48 Hours

I didnt think about it, I didnt plan it, I just ran out and didnt buy any more. I ran out of blacks at the same time that I ran out of Bacardi, so its been 2 days off both - 2 WEEKEND days off both, which is pretty ambitious, if I do say so myself. Had I thought about it at all, I wouldnt have attempted it, but since I was in a "fuck it" mood Friday, I said.... well..... fuck it LOL.

I'll be completely honest though, Im fuckin dyin right now. Im in here drinking coffee at 9:30 at night and shit, LOL. Knowing I like a black with my coffee.... but where I'd think drinking it now would make me want the black even more, its kind of curbing the urge, strangely enough. I just want like 3 or 4 pulls and I'll be straight LOL. Aint that some bullshit? All I need is 3 or 4 pulls, just to take the edge off, but if I had one right now, I'd smoke that whole shit just cause I dont want it to get "stale" LOL. *smh* THAT's what I need to get a grip on. I'm not gonna sell you no bill'a goods, like I aint gonna go buy another pack. Ima tell you right now Ima go buy another pack. Probably tomorrow on my way to damn work LOL. But if I could hold myself to that pack all week and then consistently hold myself down to a pack a week, for the next couple weeks, I can kick this thing. As much as Im dying right now, I got through a lot of these last 48 hours relatively smoothly. I was doing shit, so I wasnt really thinking about smoking like that, but I know it doesnt really get hard until a few days in and Im not gonna torture myself. Say what you want about it, Im just not. Im gonna make myself as comfortable as necessary throughout this process, but step by step, we'll get her done.

On another note, tomorrow is January 23, Chinese New Year 2012 and year of the dragon. That means this year, the world is my bitch LOL. Or at least, thats what I think it means LOL. So whether or not I lick this smoking thing, something good is going down this year. Some kinda ground will be gained. I'd be claiming it even if it wasnt a dragon year, but Ima really claim it now LOL. Move over snakes, its dragon time!

*explosion*