They should never let me out.

Its not a good night until somebody pees LOL.

A friend of mine had a day party at this club in the city for her birthday and I told her I would come. It started at 3 so I went around 5 or so, thinking I would just stay a couple of hours and go back home. By 7, that ship had long since sailed LOL.

I had a chardonnay and then half a jack and cranberry - somebody spilled it and replaced it with my 2nd glass of chardonnay. At the bottom sips of that 2nd glass of chardonnay, one of the girls in our party, who was already so drunk she just wanted everybody to be drunk, started pouring whatever it was she was drinking into my glass.... on TOP of what was left of my chardonnay. Part of me wanted to fuck her up. Another part of me said, "free drink!" LOL Accentuating the positive, I went with the latter. A little later, I joined our hostess at the end of the bar. An okay-looking guy started chatting me up but him really not SAYING anything made me realize just how slow the bar service was. I pulled our hostess down to the middle of the bar where I had gained a little rapport with one of the other bartenders. He took care of us right away. This would be the point in the evening where I had my 3rd glass of chardonnay AND the free shot of patron the bartender wanted me to do with him. If you know me, you know I only do shots at the BEGINNING of the night, if at all. Whenever I do one after I have already been drinking a bit, it doesn't work out LOL. But its free and its the bartender. You don't tell the bartender no. Of course you can and probably should at the end of the night as it was, but... drunk logic aint thinking LOL. So I did the shot and yeah, half of it ran down my neck but I anticipated it and wiped it immediately with a napkin, like the classy lady that I am LOL. Twice more before it was all over, I'd simply walk BY the bar and he'd wave me over, kiss me on the cheek and pour me a shot. So if you're counting that's 3 glasses of chardonnay, half a jack and cranberry, 3 shots of patron and about half a drink worth of whatever the fuck Janice or Janine or whatever her name was poured in my glass. I. WAS. DONE. I just didn't know it yet.

I gave my card out twice - once to a guy who somehow ended up on my lap LOL. I don't even remember how I started talking to the guy but I do remember he was funny as shit and we were having way too much fun for that little 5 minutes we were engaged. When you wake up to a text message that says "Hey, this is Ed, the guy who gave you the best lap dance of your life" its a win LOL

Here's where things get fuzzy. The club was 1 block over and 3 blocks up from the Port Authority. I have absolutely NO memory of that walk LOL. The next frame I see is me walking down the stairs to the bus, getting on and sitting in the first seats. That is also the LAST thing I remember before waking up at Journal Square LOL. Let me explain: Port Authority is the first stop on the route. Journal Square is the last. I fell asleep and rode the whole route LOL I had to get off the bus and get right back on another one going back the other way (which meant paying again) and didn't I fall asleep AGAIN and miss my stop AGAIN? LOL This time I woke up about 8 blocks past home and since there wasn't another bus in sight, I had to walk it. Not horrible except its like 11pm, I'm in heels, the ground is snowy/slushy and its brick outside. Yes, it was fucken horrible LOL. And to make it all worse, about halfway home, now I have to pee and thanks to the life-changing procedure I recently underwent, my "stop my pee" muscles have been compromised. So now I cant hold it, pee is running down my legs and instantly fucken freezing in my jeans LOL.

I have never been so glad to finally get home....... but that aint mean I wanted to talk. My son was sitting on the couch like "Hey Ma, how was the party?" I think I just mumbled something incoherently and walked straight back to my room and closed my door LOL. I came out of my clothes (incidently still in the same heap on the floor I left em in - don't judge me) got in the shower and got in the damn bed. Or at least this is what I think happened - I don't fucken remember anything after my bedroom door closed. I did, however, wake up feeling like somebody had thrown me out of a plane with no chute...... and I landed on a rock LOL. My entire body hurt like hell. It took me about an hour to motivate but I got up, took a hot shower and a vicadin and I haven't left this bed again all day, except to pee - how ironic. Did I mention Im going back to work tomorrow?

Sigh.

And you wonder why I say I should have a camera crew with me at all times. Is this your reality? LOL

SMH.