22 Points

Ok so when I first moved from upstate, I was losing mad weight. Between the commute to work and my girlfriend I was staying with being kinda anal about her eating habits, I probably lost a good 15 pounds in the first few weeks of being here. Then I moved into my own place. The commute from home is very similar to the commute from my girl’s place, and I’ve always had pretty decent eating habits of my own…. So how in the FUCK did I manage to gain like 20 pounds (on my ORIGINAL weight)???? Ima tell ya how LOL

So part of my personal “get-your-damn-life-together” program has been to reverse this crazy pattern I somehow found myself in, and that begins with figuring out where I went wrong, because I honestly had no clue. I don’t fry anything, im not really into sweets and stuff, and whatever bad habits I do have, have been pretty consistent since long before this move and never affected me this way. Ok, so I allow myself to deviate from my norms every so often, but I try to compensate for those deviations as much as I can, so WTF? Enter Weight Watchers. Everything I just said is pretty much their philosophy, so we’ll probably get along just fine. One week and -5lbs later, so far so good.

So Im on my way to work this morning and Im feeling a little more hungry than I have been in the last couple of weeks. I guess it makes sense – I am recuperating from being sick all last week and my body is revving back up to 100%. So I stop in …… this place, whose spot Im not gon blow up LOL…… and grab a breakfast sandwich. I stick it in my bag and go on about my business. When I get to work, I settle in and start to eat my food. Suddenly Im curious – what is the cellulite value of this damn sandwich Im eating? LOL Lets find out….. I go online, pull up the Weight Watchers points value tracker, and plug it in…………………

……………………………………………no this muthafucka did not just say 22 points LOL. Yes it did.

Let me put this into some kind of perspective for you: on Weight Watchers, all food has “points” assigned to it, which essentially is representative of its fat content, carb content, any content that is going to affect your weight. I am allotted 34 points to eat in a day. 22 of them muthafuckas was sitting in front of me at that moment, which meant the rest of the day, I was gonna either be eating fucken air sandwiches, or going over my points LOL. *thug claps* 22 points, yo, LOL I kid you not: I don’t think I ever even seen anything on the tracker higher than like 17 LOL To add further perspective, think about it this: the worst thing at McDonald’s you can get is a Big Mac. A Big Mac is 14 points LOL. *slaps thighs* Dude, are you understanding my psychosis right now? LOL

Im buggin. But just like that, Im clear on exactly what the hell happened. That damn breakfast sandwich. Now mind you, I hadn’t had one in two or three weeks, HOWEVER, prior to these last two or three weeks, I was having this fucken breakfast sandwich damn near every morning. I was having it damn near every morning AND continuing to eat normally throughout the rest of the day like a crazy person. For 22 points, a bitch need to be compensating LOL. When I think back, let’s see….. I moved into my place in November…. I think I mighta started with these sandwiches some time in the middle of December. So think about – lets say – three months of fucken 22 point breakfast sandwiches, at least 4 days out of the week.

*drops mic, kicks hole in speaker*

Mmhmm. Yeah LOL.


*pulls plug and jets*