New Year's Reso-YOU-tions

I said on my FB that I wasnt making any resolutions. Im making reso-YOU-tions; a list of shit YALL need to stop doing LOL. Now I know I'm a work in progress, but I dont need a new year to motivate me to make changes in my own life. When it comes to the things that really irk me, I've come to the conclusion that it aint me. Its other people's bullshit LOL. So I'm gonna tell yall some of the things muthafuckas need to chill out with. I aint saying no names, but if it looks familiar, just knock it off!

- Stop calling me when you're bored. You aint got shit to talk about, so all you gonna do is make me bored right wit you. Get your bored ass up and go do something. Call me AFTER and tell me about it LOL.

- Stop smoking and drinking.....other people's shit LOL. If you cant afford your own pack of whatever, or at least some loosies, you too broke for the luxury of a bad habit LOL. Bring something with you sometimes when you get invited somewhere (or especially if you invite yourself). People gotta ration that bottle of Bacardi. How its gon last til pay day if your moochin' ass lips is sucking it all down? That person aint figure you into their liquor and tobacco budget. I cant stand to see a grown ass man bumming a cigarette offa people he dont even know. I bet you probably got a flip phone too. Get your life together!

- Get offa Facebook asking if somebody cooked and could you get a plate. Aint nobody tryna feed you. If you cant cook, or are too lazy to do so, there's always a drive-thru. But then you probably need somebody to come pick you up and take you there too, huh?

- "Its Complicated" is not a relationship status. Its New Year's Eve. Look to your left. Now look to your right. Is he/she beside you? Anywhere in the room? In the building at all? No? Then guess what - you, my friend, are single. It's really not that complicated.

- The stanky leg. Its over. Stop it.

- Self-taken pics on the bathroom sink, with your booty tooted up are not hot. They never were, but why you're still doing it in 2010, is beyond me.

OMG, theres so many more, but we gon let this be continued tomorrow in the actual new year, cause I got a suite fulla folks, lookin at me like Im rude, because I had to get some shit off my chest LOL. Let me go get drunk with the rest of the heathens and bring my birthday in like Im supposed to. Yall be easy.... and safe!

RIP Steve Landesberg

Some of you may not know this guy, but he used to play on Barney Miller. I used to love Barney Miller. He was also in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. So RIP Steve. Lost his battle to cancer earlier this week.

RIP Teena Marie

So glad I got to see her perform earlier this year. The legendary songstress, known as "Vanilla Chocolate," passed away today. She will be missed.

Thievery Afoot

So I woke up this morning and checked my email, and there was one in there regarding my bank account being suspended... *pause*

Im sorry, WHAT????

The email said there had been some invalid login attempts to my online account and they wanted me to click this link to verify some details. I click the link. These details? My login information... #wheretheydothatat?

I looked up at the address bar and it was filled with a bunch of numbers. I KNOW something aint right about that. So I call into customer care and confirm that my account is fine and in no danger of being suspended. The woman I spoke to asked me some questions about the email, pertinent to what was or wasnt specific to me. Nothing on the email was specific to me. It said "Dear Valued Customer" as opposed to my name, and there was no account specifics, no mention of the last four digits of my social, nor the date of last login, all of which, she said, would always be present on an email thats actually from them. Thank God I had the presence of mind to question what I saw, rather than panicking and automatically entering my information, because I would have handed some criminal the keys to the vault with a big red bow on em and a card that said "Please wipe me out. Thanks."

So this is a PSA, folks. Protect your private information by calling to confirm any email you receive that asks you for personal information your institution should already be privy too. You may not have the same bank I do, but Im sure most have similar policies, so here is what the bank sent me, once I forwarded the fraudulent email to their abuse department. Please feel free to forward to your friends and loved ones.

Some things to keep in mind regarding fraudulent emails:

*Unlike phishing emails, we will never ask you to verify personal information in response to an email

*Most fake communications convey a sense of urgency by threatening discontinued service

*Many fraudulent emails contain misspellings, incorrect grammar, and poor punctuation

*Links within the fake email may appear valid, but deliver you to a fraudulent site

*Phishing emails often use generic salutations like “Dear Customer,” or “Dear account holder” instead of your name

*The address from which the email was sent is often not one from the company it claims to be

Salvaging Christmas

So I woke up early this morning, made my coffee, and my cell phone was ringing before I even had a chance to sit down. The midgets were calling to wish me a Merry Christmas and to tell me all the things they had gotten. My baby was so excited about all her Justin Beiber schwag, I just smiled and let her rave. I had told my son about these Polo boots all the guys are wearing here, and as luck would have it, his uncle had gotten him a pair. It sounded like they made out pretty well, so I was happy too - for the moment - but when I hung up the phone, I started to fear that the day would go downhill fast. I sat for a while, with my coffee, weighing my options, and in the end, there was only one thing I could think to do: spend Christmas with the only other person on the planet that would be even lonelier than me - their father.

