Catfish

I should be writing my paper right now and trust me, I will get on it as soon as Im done here, but I'll be damned if I didnt just sit through 2 episodes of the craziest shit I ever seen on TV LOL.

Have you seen the movie Catfish? If you havent, its about a guy who fell in love with a woman on Facebook and embarked on a journey to meet her - a journey which he thought it would be cool to document on film. In the end, the woman he met was not the woman he thought he had been talking to all this time - AT ALL. I mean this woman and her whole entire family (yes, family LOL) was fucked the fuck up LOL. The woman whose pictures he had been seeing actually existed but she was happily married, didnt know anything about what was going on and didnt know the lady who was pretending to be her, which Nev (the guy) found out when he reached out to her to tell her about everything that had happened.

Well now Nev has turned Catfish into a reality series. People send him messages about their online romances and he picks the most interesting ones to "help along" through the process of meeting each other. This was the first time I had ever seen the show, although its been on a little while, I guess. The first episode that aired was pretty benign but the second one? Woo Lawd! LOL

So Nev chooses to help this girl named Jasmine who is pretty young - I'd guess maybe 18 or so. She's been talking to this guy "Mike" for 2 years on Facebook and they had never met. Not overly weird..... until you hear that they only live 15 minutes apart. (Im sorry.... huh? LOL) They've also only talked on the phone twice, for just a couple of minutes each time before the phone mysteriously loses reception... and he never calls back (we've been over this before). The backstory is that Mike had a baby mama he was supposedly no longer with and Jasmine was going to be upset if she found out the reason he was being so shady is because he was actually still with the ex.

So Nev and Max (camera man) go all through "Mike's" page, trying to find clues and even call a girl, "Ceanna", who seems to actually know him. They reach out to her and she confirms that "Mike" is real, they were good friends and he was, in fact, engaged to his baby mama, with whom he now had 2 kids. Everybody knows something is janky at this point so they get Jasmine to ask "Mike" for a meet because they need to set things straight once and for all. He agrees.

They all go to where "Mike" lives and here is this skanky broad in half a dress walking across the street. Long story short.... sighhhhhh..... Jasmine and this chick Mhissy were cool until they realized they were fucking with the same dude. Mhissy claims she is actually in a relationship with the dude while Jasmine was just banging him and that when she asked Jasmine to respect that and fall back, she wouldnt. So Mhissy creates this fake Facebook personality to distract Jasmine from her so-called man. Apparently it worked, because 2 years later, Jasmine is in love with this fake personality. Jasmine is all broken up (blah, blah, blah) and Mhissy has no remorse.

Now there is a lot wrong with this picture. How do you kick it with somebody for 2 years and only talk to them on the phone twice, for just a couple minutes? How do you live 15 minutes away from each other and never meet? Now Mhissy aside, that would be some bullshit if the muhfucka was real. Women get played every day but like THAT for 2 YEARS? #comeonson

*paper break* I'll be back. Oh yeah. Im gon be back LOL

[2 hours later]

Okay.

So I love the idea that Nev took his experience and turned it into a movement to blow up spots all over America LOL. Sure, some of the stories are bound to have happy (or at least happer) endings, but there are a lot of crazy people out here and you have to be really careful dealing with people online who you dont know. I felt horrible for Nev when I saw the movie, but more than feeling horrible, I could relate.

I had two experiences during my period of online shenanigans where guys were not who they told me they were. It wasnt a love thing either time, but I liked the dudes. The first one was super sweet, had a voice that I thought matched the picture I had seen, but like the chick in the episode, whenever I'd ask for a pic I hadnt seen, he'd have some kind of problem uploading the file or something. Computers are fickle, hey, maybe he was having issues. He didnt seem very computer literate to begin with, so I just let it ride. He was cool, so whatever. The problem came when 2 months had gone by and he still couldnt figure the shit out LOL. Now it was an issue because he was REALLY tripping, putting his mama on the phone, telling her she was gonna be welcoming me to the family, had her inviting me to dinner and all that kinda shit. I was like hold up nah, potna, I like you and all that, but pump the brakes. I NEED you to find some time to meet up, I mean you're only 45 minutes away, so dont gimme no bullshit. I'll even come to you. And I did.

This fool.....smh....

I take a day off and drive to Buffalo to meet him at this marina. I pull up and look for the green Tahoe he's calling me from. He pulls up behind me and doesnt get out right away, so I dont either. A few seconds later, dude gets out the truck with some roses and starts walking toward my car, so I get out, but I'm looking back and forth from him to his truck, thinking okay, James must be in the truck cause THIS aint the muhfucka I been talking to LOL. I mean, James musta had his boy come check me out first or something and then he'd come out after he got the nod. Of course that didnt make any kinda sense, but it was better to believe that in that moment than believe this dusty, black ass, pillsbury doughboy ass nigga in the dingy white velour sweatsuit, busted, ran-over sneakers and kinky fake gold rope chains was why I drove all that way LOL. It took everything in me not to turn right around, get back in the car and go back to the Roc, but once I did find words, they just kept coming LOL. I cursed his ass out six ways from Sunday LOL. And it wasnt cause he wasnt the fine dude in the picture.... well yeah it was LOL.... but I mean it was the principle of the matter. How insecure do you have to be to do some shit like that, and after you've talked to a person for a while and got them to kinda like you, why wouldnt you realize that you couldnt keep that shit up forever and just come clean? On some real shit, I woulda forgave it. We woulda been squarely in the friend zone but I woulda forgave it LOL. He created a situation where I was never gonna speak to him again. And in the midst of him getting cursed out, this fool calls his mama LOL. "She wanna talk to you" LMAO! Are you fuckin kidding me? I shoulda beat his ass with that phone, but I took it and talked to her, politely telling her that I was sure she is a very nice woman but no, I would not be coming for dinner that night or any other night. Then I threw the phone at him and did what I shoulda did from jump: got back in my car and drove off.

The second dude came clean to me after I told him I had had that experience. Im sure it was hard for him to do and I forgave it, but a liar doesnt tell just one lie, and his other ones included a wife. Yeah.

So I learned the signs of online fakers and also incorporated video chatting into my regimen LOL. But eventually I just went back to meeting people in the real world. I've had the occasional online endeavor since, but not with complete strangers and if they werent computer literate enough to upload a file or work a damn webcam, I wasnt interested LOL. But I had totally forgotten about that shit until I watched Catfish today and it just reminded me that some people out here are really demented. A person being too insecure about their own looks or worth to be themselves in a space that allows them to be whoever they want to be is one thing. For a chick to create a fake manpage to get back at a rival and then maintain not only the page but the charade for 2 whole years is just crazy. And she wasnt even just being the dude, she done created fake people for the dude to be friends with and was playing their roles too! LOL Who does that shit? LOL Man, people are crazy for real. Ima mess around and have another reality show addiction but this definitely aint a show you gonna see ME on!

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.