Do You Know...

I came across this in a file of old things I wrote, and felt compelled to post it. With the things I have posted recently, some of you out there may think I am on my way to a white room with padded walls, but I want to dispell that thought. I have run across some characters, let me tell you, but all in all, I am ecstatic in life at this moment, optimistic beyond reason, and I really only tell yall about this shit because its comical. I think this will give you some better coordinates to my position. Dont cry for me, Argentina! LOL


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Do you know what you want?

I don’t think most people do. They think they do, but its not until they come across someone who really does, that they realize they don’t.

I had that experience recently. This guy wanted to get to know me, and you know me, Im down. Whatever. We get into a conversation and all of a sudden he threw me a red cape and came at me with horns up. “I don’t have time to date just to be dating. Im looking for a wife. I want another child, or maybe two, I want the house, the picket fence, the whole nine yards, and I don’t waste my time with anyone who is bringing me anything less than the keys to that relationship castle.” Once he finished that spiel, he proceeded to tell me how he plans to go about achieving this goal of his and I gotta tell ya, initially I didn’t know what to say, but once the shock wore off, all I could do was giggle. You know the old folks say “If you wanna make God laugh, tell him your plans.” Newsflash, moron, you cant plan this road any more than you can plan to make a snowman in July.

First of all, dude, I just met you. That is a little too much pressure to be putting on somebody in the first conversation. Can we see if we can stand each other first before you start tellin me your expectations? You got me on an interview and we aint even left the job fair yet, LOL. You don’t even know my last name and already you wanna change it. Secondly, another kid? Hmmm….. check please. Thirdly, the way he said it was so matter-of-fact that I was almost intimidated. Almost. I think I probably wasn’t because my pscyhometer told me that intimidation was his intent. He comes at a woman this way off the bat to see how she will react – to see if she would shake. I held my ground, stating that Im not trying to put all my pigs in one house unless I know that house made of brick, and some wolf cant blow it down… but it got me to thinking: Dig, are these the things that YOU want? I mean I know everyone thinks that all women want some prince on a white horse to come swoop them up and take her off to some fairytale kingdom so they can live happily ever after, but the farther I put the time I almost had that behind me, the more I start to feel like it might not be what I want.

I was watching this movie today (LOL shut up). This woman ‘s man left her because he wanted to marry her and she didn’t wanna have a wedding the way most people do. She didn’t subscribe to a lot of society’s standards and ideals and wanted to do things by her own rules. Later she decided that she was going to marry herself, to prove that she was happy with herself and okay being single. It’s a kooky concept, and in the end, she and the guy got back together, but that’s besides the point, LOL. I think she was onto something.

Why is it that we treat being single as some kind of plague? I mean God, if you were meant to be with someone right now, you would be. Maybe youre single cause you need to take some time to get YOUR shit right. It doesn’t mean you will be single forever, but whats wrong with enjoying the time that you are? Why do we all have to be on dating crack out here, trying to hurry up and go through as many freakin losers as we can, kissing all the frogs possible so we get to some prince before that first strand of gray makes an appearance in our freshly cut chinese bangs? Single people are not lepers, some of us are the happiest people around.

Now don’t get me wrong, everyone wants someone to love and to be loved in return. I am no different. But I really, really am happily single. I have the freedom to do what I please, with whom I please, and still have more than enough testosterone in my phone directory to keep my days interesting. Yeah, I have some slow stretches, but right now, Im in a busy season, so fuck you, overly perky little girlfriend of nobody special LOL. I wouldn’t go so far as having a public wedding ceremony for me to affirm who I already am to the world like ole girl in the movie, and I wouldn’t necessarily shirk off a man who was ‘Dig’ enough to make me consider a future with him either, but Im not busting the doors down in either direction. Im enjoying my life as it comes and if and when the time comes back around for me to ‘rock the rock’ again, then so be it. Til then, Im chillin and am disgustingly happy doing it. I guess what Im saying is that I don’t have a script. I don’t have a blueprint or a map to Dig’s eternal [relationship or lack thereof] happiness. I cannot sit here and tell you all the things that I want in a man, but I think its enough to say that I want a man that makes me happier with him than I am single. And let me go on record to say that for that, he has his work cut out for him.