Retrospect

I was talking to a guy I met recently and he said he couldn't believe that I wasn't married. "Just waiting for the right guy, I guess," I said. "Not in a relationship though?" he counters. "Well.... I've learned not to rush into relationships. Men don't tend to be who they tell me they are," is my response. Of course, this spawns a plethora of other questions, the guy wanting to know what I meant and what my experience has been. The conversation, as casual as it was, made me concerned about what he might be thinking but whatever. The important thing was it got me to thinking.

I've only been cheated on once in a relationship - to my knowledge LOL. I tend to be the woman a man is cheating WITH. And its not that Im some home wrecker on the prowl. Men tend to approach me as single and unaffiliated and its not until later that I find out they are married or have a serious girlfriend. It pisses me off just to thinking about it but in analyzing the situation, that man is always gonna come off like the perfect guy to a woman looking to be wooed. He has nothing to lose by being everything you want him to be because he's already got "reality" at home. He will feed the fantasy because he's looking for the fantasy himself. So he will be flowers and sweet nothings and random text messages during your morning coffee. He wants you to think of him in the way his wife or girlfriend doesn't anymore. He wants to get back what he's lost at home, only in the ridiculousness that is the male gender, he somehow doesn't see that he cant get it back in his home by looking for it out in the street. But of course that doesn't explain away every cheating man's actions. Some of them just aint shit. They could have Claire Huxtable at home and they would still be in the street looking for Lisa Bonet LOL.

I mean this to be a cautionary tale but not to the extent that you blow a good thing you got going. If you can cross all his T's and dot all his I's then by all means, rock on. I mean nobody would be married if it wasnt legit SOMETIMES. But if things seem sketchy and you cant reach him at certain hours and he's always coming to you rather than you going to him and there are things that don't add up.... and I mean things that if your girlfriend called and told you about her new boo would make you tell her how stupid she's being.... maybe you should take a step back and make sure he's who and what he says he is.

I know Im not the only woman who has dealt with this time and time again. We love to feel special. We love to think somebody could finally see the good in us. We love to have something to hold on to... something that makes us smile while we drift off to sleep at night. We love love. And we love it so much that when we think we've found it, we don't want to see anything that might derail that train, even if our gut tells us that train is headed off a cliff in flames. But you better believe when that shit is over.... oh we see it. Boyyyyy do we see it.

End of the night he told me he's real and he'll never tell me he's anything other than what he is. That's yet to be seen. Don't mean to sound skeptical but I've heard it before. That being said, I wont hold him accountable for the BS I've dealt with from anybody else. He could be legit. Hell, anybody could. But he could also be fulla shit LOL.

We'll see.