2/3/13

Just what I needed in my life - a billion Beyonces....smh. Whatever. I aint gonna hate. She put on a really good show. I think she coulda gave Michelle and Kelly like 15 more seconds, if she was gonna bring them on at all, but again, I digress. By the way, I think its fair to say real men prefer Kelly. Just an observation LOL. But good job, Bey. You used up all the damn power and left the second half of the game running on a backup generator, but still. Good job LOL.

I didnt really come in here to talk about that though.

My mama has been through some traumatic things in her life and her response to those experiences is to overcompensate. She tries to ensure that her family does not have to go through the things she did, even if her methods or motivation might not be right. She is always trying to help even when it means not realizing a person does not want her help. One of my sisters.... without knowing all the details, I can say that she has had experiences closest to those of my mother's, but her response has been the complete opposite. She detaches from situations. Today they found themselves in the same place, reacting differently, and such is my life, I got a phone call.

Listen.... dont believe the bullshit you hear about this person in this situation growing up to be like "this". The truth of the matter is that everybody is different and will respond differently to specific stimuli. My sisters and I grew up in the very same household, with the very same mother and ended up living three completely different lives. We were subjected to the same rules, the same upbringing, but we viewed, handled and approached life.... adversity.... differently. At the risk of sounding..... IDK, arrogant (?)... I dont think anybody would argue if I said I turned out the best of the bunch. That being said, being the youngest, I also had the luxury of observation - seeing where they went wrong and learning what not to do. Somewhere along the line I also tapped into those social sciences that taught me how to deal with people and to SEE myself for who and what I was, and accept myself in all my imperfection. With that comes acceptance of everybody else in their imperfection. Its allowed me to live harmoniously with most. Unfortunately, not everybody has developed the ability to do that. Not everybody even wants to.

Thats the conversation I had with my mother today. When its all said and done, you cant make somebody react to something the way you would because they are not you. And you cant make everything they do (or dont do) be ABOUT you. Sometimes the way a person handles a situation is the only way they know how to be okay and if its what they need to do to be okay, then you should let them do what they need to do. Respect people's differences and respect their damn boundaries. They aint gotta talk to you because you wanna talk. They are not living for you any more than you are living for them. Respect their need for time and space. When you are family.... or you have a genuine bond in whatever relationship you have.... all you really need to do is let them know that you are there for them if and when tney need you and come through if and when they call. Thats it. Maybe its me but it seems like so simple a thing.

Anyway, Im glad she felt she could call to talk to me about it because it speaks to the progress we have made in our own relationship, but I cant help also feeling like that night on suicide watch... like the one night I cant find the right words to say....... sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh