Having to tell a child that one of their favorite family members has gone to be with Jesus is one of the hardest things any parent will ever have to do. Today my kids lost the aunt we all had; the one that spoiled us and gave us any and everything we ever asked for and made no apologies to our parents because she didn't have kids of her own..... the aunt that we could count on to slide us a couple dollars whenever we came to visit and always had candy stashed away in some corner of her bedroom. That was Aunt Rea and my kids will miss her dearly - my daughter especially. It's been relatively quiet in here since I broke the news, but I know the silence is riddled with memories of pitty pat, online shopping and weekly trips to the casino.
She loved that casino, boy.
Rest in peace, Aunt Rea.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
#FFT
I dont support every statement this man makes but I do happen to agree with his take on the things directly related to the relationships between our women and our men. If nothing else, its food for thought and you know Im a fan of anything that makes you think.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Violation
I remember a few years back when a slew of well-renown actors were bitching and moaning about people from other areas of entertainment deciding to try their hands at acting. When Ludacris started doing a buncha movies, Samuel L. Jackson had a FIT and I remember thinking WTF is the big deal? These are not roles you would have even entertained; he isn't taking food off your table. Why do you care if he wants to expand his horizons and take a shot in your industry? How well or bad he fares has no bearing on you or make you any less of a monster at what you do. What is the fucken problem? I really did not understand..... until now.
Luda is probably not the best example because I feel like he has pretty decent chops to not have formally studied, but Samuel L. Jackson and others like him spent years, if not their whole lives, honing their crafts. Others still, who may not have had to work as long or hard, carry their art in their very bones. You can’t blame them for taking exception to someone “infiltrating” the game and not appearing to take it seriously. It’s the reason for all the mad rappers and the seemingly petty runway beefs all these bloggers stay writing about. You heard Erykah Badu; true artists really are sensitive about their shit.
That being said, I’m struggling today. I’m struggling with hurt feelings and disrespect and all-around piss poor execution of a book that was no more helpful to anybody than it was entertaining. In my opinion, it failed miserably on both counts and the fact that the author used and took credit for ideas of MINE – words that have come from this very blog and private conversations between her and I – unfortunately overshadows the courage and personal growth this project was purposed for. I feel violated, both personally and as an artist. Some things should just be…… I don’t know….. spoken about in high school assemblies across the nation and not half-assed into a literary work.
And that’s all Im gonna say about it.
Luda is probably not the best example because I feel like he has pretty decent chops to not have formally studied, but Samuel L. Jackson and others like him spent years, if not their whole lives, honing their crafts. Others still, who may not have had to work as long or hard, carry their art in their very bones. You can’t blame them for taking exception to someone “infiltrating” the game and not appearing to take it seriously. It’s the reason for all the mad rappers and the seemingly petty runway beefs all these bloggers stay writing about. You heard Erykah Badu; true artists really are sensitive about their shit.
That being said, I’m struggling today. I’m struggling with hurt feelings and disrespect and all-around piss poor execution of a book that was no more helpful to anybody than it was entertaining. In my opinion, it failed miserably on both counts and the fact that the author used and took credit for ideas of MINE – words that have come from this very blog and private conversations between her and I – unfortunately overshadows the courage and personal growth this project was purposed for. I feel violated, both personally and as an artist. Some things should just be…… I don’t know….. spoken about in high school assemblies across the nation and not half-assed into a literary work.
And that’s all Im gonna say about it.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Happy Sunday!
Happy Sunday, people. What's going on in my universe today?
Well, I'm 5 days into my meat fast for Lent. You'd think that wasn't saying much since I only eat poultry anyway, but it's been a lot tougher than I expected. I never feel like I really eat a lot of meat but over the last couple of days, I've come to realize that I kinda sneak my meat in. I have it in the form of spicy chicken sausages, turkey bacon-wrapped dates and other subtle shit like that that I really don't think about when I think "meat". I also take for granted since most places tend to have fish at the time that I order it that they ALWAYS have it. At lunch with my coworkers on Friday I almost had to make do with beer nuts LOL. Of all the days to not be having fish, a Friday? SMH. Luckily I stumbled across a veggie burger on the menu, which actually happened to be quite amazing, and all was well. Not gonna lie though - I almost bailed on this endeavor that day, and don't judge me if I eventually do LOL, but I think I really need this test of will right now. CAN I do it? Sure. If I can quit smoking, I can do anything (4 months smoke-free, btw). The real challenge is following through simply because I said I would. If I tell you, her, him, them or anybody else that I'm going to do something, you can bet your rent money its gonna be done. Unfortunately, I don't tend to show the same level of commitment to ME. I break promises to myself all the time and its a habit I really need to break. It creates a subconscious avenue of justification for putting myself second to other people which only tills the soil for insecurity to seed and grow. I'm a few dating updates short of y'all being all caught up, but until I get around to it, suffice it to say that aint nobody got time for that.
