Loyalties

So I saw "Something Borrowed" last night. Might have to watch it again because the midgets were being silly through half of it and I had to keep shushing them, but I liked it. It was a little predictable - we all know the story line to these flicks - but I liked the way it brought me the drama it gave me. Reminded me of a time gone by.

In the movie, the main character, Rachel, had a best friend, Darcy, who always got what she wanted, including the man the main character had been in love with for the last six years, Dex. Darcy actually met Dex while he and Rachel were out on a pseudo date, and just kinda weaseled her way into the situation. Rachel, being something of the wallflower type, fell back, and present day, Darcy and Dex are about to get married. Circumstances surrounding a pre-wedding party led to Dex and Rachel sleeping together and feelings being discussed. Apparently, Dex had been in love with her all this time too, and herein lies the rub. Without giving it all away, they decide they need to spend time together to see if they really have something to grow on and get twisted up in the complexities of where their loyalties lie.

There were certain things in the movie - certain emotions that Rachel went through - that reminded me of myself, years and years ago. To know me today, you would never guess, but I began as something of a wallflower myself. Very quiet and laid back, I had a best friend that was quite the opposite of that. The Darcy character reminded me a lot of her. Whenever there was an opportunity of any kind, she would jump at it, even if it were one she knew I had interest in. I'd just kinda slink back and bite my tongue, not wanting it to turn into a "thing." It was never really to the extent of her schwooping in and stealing a man out from under me that I was already somewhat seeing, but she did her share of sabotaging some would-be connections I wanted to make. Some guy would be tryna get a rap and she'd tell me how he liked her, or tried to holla at her, or some other kinda detail to make me not accept his advances. A bit of a hater, I guess, is what I'd call her. It wasnt limited to boys though, there were many things she did that I hated. We'd be in a group of people and she'd say something out loud that shouldnt have been shared, or try to bring unwanted attention to something that involved me, under the guise of just joking, and it was never bad enough to make me stop being friends with her, but I didnt like it, and I'd later find out that other people didnt either.

It was all fine and good until one summer we met this guy that we both liked. We both voiced our interest, to each other, but after it was apparent that his interest was in me, now all of a sudden neither one of us should talk to him. Okay. We are friends, and that is more important than a man, so I can agree to that. Come September, this boy ended up attending her school, and I guess you know that little agreement we made went right out the window. She didnt even come out and tell me at first, she kinda slipped up and mentioned it and then tried to act like we never said he was off limits. "All is fair in love and war." I couldnt believe she actually said that.

I was so mad at her that day, and even though we got into it about it, she did what she always did and downplayed my anger, like she didnt do anything wrong and however I felt, I'd just have to get over it. And you know what, I did. Just like I did every other time. But that was the beginning of the change in our relationship. It was also the beginning of the change in me.

There was a point at the end of the movie where Darcy and Rachel ran into each other on the street and Darcy was "doing Darcy," just bragging about this, that, or the other, and made reference to something that she had been lying about for years. Rachel, by this time, knew it was a lie, but she just gave a little "I feel sorry for you" smile and said "That's great, Darcy. Im happy for you." And I loved that scene because it gave me everything I loved about Rachel. It showed grace on her part, and while she could have blown up Darcy's spot and made her feel like an ass, she didnt. She took the high road. I like to think that's what I've done with my friend as well. We aren't close like we used to be, but we still communicate here and there. The drift was a semi-conscious one, and I never read her the riot act, like I so many times wanted to. In essence, I just walked away. When we talk, she still never asks how Im doing until after she brags and flosses all her new endeavors or possessions or whatever it might be, but I just smile and say "Thats great. Im happy for you." She still introduces me to people as her best friend, and I believe she has convinced herself that we just arent as close because life got in the way. She's never been one to "see herself" even when you hold a mirror to her face. And that's fine. People will be people. I just decided to stop letting other people's refusal to see themselves cause me to pretend that I dont. And you know, I am a much happier person these days.

I speak my mind. I take no shorts. I go after the things I want, and I fight for the things I believe in. I am still and will always be a very loyal friend, but Im not blinded by it. I see when that loyalty is not reciprocated, and I make the necessary adjustments. We all should. Because what I have found is that when you really take a look, we havent been taken advantage of. We have just avoided confrontation, neglected to act, or chosen not to see, and for that, we can blame no one but ourselves.