A Week in the Dig Files

This week has been a damn doozy, lemme tell you.

So Monday, a friend of a friend introduced me to a staff assistant at Kensington Books. Now we’ve had this lunch/meeting scheduled for a couple weeks now, but we get there like 5 minutes late ourselves and this dude is nowhere. So the girl I’m with calls him like “where you at?” and this nigga acting like he had no clue what she was talking about, and gon hit us with the “uh….. hang on, let me take a look here…… yeah, I guess I could come down for a couple minutes.” Really? Like REALLY? I suppose its possible this girl didn’t really “set up a meeting” as much as she told him she wanted to “introduce him to her friend” so he didn’t take it as such, but my whole scan of this dude when he did come down read “other shit”. He gon tell me its gonna be a lot of waiting, IF I even get a look since I don't know anyone - bitch I'm suppose to be knowing YOU! WTF we here for??? SMH He did give me some paperwork though– advice and query instructions basically – which were helpful. Shit, I thought I could just email an editor like yo, I wanna write, what's up? LOL Apparently it don't quite work like that.

Then Tuesday, I decided I was gonna take advantage of the free training session being offered at my gym. I thought he/she would just talk to me about what I was trying to do and suggest a routine for me. Nope. Lucky me gets the one chick in the place who fucken believes in me and shit and not only takes me through the workout but takes me through it like it's a light damn day after 2 tough mudders and a tour in Iraq LOL. Now I aint mad at her pushing me, but can I ease into it please? She had my arms hurting so bad that I couldnt even use them to get myself up off the floor. I literally had to roll onto my stomach, prop up on my ELBOWS, and then get on my knees to eventually stand. My ceps - all of em LOL - and my quads hurt for 3 damn days. I'm talkin bout LOCK tight. But the hour massage I got yesterday REALLY helped. I slept soooo good.

Thursday I go to Red Lobster which is only my favorite place in the world, no big deal LOL I order a dinner to go for my daughter and decide to also surprise her with a chocolate wave. Waitress brings out the bag and sits it on the end of the table. I'm looking at the check and Im reminded that the location in Times Square has the audacity to figure in 18% tip FOR you, like they just know their servers gave 18% service. Whatever - wasn't my money and two mojitos in, I wasn't bout that math life so fuck it. She was alright, 18% it is. I get home and tell my daughter to go ahead and get her food because something in there might melt. I'm waiting for her to get all excited about it, she comes into my room with the cartons like "um.... what exactly in here is supposed to melt?" The heffa aint give us our chocolate wave. Bitch, I gave you 18%!!

About an hour later, I get a text from my girl upstate. It's a picture of my mother's apartment building on fire. What THEEEEEEE fuck??? I call my moms, get her machine. I call my sister, get her machine. I call my aunt, she's in a panic. My cousin calls his brother who finally says he spoke to my mom about 10 minutes prior and she was out with my nephew. PHEW! Well at least she's okay. Turns out the fire was 3 floors above hers and in the back side of the building, a ways from hers, and the building has fire walls so the blaze was contained in that one apartment, although it was burned clean the fuck out. And by the time that was over, I was worn the fuck out.

Friday's massage was CLUTCH. Shout out to Andreas at Massage Envy. Booty-squeezin self...