Friends? For what?

He replied…. Complete with friend request.

Let’s evaluate….. *rescanning message*

He thanked me for the heads up, with a smiley face…. *staring into the camera*….. then said he never got any of my messages…..

….Messages that were still in the thread of the message we’re now both looking at.

Messages I had to re-read to even know what the hell he was talking about.

Messages…………… from November.

Nigga, its almost November again LOL.

My response: “You never got any of my messages….. yet you got this one.”

*ignore request*

And I’m fine, thanks for asking. Asshole.

This Feels Like......

.....the longest blog ever LOL

Every now and then something happens that shows me how much I’ve grown as a person. Not necessarily in terms of maturity, but controlling my impulses….. well, I guess that is maturity, huh? *shrugs*

Well anyway, I think I’ve blogged before about being impulsive. I’ve made some pretty big strides in the last ten years, getting a handle on that – mostly as it pertains to my finances. I stop and think – more often than not – before I spend a chunk of money on something I likely don’t really need and 9 times out of 10, I talk myself down from the ledge. Travel’s always sort of been my Achilles heel though. I cant even tell you how many trips I’ve taken that I couldn’t afford in the last year alone, but I have even been working on that. I just recently cancelled some travel plans (the second in a couple months time) trying to be more cognizant of my priorities. So that’s real progress to me LOL.

Impulsiveness will fuck up the church’s money big time, but it can also make you do shit you need to not damn do…. like call a person you haven’t spoken to in a long time when they happen to cross your mind. What doesn’t cross your mind is why it is that you haven’t spoken to their asses in so long LOL. So you pick up the phone, you tell em they crossed your mind so you figured you’d call and see how they were doing. They tell you how sweet that is and you proceed to have an hour long conversation, at the end of which, you’re either feeling kinda awesome or you’ve been reminded why you stopped fuckin with this loser and you’re mad you even called LOL. If you feel kinda awesome, it sucks to be you, because that phone call will likely lead to another and before you know it, this person is once again a regular at the bar of your life. It can last a week, it can last a year, but at the end of whatever span of time it turns out to be, I promise, you will be reminded why you stopped fuckin with this simple bitch in the first place LOL.

This shouldn’t be the only way this scenario can go, but dammit, it is LOL. I know – I am the poster girl for this shit LOL. I can name 2 people right now that's part of my life today ONLY because I made a damn phone call LOL. Couldnt just let sleeping dogs lie, had to call and check on somebody and see how they been. Who gives a fuck, Dig? Are they wondering how you doing? Are they checking on you? No. So knock it off! LOL

But I couldnt help it. Im kinda sentimental so I use to do that shit a LOT – place that random call or shoot that random email and get myself sucked back into some bullshit it was probably hard enough to get out of the first time and then have to try to get back out of it all over again. Emotional attachment is a bitch. Its like being a recovering addict. Once you get it out of your system, you got to keep it out, or it’ll catch you in a moment of weakness and pull you right back in. That’s been the story of my life, so it was a pretty big deal today when I DIDN’T make that call.

It actually started with a spam email I got from somebody I don’t fuck with no more (as in we aint friends, not like…… well you know what Im sayin LOL). We don’t talk, chat, email, acknowledge…. I deleted him off my FB, all that shit. Anyway, I got a spam email and it made me laugh cause I was just looking at a list of the top email scams going around and this shit was like #3 LOL: your friend emails you saying they are stranded somewhere and they need to borrow some money that they promise to pay back soon as they come back. First of all, I PROMISE you this dude couldn’t find Cyprus on a map. He damn sure aint going there. Second of all, if he had gone to Cyprus and needed the $2,000 the email requested, he damn sure wouldn’t be asking ME for it.

Now I have gotten spam email from his account a couple times before but it was just a link. Normally I’d hit a person up (that I was still speaking to LOL) and tell em so they can change their passwords, but I was like fuck that nigga LMAO! But today I decided to go ahead and give him a heads up cause it was an actual solicitation and while I hope grown people would be smart enough to see that shit is fake, you never know how people might react if they thought it were real. You know them hackers send that shit to your WHOLE address book. So since I don’t have his number anymore, I had to search him on FB and send him a message. No response as of yet, and frankly, Im not looking for one. I'd be surprised if he responded, actually, but like I said, fuck that nigga LOL. He aint what this was about. He’s just the person that made me think of the person this was about LOL

For some reason, whenever my mind goes to this one person, it also goes to this other one. IDK if its because of how difficult a decision it was for me to actively remove these people from my life or if its because they were in it kind of around the same period and did the same dumb ass typa shit LOL but either way, if I happen to think of the first one, I’ll end up thinking about the second. It doesn’t work the other way around though. If I think of the second one first, the first one gets no air time LOL. There are reasons for that, which are completely irrelevant, but Im just trying to be clear LOL.