Christmas is more than four hours long, but the time I sat and laughed with him carried me through the rest of the night. He had stories for days - as usual - and I am pleased that his sense of humor has not been affected by the bid he's doing. He was hopeful about some new developments in his situation, and seems to have been laying some groundwork for life after the iron bars. He even helped me think through a gameplan for some things I have to do over the next few months. No one would choose to be where he is, but Im glad he is using the time in a productive manner. He did give me the business about the fact that I havent really bought myself anything or been engaging in very many extracurricular activities, having had the freedom to do so, but i think my response as to why that has been made sense to him. The fact that said freedom is going to be coming to an end relatively soon is of no regard to me. I have priorities. He knew what I meant, and although its never been required from him or anybody else, approval graced his face.

I wasnt sad when I left - I hope he wasnt either - and since I've been home, I've been okay. I've been texting with a few folks, speaking on the phone to others, and my mind is set squarely on the next notable day of my life, a week away. I dont think I will really get to celebrate it in true Dig fashion until I return from my trip upstate, but while there, I'll have the opportunity to share it with the two little people that mean the most to me, and the handful of friends that choose to join us.

So I made it through Christmas, ladies and gentlemen. A heartfelt thanks to all who reached out in support, 911 on speed dial, should it be needed LOL - I appreciate you. The best gift, for me, is always the recognition of how great the people in your life really are, and its great that I was reminded cause its the only gift I got! LOL

Merry Christmas, yall.

Finding a Smile

If I were with my babies tonight, we would probably have baked cookies. They like to do that on Christmas Eve. We'd clean the pan, they'd probably argue over who was gonna get the last one, and I'd end up splitting it in half, and reminding them about the spirit of the season. Looks of guilt would come across their faces, and they'd glance at each other in a way of silently saying "my bad", knowing that Mommy didnt approve, and then I'd let them open one of their presents, silently saying "it's ok." Once the wrapping paper from the opened gifts are thrown out, I'd send them to bed, letting them know that nobody is to come jumping on my bed before 8am, even though I'd know I'd be up by 7, laughing on the inside, while I'm pretending to be sleep for that hour, listening to them whisper about who was gonna walk by the room next, to see if I woke up early.

These were the thoughts that got me through the night, and that bottle of pinot grigio didnt hurt either. I expect tomorrow to be kind of tough, but I'll make it through that too. Somehow.

Mayday! Mayday!

So Christmas is in three days. I will be spending it here, in Jersey, with the midgets up in the wilderness LOL and I think Im gonna be in for a rude awakening. I have myself convinced that its gonna be okay - that i'm just gonna chill and relax, have some wine and listen to channel 843 - but somebody should probably text me every hour, just to make sure I havent jumped off my balcony LOL

We did our Christmas when I was up there last week, so they are good on the gift front. I told them I couldnt come for both Christmas and New Year's, so they had to choose. Of course, they chose New Year's. One, its my birthday and two, that option means they get their Christmas gifts early. I have the most pragmatic kids on the planet.

I told them they are moving with me in a few weeks, so now they are hitting me up for a going away party. They talking about renting a hotel suite so they can swim with their friends and all kinda junk. I need them to get jobs, so they can chip in on this shit. I am going to try though. I remember having to move away from my friends, and it was no easy feat. I didnt have the luxury of a going away party. All I got was some last-minute goodbyes and tears for the first hour of the drive. My kids have been through a lot these past couple of months, the least I can do is allow them to have a proper send-off.

Im looking forward to having them with me though. I have missed them sooooo much and its evident how much they miss me, every time I go back. I dont know what Im gonna do with myself on Saturday. Actually, Friday night will probably be the toughest - Christmas Eve is always such a big deal at my house. Fussing about the kids going to bed, them hassling me about opening "just one present, Mom?" LOL Its gonna be a doozy, though I think knowing I'll be there with them a week later will make it easier..... but yall still might wanna call me every hour, on the hour LOL. Im just sayin...... you might.