I'm also creating the vision board I've been wanting to do since forever and just never prioritized. I didn't think to do this until just now but I may parlay that into a writing project as well. The objective is to add something to the board every day through Easter, so maybe I will post about every item I add. Not sure if or how that will work out but I'll put a strong effort behind it. Let's see how it goes. I mean I do have a little more time on my hands now that I'm not in school. My initial leave of absence ended February 4th and I reported for class for about two weeks before I realized I just had no desire to be there. I mean ZERO interest. Part of it is I didn't love the curriculum. I was taking the Masters in Organizational Development to stack with my Masters in Psychology, thinking jointly they would be the perfect setup for me to go into occupational therapy but those first two classes were an absolute SNOOZEFEST. If they were any indication of what was to come, there was no way I was gonna get through it. So I withdrew from the class and initiated another six-week leave of absence in which to either find a program I am more connected to or come to the decision that one Masters is enough. I'm leaning toward the latter because further introspection leads me to believe that school either has been or was becoming a means of hiding from life and I don't wanna do that anymore either.
Clearly we've got some catching up to do but bear with me; some of the words are still forming. You know how that goes, but the weather is breaking. You know how that goes too. There shall be fuckery afoot LOL. But its okay. I'll embrace it LOL.
Y'all be easy.
Well, I'm 5 days into my meat fast for Lent. You'd think that wasn't saying much since I only eat poultry anyway, but it's been a lot tougher than I expected. I never feel like I really eat a lot of meat but over the last couple of days, I've come to realize that I kinda sneak my meat in. I have it in the form of spicy chicken sausages, turkey bacon-wrapped dates and other subtle shit like that that I really don't think about when I think "meat". I also take for granted since most places tend to have fish at the time that I order it that they ALWAYS have it. At lunch with my coworkers on Friday I almost had to make do with beer nuts LOL. Of all the days to not be having fish, a Friday? SMH. Luckily I stumbled across a veggie burger on the menu, which actually happened to be quite amazing, and all was well. Not gonna lie though - I almost bailed on this endeavor that day, and don't judge me if I eventually do LOL, but I think I really need this test of will right now. CAN I do it? Sure. If I can quit smoking, I can do anything (4 months smoke-free, btw). The real challenge is following through simply because I said I would. If I tell you, her, him, them or anybody else that I'm going to do something, you can bet your rent money its gonna be done. Unfortunately, I don't tend to show the same level of commitment to ME. I break promises to myself all the time and its a habit I really need to break. It creates a subconscious avenue of justification for putting myself second to other people which only tills the soil for insecurity to seed and grow. I'm a few dating updates short of y'all being all caught up, but until I get around to it, suffice it to say that aint nobody got time for that.
I'm also creating the vision board I've been wanting to do since forever and just never prioritized. I didn't think to do this until just now but I may parlay that into a writing project as well. The objective is to add something to the board every day through Easter, so maybe I will post about every item I add. Not sure if or how that will work out but I'll put a strong effort behind it. Let's see how it goes. I mean I do have a little more time on my hands now that I'm not in school. My initial leave of absence ended February 4th and I reported for class for about two weeks before I realized I just had no desire to be there. I mean ZERO interest. Part of it is I didn't love the curriculum. I was taking the Masters in Organizational Development to stack with my Masters in Psychology, thinking jointly they would be the perfect setup for me to go into occupational therapy but those first two classes were an absolute SNOOZEFEST. If they were any indication of what was to come, there was no way I was gonna get through it. So I withdrew from the class and initiated another six-week leave of absence in which to either find a program I am more connected to or come to the decision that one Masters is enough. I'm leaning toward the latter because further introspection leads me to believe that school either has been or was becoming a means of hiding from life and I don't wanna do that anymore either.
