OOOOOOMG

So I got an email yesterday from a woman wanting to set me up for an interview. It didn’t contain any specifics about the position, except that it was account management and that it was for Verizon. I figure I’m good with both of those, so I’m like “bet.” We schedule the interview for 9am.

I get to the building this morning and go up to the fourth floor, as instructed. Im looking for “suite 403” but all I see is the large reception area the elevator let out into, a conference room in front of me and what appeared to be offices along the office space on either side of me. OFFICES. Not suites. But all the doors were closed and they all had numbers on em, so I just start walking toward where 403 should be. I got to about 411 before I was called back toward reception. I guess the woman they pay to occupy that space finally decided to earn her check.

I tell her I have an appointment and with whom. She hands me an application and a pen and tells me to fill it out and hand it back to her along with a copy of my resume. Fine.

There’s no one else around at first, except for one of the facilities guys who appeared to be collecting garbage, rolling this huge bin around, and throwing shit in it. Then a guy comes in who looks like he’s about 30, give or take. I look up for a moment, then back down to my form, then back up again when he says he’s there for his second interview. Really? Dressed like that? He’s got on some funny kinda pants and those shoes that look like bowling shoes, except his were brown and looked more like a sneaker than a shoe. He did have on a tie but I didn’t even notice that until he sat down because of the ski jacket he had on. Yeah. Ski jacket LOL

Then a girl comes off the elevator. She looks really young, like fresh out of high school young. She’s in a skirt suit – cute but too tight – and the shirt she wore under the blazer was not only totally wrong for it, but clearly very wrinkled. Her collar looked … depressed LOL. Her hair….. it looked like either she didn’t bother to do it or like she threw it in a ponytail last night, slept on it and just woke up and went. Either way, it was quite the mess. But she was young so I cut her some slack. She at least came in a suit. She obviously had issues though. When he saw her just go and sit down, an older guy who got off the elevator with her told her she needed to see the receptionist for an application. She let out the mother of all sighs, threw her hand up and said “I know….I just….. huhhhhhhhhhhhh”

*staring into the camera*

Fuck wrong with you? LOL She was obviously frazzled when she came in but her reaction was just like…. whoa, bitch. WHOA. I guess she just needed a minute to get her mind right. The fucked up part is I thought she knew the guy, talking to him like that, but turns out she didn’t LOL. He went to the bathroom and then got back on the elevator (apparently there isn’t a bathroom on every floor). She eventually did get up and get an application from the receptionist and when she came back, she put her cell phone on the table and it was cracked all to be damned LOL. I mean on some WTF shit LOL. Like “how can you even see anything through all that damn tape” type shit (no there wasn’t any real tape, but there shoulda been LOL) I just shook my head and gave the lady my paperwork.

Then another guy comes in. He’s dressed nicely in slacks, shiny shoes and a pressed button-up….. but no suit jacket. No attaché. No folder. In fact, he ain’t have nothing but a phone. He looked like he was there to pick up chicks. He tells the lady in his [polish?] player accent that he’s there for his 9am appointment and she gives him an application, but he didn’t even bring a resume to attach. Where did this dude think he was going?

Then an African man. Bout 50. All lost and confused but FINALLY someone in a suit and he too is there for his 9am, which is when it finally dawns on me – how do we all have 9am appointments?

Next to walk in, a woman who’s probably about 50 also, with another woman, probably in her late 20’s. Older lady: bout 5’3, oily, stringy, dirty blonde hair in a ponytail, jeans, some kinda shirt and a track suit jacket. She looked like she had a very unhealthy relationship with her Mary Kay consultant and lives on cigarettes and hooch LOL. Younger lady: bout 5’10 – 5 of which were her heels – painted on jeans, every bracelet China ever exported since the Ming Dynasty and the same fake Louie tote every “classy” chick in NYC owns. Be clear. Im not one of them.

The younger one never said anything so I got confused as to why she was even there. Was the interview for her and the older lady was like….. her interpreter? That thought confused me even further but whats the alternative? I mean, do people really bring an entourage to interviews? I mean…. REALLY? LOL

Two or three other people came in before I finally went into the conference room with the woman who came out and called my name, and they all looked a mess. I had heard one of the earlier arrivals telling the receptionist that he attended some fair in Union City, so I assumed that’s where most of them had been wrangled up. I was way past starting to think I was in the wrong place, but yeah….. it was only gonna get worse.

My resume is online and employers pull it all the time and reach out to me, so it wasn’t a big deal that I couldn’t remember applying for anything with this particular company. I should have known, however, when the woman on the phone wanted to schedule an interview without even asking me any questions about my background or what I am currently doing or looking for. She was so focused on simply getting me in there, she originally asked me if I could come in THAT DAY. No bitch, I work LOL. That shoulda been my first clue though.

My second clue shoulda been when I actually did read the email (after our conversation) and noticed that she wasn’t from Verizon, but a third party staffing type place. I am pretty sure Verizon does their own B2B hiring.

I was too busy playing "what's wrong with this picture?" to think about snapping pics.......... until this happened....

...Trust me, it looks WAYYYYY better in this picture than it did in person. Im TOTALLY raising her stock right now LOL. My point being, who shows up like that to an interview? A sweat jacket and lunch lady sneakers? Seriously? What am I doing here? LOL

And when the rest of the Get Along Gang started filing in, one by one, looking like a glass of Jack, chased with bad choices, I shoulda just got up and left LOL. I was texting my friend at the time and I told her exactly that – I should get up and leave right now LOL. But I didn’t. So I got dragged into a conference room, a half hour after my designated interview time, to be sold a dream about entry level positions that give way to upper management in this “rapidly expanding company that’s looking for good, capable people.”

Okay so………. You want me to do WHAT again? *squint*

The long and short of it is they were looking for direct sales people. For those of you who don’t know what that is, its residential door-to-door. They wanted me to go to people’s houses and sell them Verizon services – FIOS, etc. Mind you “direct sales” was never spoken to me, but when I said it to her, her face was like “Aw damn – busted.” LOL. Non-use of the term was clearly a conscious effort on her part. Obviously they have run into this before and got smart enough to know nobody with my professional history would even give them the time of day on some damn direct sales. It was all on her face when she asked if I’d still be interested, and I hope it was all on mine as I shook my head and refrained from telling her to bite me.

I was really annoyed initially. I should have found out more about what the opportunity was before I even took the time out of my day to entertain it. But in the two blocks between that building and the PATH, my whole perspective shifted. I started to giggle to myself. I mean I got a lotta fucken nerve, looking down my nose like some job is beneath me. Who do I think I am? LOL I will tell you who I am – I am somebody who aint bout to be walkin no beat, knocking on nobody’s door, peddling the king’s wares, that’s who I am LOL. Fuck you, F & D Group. How bout that? LOL

Real talk though, I am glad to be at a place in my career where I have standards and recognize my professional worth. There was a time I might have put some thought into this work, or even done it. Hell, I’ve sold knives, vacuum cleaners….. LOL. But that was in another life. Not only are there things I just wont do now, but I feel I can have the luxury of being particular. And that’s a really good feeling, you know what I mean? So good, in fact, that I think I am gonna tie up the last few things I need to do today and then go home and find a job I really want and deserve.

#strangeways #makinglemonade