Okay so Im afraid.....

....of my clothes LOL

I was talking to one of my girls the other day and a light bulb went off: I'm a fat girl in a slim body. I've never been a FAT girl by most standards but I had gotten kinda chunky a few years ago and as yall know, I dropped [most of] the weight I wanted to lose over the past year. What I didn't know is that "fat" can be a condition - one where you still ACT as such even when you no longer are. Like muhfucken Learned Helplessness or some shit LOL.

I can fit all my old clothes again but its like I refuse to wear them. I'll set out a banging outfit for work the night before but get up in the morning, decide "I don't really feel like that today" and put on something a lot more conservative.... or black LOL. (I never noticed before but yo, I got a LOTTA black and gray in this bitch LOL) And I really believed "I just don't feel like that today" but the more I thought about what I was saying to my girlfriend, the more I realized it wasn't entirely the case.

I feel like these clothes ended up so far in the back of my closet that I had almost completely disassociated myself from them. I was trained to not fit them so even when I could, in my mind, I still couldn't. I'd go so far as to pull them out, iron them, and ready them for wear, but its like some invisible fence just never lets me go through with it. I almost feel like Im not supposed to wear them for some reason. Its crazy. And its the same with my shoes. I got mad shoes, son, and there's pairs I have had for like 2 years and never worn once. Ever. Where they do that at?

So Im off for a couple days this week and my mission is to somehow get over this madness of being afraid of my clothes. Im pairing up stuff - multiple options this time, so I am not cornered into just one that I can "not feel like" my way out of. But we'll see how it goes - yall know I'm the queen of loopholes LOL...