You're So Vain....

....I bet you thought I'd write a blog about you.


Didnt you?


Mm.

I'm an Idiot

So I get home tonight, turn my TV on and the Direct TV doesnt come on. There is a message on the screen that says to check my connections, etc, etc. Me being in and out of town like I have been, Im like damn, I done forgot to pay the bill. SHIT! LOL

So I log onto my laptop (of course, I logged onto my laptop LOL) and then call Direct TV. I get the automated system and ask for a representative. The guy comes on the line and verifies my information and then asks me what the problem is. Now, the midgets ran my pockets when I was upstate this weekend, but I figured, hey, my check will be in my account at midnight, I can post-date the payment for tomorrow. So I say:

"My service appears to have been interrupted, I'd like to make a payment for tomorrow."

He goes into the system and says, " Well ma'am, you can make a payment for tomorrow, but I dont show that we've interrupted your service. Your account is still active, there is no past due or anything."

Now Im making the Scooby Doo noise, looking at the TV crazy. Its cold as fuck outside, but its not snowing or raining or sleeting or windy, so its not the weather. Once again, I notice the message on the TV screen: "Please check your connections...." etc, etc. I look down at the box..... no lights on.

Now mind you, Im talking myself through this process, out loud, while Im on the phone with this representative, trying to figure this out. He's not saying anything. Is my box not on? I press power - aaaaaaand we're back LOL.

*staring into the camera*

The rep informs me that I am not in danger of interruption and I could just call back tomorrow to make my payment and avoid the additional $5 charge I would incur for doing it with him tonight, and I opted to do that - not to save the $5, but because I didnt want him to have to do anything that would prevent him from being able to pretend he never even spoke to me tonight LOL.

Only me.

The Bazooka vs The Mosquito

First of all, let me just say that not having health insurance at the moment has definitely put doctor visits into perspective. Don’t get me wrong, when I had a headache, I’d get an Advil, not an MRI LOL. It wasn’t that bad. But I do remember going to the doctor A LOT. If I even sneezed wrong – I aint care what it was – if it seemed outta place, I was on the table. Now that I have to pay out of pocket for every visit and lab test, a sista is a lot less frivolous with them visits LOL. But when you are paying for medical coverage, why shouldn’t you go every chance you get? The only time you get any refund on it is if you don’t use it AT ALL, and that trip to the ER last spring when your drunk ass fell down the stairs could not be helped, so go on and get that booty pimple checked out! LOL

But seriously, not having insurance changes how you see shit. For instance, I took my daughter to the doctor, when I was upstate last weekend. I told yall she done started that peeing shit again, so Im like ok, let ‘s see if there is something going on. We hit paydirt: UTI. YES! LOL May seem weird to be cheering for that, but at least there is a reasonable explanation for the shit. Some shit going down that you cant explain is frustrating as hell. So anyway, I get the call and directions to pick up her meds, so I do and drop it off before I roll back outta town.

Tuesday I get a call from the doctor, wanting to set a follow up appt for Friday. I told them go ahead and set it, I’d see if someone could bring her, and I’d call back to reschedule if they couldn’t. My daughter’s aunt said she could take her, so Boom…….LOL……..she calls me this afternoon while Im at work, asking if I “got a minute.” I hate when people ask me that shit, cause I know its gonna be a conversation that probably didn’t need to be had right that minute and likely about some shit I don’t wanna get into.

She said she had two questions. The first one was easy – how does she get cleared to pick my daughter up? No problem, I got that. The second "question" was more like a barrage of questions LOL, all surrounding whether or not enough was being done. She talking about urologists and child psychologists and all kinda shit. Im lookin at the phone like bitch, I aint got no insurance! LMAO! No, but real talk though, what am I doing all that for? She was telling me how some psychologist or somebody she knew gave her some papers about things that can be done or something and Im like dude…. That’s just it – those are all the things that could be done, but there are a lot of things that can be done before you even get that far. Those are things you resort to if you cant find anything else wrong. Who lets the hospital cut off a titty when the lump they found aint cancer? LOL Its overkill, like trying to kill a mosquito with a bazooka. So I told her as much – 1) I aint got no insurance, I have to PAY for this. But that’s beside the point, because, were it necessary, I’d pay even more for any of those additional options, if it meant we’d get the situation resolved. It just AINT necessary and Im not doing all that LOL. I think she started to hear the aggravation in my voice – either that or she realized she had called me at work about some bullshit that coulda waited until I got home, since she has a propensity for that fresh-in-the-door aggravation I hold so dearly LOL. Or maybe her brother told her she needs to fall back sometimes and mind her business, and she was trying to take heed. Maybe she heard how spastic she was sounding. IDK what it was really, but I know that suddenly all her protesting and hypochondria turned into “Ok’s” and nods that I could almost hear through the phone. Whatever it was, I was glad it kicked in at that moment. I really wasn’t in the mood to be justifying why I did or didn’t do something that involves MY child. I might as well just let my baby keep blasting me about the medicine being cherry. She hates cherry, but hell, aint my fault there weren’t any other flavors…..