Anyway, when people do shit that gets em kicked out your life (and they dont necessarily wanna go) only one of two things is gonna happen when you call. They will either apologize for what they did just to eventually do it again, or worse, they will play dumb about it, or downplay the violation like you’re making a big deal over nothing, which will only piss you off all over again, and make you even madder at the fact that this muthafucka can still get under your damn skin LOL. You’re not over it. You only think you are because you banished “it” from the kingdom and didn’t have to deal with it no more. I finally know this LOL. I finally learned that lesson. 3 different times I made that call or sent that email and he ended up back on the same shit every single time. When you know someone will never change, YOU have to. So I am happy to say that today, ladies and gentlemen, I held my mule. I did not make that call. Let’s hear it for baby steps! *audience roar*

But baby steps they are. The truth of the matter is, I miss him. More accurately, I miss some of the conversations we use to have – we bonded in our disdain for stupid people LOL. He was always so interested in my love life (mainly so he could figure out the best way to fuck it up LOL) and I always had a story to tell so it worked LOL. But he lied to me. A lot. I got tired of being the only friend in the friendship, so he had to go. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do (clearly I still struggle from time to time), but although I sometimes miss him, I honestly am glad he’s no longer a part of my life. It was a huge step in the direction of making better decisions and I’ve been taking step after step ever since.

The hard part is making sure none of them are backward.

Zombies

Now this might be a little dicey. It’s connected somehow that I haven’t quite figured out yet, but bear with me and hopefully I can tie it together by the time I get to the end LOL.

Y’all remember that movie called The Net, with Sandra Bullock? She played some kinda computer wiz named Angela Bennett, who worked from home and pretty much hated to leave her house. That is, until she goes on this week-long vacation to Cozumel, where she is robbed of all her identification and this guy tries to kill her for what he thinks she knows about this software program. She’s only allowed back into the U.S. after she goes along with everyone’s assertions that she is this other woman, Ruth Marx, and upon her return, finds out that everything in her old life has been erased and everyone believes that she really is this other woman. Throughout the course of the movie, people are constantly looking shit up in their computer databases and online, and of course, because the bad guys own the software, the internet and everything on it, they are able to make everything say whatever they want it to. Because Angela was basically a recluse, she had nobody to vouch for her, with the exception of the one guy, who obviously had to die LOL. In the end, her genius trumped their genius so she got her life back and all was well that ended well.

I had seen the movie before, but on July 7, 2012, after having so many shitty “information” experiences, having had my identity stolen, my bank account compromised……. That shit really hit home. I seriously am thinking about divesting from the internet LOL. I aint talking about disappearing from it, just not allowing it to host my existence. I’m old school and paper has always given me comfort, so I tend to keep hardcopy records of important things, but what about the sentimental stuff? Like pictures. Nobody makes prints anymore. I mean how many of us, right now, if Facebook went down for good would be lost? You have 1,017 pictures on your profile and Facebook is the ONLY place you have them, because you deleted files somewhere else to make space for other shit and figured its all good, they’re on my Facebook. (I mean seriously, do people even invest in memory cards anymore?)

Which brings me to my next point…

Have y’all seen this?

Disclaimer: I am not an expert in American history, and things sometimes get by me, so by no means do I claim to know this for a fact but………………WTFITBS??? LOL

Being that Im NOT an expert in American history, when I saw this floating around Facebook, my initial thought was Wow. That’s crazy. I said if I didn’t know this, a lot of other people probably didn’t either. Let me repost it. Educate the people LOL. But then I thought better of it. The more I looked at the so-called “original” offering and the statement made about it, it just didn’t make any sense to me. Now while I did hear tale that the MODEL for the statue of liberty was a black woman, as far as I am aware, the statue of liberty was never about no freeing of the slaves – it was about the welcoming of immigrants, hence the inscription (“Give us your tired, your weak…” blah, blah, blah). And not for nothing, (I’m also not an expert in Photoshop or digital imagery) but that looks like an actual PICTURE of a black woman, ashed to look like a statue, that somebody superimposed onto the picture. Now I assert AGAIN, I don’t know for a fact that this isn’t true, however, I spent a good amount of time looking for evidence and could find nothing supporting this claim, so I have decided FOR MYSELF (LOL) that this is some bullshit somebody with an axe to grind and too much time on their hands concocted to stir up some shit. If anyone has any information to the contrary, send it my way (doctordig9@gmail.com) and I will gladly recant.

