Progress

Im leery of speaking too soon, but I think the mess that has been my life is starting to wipe itself clean....er LOL. I found myself in a conversation with my girl today that showed me a little progress is being made in one situation where I hadnt even realized it.

She had asked me about the married guy who always says I should have been his wife - yall remember I blogged about that on one of those Saturdays a month or two ago. He had been texting me a little less than a week ago, but I hadnt heard anything from him since. That's not weird - we normally go a couple weeks or so between conversations - but she asked if I thought I'd holla at him just to say hello in the meantime. I was almost agitated at the question when I replied, "No." She asked why, and my response was something to the effect of not seeking out a situation that I know is bad for me. Simply put, if youre trying to kick a crack habit, you dont chill on the steps at the spot, LOL. You cant blame anybody but yourself if a rock falls near your feet and you end up smoking it LOL. Feel me?

She replied that because we are friends, it should be okay to holla sometimes, and I dont disagree, but that is something I would be more apt to do if the absence stretched farther than our typical few weeks, warranting a check in to see how he is. To do so now would just be fueling an already out of control fire, and if my objective is to get over this mess of a vortex we somehow got sucked into, then I need to not go storm chasing.

Its common sense really, but there might have been a time when I would have done just what she had suggested. Emotions make us impulsive, so at one point or another, any of us who have been in a similar situation probably has done exactly that, but I honestly believe that when you genuinely want to put something to rest, you stop doing that. A lotta times, people dont really want things to stop moving the way they are. They say they do, but they keep doing shit thats gonna keep them caught up in the bullshit. I genuinely do not want to be in this place with him, and therefore, I cant take actions that give off mixed signals like a 3am hotel room visit to some guy you dont plan on fucking. Its just stupid LOL.

So I just want to put it out there, ladies and gentleman: some situations are torturous enough in themselves without you doing ignorant shit to perpetuate them. When you find yourself constantly being sucked back in, honestly ask yourself if that isnt exactly what you want. Sometimes, I dont believe people really want to be out of the bad situations that can feel so good. Maybe it makes them feel alive. Maybe they hold on so tight because they get a sense of validation from the thought that somebody feels a certain way about them, even if its wrong. Im sure there are tons of reasons people allow it to go on, but when you truly, truly want it to stop, you will do the things you need to in order to make it.

Thats all.