Email of the Day

Friendly Holiday Advice


Please, take care of yourself this Christmas. A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related. This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes who just drink coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, milk, water, and shit like that. Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause three times as many accidents. This message is sent by someone who cares about your well being.

A Final Change in Plans

I think its so funny when people catch feelings about something so small and their justification for acting out afterwards is their grown-ness LOL. Word? Thats what this is about, your grown-ness? Ok then, but if we're really honest, I think its more about your insecurity. Nobody can make you feel some kinda way unless you expose yourself in a place that enables it. If you werent in the wrong, we wouldnt be having this conversation, but I digress.

So.... *sigh*.... the kids are coming down with me a couple of weeks after Christmas. Not real happy about the way it came about, but I prayed to be shown what to do and I got my answer. Im kinda tired of having people in the middle of shit, throwing me curve balls and causing me to change lanes midstream, so as inconvenient as its going to be to deal with school transfers and bus arrangements over the holidays, I will just go ahead and do what I have to do. Im starting to think I should have just taken them with me from the beginning and just dealt with the hurdles, but you live and you learn. You try some things, they dont work and you regroup and try some other shit. This is me, trying some other shit. Lord give me the strength and focus necessary to keep it together and handle my job responsibilities, while bringing my family back together. Admittedly, I've been concerned lately that Im losing focus at work.

I need to find me a Knick or an NFL player to marry and not have to worry about this shit. Fuck it, everybody else is doing it...

The Number Game

So our friends wouldnt be our friends if we didnt feel some kind of positive way about em, right? We keep em around for a reason. Most people that have come into our lives and not found their way completely back out of them have or have had some sort of impact on us, or there wouldnt be much need for them to be there. So if we know this, generally speaking, why do we do shit like play FB games that entail honest declarations - anonymous or not - that we think we should already know?

Well, because hearing the words matters.

Hearing somebody say to you what you may have already known is important because prior to their confirmation, it may have only been what you THOUGHT they thought about you. Confirmation puts you at ease and allows you to proceed faithfully. The other thing is, hearing the words is sometimes game-changing. Maybe someone doesnt feel at all about you the way you thought they did, or maybe the reasons they gravitate to you are much different than what you expected. Either way, I think its good to know. Just dont go asking questions you arent prepared to hear answers to. Thats gonna fuck up your day LOL.

But anyway, what prompted me to write this post was this number game that was going around on FB. At first I didnt understand what was going on, but after having it explained to me, I decided to participate, and you know, its a lot harder to say out loud to everyone something that it might be so simple to state to one person in private. I think that was the challenge: what are you willing to say to or about [an anonymous] me in front of all these people? When I stopped to think about what I could or couldnt say, I realized that I have several connections that are much different than they appear to be to others. Reading some people's posts about me, I realized I have had a larger impact on them than I ever would have imagined, and that people "see" me, even when I dont think anyone's watching. In struggling to find the words for some, I realized that those people have had an even larger impact on me.

There were some game haters on there, annoyed that people were playing, but its FB. There is always a game of some sort going on - just play or dont. It aint algebra. But I think despite all the fuckery that abounds in most cases of FB gaming, this was one that had some value. It reminded the luckiest of us how lucky we are. It repaired some friendships. It opened up paths of communication. It forgave. It cleared up misunderstandings and it got people talking when they werent willing to before. It made a way for people to do and say things their pride, fear or uncertainty kept them from doing or saying before. A FB game aint gonna change the world, and obviously a good chunk of people got nothing more from it than a future baby daddy or restraining order LOL, but I saw some people grow up last night. I, myself, had some offline conversations prompted by Number Game revelations and discovered some things I never knew, disclosed some things I never had, and even got on the path to re-cementing a friendship that had long been suffering. So yeah, Im a fan of the number game.

