that is gonna be problematic if you dont address it upfront? Friends. If you have friends who drop by often, or friends of the opposite sex who call your house, that is gonna be an issue in most relationships when you live together. He might not wanna come home to your gossipping ass girlfriends on the couch after a long day at work, and she may not want your musty ass homeboys with their feet all up on her coffee table 4 days a week, cleaning out the fridge. One or both of you might be uncomfortable with the phone call situation and you might find yourself in an ultimatum, choosing between your friends and your mate, which is one place nobody wants to be. All that shit is fine and dandy when you dont live together, because they know this is going on, but its not something they have to really deal with when they are going home to their own place every night, so you will have to come to an understanding about what is acceptable for the both of you.

Some people feel like you cant really know who you are marrying until you share a toilet LOL. Eh. I think part of the allure of marriage is the new life together, which includes discovery. You should know a person enough before marriage that whatever habits you come across that are new to you arent deal-breaking. If you call off the wedding because he put the toilet paper under instead of over, youre probably focused on the wrong things anyway LOL.

"*gasp!* This bitch dont alphabetize her canned goods. Im not gon be able to do it!" LMAOOOOOO

So just think it out before you do it, and as with anything else, communication is going to be key.

*****

On another note... I have more than 5 readers, dammit LOL. I know this because I get emails and IM's every day from people who are not on that list over there >>>>>, commenting on something I blogged. I also get emails and IM's from people who are not on that list over there >>>>> with attitudes when I skip days or questioning me about when I am gonna post something I said I was gonna follow up on (i.e. "Got Condoms?") Yall got nerve LOL. How bout you subscribe to some shit before you start making demands? LOL At the very least, stop hitting me up wanting to discuss the blog - that's what the comments section is for. I am grateful for all my readers and thank you for even checking in, but there is a bigger picture here - this is a means to an end - so please, please, please subscribe...