Enjoying the now

Its so easy for most of us to sit and reflect on times, things and people we've had in our lives, or attempt to map out things to come, but its not so easy for us to just enjoy the place we're at in our lives right now. Reflection is great for the soul and having a plan for the future is great too, but sometimes we spend so much time looking back and worrying about what's ahead that we dont see the beauty in the now. Before we know it, when we look up, another year has gone by and we've missed it.

We've missed it.

I watched a couple of things on TV yesterday that made me hella nostalgic. I thought back to my adolescence and the friends and experiences I had back then and it was the first time in a long time, that I could go that far back in my mind without feeling sad that those times are gone... wanting to go back and be there again. A simpler time. Minimal consequences for doing really stupid shit LOL. Dealing with people based on your genuine feeling as opposed to what life has taught you would result from dealing in that way. If there is one thing I wish I could recover, it would be that innocence. Being able to just operate the way I was naturally inclined to without analyzing. But thats the sacrifice of maturity - innocence lost.

But I've crossed that bridge.

The people who were central to my life then are not the same people central to my life today, and after speaking to one of my girls for what seemed like 2 hours, I realize its possible that the people who are central to my life today might not be the same ones central to it 15 years from now - God willing I live to see another 15 years. And that scared me a little bit at first, but another thing I realized was that its another sacrifice you make to move on to new phases in your life. The realest bonds never go away, just like those I genuinely bonded with back then still have circumferential roles in my life today. Those who arent around, werent meant to be and Im okay with that.

Dammit, Ima be 40 in 3 years! Sheesh! I cannot believe that shit. SMH. I think that epiphany is what sparked a lot of this thought process, aside from the things I watched yesterday and the music I listened to that took me back. Got me thinking, damn, where did the time go? Then I look at my son and realize he'll be 15 pretty soon and Im like SHIT! 15 though? Wow. When I was 15..... SMH... Jesus help me LOL.

I love this time of year because it does make me sit back and think about my life and how far I've come. Tough times aside, I've had a really good life and some wonderful experiences. I blogged before about needing to embrace my new life and let go of the remnants of the old one I've been holding on so desperately to, but I'll spend much of my visit home catching up with people from yester year. I want to do it, but I also need to do it. At first I'd get a request from "high school dirtbag A" who caught wind of my plans to be in town via Facebook and be like nigga, a drink? With you? For what? LOL But then I'd tell myself it might be worth it to let him see what he fucked up and show myself that I didnt miss out on a damn thing LOL. Why not? Next thing you know I had accepted 3 of those drink dates LOL. Fuck it. #enjoyingthenow.com LOL

I'd list the many ways in which Im blessed, but there is no way I could do it and not miss like 1,000 things. Suffice it to say that there is a lot about my life right now that is really great and Im going to spend 2013 enjoying every ounce of the now. Its the only thing that matters.