Video Vibing

First of all, this is a beautifully written song.

Second of all................ *sigh*

I was in the middle of watching this video online for the very first time when my phone rang. True to "Dig's life is a reality show" form, it's my ex. I knew I shoulda never let my girl convince me to call him that night, LOL.

He and I didnt really break up on the best terms, but I have talked to him a couple of times since and we're.... well.....good, I guess. So when he called, it wasnt a situation where I'd be cursing him out or acting shady. I dont really hold grudges - I'm "good" with all of my exes for the most part - but I had to wonder what he wanted. Yes, he told me he would be calling me, but I didnt really expect him to because good or not, we really dont have a whole lot to talk about.

So I entertain the conversation, knowing he would work his way to his point sooner or later. It was small talk at first, then the inquiries about whether Im dating (read: sleeping with) anybody and if I ever miss him, and memory after memory being revisited, like he was looking for the same excitement from me that he was feeling, but he should have known I'd never give him that after everything that happened with us.

It finally got to the point where he wanted to come over so we could talk and you know how I do: we talkin NOW, LOL. He continued in his roundabout way, trying to gauge whether or not I might entertain the idea of us getting back together, after a year of being broken up, and I admit, I felt for him just a little, putting himself out there, but I had to tell him no.

It's like this song says: lightning dont strike the same place twice. When things were good, they were really, really good. I do smile to myself when I revisit those memories, but the truth of the matter is, we dont belong together and it only took one go-round for me to recognize that. I still care ABOUT him (read: I dont wanna hear he got hit by a milk truck LOL), I just dont care FOR him (read: no, I dont want to get back together), and I didnt want to hurt his feelings, but people have to understand that you can't unring a bell. Once you say some hurtful shit to somebody, even if they forgive you, they never forget it, and moving on together would never be quite the same. It would always be lingering in the back of their minds, hindering any real growth, and I know it would be no different with me.

Im not mad at the brother, but just because Im not mad doesnt mean I am willing to subject myself to the same shit I dealt with the first time around, when I already KNOW from our conversation that he is still on that same shit. Im just not the woman for him and he's not the man for me. I accepted that and now he's gonna have to also.

So I guess this is a dedication to him, praying acceptance and progress into his life, and hoping that he finds someone he can actually be happy with, and not just someone who will allow him some false sense of redemption. Sometimes, you only get one chance to get it right.

Superman, this one's for you.