A Toast

I joked in my last post about seeing Jesus and thinking He was coming for me, but Im sitting here on my bed this morning thinking what if He was? What if I had been the only one to see this image coming across the street because I was the reason he came? Are my affairs in order? What would become of my kids? Would the people who mean the most to me know how much I loved them and how they had impacted my life? Would I be missed?

Who are we kidding - hell yeah, I'd be missed! LMAO!

But seriously though... its running through my mind right now, and its probably the most appropriate time, being that a new year will begin in less than 12 hours - not only for the world, but for me personally, being that it's my birthday. The year and my life's reflection came slow this time around, but I am analyzing now, assessing the strides I've made since December 31, 2010, along with the regression and setbacks I've suffered, of which, I must say, have been few. I am happy for that. Still a work in progress, I have come a long way in many aspects. In others.... well, LOL. Like I said - a work in progress.

Tomorrow I will celebrate my 36th year of life on this planet. The day after that I will celebrate my first one-year relationship anniversary in 10 years of dating. The day after that I [officially] embark on my voyage to a healthier lifestyle - not smoking, drinking less, eating conscientiously and spending responsibly. These arent resolutions, as you know I have been on the path for quite some time now, but the end of the year always brings these types of things into technicolor.

I dont even know if I will live another 12 hours, but God willing, I'll bring in the new year at home with my kids, two of my best friends, and a bottle of cheap champagne, toasting the triumphs of the year gone by and looking forward to the possibilities in the road ahead. And in the tradition of "Auld Lang Syne" (translated "Times Gone By") ...."despite the pain in doing so, we must remember and toast to those we've loved and lost in order to keep them close to our hearts" (Fishman, Julie. (2011). "New Year's Eve: Who Knew?" MSN...... <-- see, I learned my lesson LOL). By the grace of God, there were no funeral calls for me in 2010, but I still recognize losses of the past and I do know others who suffered close ones this year, including my mother, who lost one of her last remaining best friends. So a lil liquor to the curb for Sister Delores and all those other folks no longer with us...

MJ, you are still pulling at my heart strings from the great beyond and I will never stop celebrating your genius.

Auntie Judy, I still feel your presence on the train and every time I hear a Heather Hedley song. I miss you every day of my life and I am so glad we had the time we did.

Shaheen, I still cant believe there will be no more bumping into you at Walmart, but trust and believe your friends and family still miss you all the time. #BPort4Life

Zo....*sigh*.....I cant reminisce on the good old days without images of you chewing that damn gum popping up in there somewhere LOL.

Dora, we all still miss your "crazy" LOL. I hope they have lawn chairs in Heaven.

To countless others, gone but not forgotten, a toast to you as well.

To my friends and family, near and far, I love you all with everything in me and I feel blessed to have you in my life. I hope I have been and can continue to be a blessing in yours. I implore you all to do something - ANYTHING - to make this year better than the last. Life is too short to look back and do anything but smile. Even through tears.

Now let's raise these glasses and do it bigger than we've ever done before....

Cheers.