But that wasn’t really where I was going.

I’m not gonna post it because I don’t want to perpetuate it any further but… Someone on my friends list reposted a screenshot image of some girl’s stats that explicitly detail how she went out the night before, went home with some random guy and raw-dawged it (that means had unprotected sex, for those of you who didn’t own shell toes before 2005 LOL), followed by a second stat that (in my own words) says “Yes, I’m HIV positive, but oh the fuck well, his fault. Now off to find me another dumb ass.”

*sigh*

Now like many, my initial reaction was WTF? But it was a Facebook profile, pic and all, so I said let me look her up. I enter her name and instead of an actual profile (which I probably coulda found, if it still exists, had I continued to dig), I found a private group, created in support of her. According to the statement on the group wall, this girl has been the target of somebody’s malicious smear campaign, and that the over 1,000 members of that group are fighting for her truth. Though the individual allegedly responsible was not named, the statement said the girl was NOT HIV positive and that at least one other person had been targeted previously, in the same manner, less successfully.

Now I don’t know this chick, but my point is, dude don’t either (which he, himself, stated in the thread). What would make a grown ass man repost some shit like this without knowing it to be fact? I mean, were it true, it might be one’s duty to put people on notice that bullshit like this is going on (we know it happens) and if there were no real person associated with the accusation, it could be done as sort of a PSA. Clearly we don’t live in a day and age where fucking on the first night is recommended, and doing so without the proper protection is just foolish. But you got this girl’s picture and name alongside this mess and you don’t even know this girl. Why would you help somebody spread what could be just a vicious lie, ruining this chick’s life? The person who started the [alleged] rumor is a douche, but you are no better for reposting the shit. It only took me bout two clicks to find that group, so its evident that you didn’t even look. People on the page “don’t she know she can go to jail for that?” and “that’s just nasty” calling the girl all out her name. Really? All y’all drinking the kool-aid.

And it got me to thinking about the movie again (aha! There’s the correlation!)

Facebook and computers in general rule the world. If you look something up in a database, you automatically believe what you find, even if an actual person is standing in your face, telling you its wrong. Granted, the scope of most jobs require you to do so. If you see something on Facebook, you automatically believe it has to be true and so many people are quick to repost something without doing the proper due diligence. Most stuff is just….stuff. But when you are reposting some derogatory shit about an actual person without checking any facts, that is just plain irresponsible. Facebook has turned us into fucken droids. Zombies. Fucken Stepford wives. People are just in autopilot, not even thinking about what they are saying and doing. I tell you, I was so disgusted with that shit today, thinking how much fucken mind control Facebook has over folks, I almost straight shut my account down. But then I realized there was a need for sound-minded people like me to balance out the fuckery and be the voices of reason for those who have been compromised.

I feel like I am in the Matrix.

#bluepill

Quick Vent

So I know this dude.

He's always got his hands in something - promoting this thing or that thing, championing this cause or that cause. His father is a minister (I think) and he's found God somewhere along his journey also, so he's on this preach-the-word thing all the time on FB. It's annoying, because his grammar and spelling sometimes make me twitch, but fine. I get where you're going, I'm all about uplifting the people.

So I get wind of this play he's not only promoting, but apparently wrote or something. Actually, it seems as if he's pretty much behind the whole production. I dig shit like that and I'm always excited when people take on these big ventures themselves, instead of jumping onto some already existing platform, so I hit him up.

Now mind you, me and this cat aint close. I wouldnt even call him my friend. He is just somebody I have known for a long time, which really isnt saying much, because everybody kinda knows him. He's so fucken extra that you really can't NOT know him.

