Still dreaming

Ever had a dream so vivid and so hurtful that it changed the way you looked at the people involved in real life?

I've been up since a little before 5 am. I woke from my dream feeling so hurt, I couldnt even cry cause I couldnt "feel" the sadness. It was like my soul had been sucked away and the only thing that I could feel was my heart literally breaking into like 47 pieces. It was the kinda hurt that makes people fall off the radar; that is to say, if it ever happened in real life, I probably would. On some WITSEC shit, nobody would ever hear from me again. It might sound super dramatic but that's how hurtful it was. Maybe my soul WAS temporarily sucked out of me because it took me an hour to come out of the dream completely and a little while longer to be able to feel again.

Im skipping the details because it wasnt that far fetched so I dont wanna put it in the air and breathe life into it. But its one of those kinds of things that happens every day, just not to you, you know? Because you think you know people and that you have good judgment and nobody close to you would ever do anything to hurt you. We all feel that way. But I gotta tell ya, I was so blindsided, I woke up unable to even move. And even though it was a dream, I couldnt help but stop and think about what it was telling me.

See, when I dream about real people in my life, its usually some over-the-top type shit that would never happen, usually involving celebrities and jail time LOL.... or money none of us will probably ever see in life LOL or some other ridiculous scenario. Regular dreams about real people in my life tend to be premonitions. My sister divorced her husband because (among other things) I dreamed he'd try to kill her for the insurance money. True story. But sometimes the dream is just a message... something I cant (or dont want to) see in my waking life about a person or situation. All thats left now is to figure out what that is.

Its like I said, it COULD happen - it happens every day - its just not something I'd ever think WOULD happen, based on my judgment and relationship with those involved. But I also gotta tell ya, I've been wrong before. I know, its hard to believe, but it has happened (LMAO!). You know that whole "outside looking in" thing? Ever wonder why you are so much less able to see clearly in situations you're close to when you're so good at seeing them from a distance? Well, it's a socio-scientific fact that you lose about 30% objectivity once someone penetrates your emotional space (meaning once you genuinely begin to value and care about them). I've given people too much credit.... too much access... too much of "me" and they have taken advantage of me... used things against me... and outright tried to "take me down" so to speak. Only once or twice in my entire life, but it's happened. So in a way, this dream provided a reality check, reminding me that maybe I need to knock some people down a peg in my mind... you know, stop acting like people dont have dark sides I might not be privy to or that they arent capable of doing shit I like to think they're better than. Actually, at this very moment, I think that's exactly what the message is. Damn. In this very moment, I see things from an entirely different perspective with one person in particular.

WOW. Ima need to take some time with this one...

At any rate, something new is probably on the horizon. We all dream every night, we just dont always remember them when we wake. I rarely remember them. The last time I was dreaming so vividly, so often, I met my ex and spent the next year and a half in the kind of love I never thought I'd have again. The time before that, I landed the job of a lifetime and moved to Jersey. Something pivotal always happens when I get to dreaming like this, regardless of what the dreams are like. I must say, Im ready for some change, God willing, its positive. Lord knows there's been enough negatives to go around and I've certainly had my fair share. So if you got something good for me, Jesus.... let's do it.