But the purses and bras, yall can have that shit.

Goose Milk

LMAO!

So yall know I don’t like to get rid of shit right? The same is true for my messenger buddy lists. Half the people on em are people I have no intention of ever talking to again, if I even remember where I know them from. Well I cant say that, I do remember where I know folks from, but we still aint got shit to talk about LOL.

But anyway, Im just telling my girlfriend about how bored I am at work today and my yahoo goes off. Its this dude I use to be real cool with, but hadn’t talked to in like 4 or 5 years. All it said was “I thought you might wanna know about some ish like that” as if whatever he said before that somehow hadn’t come through. So Im like “huh?” And he first checks to make sure I remembered him, and then tells me to go on this page on one of the sites I frequent. Im like “I don’t get it. That’s my page.” He’s like “that’s YOUR page???” Im like “uh…. Yeah.” LOL he goes “But it says she’s from Jersey.” I go “no…. it says I LIVE in Jersey, which I do now.” He goes “GTFOH!!!!” LMAO!

Obviously, dude had no idea I had relocated, but the funny part about it was that he was about to go IN on whoever this chick woulda been, who he thought had stolen my pics and was pretending to be me LOL Its completely hysterical, but also very endearing that he’d defend my honor like that, when I haven’t heard a peep (or made one) from him in like 4 or 5 years. So he’s like “How you listed on FB, Ima send you a friend request.” So I tell him and a few minutes later, the request comes.

“Goose Milk Johnson would like to be friends.”

*pause*

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I cant.

Are you serious right now? He’s been into music for years and years, producing and what not, and apparently “people” call him Goose Milk now LOL. I fucken refuse, okay? LOL I don’t care what you do, you a grown ass man, YTF are people – also grown, I presume – calling you Goose Milk? And you ANSWER to that ish? I bet you got a flip phone too huh? LOL

For You

What God has for you is for you. I believe thats true. I dont believe, however, that just because its "for you" means that "its" gonna be delivered to your front door, in a pretty package, with a bow on top. "For you" doesnt mean that you wont have to work for it. It doesnt mean that the process you undergo will be easy. Sometimes getting what is for you entails patience, persistence, focus and yes, some common sense.

I think people get crossed up sometimes when some situation doesnt come easy, thinking its not meant. Maybe its not, but maybe it is and you just have to do your part. Sometimes "its just not meant to be" is an excuse for people to lax up on the work they have to do in order to get somewhere or make something happen. Most times, you wont know if something is meant until the end. When its over and hasnt happened, okay, you can safely say it wasnt meant to be. But "for you" would suggest that you would eventually have whatever it is regardless, but if you dont do your part, it will take a lot longer for you to get there, and you have to ask yourself if it will even be worth it by the time it does land on your porch in the pretty package, when you coulda had it and enjoyed it all that wasted time, if you had just gone your trifling ass to the damn post office and picked it up.

Im just saying.

Better Now

So I feel somewhat better. I got a much needed pep talk and I realize now that I need to change my perspective. I didnt give up everything I had to come down here and fall apart. I'm away from my kids, and that sucks, but the truth of the matter is, nothing they are doing now is new, just new occurrences, and if I were there, I'd be closer to the situation, but I'd still be frustrated about it, AND hating my job and my city and the life I knew. None of this would be worth it if I made this move and didnt take advantage of everything it's affording me. None of this would be worth it if I spent every other night upset about things that, at the end of the day, would likely be happening anyway. If I spend my whole time away from them feeling like I felt earlier, I might as well still be there in the rut I felt I was in, doing nobody any good. Not me, not them, not anybody.

I've been talking to God for the last couple of hours, off and on, and where I have, at times, felt selfish for being here without them, I think Im here without them right now because there I things that I need to do for ME, before I can do anything for them. You cant ask God to order your steps if you arent willing to move your feet. There are things I have asked for that I cant receive until I am prepared to do so, and I think this is the time I am supposed to take to get myself to that level. I have minimal distractions and nothing but time on my hands, so if I dont take advantage of that and do what I know I need to do, I cant blame anybody else. I love my kids, I will always worry about them, but they cant be the excuse for failure on my part to capitalize on the blessings bestowed upon me.... on us.