Anyway, I hit him up and say congratulations on the play, I just caught wind of it. I dont live there anymore but I'd like to support however I can. What's it about? Is there a website? Any plans on taking it on the road, or will I have to come up there to see it? You know, just trying to get all the details. This dude is like "Its on my morning post, as well as many others." Nigga? LOL Wait, if I followed your posts, I might not be asking you these questions because I probably would have already seen all that, but clearly, this is all new to me. Second, I am coming to you in support, asking how I can help, and you throwing shade?

See this is why people cant get out them hick ass towns. You are a promoter. Promote. If somebody asks you about your production, just run it down. Dont be redirecting the traffic, giving them homework and shit. And then gonna say tag your shit and put it on my wall. Nigga, you just gave me attitude LOL

I did share the flyer on my wall anyway, but Im just saying. People so funny acting! LOL

The Road to Nowhere

So yesterday I get a phone call.

We talk maybe 30 minutes, then she makes a comment that lets me know she’s at this dude’s house who I cant stand. NEVER could stand this dude, and she’s dealt with him on and off, long enough to know that this muthafucka aint shit, never been shit, and never gonna be shit….. but I hold my mule.

We talk another 15 minutes or so, and somewhere in the leisure of having one hand free, she finds herself picking up the cell phone now vibrating on the table – a suspect text from another woman. He’s in the shower, so interest piqued and means in hand, she scrolls through the inbox to find even more evidence of his fuckery with this woman (or other women, I was unclear because I didn’t ask). “He’s such a fucken liar,” she whispers. “Ima curse his ass out.” I shake my head and try to change the subject, but she’s more interested in the phone in her hand than the one to her ear, so… “Aight, Ima let you go rehearse your monologue. I’ll talk to you later.”

Some hours go by and I get another phone call. I wasn’t going to answer it when I saw who it was, but something told me to pick up the phone. So I did. Rumor has it, “some dude” beat her up. I call her. No answer.

Considering the source, I chose to be still. Details would flow soon enough and I could make a follow up call to find out what had happened. Long story short, when confronted with the texts and her “leaving and never coming back” dude flipped out. She wanted to call me right after, having spoken to me right before, but she was in a bad way at the time and didn’t want to set off that alarm she knows is hardwired in me. I listened to the details, asking questions for clarity but saying very little otherwise. He (physically and verbally) assaulted her and kept her there for almost two hours. Despite the facts – her scrolling through his phone and knowing he wasn’t shit to begin with – there was no mitigation for his behavior.

*please enjoy this hold music while I gather my thoughts*

Cheating (for simplicity) shows weakness. A man who puts his hands on a woman is a coward. Do you see the correlation?

You know how the old people say “If you’ll lie, you’ll cheat, if you’ll cheat, you’ll steal, and if you’ll steal, you’ll kill?” You’d hear that, take it literally, and be like “nah, not really” but in the grand scheme of things, what that adage is saying is that a lack of values breeds all kinds of wrongdoing. Cheating and stealing both encompass lying, and how far would one go to protect a lie? Those movies on Lifetime? A lot of them are true stories. Im just saying.

I wasn’t going to blog about this, but I’ll tell you why I did.

I woke up this morning to a quiet house. I made my coffee, got online, and perused my FB. I saw some vacation photos that created a bit of a lump in my throat and though instinct told me to scroll past as fast as I could, I forced myself to look at them and deal with what I was feeling.

When you don’t deal with your emotions, you become prisoner to them. They pop up with no warning, influencing us to act, usually without the luxury of thought, which is how most of us end up going back down roads that we already know lead to nowhere we wanna be. That random “I miss you” or “I still love you” text, email or phone call from the “right” wrong person will be all it takes for most of us to start peeking through the chain on the door. Well let me just SEE what s/he talking bout. If you’ve done that dance two or more times before, trust me when I say they aint talking bout a damn thing different than they were the last time you hit the door on they asses, so slam that shit shut, bolt it tight and throw on the police bar for good measure. They may not have been abusive. They may not have been cheaters. But for whatever reason, they were toxic and you made a decision that you deserved better.

Don’t you still?

#sograteful

I am so grateful for everything that I have.

