4 To Go

I nearly had a nervous breakdown at work this morning. Nothing in particular happened that set me off – I deal with rude, unprofessional people every day – but I hung up the phone after one of those calls, stared into my laptop screen and realized I really do hate my job. I didn’t do anything for a couple of minutes. I just sat there, staring at my Outlook inbox. The more I sat and stared, the more all I wanted to do was get up and leave…. Leave the laptop….. the blackberry….. the key card….. the AMEX….all of it. Right on the desk. More than wanting to, I felt almost COMPELLED to do it.

Then I got an email from a friend of mine, telling me he thinks he’ll be starting his new job soon. He had been out of work and looking since like December. I told him I was happy he finally found something and reminded myself that its hard out here. I reminded myself how stressful it was to be out of work all last summer and that jobs are easier to find when you’re already working.

So instead, I closed my eyes and sat very still for about 30 seconds. I opened my eyes, typed up a very short email asking my prayer warriors to pray me through this day, then I went into the ladies room to pray myself. I didn’t feel better immediately. I really don’t feel better now.

But the day is half gone, and I am still sitting here in this office. *shrugs*

I guess tonight I need to spend some time on of the more obscure job boards. Employers that troll Monster and CareerBuilder aint shit LOL. They don’t even remember that they already reached out to you and you already told them you weren’t interested. Write something down, damn.

But something’s definitely gotta give.

And lucky me, I have a one-on-one with my boss in about an hour. Guess I better pray through that shit too.

4 down.

4 to go.

*sigh*