5:00 in the mornin.....

It's 4:41 am on a Saturday morning and I should be sleeping, but...... Im not LOL. Got a really, REALLY random text message at almost 3 that threw me for a loop and sleep was just not an option after that.

I was up anyway, but trying to drift off and it just wasnt working. Then the text. I responded in regards to the randomness of it, and it turned into a mini conversation - apologies, feelings, all kinds of shit. Landed me back online in a chat window.

A lot of things were talked about, and aside from some questions that I finally got answers to, I think he needed it more than I did. I dont require a lot of explanation for things gone by. For me, it just is what it is, most times. I build a bridge, and I get over it. But I guess some people have to have absolute closure in order to totally move on, even when it appears they already have - even when you have - in order to not remain a prisoner of the past. At any rate, I respect a heartfelt apology, even at 3am LOL I didnt need it, but maybe he did. After all, the hardest person to forgive is always yourself.

I tell ya, ever since I got this new gig and started down this road of the new life ahead of me, things have been really strange. I've had thoughts about people I havent thought of in years, Im having some really weird conversations with folks, and I get this overwhelming urge to oblige, like I wont have the chance again. If I didnt know any better, I would think I was dying LOL. But in an odd way, it feels really good. I feel like Im shedding a skin for a new season and Im very willing to take this leap. Failure just isnt an option in my mind right now. I feel like the world is my oyster and the universe owes me bigtime, so Im coming to collect. If it means having some uncomfortable conversations, and peeling the scabs off of old wounds to get whats mine, Im all about it. Its all part of the journey and I am just getting started...

5am