Happiness

Somebody asked me the other day if I was happy and for the first time in a long time, I paused before answering, but I responded honestly, saying, “You know….. I really don’t know.” This conversation took place on Monday and I was gonna blog about it then, but then I realized I needed some time to figure out why Im not happy, if Im actually not.

I thought and thought for two days and everything I analyzed was something I was generally content with, even if there were small tweaks I would make if I could in some arenas. After all the assessing, I finally came to the realization that my job is making me miserable. There are changes taking place that I don’t particularly care for, I work in way too close proximity to at least two people I don’t particularly care for, and the work I am doing is work I really don’t want to be doing anymore. Add to that the fact that they are not paying me nearly my worth and you’ve got the recipe for a pause.

I don’t think most of us – myself included – really think about just how much our jobs affect everything else in our lives, but think about it. It’s the only thing we do as much as or more than sleeping. If you’re working full time, you spend anywhere from 8 to 12 hours in this place, at least 4 days a week. Whatever state you’re in while you’re there can slowly become your default if you’re not careful. When some folks take work home, they literally take it home, energy included. When you aren’t making enough money on your job, stress becomes common place, robbing Peter to pay Paul and floating bills, trying to keep your head above water. That’s even worse than living check to check cause you gotta think three checks ahead. Then your kids are asking for shit they always ask for and you get an attitude like they being inconsiderate LOL. They kids, they always asking for shit and when you have it, you give it to em, so don’t be mad they asking, be mad you aint got it LOL. Personally, I still give it to mine 80% of the time. I don’t want them taking on my stress and thinking we aint got no money, even if we really don’t. Its not their burden to bear.

But the point is that I have become such a prisoner to my job that it has started to interfere with my ability to enjoy the rest of my life and the people in it. Something has got to give. Never should I hesitate to say “yes, I am happy” when everything else in my life indicates that I should be. As much as I’ve gone through to BE happy? Shiiiiiiiit. Its gonna be some happiness round this bitch.

*thinking of a master plan*