In Mourning

My "aunt" Dora passed away last night. I found out today while I was at work, when I called my mother about a totally unrelated issue. I was fine for about an hour before the random eye-burning began. Luckily, I had already left work by then. I wrote about her earlier this week, contemplating whether or not I would make that trip to the hospice to see her before we eternally parted ways. I never went. I got over the whole comparison with my other aunt, but when it came down to it, I just didnt want to see her compromised. I wanted to remember her the way I remember her, and in doing so, I managed to find a smile in the midst of my sadnsss. A frame frozen momentarily, in my mind, of her at church, smiling, in her all white usher uniform. She loved that church. She loved the Lord. And she loved us.

We loved you too, Dora.

At this moment, all I have is the solace in knowing that she is no longer in the excruciating pain she spent her last weeks suffering through. I feel kind of selfish, not having gone to see her this week, but I pray that the peace she gains in entering those pearly gates comes with an understanding of why I wasnt there, and the serenity in knowing that in some way, I was, and always will be.

R.I.P Dora Bliss
1-13-10