All Again

I been trying NOT to be up since 6:50 this morning.

The sun just would not let me stay sleep, nobody was playing words With Friends and I didnt feel like Facebook, so I guess the natural thing was just to sit up and stare out my bedroom window at what I believe are hydrangea bushes in my neighbor's yard, and just think.

It started out about bills and how I would manage to pay them.

Then it went on to the trip to the grocery store I have to make that should probably happen before it gets too hot outside.

Then it went to the paper I have to write tomorrow using a book I dont yet have and how I need to spend some time on the job hunt today.

A couple of other things floated through my mind and finally the thought of "doing it all again." Not just this move, but my life.

I've said a couple times before I would love the opportunity to go back in time, knowing the things I know now, but damn.... if given the power to change things.... how would you decide what you should or shouldnt do differently?

Some things are easy - like avoiding meaningless heartache, fake friends, and obvious mistakes - but other things are hard...... like children and the person you chose to have them with.... like college and some of the choices you made while you were there.... like choosing love over opportunity..... like staying too long..... or walking away too soon.... like that time in the kitchen.... those 20 years..... or ill-fated good intentions.

Did things work out for the best, or might my life be better had I done these things differently? I'll never know. But my creative mind delights in the possibilities of all the things I might have done..... been. Its much easier than wallowing in the regret of all the things I didnt do..... become. I learned that little lesson on perspectives at a time when life had me on my knees. Might not wanna change that one either.

Mm. Well. Off to the store.