Part of the struggle of parenthood is doing what we know is best for the long run, even when the children cant comprehend it today. Even when we arent sure, because no one ever is. Leading with your head and not your heart is a difficult thing to do sometimes, but it tends to be necessary in situations like this. I AM doing whats best for them. I believe that with my whole heart, so I have to pursue it as such and just trust that God's plan will always be better than mine.

Going Crazy

Its been a rough day. I didnt realize it until it was over, but I've been on a little bit of an emotional roller coaster today, and it set it on me when I got home this evening.

Im putting my key in the lock, and my cell phone rings. Its my kids' aunt, wanting to talk to me about my daughter having accidents again. I shouldnt say "again" because it apparently hasnt stopped since she has been there, but I do say "again" because she hadnt been having them anymore prior to our separation. It just started up "again" when I left town.

So anyway, she's talking to me, telling me about it, and I just found myself getting really aggravated. Im glad she called to tell me it was still going on and Im happy that she is concerned for her, but nobody wants to get a call about "business" right when they get home from work - especially when "getting home from work" takes as much out of you as it does in a NYC commute, and certainly not after an emotional day of making decisions that affect other people. I dont feel like there was any consideration of that, and quite frankly, I dont love the approach she took either. Call and tell me whats happening, make your suggestions and see if there is anything you can do to help, but dont come at me with the condescension and judgment. And Im not sure she even realized it was coming out that way, but I really almost broke on her, simply out of frustration.

This is just another thing to weigh on my mind. My baby is having accidents, where she wasnt before I left, and I cant help but feel like my absence is at least part of the issue. When I called her, she said she wants to go to the doctor, and we will, but we've done that before and there isnt anything medically wrong with her. She says she cant control it, but she was able to stop doing it before, so IDK what it could be, if its not psychosomatic. I dont need my child having emotional problems because of this shit, and I feel responsible. What if my absence is a factor? I mean now that her father and I have all but decided it is best for the kids to finish the school year where they are, am I dooming her to another six months of this shit? I never know if Im doing the right thing and there is always something popping up, making things all the more difficult. I swear, the biggest success I can ever hope for is to come out of this transition in my right mind, because I gotta tell yall, all this shit is driving me fucken crazy.....

Trust Issues

So I was on the train today and I saw this dude. He was cute, I guess, tall, dressed okay. Then I saw the phone he had in his hand and felt my gag reflexes kick in LOL.

Maybe its just me, but I cant stand the sight of a grown man without a smart phone LOL. More specifically, I cant stand a man with one of those flip phones. My eight-year old daughter has a flip phone. That just says a whole lot of things to me LOL.

And while Im on the subject, what self-respecting, grown ass man has Cricket? LOL or Boost Mobile, for that matter. Get yourself a real carrier, dude. For real. WTF is that about? You know what that tells me? That tells me you are probably one of those dudes that has a new number every month, when your bill comes and you dont wanna pay it. And I blame them bootleg carriers, because they make it so easy for a person to just cut off the number they have and start up another account, with a new number. Really, Cricket?

I tell you what - if I happen to know the number you gave me today is a different number than the one you gave me when I saw you at the gas station a few months ago, Im skeptical. You cant even tell me you lost your phone, because you can get a new phone and still have the same number. You better have a story that warrants you changing your number, or that neon sign on your forehead is gonna start flashing bright red. You cant trust a man that has a new number every few weeks. You just cant.

I dont trust people who never drink either. So you might not be a BIG drinker - maybe you just have a glass of wine every so often, some champagne on new years, or do shots with your people when you go out for somebody's birthday - but if you tell me you NEVER drink, thats a red flag too. It doesnt mean you are a recovering alcoholic, but you're probably an asshole LOL. Who in the hell NEVER drinks? Grow the fuck up, jerk LOL.

And stop being responsible ALL the time. I mean, damn. You never do some bullshit just because you feel like it? Could you fornicate or smoke a little pot or something? I dont want nobody around making me all uncomfortable, side-eyeing every time I do something unorthodox. Get the hell on with that. Live a little. I dont trust them muthafuckas either. I need people around who cuss when they quote the bible LOL. It tells me you know whats right, and you mean well, but you acknowledge that you're human. You aint gotta kick an old lady down the stairs, but cheat on your taxes or something, damn LOL.

Just dont get Boost Mobile LMAO!