Self-check on deck

So.....

I didnt blog about it because..... well..... honestly, it just wasnt very high on the list of things I wanted to discuss.... but I have officially ended my year-and-a-half-long run with my boyfriend. As I mentioned before, it was over in my mind a couple of months ago, but we hadnt spoken about it until a couple of weeks ago. It should be said that I still love him dearly, and I'm not adverse to revisiting the situation at a later date, but for now, its the best thing for the both of us and I am content with the decision.

That being said, I spent the last hour or so thinking about what's next for me. Do I officially proclaim myself back on the market or do I just sit still for a while and ponder this thing called life? I think I've settled on the latter.

For a minute today I had almost convinced myself that maybe I dont really know how to be in a relationship anymore, after having so much bullshit occur in the minisodes I used to give that title, but in hindsight, I dont think that's it at all. I may not have always made the best CHOICES in who I gave chances to, not wanting to prejudge a person based solely on how they look on paper, but at the end of the day, I've always done the things I was supposed to do, whether or not they were appreciated or equally reciprocated. In speaking to one of my exes earlier this week, if anything, that may have been part of the problem. He told me I gave him too much rope - something I have said myself on more than one occasion on this blog - and while I always kinda attributed that to just not being one for unnecessary drama, not bitching about things I perceived to be trivial might have set the stage for the further fuckery I eventually endured. I dont think I will ever be a nagger or drama queen, but I do think in the future, I will stop the bus and berate the students much quicker. Understanding is highly overrated.

For now, I think I am going to continue focusing on being the best me I can be and when the time comes for me to whip out the checklist, I will only entertain opportunities that dont leave me with a bunch of unchecked boxes. A man that meets all my criteria could still bump his head in the end, but at least I wont look back on it frustrated in a knowledge that it never really had a shot in hell to begin with.

So score one more for life..... but I'm coming.