Bamboozled and Hoodwinked!

So I went to see a psychic yesterday..... well actually, Im a lazy bitch who didn’t quite finish writing this the same day I started it, so it was actually two days ago now, but I digress LOL.

Let me start by saying that I have a lot of respect for the spirit world, as well as the power of the human mind, and I find astrology in general – mostly as it relates to the zodiac – very interesting. However, I have a little bit of an issue with “psychics for hire.” As [what some would call] a “dreamer” myself (meaning that I’ve been known to have premonition dreams, or say things with no conscious reason to, and it will happen), I have a hard time subscribing to the type of vibing that entails me sitting opposite you, with my money on the table LOL. Telekinesis aside (although Im not so sure about that one either LOL) I generally think visions just kind of come to you. These “feelings” you get just kinda come to you. The idea that someone can sit at a table and read ANYBODY who comes in just does not fly well with me. What’s interesting is that I don’t know if I felt like that before I went to this lady. Maybe I never even really thought about it, or maybe this lady just didn’t convince me that SHE had the ability to do it, but either way, Im a little tight about my bread right about now LOL.

So let me tell yall about it.

I had no desire to see anybody’s fortune teller, but then a friend of mine went and was totally blown away by her reading, suggesting that I go as well. Let her tell it, the lady was really on point and gave her a lot to think about regarding her future. Not long after, another friend of mine went to this lady. She was a lot less blown away, but she did credit her for being accurate about some things from her past. She suggested I go just for the hell of it too, but by that time, my first friend had already started flipping out about some of the stuff she was told LOL. She would check herself, saying she don’t need to go back for no more information because she should not have gone in the first place, but then she’d end up right back at the lady’s house. Obsessing about ANYTHING right now is the last thing I need in my life, so I wasn’t sure I was gonna go, even after I already said I would, but in the end, I had faith in my ability to take it for what it was and view it as being for entertainment purposes only. This was not going to be a blueprint for my life and this woman was not going to be a replacement for the God that I know and love and trust in.

Well at the last minute, I decide I want to go alone. I figure if its about reading my energy, I want her to actually be reading MY energy and not having it clouded by the energy of whoever else is present. I also wasn’t sure I wanted Pandora’s box to be opened and spewed all across nobody’s laps LOL. I mean, my circle is, for the most part, a no judgment zone, but if I have chosen to keep certain pieces of my life personal, I don’t want Lady Lena just up and deciding otherwise.

So I get to the lady’s house and the décor is kinda cheesy and velveteen, almost like you’d expect from what you’ve seen on TV – but cheaper LOL. There’s no incense burning, no crystal ball on the table, no cat in the window – just a chatty little Native American woman in sweatpants and a t-shirt. Didn’t really expect her to look like a gypsy, so that was okay. She thought she was slick though. She called herself being sociable while she was getting her cards together, but she was really getting base information to work with. All in all, in that 2 or 3 minutes, I told her the names, ages and genders of my kids, a little about their father, my age and zodiac sign (both of which shocked her) and where I work. She dug a little more while I shuffled the deck and I ended up telling her another few things, which were resurrected later in the reading, but long story short, I found her skills to be a little suspect.

First of all, I dig astrology. In my mind, being “open” with no wall up, no skepticism going in, should have made me easy to read. Second of all, there has been a LOT going on with me in just the past six months that she should have been able to pick up on and she didn’t pick up on ANY of it. I mean, JUST before I went there, pseudo-sig pissed me CLEAN off. There was absolutely no mention of him AT ALL, nor any of the other guys that have recently traipsed through my life. The struggle to stop smoking, health issues, the job, the recurring dreams, the emergence of my father, the emergence of my mother’s ex-husband – there are a whole slew of relevant things that she didn’t even touch on. There might have been two things that I didn’t mention to her that she touched on slightly, but she didn’t delve into them. She seemed to have zero insight.

I didn’t get the feeling that she was reading me at all. It seemed to me that she was applying common sense and societal norms to whatever set of circumstances were on the table. For instance, if you have a history with your ex that depicts him as a bastard, people would probably expect that you don’t get along now, and interaction you have with him is forced. If you’re a woman living in a certain city in upstate New York, people would probably expect that you have a lingering hatred for the men there LOL. Common sense and societal norms LOL. There was nothing “psychic” about it, in my opinion, and she was WAY off on most of what she said, for that reason. I came to the conclusion that most times, she would say things that are pretty general and the customer would just insert people who might fit into the vague places themselves, MAKING the “reading” seem accurate, when its really just some bullshit. Im paying you to tell me who these people are, I don’t wanna connect the dots. But what did she say about me? Well…..

She said I would relocate in a year and a half to two year’s time and that the man I would eventually marry is down there, where I want to move – not too light, not too dark, I’d meet him through a friend or family member, and that will be in the next 2-3 months. (Riiiiight) In the between time, there will be two other guys locally, neither of which would be worth my time, and I know them already. One has relationship issues from a current or past one, and the other is just a douche. (I think she googled me and read my blog LOL. That’s only every man I’ve ever met in my life LOL.) She sees prosperity around me (probably had nothing to do with the $100 bill I laid on the table LOL) She painted a picture of hatred for my kids father (oh…. Then maybe he’s not really one of my best friends and its all in my mind LOL) and she says my mom has been trying to apologize for our past (#FAIL - I should forward her my email inbox. But I gave her half a point on that one, because she could have been sensing my father was trying to do that and just pegged the wrong parent). Several times, she flip-flopped. She saw a baby, then she didn’t see one, then she said I’d have one if I wanted to and wouldn’t if I didn’t. (Well there ya go LOL). No mention of a pending trip – which there is – and when I did ask questions about what she said, she never really answered them. In short, she didn’t tell me anything that I felt justified my $80 and it damn sure wasn’t an hour’s worth of shit. She kept telling me the same shit over and over again. I guess “for entertainment purposes only” didn’t even apply in this case, because I didn’t even find it entertaining. But oh well. I waste $80 on bullshit all the time. At least this time was something different.

I cant say I’d never go to another reader, but I can definitely tell you that I wont be going to see that one again. I’d be better off with some bazooka joe wrappers and a magic 8 ball.