Clearly we've got some catching up to do but bear with me; some of the words are still forming. You know how that goes, but the weather is breaking. You know how that goes too. There shall be fuckery afoot LOL. But its okay. I'll embrace it LOL.
Y'all be easy.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
*sniffle*
If I ever win powerball bread, I swear on everything I will spend the rest of my life traveling across country doing this.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Penance
I will not like him.
I will not like him.
I will not like him.
I will not like him.
I will not like him.
I will not like him.
I will not like him.
I will not like him.
I will not.........
I will not like him.
I will not like him.
I will not like him.
I will not like him.
I will not like him.
I will not like him.
I will not like him.
I will not.........
Sunday, January 26, 2014
They should never let me out.
Its not a good night until somebody pees LOL.
A friend of mine had a day party at this club in the city for her birthday and I told her I would come. It started at 3 so I went around 5 or so, thinking I would just stay a couple of hours and go back home. By 7, that ship had long since sailed LOL.
I had a chardonnay and then half a jack and cranberry - somebody spilled it and replaced it with my 2nd glass of chardonnay. At the bottom sips of that 2nd glass of chardonnay, one of the girls in our party, who was already so drunk she just wanted everybody to be drunk, started pouring whatever it was she was drinking into my glass.... on TOP of what was left of my chardonnay. Part of me wanted to fuck her up. Another part of me said, "free drink!" LOL Accentuating the positive, I went with the latter. A little later, I joined our hostess at the end of the bar. An okay-looking guy started chatting me up but him really not SAYING anything made me realize just how slow the bar service was. I pulled our hostess down to the middle of the bar where I had gained a little rapport with one of the other bartenders. He took care of us right away. This would be the point in the evening where I had my 3rd glass of chardonnay AND the free shot of patron the bartender wanted me to do with him. If you know me, you know I only do shots at the BEGINNING of the night, if at all. Whenever I do one after I have already been drinking a bit, it doesn't work out LOL. But its free and its the bartender. You don't tell the bartender no. Of course you can and probably should at the end of the night as it was, but... drunk logic aint thinking LOL. So I did the shot and yeah, half of it ran down my neck but I anticipated it and wiped it immediately with a napkin, like the classy lady that I am LOL. Twice more before it was all over, I'd simply walk BY the bar and he'd wave me over, kiss me on the cheek and pour me a shot. So if you're counting that's 3 glasses of chardonnay, half a jack and cranberry, 3 shots of patron and about half a drink worth of whatever the fuck Janice or Janine or whatever her name was poured in my glass. I. WAS. DONE. I just didn't know it yet.
I gave my card out twice - once to a guy who somehow ended up on my lap LOL. I don't even remember how I started talking to the guy but I do remember he was funny as shit and we were having way too much fun for that little 5 minutes we were engaged. When you wake up to a text message that says "Hey, this is Ed, the guy who gave you the best lap dance of your life" its a win LOL
Here's where things get fuzzy. The club was 1 block over and 3 blocks up from the Port Authority. I have absolutely NO memory of that walk LOL. The next frame I see is me walking down the stairs to the bus, getting on and sitting in the first seats. That is also the LAST thing I remember before waking up at Journal Square LOL. Let me explain: Port Authority is the first stop on the route. Journal Square is the last. I fell asleep and rode the whole route LOL I had to get off the bus and get right back on another one going back the other way (which meant paying again) and didn't I fall asleep AGAIN and miss my stop AGAIN? LOL This time I woke up about 8 blocks past home and since there wasn't another bus in sight, I had to walk it. Not horrible except its like 11pm, I'm in heels, the ground is snowy/slushy and its brick outside. Yes, it was fucken horrible LOL. And to make it all worse, about halfway home, now I have to pee and thanks to the life-changing procedure I recently underwent, my "stop my pee" muscles have been compromised. So now I cant hold it, pee is running down my legs and instantly fucken freezing in my jeans LOL.
I have never been so glad to finally get home....... but that aint mean I wanted to talk. My son was sitting on the couch like "Hey Ma, how was the party?" I think I just mumbled something incoherently and walked straight back to my room and closed my door LOL. I came out of my clothes (incidently still in the same heap on the floor I left em in - don't judge me) got in the shower and got in the damn bed. Or at least this is what I think happened - I don't fucken remember anything after my bedroom door closed. I did, however, wake up feeling like somebody had thrown me out of a plane with no chute...... and I landed on a rock LOL. My entire body hurt like hell. It took me about an hour to motivate but I got up, took a hot shower and a vicadin and I haven't left this bed again all day, except to pee - how ironic. Did I mention Im going back to work tomorrow?
