I need to get my life together LOL

I have been cryin all gotdamn day LOL

Who “lol’s” after saying they’ve been cryin all day? Me, LOL. You know why? Cause I feel like a fucken moron, that’s why LOL.

First of all, for the benefit of those of you who do not have FB, I got the job I interviewed for the other week. I was in shock most of the evening yesterday, after finding out, so while I was excited, it didn’t really sink in. Today it has.

I came into work with the intention of starting the process of making moving arrangements. This included figuring out a start date, (and therefore, a resignation date), pow-wowing with a couple friends to figure out how much rent I could afford, and look for places that fit, and asking my mother to take over responsibility for my kids while I set off to settle the new land. Yeah…. That last part….. **sigh**

I had no idea what her reaction to my request was gonna be, but I played all sorts of versions of it in my head as I typed up the email. I hit the send button and braced myself for a hard time, vowing to maintain my composure, at all cost, and not lose it, no matter what she said. And do you know what she said?

“I will keep them here until you get things together.”

Just like that.

Do you know how much I stressed about having to ask this woman to do this? Yall know I don’t mess with my mama like that, so common sense would dictate, she don’t really mess with me like that either LOL. I pride myself on never having to ask her for nothing, so having to now, I was SICK! LOL And I just KNEW she was gonna gimme hell.

But she didn’t. I got all kinds of explanations for why she didn’t, but you know what? It doesn’t even matter why. What matters is that I was stressed out about that being a hurdle in the way of my being able to take advantage of this amazing opportunity and God said “Shawty, I got you.” And then came the tears.

One of the people I had grown close to at my company saw my announcement on my FB last night. I ran into her when I pulled into the parking garage and she told me to come up and see her. I went into her office, closed the door, sat down and started telling her about everything, and my eyes just would not stop burning. You know how your eyes kinda start welling up involuntarily, and youre scared to blink, cause you don’t want nothing to come out? LOL Yeah that was me, swallowing my spit ever few seconds to choke them back LOL **smh**

I went back to my desk to construct a letter of resignation (yes, at my desk, who gives a shit now? LOL) and once again, the wave came over me. My girl made a [funny] Bloomberg reference in an email totally unrelated, and the wave came over me. I got an email from another close co-worker, who’s working out of town this week. She knew I had interviewed, so I told her I got the gig, and she wants to write me a book of “OMG im gonna miss you so much”-es and yeah, you already know the drill. The wave. LOL

I feel like such an idiot for not being able to keep myself in check. But IDK, maybe I shouldn’t. I mean its not that I don’t understand the emotion – I am about to embark on a journey full of unknowns and variables and I am leaving a lot behind to do it. Im not just leaving my job, Im leaving my industry – one I have been in for ten years. Im not just leaving my friends, Im leaving [most of] the BEST friends I have ever had in my whole entire life. Im leaving a house I’ve made CRAZY memories in, the likes of which, Im not sure I’ll ever be able to recreate. Im selling my car. Im leaving my OB-GYN LOL. Laugh if you will, but I love that woman. A good OB-GYN is hard to find! LOL. And although it will be only temporary, Im leaving my kids behind too. That’s gonna be the hardest part of all. I figured out a few years ago that four days is the breaking point. I can manage to be away from them for four days before it starts to tear my heart out. How in the HELL am I supposed to survive four months?

**unclips lapel mic**

iCant…