Part of My Thought Process

**smh**

This boy done lost his whole entire mind. I’m not talking about my son this time – Im talking bout his daddy.

Now I done told yall before – we have a good relationship, despite the few bumpy years immediately following my exit – and he was very active in the midgets; lives before he got locked up. He’s still as active in their lives as he could be, given his circumstances, but I really think the time he has spent in the klink has started playing tricks on his mind.

He called tonight and said he had tried to call mid last week, but I guess we weren’t home, or didn’t hear the phone or something. “Why?” I asked, cause we have a schedule, and Wednesday calls ain’t on it. “Cause I had wanted to talk to you about something.”

**sigh**

LOL you know how dudes say that hearing “we gotta talk” from us (women) is never a good thing? Well let me tell you, hearing it from this nigga rarely is either. I knew it was bout to be some bullshit, especially when he started asking about the new gig and the plan for relocation. He took forever getting to it, but he eventually asked what if the kids don’t like where we move to and wanna go live with him when he gets out.

**staring into the camera**

Ok, first of all? Lets be clear. There will NEVER come a day that I send my kids to go live with you. NE-VER. And there are several reasons for that, but trust and believe me when I say it. NEVER. Second of all, you JUST got sentenced. Are you really sitting here, wanting to discuss with me things that “could” happen two years from now? Im sorry, a MINIMUM of two years from now. Really?

He’s like “Well I know you wanna chase your dreams and you wanna [blah blah blah LOL] but Im just sayin, I think that should be part of your thought process.”

“Really? Cause its not.”

“I know, Im sayin it should be.”

“Its not.”

“Oh ok, well I guess we’ll see then.”

“Yeah you will.”

Are you fucken kidding me? Let me get this straight: You were too busy running the street, doing SHIT THAT GETS PEOPLE LOCKED UP LOL to even keep them overnight, most instances, and if you did “have them” for a night or weekend or whatever, nine times out of ten, they ended up at your mom or grandmother’s house. Then you go GET locked up, have a new epiphany every week about how life is gonna be when you get back out, and now all of a sudden, you wanna be concerned? You weren’t concerned when you were out there doing SHIT THAT GETS PEOPLE LOCKED UP. You are never concerned until I make a decision that doesn’t consider you, but tell me: were you considering me when you were out there doing SHIT THAT GETS PEOPLE LOCKED UP? Did you think about how hard it was gonna be, having to turn our son into a man because the SHIT THAT GOT YOU LOCKED UP was more important than your need to be here to do it? No. YOU left ME here, holding the bag. YOU left ME here to make the hard decisions, by myself. And you should be part of my thought process? Yeah. Ok. What if the kids don’t like it – they gonna like it. If they don’t like it, they gonna like it LOL, fucken ask me some stupid shit like that. They are kids. Naturally, they are not gonna jump up and down about leaving the place where there family and friends are, but they will be a lot more receptive if their daddy isn’t acting a natural fool about it.

It really pissed me off too because, like I said, we are good friends, and we very rarely get into it. When we do, its usually got something to do with one of two things: either a man is involved (he’s still gets jealous when I get serious about somebody) or Im talking about moving. I think he's gettin it confused because I still make a valiant effort to keep him informed and involved, to the best of my ability. But that's out of respect for him as their father. In no way do I feel obligated to do any of it, and when all is said and done, I really don’t give a fuck what he wants. I don’t owe him shit BUT fairness as a contributing parent, and as far as Im concerned, he forfeited that too, when he went and got his selfish, arrogant ass locked up. It needs to be part of my thought process. FUCK YOU. How bout that?