Sigh.
And you wonder why I say I should have a camera crew with me at all times. Is this your reality? LOL
SMH.
A friend of mine had a day party at this club in the city for her birthday and I told her I would come. It started at 3 so I went around 5 or so, thinking I would just stay a couple of hours and go back home. By 7, that ship had long since sailed LOL.
I had a chardonnay and then half a jack and cranberry - somebody spilled it and replaced it with my 2nd glass of chardonnay. At the bottom sips of that 2nd glass of chardonnay, one of the girls in our party, who was already so drunk she just wanted everybody to be drunk, started pouring whatever it was she was drinking into my glass.... on TOP of what was left of my chardonnay. Part of me wanted to fuck her up. Another part of me said, "free drink!" LOL Accentuating the positive, I went with the latter. A little later, I joined our hostess at the end of the bar. An okay-looking guy started chatting me up but him really not SAYING anything made me realize just how slow the bar service was. I pulled our hostess down to the middle of the bar where I had gained a little rapport with one of the other bartenders. He took care of us right away. This would be the point in the evening where I had my 3rd glass of chardonnay AND the free shot of patron the bartender wanted me to do with him. If you know me, you know I only do shots at the BEGINNING of the night, if at all. Whenever I do one after I have already been drinking a bit, it doesn't work out LOL. But its free and its the bartender. You don't tell the bartender no. Of course you can and probably should at the end of the night as it was, but... drunk logic aint thinking LOL. So I did the shot and yeah, half of it ran down my neck but I anticipated it and wiped it immediately with a napkin, like the classy lady that I am LOL. Twice more before it was all over, I'd simply walk BY the bar and he'd wave me over, kiss me on the cheek and pour me a shot. So if you're counting that's 3 glasses of chardonnay, half a jack and cranberry, 3 shots of patron and about half a drink worth of whatever the fuck Janice or Janine or whatever her name was poured in my glass. I. WAS. DONE. I just didn't know it yet.
I gave my card out twice - once to a guy who somehow ended up on my lap LOL. I don't even remember how I started talking to the guy but I do remember he was funny as shit and we were having way too much fun for that little 5 minutes we were engaged. When you wake up to a text message that says "Hey, this is Ed, the guy who gave you the best lap dance of your life" its a win LOL
Here's where things get fuzzy. The club was 1 block over and 3 blocks up from the Port Authority. I have absolutely NO memory of that walk LOL. The next frame I see is me walking down the stairs to the bus, getting on and sitting in the first seats. That is also the LAST thing I remember before waking up at Journal Square LOL. Let me explain: Port Authority is the first stop on the route. Journal Square is the last. I fell asleep and rode the whole route LOL I had to get off the bus and get right back on another one going back the other way (which meant paying again) and didn't I fall asleep AGAIN and miss my stop AGAIN? LOL This time I woke up about 8 blocks past home and since there wasn't another bus in sight, I had to walk it. Not horrible except its like 11pm, I'm in heels, the ground is snowy/slushy and its brick outside. Yes, it was fucken horrible LOL. And to make it all worse, about halfway home, now I have to pee and thanks to the life-changing procedure I recently underwent, my "stop my pee" muscles have been compromised. So now I cant hold it, pee is running down my legs and instantly fucken freezing in my jeans LOL.
I have never been so glad to finally get home....... but that aint mean I wanted to talk. My son was sitting on the couch like "Hey Ma, how was the party?" I think I just mumbled something incoherently and walked straight back to my room and closed my door LOL. I came out of my clothes (incidently still in the same heap on the floor I left em in - don't judge me) got in the shower and got in the damn bed. Or at least this is what I think happened - I don't fucken remember anything after my bedroom door closed. I did, however, wake up feeling like somebody had thrown me out of a plane with no chute...... and I landed on a rock LOL. My entire body hurt like hell. It took me about an hour to motivate but I got up, took a hot shower and a vicadin and I haven't left this bed again all day, except to pee - how ironic. Did I mention Im going back to work tomorrow?
Sigh.
And you wonder why I say I should have a camera crew with me at all times. Is this your reality? LOL
SMH.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
