Trying Times

I've had some hard shit to deal with in my life, but trying to explain death to an 8yr old without her losing sleep or having nightmares is some HARD SHIT. It was even harder because coming home to the news of what happened at her school, with all the grief counseling and rumor mill going on kinda put me in a shitty mood, and it was difficult to set that aside at first. She seemed okay for the most part initially, but once she got out of the shower this evening, she came to me about it, visibly upset, and I knew I had to let that go and just be the support that she needed. The problem was what to say. What the hell do you say?

My daughter has never experienced the death of someone she actually knew before. She came downstairs tonight and laid in my arms, telling me how she doesnt know how to deal with the death of the teacher at her school, because she cant stop thinking about her. She said she keeps thinking about the WAY she died, being shot to death, and is sad that somebody killed her. What am I supposed to do with that? *sigh*

I took a deep breath and started speaking slowly, thinking through it, not wanting to say the wrong thing. I told her that she shouldnt try not to think about Ms. Nina, because what makes people special is the things that we remember about them. I told her that her teacher is happy with God now and she should be happy about that. I told her she should feel special because a lot of people didnt get the chance to know Ms. Nina, but she did, and she got to know how nice and smart and caring she was. I told her that the things Ms. Nina did with her and her friends at the school were important and that she should always remember that with a smile.

Then I started talking about my aunt that passed away a few years ago from cancer. She was very close to me and it was hard for me at first, too. I told my baby that I did all the things I had just told her to do and it helped me. She seemed to identify with that more than anything else I said, and I hope to God it gets her through the night...