Invisible fences

So my mom saw my post about my Louboutin's and it spawned a whole conversation about life. I accredit some of it to a book a friend of mine published recently, called "The Come Up" (by Tracy Williams). By the way, I suggest everyone pick it up, especially if you have children.

Anyway, my copy is on its way to me, but I had the luxury of previewing a little of it online and it was about how black people are traditionally raised behind an invisible fence - you know, the electronic contraption made to keep your dogs from leaving the yard. To summarize, he said that certain of life's experiences, as an African American youth, are framed by our parents much like an invisible fence. We are taught that we arent designed for certain experiences... places... things. For instance, we cant question authority - the police - because it just makes us more of a target. But I offer that this invisible fence extends much farther than that. We have to eat every morsel of food on our plates because we dont have money to waste food and there are starving children in Africa wishing they had it. Red bottoms are for runways. Boys are mean and push you down in the sandbox because they like you.

The truth of the matter is, most plates have too much food on it, if you have the money you should buy it because tomorrow is not promised, and dudes who treat you like ahit are just assholes.

We raise our children in this way as a means of protecting them from the ugly truths in the world we live in, but the ugliest truth is that one day our children will leave home and have to fend for themselves and we are sending them out in wheelchairs, crippled by the cant's and shouldnt's we've instilled in them. Life doesnt come from fear and caution. Life comes from heart and determination to be. To BE.

My mama nearly cried today when I told her how much those shoes cost, but it was just because she was proud that I got to own a pair when she has never had the privilege of doing any better than Liz Claiborne - her words. She was proud that I kicked that invisible fence in the face and threw a middle finger to the culture that taught us those luxuries are not ours to have. Its not very different from having my name on an AMEX when I never thought I would live to see the day. Hell, its not very different from having a black president when I never thought I would live to see the day.

Today I shared some things with my mother to help her live better and while I am not generally a proponent of spending a G on a pair of shoes, if doing so will give you the motivation to topple every other wall of every other box that has been built around you, then dammit, do it. Do whatever you have to do to make yourself feel powerful and in control of your life because you are powerful and in control of your life. Stop telling yourself what you cant do or cant have. You only cant do or have because YOU believe you cant. When you shatter the limits you impose on yourself, nobody else can impose them on you. Its one of the biggest lessons I have learned in the last 3 years of my life and my mother is just getting a glimpse of it at 60.

How much of YOUR life is going to be spent behind an invisible fence?