My son decided he wanted to be a knucklehead this year and get so far behind in math that he had to just about perform a miracle in order to graduate. I sit here today grateful that I raised a son capable of doing just that......My daughter drives me nuts with her "riddle of the day" and her "Mommy, can we play 'hands up to 85?'" but I am grateful our relationship is one where she wants nothing more than to be up under me all the time..... and play her guitar, of course LOL. #supportyourkids

I am grateful to have this beautiful roof over my head and the ability to sustain it, even if only barely. The peace of living WHERE I want to live has only fueled the drive to live HOW I want to live. #presson

I am fairly certain my relationship wont last the summer, but I am completely grateful to have experienced it and to know that if and when it does end, it will be amicable and in good conscience. #loveyoufirst

I am grateful to have learned to leave the past where it is and not toil over the happenings in the lives of others. I dont care when someone else is wearing my old digs. I've outgrown them. They no longer fit. #letgo

I am grateful to have learned not to measure the quality of my life by comparing it to that of others. Even if we seem to be in the same place, we may not have traveled the same distance to get there or brought along the same amount of baggage. #packlight

I am grateful that my painful experiences have composed me, not defined me, and I am grateful that I choose to reflect upon the lessons I learned in those times, rather than the times themselves, accepting that things are exactly as they were meant to be. #moveon

There is so much in my life I COULD complain about, but I am so blessed its not even funny. As little as I'd say I have, there are people who would kill for it - HAVE killed for it.... DIED for it..... Peace. There are few things in our universe more valuable because nobody can give it to you and nobody can take it away - it comes from within. Its the beauty and grace of God in you - at least, that's how it feels to me. The appreciation of just being here on this earth to witness the sun and the rain and the flowers and even those annoying fucking ants that seem to want to terrorize me wherever I go LOL.... acknowledging the growth you've experience in your journey and knowing no matter what point you're at, it could have always been worse.

You could still be the "you" you were THEN....

Think about it.

Sharing is caring

Im in full swing right now with interviews and opportunities so I thought I would share some good pointers I've picked up, for people looking for a job in sales. Im sure some of this is valid for non-sales roles too, but particularly for sales. Landing the job is the first deal you ever close for that company, so never forget your sales ABC's: "Always Be Closing".



Rule #1: In order to get a job, you have to pretend you really, really want it, even when you really dont LOL.

Sometimes we interview for other jobs because we have decided we hate the one we have. We may want to switch streams and go into another line of work, but the simplest route is to transition into a role relatively similar to the one you are in, but pays more. Even if you hate your line of work, you cant let on that your intention is to get a foot in the door, learn the ins and outs of the company, and then change lanes. Pretend you eat, sleep, breathe and shit that line of work LOL.


Rule #2: In order to make an employer want you, they have to believe other employers want you.

Not always, but often an interviewer will ask if you are currently interviewing with other companies and how far you are in the process with them. They might be the first callback you even got, but dont you dare let them know that LOL. Saying that you are in talks with other companies paints you as a hot commodity and creates a sense of urgency. It also tends to increase what they are willing to pay you if they like you, because they know they are up against other offers and they want you to choose them.


Rule #3: Dont burn bridges.

Even if you get the "thanks, but no thanks" email the next day, be cordial and thankful for the opportunity in an email back. Dont be salty because you were not chosen to advance in the selection process. Sometimes they mean it when they say they didnt think the role they were filling was really a good fit for you. Sometimes they come back with an alternative position they would like to consider you for. Now if your email reply said "fuck you then" they probably wont extend that opportunity LOL


Rule #4: Dont just wear a suit. Dress for the job.

Regardless of what you say in interviews, your appearance sometimes speaks volumes to the contrary. Some places are looking for you to interact with C-level execs. Show up looking like a C-level exec. Some places really want someone fresh out of college, who's full of energy and unjaded. Dont wear pearls LOL. Approach the interview the way you would approach the job. They want to be able to envision you in that role, so you should be in character before you even step off the elevator.


Much of this is common sense, but some isnt. Anyone over the age of 30 has been conditioned to a certain way of interviewing and jobhunting, but the game has changed quite a bit in the last 10 years. Still, some things have stood the test of time and will always be the expectation..... always send a thank you email after an interview (if they dont automatically hand you a business card, ask for one before you leave), always bring at least 2 copies of your resume with you and lastly, I dont care who tells you you dont have to because you dont have "that kind of job" always give 2 weeks notice when you quit. They might very well tell you its not necessary and send your ass home that day, but let them make that decision. Its simple professional courtesy. Remember rule #3: dont burn your bridges!

all this being said, if I dont have a job by the end of the month, these rules are all null and void LOL.