A New Time

Lord knows how long the powers that be will allow this video to stay up, but I had to post it because it broke me down this morning. If my last month or so of blogs were made into a song, it would be this one.

When I think back over 2012, I have to smile and cry at the same damn time. Its funny how growth can sometimes feel like loss, but in order to gain anything, one has to give something else up. Its called progress when what you opt for adds more to your life than what you sacrifice leaves you without. Only sometimes, the impact of your decisions arent immediately visible, and that worry sets in, causing you to wonder if you've done the right thing. In the last year of ups and downs, I've learned to trust myself, but as I've said before, win or lose, the decisions have been mine.

I've changed a lot. My last trip home bore evidence of that. In 2013, I'd ask of my friends and family; get to know me again... or for the first time. I'd ask of my enemies; forgive me. I forgive you. I'd ask of my future; embrace me, and of my past.......[sigh].... let me go...

Please... let me go.

If you really knew what it took........ *tears* ........ if you really knew what it took, you wouldnt judge me. Not just this past year, but ALL these years. Scars both outside and in... Trust me when I say reading about it and living it are two completely different things, and there is so, so much more you still dont know. SO much more. But me? I know it all. I lived and survived it ALL.

So when midnight strikes and (God willing) I step into my 37th year of this life, there will be no words to describe how I feel. I dont know if I've ever brought the new year in, just me and my children. A part of me will be crying because for the first time, no one else is here. Most of me will be crying because for the first time... that's okay.

It took a long, long road to get here
It took a brave, brave girl to try
It took one too many excuses
And one too many lies
Dont be surprised...

Its a brand new time for me.


Happy New Year.

Love, Dig.